男人不坏女人不爱，如何才能成为一个坏男人？（二） [美国媒体]

Women are attracted to bad boys，How can I act like or be a bad boy？

男人不坏女人不爱，如何才能成为一个坏男人？



Kjell Pettersson
What is a “bad boy”?
I would chance that if a woman thinks sheis attracted to “bad boys”, and voices that, what she is attracted to is not really bad boys(lying, stealing, violent men lacking in honour and integrity), but a kind ofovert and confident masculinity. To some extent a society where sexuality isnot fully embraced—which would be most societies—will make men that expressinterest a bit suspect, thus the idea they are bad boys. They are not playinggames, which is what some women like, but society as such would prefer theydid.
Women who settle for the bad bad boys areprobably less likely to express themselves in ways where bad boys becomes anindication of preference. “Yeah, myalcoholic husband hits me every weekend when he comes back from his mistress,but what can I say, I love bad boys” does not come across as something you’d hear that often.
It is probably not the case that women ingeneral are attracted to this highly self-confident masculine type, but it isindeed entirely possible that the kind of women you are attracted to could havethis preference if you yourself have a distinct preference for what women youlike. Becoming more of what your future partner-to-be appreciates is not a badidea.
Dressing the part
My advice is to start by dressing the part,but to not go all in day one. You need to fuse organically with your newself-expression and try it out, not rush in where angels fear to thread.
For instance, you may discover that certainattributes have specific signal values in certain contexts and sub-cultures—andcome to the conclusion you will want to avoid some of these signals. If you goall in day one, you may overdo things and not get the results you want. Signalmay become noise. Male strangers approaching you in the street asking you howto find the nearest club for fetishists is not your goal here. Rather, again,let it grow organically. One step at the time is the thing. In Grease, thecharacter played by Olivia Newton-John goes all in at the very end, becomingmore or less unrecognisable from one scene to the next. It may work in a movie,but is less certain to be a good strategy in real life.
The effect of the outer on the inner
One advantage with the outside-in approachis that most of us “feel” what we are wearing. Jeans or a suit will also affect the freedomof your body. Some clothes restrict and restrain, others let us loose. For badboys, the latter kind is more suitable. If you can move more freely, you willdisplay a bodily understanding that is more bad boy-ish than if you aretightened up.
Really, this is what women have known forlonger than men have even been thinking. Our cultural conditioning makes thiscome less easy for us—”oooh, I don’t find natural playing I am someone I am not”. But the point is not that you should you create an artificial selfand become an actor playing a part, the point is that you shall find ways toexpress what your current manners and style does not allow but which you havewithin you.
That is, when I said fake it it did notmean that literally. Only a little. Stretch your limits.
Re-imagine yourself
If you were a character in a movie, settingout to woo the lady of his heart, but knowing she likes “bad boys” only—and youdefinitely are not the prime example of such a one—, what would that characterdo? You’ll want to avoid theway of Olivia Newton-John, or at least shortcutting the path that much.Organically, remember?
Would your character (that is, your alterego) wear a leather jacket? Second-hand? Would he use jeans more often? Shouldhe have a leather belt with that? Should he skip the tie when going to a bar?Should he have that funny tie, or should he not? What’s his facial hair like? Haircut?
Having the right focus
But do not overdo the surface thing. It’s probably not that important if you have blue or black jeans. Youare not the focus here. The woman you are going to be courting is. That stuffwith the externals is just to give you a platform, but the platform will notmagically make a woman fall in love with you, or even notice you.
There are others out there who willout-perform your confident masculinity eleven times out of five, having been atit for years and years in positive feedback loops. They’ll outdo you even in their pink pyjamas. The platform is mostly foryou, actually. Playing with externals may help you get started andsubconsciously appropriate behaviours your “normal” self-expression doesnot as easily contain. You move the goalposts.
Attention!
What men confident in their masculinity andsexuality display better than men less confident is their interest, not theirjeans or their biceps. They are not so wound up in fearing rejection, or beingneedy. Notice, to be wound up in fearing rejection is to be concerned with yourself.But how cool is that? Notice also that they display their interest better.
They notice her.
If they give a compliment, it is notsomething generic about her “to make herhappy” but an expression ofsomething they truly appreciate with her, expressed in a manner that asks fornothing in return. It’s not to buyher attention.
To be able to do this they need to begenuine, which directly connects with the idea of being confident in who theyare—a man interested in a woman and willing to show her, tell her (at theappropriate time), to take risks for her. Like the one of not knowing whetheror not she will like him back.
The confidence of a man in full contactwith his sexuality and preferences makes it virtually impossible for him togive fake compliments, as he must disconnect from his genuine self to do that.Also, why would he? What if she takes to flowery dresses every time they meetand he really just hates romantic stuff with flower patterns?
Example: Johnny Depp
A girl friend (not girlfriend) mentionedonce, many years ago, that she liked movies with this guy Johnny Depp. He wassuch a man. He was then entirely below my radar and I could not understand atall what she liked about him. He is not the overly masculine type as I’d define things. However, some time later I happened to see a moviewith him, I think about chocolate with chilli, and still remembering what myfriend had said, I watched him closely.
And understood.
His character had a way to show attentionand interest—to the woman—that could leave no question marks what-so-ever inher mind about him finding her attractive, interesting and someone he wanted tobe with. A kind of singlemindedness. Other things did not distract him.Naturally, being the centre of the universe to someone makes you feel good ifexpressed well.
Being “friend-zoned”
In particular, a man capable of giving hisinterest in a genuine, self-confident manner would never, ever, in anyconceivable universe, whine about being “friend-zoned”. If the womanis not attracted to him, there’s nothing tobuild upon anyhow and the moment he gets that, he wraps up, showing his bestmanners, and moves on.

什么是"坏男人"？
如果一个女人认为她被“坏男人”吸引了，她可能会说，吸引她的不是真正的坏男人（说谎，偷窃，暴力的男人缺乏荣誉和正直），但却是一种自然而自信的男子气概。在某种程度上，如果一个社会中的性行为没有被完全接受----这将是大多数社会----这将使表达兴趣的男人变得有点可疑，从而使他们认为自己是坏男人。他们不是在玩游戏，这是一些女性喜欢的，但社会本身更希望他们这样做。

接受坏男人的女性表达自己的方式可能更少，因为坏男人会成为偏爱的标志。"是的，我酗酒的丈夫每个周末从他的情妇那里回来的时候打我，但我能说什么，“我爱坏男人"这并不像你经常听到的那样。一般来说，女性不会被这种高度自信的男性类型所吸引，但是，如果你自己对你喜欢的女人有明显的偏好，那么你所吸引的那种女人就有可能有这种偏好。


关注正确的焦点。

但是不要做的太过火。如果你有蓝色或黑色的牛仔裤，那就没那么重要了。你不是这里的焦点。那些外在的东西只是为了给你一个平台，但是这个平台不会神奇地让一个女人爱上你，甚至不会注意到你。

还有一些人无论如何都会超越你自信的男子气概，他们已经在积极的反馈循环中持续了很多年。他们穿粉红色的睡衣也比你强。实际上，这个平台主要是为你准备的。玩弄外在因素可以帮助你开始和潜意识里适当的行为，你的“正常”自我表达并不容易。
注意！男人对自己的阳刚之气和性的自信比男人表现得更强的是他们的兴趣，而不是他们的牛仔裤或二头肌。他们不喜欢被拒绝，也不喜欢贫穷。注意，害怕被拒绝就是关心自己。但那有多酷？同时也注意到他们表现出了更好的兴趣。



Tracey Campbell
What you must understand is that while manywomen are attracted to “Bad Boys” (as I once was), those women are not capable of a long-term healthyrelationship. They are drawn to the bad boys on an unconscious level and thisis due to unresolved relational traumas in their past. They will beunconsciously re-enacting these traumas until those traumas are exposed andhealed. That is possibly a drastic oversimplification of the phenomenon but Ithink it gets to the heart of it quickly. Also, women are naturally drawn tostrong males and males often compensate for their own traumas with toughnessand aggression hence the “bad boy” image. What happens in those relationships is the inevitable traumadrama. Do you really want to be a man who does this to women? If not, grow anantenna whose purpose is to seek out a healthy woman that you really want toget to know, date, and become close with. If you find that you are only drawnto the women who want the bad boys, then realize you are being drawn to someonewho is relationally unhealthy. This is a sign that something unhealthy in youneeds attention. Without a doubt - you are worthy of love, attention, andrespect. Pursue an interest you are passionate about and along the way you willmeet other people who see your intrinsic value.

你必须明白的是，虽然很多女性被“坏男人”吸引（就像我曾经那样），但这些女性并不能长期保持健康的关系。她们被一个无意识水平坏男人吸引，这是由于她们没有受过创伤，如果受过这种伤害肯定不会对坏男人产生好感。这可能是对这一现象的过度简化，但我认为它恰恰指明了核心问题。此外，女性天生被强壮的男性所吸引，而男性往往会用强硬和侵略性来弥补自己的创伤，从而形成“坏男人”的形象。在这些关系中发生的是不可避免的创伤戏剧。你真的想成为一个这样对待女人的男人吗？

如果不是，那就长一个天线，它的目的是寻找一个你真正想了解、约会和亲近的健康女人。如果你发现你只被那些想要坏男人的女人吸引，那么你就会意识到你被那些不健康的人吸引了。这是一个信号，表明你身体里的一些不健康的东西需要注意。毫无疑问，你值得爱、关注和尊重。追求你所热爱的兴趣，一路走来，你会遇到其他看到你内在价值的人。

Vivek Anavatti
I understand your concern man! From what Ihave read, it seems to be a real problem in North America.But I have a morebroad solution for you, which does not involve you having to become a criminalcharacter. My advice to you is to migrate to Europe, Russia or Asian countrieslike Japan.
North American culture is relatively new.Older cultures understand the effects of such baser human instincts and havecultural systems and blockades to ensure the harmony and even distribution ofresources. They are incorporated into the “cultural” setting likesocializing events, festivals etc. They even punish selfish behaviors by menand women if it involves money and sex.
Particularly in Europe and Japan, peopleare extremely social and not many people break the established norms or socialrules. Go to a country where men are expected to be men (like Russia forinstance). Or go to a culture like any European country where cultural setting(involving dating and money) is strong and ensures fair distribution ofresources.
Even India these days has become like NorthAmerica. The women are extremely demanding but have nothing to offer in return.Selfish people and thugs who accumulate resources through deceit andintimidation seem to be running the country. Thankfully, it is not yet as badwhen it come to finding a mate due to our arranged marriage system (whichforces women to abstain from pre-marital sex and ensures that well educated menare able to find a mate). Bad boys are frowned upon and infact have a difficulttime finding a mate.
Other answers to this thread address thequalities you need to have, but in a socio-economic setting, where manyparameters need to be taken into account, you cannot manage to acquire all thementioned traits by yourself. You have some, you don’t have others. Everyone is not a Hollywood superstar. There needs tobe a support system. Systems are made based on the past experience of thatculture. I will tell you which countries offer the right setting for you basedon which quality you have:
In the Netherlands or Poland for instance,all you will need is to have a stable job and enough social skills, in otherwords - social stability, to find a woman. Not everyone is born alpha male. Itis just ridiculous to say others can’t find a woman. We are not apes!
Sure confidence helps, but it does not comeout of thin air! You need to have expertise in a particular trade/skill whereyou earn money for your services. In a normal setting, it is really enough togive you confidence and consequently attract a woman. Germany for example.
In Russia for instance, being a soldier ishighly valued. If you care about your fellowmen and value sacrifice anddiscipline, you will have no problems finding a Woman.
In Japan, hard work and discipline can giveyou a very high social status. This high social status can attract a woman. InAustralia, being good at sports can give you very high status as opposed tohaving a lot of money. In France, being an artist can give you high status.
In Denmark, being a dairy farmer can makeyou very wealthy. In Luxembourg, being a nerd and good with numbers can makeyou very wealthy. In Italy, being a good cook can make you wealthy and so on.
So consider moving! All the best!

我明白你的顾虑！从我所读到的来看，这在北美似乎是一个很现实的问题。但我有个更通用的解决方案给你这不包括你必须成为一个罪犯，我给你的建议是移民到欧洲、俄罗斯或像日本这样的亚洲国家。



Daniel Turne
Let's be clear about this - the whole"women only date bad boys and nice guys always lose" perspective is arather cynical oversimplification of basic behavioral psychology.
By and large, women (just like men), areattracted above all to *confidence*, and few people are more confident than badboys. You could probably go so far as to say that an inflated sense ofself-worth and overconfidence are the defining characteristics of a bad boy.
In reality, an unattractive nice guy canwin over a woman just as easily as an attractive jerk can. It's all in how hepresents himself.
There is a difference between being a niceguy and being a doormat. The trick is to be a nice guy without coming across asweak, needy or pathetic.
I have a few tips for accomplishing this.
1.) You pick the venue for the first date.It shows that you're a decisive man of action. Plus, you can choose a placethat you're familiar with in order to give yourself the home-field advantage.
2.) Treat her as you would a sister or oldfriend. Yes, it sounds strange, but you should be comfortable and pleasantwithout being overly-close or flirty (unless if she initiates it, save that forlater).
3.) Do *not* ask if she is having or had agood time with you. She will tell you this through body language. You can alsostrongly influence her perception through your own body language. *Convince*her that she is having a good time just by being around you. This segues into…
4.) The date is about *you* and *her*, notabout what you are doing or where you are at. Even if your car breaks down andthe date consists of you both missing dinner and standing around waiting for atow truck, don't be negative. As far as she should be concerned, everything iseither going exactly as you planned it, or it's a good-natured joke.
In summation, be comfortable, confident andunconcerned. Your personality and body language influence her perception morethan anything else and they will either sink or save you.

让我们把这一点说清楚：“女人只和坏男人约会，好人总是输”的观点是对玩世不恭的基本行为心理学的过于简单的解读。
总的来说，女人（就像男人一样）首先被自信所吸引，很少有人比坏男人更自信。你甚至可以说，自我价值的膨胀和过度自信是坏男人的决定性特征。



Joseph Anda
By not putting anyone else before yourself.The reason women are attracted to these “bad boys” is becausethey can sense intuitively that these men aren’t going to put up with bullshit; which suggests that they arecongruent, willing to stand up for who and what they care about, and generallywon’t just behave in an insufferably supplicatingmanner at the slightest hint of resistance. To be honest with you, you don’t even necessarily have to be a “bad boy” to achieve thetype of success with women that most people that ask these questions seek toachieve (i.e. attract/date one girl or a steady rotation of girls).
What you really need to do is not put womenon a pedestal. Wanna talk to that girl? Do it. Wanna ask her out? Do it.Without worrying about what everyone else might think of you. Basically, don’t be stuck in a mindset in which you feel like you need to seekpermission whenever you want to take action congruent with your desires.Obviously don ’t be a dick, but don’t be a doormat either.

不把别人放在眼里。女人被这些“坏男人”吸引的原因是因为她们能直觉地感觉到这些男人不会忍受这些废话；这表明她们是一类人，愿意为他们关心的人和事挺身而出，一般来说，只要有一点点反抗的迹象，他们就不会以令人无法忍受的恳求的方式行事。老实说，你甚至不必成为一个“坏男人”，就能在女人身上获得大多数问这些问题的人所追求的那种成功（即吸引/约会一个女孩或稳定地轮换一个女孩）。

你真正需要做的不是把女人放在一个基座上。想和那个女孩谈谈吗？做吧。想约她出去吗？做吧。不用担心别人会怎么看你。基本上，不要陷入这样一种心态：你觉得只要你想采取与你的愿望一致的行动，你就需要寻求许可。显然，不要是一个混蛋，但也不要是一个窝囊废。

Martin Sam
If you fail at attracting women, it′s probably not because you are not a bad boy, you′re probably just one or several of these things (or a mix of them):
Socially akward
Not funny
Not very interesting (boring)
Non-masculine
Unattractive
Not confident in yourself
A people pleaser/nice guy -> don't be anice guy be a good guy
Several of these often are the reason.
You can easily get a girl as a good guy, aslong as you also have some of these qualities:
Bravery: standing up for yourself, standingup for others, believing in yourself and whatever you do, even if it scaresyou.
Masculinity: girls don′t want a boy, they want a man.
Attractiveness: you don′t have to be Zach Efron, just do some sports, take care of you skinand find a fitting hairstyle.
Intelligence: You don′t have to be that smart, just a person who generally knows what isgoing on in the world, is capable of thinking philosophically (not so you candebate free will, but so that you can think smart, strategize and generally useyour intelligence in lots of different ways in your daily life).
Being funny: be a person who does fun stufflike going out, watching movies, doing sports (eventually with friends),partying, singing karaoke, going to the beach and lots of other stuff. When itcomes to humor, you don′t need morethan an average humor, as long as you can make fun of yourself and you arecapable of doing fun and spuntanious things (if you ever did a prank like thison a school trip, you would be a legend and you don′t have to be an asshole to anyone)



Martin Sam
If you fail at attracting women, it′s probably not because you are not a bad boy, you′re probably just one or several of these things (or a mix of them):
Socially akward
Not funny
Not very interesting (boring)
Non-masculine
Unattractive
Not confident in yourself
A people pleaser/nice guy -> don't be anice guy be a good guy
Several of these often are the reason.
You can easily get a girl as a good guy, aslong as you also have some of these qualities:
Bravery: standing up for yourself, standingup for others, believing in yourself and whatever you do, even if it scaresyou.
Masculinity: girls don′t want a boy, they want a man.
Attractiveness: you don′t have to be Zach Efron, just do some sports, take care of you skinand find a fitting hairstyle.
Intelligence: You don′t have to be that smart, just a person who generally knows what isgoing on in the world, is capable of thinking philosophically (not so you candebate free will, but so that you can think smart, strategize and generally useyour intelligence in lots of different ways in your daily life).
Being funny: be a person who does fun stufflike going out, watching movies, doing sports (eventually with friends),partying, singing karaoke, going to the beach and lots of other stuff. When itcomes to humor, you don′t need more thanan average humor, as long as you can make fun of yourself and you are capableof doing fun and spuntanious things (if you ever did a prank like this on aschool trip, you would be a legend and you don′t have to be an asshole to anyone)



Iris Lemley
Different women are attracted to differentqualities. Pretending to be what you think women universally want will make youseem inauthentic, immature, sexist, and desperate. Rather than trying to adoptan unnatural persona to appeal to women in general, I recommend that you tryfinding a woman who likes who you actually are when you're not pretending. Tryto find someone who is compatible with you on an individual level, and if awoman says what she wants or doesn't want, believe her.
The worst advice you could possibly take isthat horrible thing chauvinistic pick up artists tend to say about how youshouldn't listen to women because we can't be trusted to know our own desires.I'm sure you've heard it hundreds of times, and maybe you believed it. Usually,people who say this have a lot of advice about what kind of partner womenuniversally want and how to trick a woman into thinking that's the kind of manyou are.
Don't fall for it. There is no magic key.
If you have to manipulate a woman intoliking you by acting like you are the kind of person you think she would beattracted to, even if you end up accidentally guessing correctly about hertaste in men, you're not only putting yourself in a position where maintainingthe relationship depends on keeping up the act indefinitely, but you are alsowasting both her time and yours when you could both be with people who arebetter matches.
Getting into a relationship shouldn't belike trying to pick a lock. You will either have what you need to fit into itnaturally, or not, and if it is where you belong, you won't need to know abunch of tricks for sneaking in.
I feel qualified to give this advicebecause both my husband and I feel that we are a perfect match, and neither ofus has ever had to lie or resort to manipulation in order to have this kind ofbond.
Do you know how my husband and I found eachother? We each answered over 500 matching questions on an online dating site,taking extreme care to be completely honest and open about everything, and thenwe tried to find partners based on a high match percentage on those questions.We checked out the profiles of anyone with a score in the high nineties, readthrough their answers looking for dealbreakers, eliminated anyone who had anyincompatible values or expectations, and kept doing this until we each foundthe one who was exactly what we wanted. We had answered nearly everything thesame. We were a 99% match without any faking or deception, and without eitherof us having to change.
He's not a “bad boy” and that'sgreat. I never had any desire for someone bad. I was always clear about thefact that I wanted someone real and kind.

不同的女人会被不同的品质所吸引。假装成你认为女人普遍想要的样子会让你看起来不真实、不成熟、有性别歧视，而且对生活充满绝望。我建议你在你就是自己的时候，试着寻找一个喜欢你自己的女人，而不是试图采用一种不自然的形象来吸引女性。试着找一个能在个人层面上与你和谐相处的人，如果一个女人说出她想要或不想要什么，相信她

你能接受的最糟糕的建议就是沙文主义艺术家们倾向于说你不应该听女人的话，这样我们就不能被信任去了解自己的欲望了。我相信你听过几百次了，也许你也相信这个说法。通常，说这句话的人会给出很多建议，比如女人普遍想要什么样的伴侣，以及如何欺骗女人，让她认为你就是这样的男人。

别上当，世界上没有魔法钥匙。
如果你不得不假装一个被女人喜欢的人，即使你最终意外地正确猜测她对男人的品味，你不仅让自己处于这样一种境地，那就是维持这种关系取决于无限期地戴着面具装下去，而且你也在浪费她和你的时间，而你可以和更好的人在一起。

开始一段关系不应该像试图打开一个锁。你要么有你需要的东西自然融入其中，要么没有，如果它是你的归属，你就不需要知道很多鬼把戏。
我觉得有资格给出这样的建议，因为大家都觉得我和我的丈夫是天造地设的一对，而且我们都没有为了得到这种联系而不得不撒谎或诉诸于操纵。

你知道我和我丈夫是怎么找到对方的吗？我们每个人都在一个在线约会网站上回答了500多个匹配的问题，非常小心地对所有事情都保持完全的诚实和开放，然后我们试图在这些问题上找到一个基于高匹配比例的合作伙伴。我们检查了九十年代任何得分高的人的个人资料，通过他们的答案来寻找，排除任何有不相容的价值观或期望的人，并一直这样做，直到我们每个人都找到了我们想要的那个人。我们几乎什么都回答了。我们是99%的对手，没有任何伪装或欺骗，我们中的任何一个都不需要改变。他不是个“坏男人”，那很好。我从来没有对坏人有任何欲望。我一直很清楚我需要一个真正善良的人。



Kye Mitchum
Well in reality, you shouldn't strive to bea "bad boy" simply for the reason that women like them.
Let's define, to begin with, what would beconsidered a bad boy. A bad boy likely is too cool for school, wears stylish ornon-conventional clothing, probably has tattoos, a generally flippant attitudetowards authority, and might participate in questionable activities. Mostbad-boys generally have a narcissistic air, and therefore might not have goodinterpersonal skills with people other than his peers. The bad boy in a socialenvironment (let's say a school environment just to simplify) is more thanlikely also the popular kid, even if he is only popular in the sense that he isin a league of his own. The things which make him a bad boy also make himpopular with his peers. The things which make him attractive to women arelikely his popularity, his independence, and the excitement which turns upwherever he goes.
So, as I said earlier, a guy who isn'talready a bad boy should not strive to be a bad boy, and I'll give you a couplereasons why.
1) "bad boy" behavior will getyou more things than just women. It will also get you fired, uneducated, and inlegal trouble. Although that popular bad boy seems to be living the sweet life,his overall demeanor is also an indication of deviant behavior. Bosses don'tlike the guy with no respect for authority, and cops don't think the bad boy is"cool" like all of his friends do. Unless he is only pretending to bea bad boy, his attitude will soon get him into trouble.
If he is "too-cool-for-school" hewill also find himself uneducated and with few prospects by the time he is oldenough to realize that the bad boys don't translate into the working world verywell.
So in reality, although the bad boy may beenvied by his peers, when he is not surrounded by his social circle of adoringfans, he is just a punk with an attitude problem.
2) pretending to a be a bad boy is not thesame as actually being a bad boy. Women who like the bad boy type might likeyou less if you chicken out when there is legal trouble on the line.
3) not all women are attracted to bad boys.I'm not (at least not in a long-term way) If you're the shy, good student type,there are women who like that kind of guy. If you're the nerdy, video gametype, there are women who like that kind of guy too. How do I know this?Because there are married men who are shy, good student types and married menwho are nerdy, video game types. You have just have to put yourself out thereto find someone who is attracted to you.
4) because bad boys often attract badgirls. If you don't like deviant behavior, why would you want to attractsomeone who does like deviant behavior?
Anyway, you shouldn't try to be someone youaren't. If you're lonely and want to find a girlfriend, your best bet is to beyourself and put yourself on the market (by going where women meet men likebars or parties, or on an Internet dating site, which aren't just for losersanymore btw), that way you'll attract someone who likes YOU, and not just someact or fake persona.

在现实生活中，你不应该仅仅因为女人喜欢而把自己变成一个“坏男人”。
首先，让我们来定义一下，什么会被认为是一个坏男人。一个坏男人在学校可能很酷，穿着时髦或非常规的衣服，可能有纹身，对权威的态度通常是轻率的，并且可能参加有问题的活动。大多数坏男人通常都有自恋的倾向，因此可能没有好的人际交往技巧，不像同龄人。社会中的坏男人（简单地说，学校环境）很可能也是受欢迎的孩子，即使他只是在自己的联盟里受欢迎，使他成为坏小子的东西也使他在同龄人中受欢迎。使他对女人有吸引力的因素可能是他的声望，他的独立性，以及他无论走到哪里都会带来的欢乐气氛。

所以，正如我之前所说的，一个还不是坏男人的人不应该努力成为一个坏男人，我会给你几个理由：
1）“坏男人”的行为会给你带来比女人更多的东西。这也会让你被解雇，教育程度低下，陷入法律麻烦。虽然那个受欢迎的坏小子似乎过着甜蜜的生活，但他的总体举止也是异常行为的标志。老板不喜欢不尊重权威的人，警察也不像他所有的朋友那样认为坏男人“酷”。除非他只是假装是个坏男人，否则他的态度很快就会给他带来麻烦。

如果他“太酷了，不适合上学”，他也会发现自己没有受过教育，而且当他到了足够大的时候，他就会意识到坏男人们并不能很好地融入工作世界。
所以在现实中，虽然这个坏男人可能被他的同伴们所羡慕，但当他没有被他崇拜的粉丝的社交圈包围时，他只是一个态度有问题的朋克。

2）假装一个坏男人并不等于实际上是一个坏男人。喜欢坏男人类型的女人可能不太喜欢你，如果你在遇到法律问题的时候退缩的话。
3）并非所有的女人都喜欢坏男人。如果你是害羞的、好学生类型，那么有些女人会喜欢这种类型的男生，那我就不是了（至少从长远来看不是）。如果你是一个书呆子，电子游戏类型，也有女人喜欢这种类型的家伙。我怎么知道？因为有害羞的已婚男子，好学生型的，有书呆子型的已婚男子，电子游戏型的。你只需要把你自己在那里找到一个人谁是吸引你。

4）因为坏男人经常只吸引坏女孩。如果你不喜欢不正常的行为，为什么你想吸引一个喜欢不正常行为的人？
无论如何，你不应该试图成为你不是的人。如果你很孤独，想找个女朋友，你最好做你自己，把自己推向市场（去那些女人遇见男人的地方，比如酒吧或派对，或者在网上约会网站，这不仅仅是为了失败者（btw），这样你就能吸引到喜欢你的人，而不仅仅是一些行为或虚假的角色。

Darrin Yarbrough
Just be content to be broken, and just becontent to be attractive to broken women. Because, that’s what you’re going to bestuck with. My advice? Run! Run hard, and fast. Here’s a little secret, boys are attracted to bad girls too…
Realize that what makes bad boys, “bad” is emotionalunavailability. Usually, that stems from problems seated in childhood. Worse,the problems aren’t really being dealtwith either.
Adoption, divorce, abuse, and addiction,cause people to harden, and be insensitive to others. This comes off as tough.But, in reality, it’s insecure,self-centered, and unaware. These things all compound with age.
The only thing worse than having thatproblem is finding someone else with it too, then only dealing with it when you’re older. That’s what you’ll attract. So, that’s what you’ll get. There’s no prizes inthis arena…boy or girl. Worse, youhave to be aware there’s a problem,where it comes from, and how to work on fixing it.
“Become the change youwant to see.” If you want to attracta woman with attractive qualities. Make a list of all the things you want. Putappearances last. You become all those things you want to find in a partner.Worry about who you are, not how you look.
Keep working, and keep running, till youfind what you’re looking for. One dayyou’ll find a beautiful person…they’ll look good, if youtake time to notice.
You’ll become well-versed in the idea of self-introspection, and youbegin understand how to work on internal issues. People who do this arebeautiful to see. When you become tuned-in to the right cues.
I prefer Siddhartha because he simplifiesand isolates issues succinctly.
Recognize the nature of human sufferingstems from desire. We’re freed fromsuffering when we silence desire through self-discipline, and we stay on themiddle path.
You’ll notice none of this focuses on hurting or being hurt. Siddharthaputs no time or effort into worrying about who’s hurt or being hurt. Who has been hurt or who should be worriedabout getting hurt again. These things are always present and equallyself-evident in life. Instead, we focus on;
“Recognizing the natureof human suffering stems from desire. We’re freed from suffering when we silence desire throughself-discipline, and we stay on the middle path.”
An oversimplification perhaps, but thepoint is *focus*. By gaining the self-discipline to focus on the right things,our perspective changes, and so does the nature of our relationships withothers.
Understanding bad things happen to goodpeople and that this is going to happen, we become free to worry about thestuff that matters. We are freed from the bondage of worry about being hurt…to hurt is human. To suffer is human. To be focused and aware isdivine…that’s Siddhartha’s gift to us…focus.
We become self-actualized and begin tomanifest the things we want to be in life. We “become the change we want to see in the world,” and what we see is always beautiful…

满足于堕落，满足于吸引堕落的女人的目光。因为，这就是你要坚持的。要问我的建议？快跑，做个像风一样的男子。有个小秘密，那就是男生也喜欢坏女孩。
意识到什么是坏男人，“坏”是情感上的缺失。通常，这源于儿童时期的问题。更糟的是，这些问题也没有得到真正的解决。
收养，离婚，虐待和上瘾，使人兴起，对别人麻木不仁。这听起来很难。但是，在现实中，它是不安全的，以自我为中心的，并且不知道。这些东西都是随着年龄的增长而变化的。



Anonymou
Women are not attracted to bad boys. Thatbeing said, women are also not attracted to pushover nice guys.
I was one of those pushover nice guys whowould expect women to fall in love with me if I kept agreeing with them and wasa shoulder to cry on everytime shit hit the fan. I was like the genie you couldconjure up when you needed help and then put me back in the lamp when notrequired.
After a few years I realized my mistake. Iwas pursuing a relationship instead of bettering myself. I was at fault for “whoring” myself outemotionally to everyone. Being available at all times, being the perpetual niceguy.
That day I quit being an overtly-entitlednice guy and turned into a genuine guy. I stopped giving time to others. I cutout all of my toxic relationships. I decided to just spend time betteringmyself because I knew there were bigger things than “hooking up” and “getting laid”. Guess what? Istarted getting approached by women in my friend circle all of a sudden wholiked my new change. They weren't looking for a man who could listen to them.They were looking for a partner who was driven and motivated to be somethingother than just an understanding partner.
I know, being anonymous and talking stuffis easy but I cannot reveal my true identity on quora as some of those womenare here. The truth is, once I started focusing on myself I found thatrelationships are overrated. I rejected most of those women because I knew theyweren't the right women for me.
I am still the nice guy I was before. Butnow it's just that I'm more fearless, opinionated and stubborn than before.
If you want to be a bad guy, go ahead ifyou're looking for flings. If you're still a nice guy then change yourselffirst and then decide if you want a fling or a long term relationship. Thechoice is yours.

女人不会被坏男人吸引。也就是说，女人也不喜欢强迫好男人。
我是那种容易屈服的好人，如果我一直同意她们的意见，她们就会爱上我，我也是那种每次狗屎砸在风扇上就哭的肩膀。当你需要帮助的时候，我就像你能召唤出来的精灵，然后在不需要的时候，把我放回灯里。
几年后，我意识到我的错误。我在追求一种关系，而不是改善自己。我错了，因为我在感情上欺骗了所有人。在任何时候都可以，永远是个好人。

那天开始，我不再是一个名正言顺的好人，而变成了一个真诚的人。我不再给别人时间了。我断绝了我所有有害的关系。我决定把时间花在改善自己上，因为我知道有比"勾搭"和"上床"更重要的事情。你猜怎么着？突然之间，我的朋友圈子里的女人开始接近我，她们喜欢我的新变化。他们不是在找一个能倾听他们的人。他们在寻找一个有动力和动力的伴侣，而不仅仅是一个善解人意的伴侣。



Shourya Awasthi
I was asked this question by a guy oncebecause he fit the description of a “good boy”.
I think what makes a bad guy ‘bad’ is the lack ofattention he gives to his lady. Why? Because he’s too busy doing something else. This is what attracts the lady evenmore, the fact that he has passion to do other stuff and not make her hisnumber 1 priority for every damn thing. They’re generally spontaneous and unpredictable as well. There’s some mystery to him. And, who doesn’t like suspense?
Good boys usually tend to shower a lot ofunwanted attention and tend to pass of as a little “creepy” at times. Also theirlack of passion for other things in life makes them a little boring I suppose.Being a goody two shoes sucks away the challenge factor and every once in awhile women like experiencing challenges. It’s what gives the relationship that extra kick.
This is based on personal experience so don’t kill me guys.
I would also like to point out that withage the perception tends to change. Older women generally seek stability so theball goes back to the “good guys” court.
So in short just excel at whatever you loveand you will automatically seek what’s seeking you.

我曾经被一个家伙问过这个问题，因为他符合“好孩子”的描述。
我认为坏人之所以是坏人是因为他对他的女人不够关心。为什么？因为他忙着做别的事。这就是更吸引这位女士的地方，事实上他有激情去做其他的事情，而不是让她成为他的首要任务。他们通常是自发的和不可预测的。他有点神秘。还有，谁不喜欢悬念呢？

好男孩通常倾向于率真洒脱，有时也倾向于表现得有点“毛骨悚然”。他们对生活中的其他事物缺乏热情，这也使他们有点无聊。女人偶尔也喜欢经历挑战，这给两者产生好感来了加分项。
这是基于个人经验，所以别喷我。

我还要指出，随着年龄的增长，人们的观念也会发生变化。年龄较大的女性通常会寻求稳定，所以球还是会回到“好人”的球场。所以简而言之，只要在你所爱的事情上出类拔萃，你就会自动地寻找你所追求的东西。

Matt Maier
Note that the phrase is “bad boys” not “bad men”. Women aredefinitely not attracted to bad men.
The “bad” part is qualified bythe “boy” part. It means this male is not done growing yet. The badness isthe aggression, independence, and competitiveness women like untamed bymaturity. It's like how “bad” behavior such as jumping, biting, and exploring is cute whenpuppies do it. Puppies and boys don't know any better.
But they're supposed to learn better. Baddogs and bad men are males that never learned maturity. Their aggression comesalong with a fully developed adult, not a youngster. Good dogs and good menlearned to channel their powerful, dangerous characteristics as they grew up.
If you want to act like an attractive badboy, then context is very important. First, you really can't “act” like a bad boy. Thethings women are looking for can't be faked. That's why women are looking forthose things. What you can do is unstifle those things in yourself so they'reexpressed.
Second, you have to do it in a situationwhere you'll seem like a bad boy, not a bad man. The older you get the feweropportunities you have. I think one of the more reliable ways to get moreopportunities is to be in a position of power. I think in terms of thisdiscussion, women assume that dealing with power requires another level of maturity,so when grown men don't properly restrain themselves it still counts as thembeing a boy. It has to be real power, not relative power. The assistant managerof a chain restaurant doesn't get any slack cuz anyone can do that job.
So if you're young, start practicing thosequalities like dominance. Try to win just for the sake of winning. Try tocombine wins into more and bigger wins. Learn when you get positive feedbackfrom women and when you don't. If you're not young, go achieve real power insomething, then do what you want.
If you're reading that and worried I didn'twarn you “don't be abusive” or something like that, well, that's exactly the point. Women areattracted to men who could do a lot of damage, but choose not to. The twist isthat it's the power that is most important. Powerful males who act badly aremore attractive than powerless males who act goodly.
So if you want to be an attractive bad boy,either be young and aggressive, or old and powerful. Being a good man is adifferent approach, which the question didn't ask about.



Rod Gentry
There are two sides to this:
The actual attraction to violent loosers,etc… You don’t want to compete with this because game theory proves that in astable society you will rise on the dominance hierarchy if you cooperate. Ofcourse it depends on specifics, but that is the best play on average. Oneaspect of being a looser is to find yourself in a life where cooperation doesn’t work. If that is the case, then that is your real problem. Andthere is the possibility that your potential friend has a lot of bad judgementin her background if she is too comfortable with thugs. However, males need tobe a little dangerous, you need to be smart enough not to be too predictable,and physically or otherwise dangerous enough not to be worth walking over. So alittle of that is a good thing to have. Take Karate, or something. Also beaware that pretending to be dangerous is dangerous to you, and also may makeyou look like a person who lies, or is delusional.
The other aspect to this, and maybe more ofa secret, is that if you treat woman too well, you convince them that you haveto try to gain their affection. Since they mate up or over on the dominancehierarchy, your excessive niceness may lead them to believe you aren’t the catch they think you are. So for example I open doors, or pullout a chair for women (If I do), but I do those things because that is theculture I was brought up in, not because I need to, would be my approach. Ifthey dissed me about it, some feminist BS, I’d be clear that I don’t care if theyfall through the glass, I do what I do, and I am not changing for them. Ofcourse you can play it from the mean end of the spectrum too, but those movesare more generally known.

这有两个方面：
你不会想与之竞争，因为博弈论证明，在一个稳定的社会里，如果你合作，你将会在统治阶层中上升。当然，这取决于具体情况，但这是平均最好的做法。好的一个方面是发现自己生活在一个合作不起作用的生活中。如果是这样，那就是你真正的问题了。而且，如果你的潜在朋友对暴徒过于满意，她的背景可能有很多不好的判断。然而，男性就有点危险了，你需要足够聪明，不要太容易预测，身体上或其他方面的危险足够不值得步行过去。所以吃一点亏是件好事。学空手道什么的。还要注意，假装危险对你来说是危险的，也可能让你看起来像一个说谎的人，或者是一个妄想的人。

另一方面，也许更重要的是，如果你对女人太好了，你要让她们相信你必须设法获得她们的爱。因为他们在统治等级上的配对，你过分的善良可能让他们相信你不是他们认为你是的猎物。例如，我开了门，或者为女人拉了一把椅子（如果我开了的话），但我做这些事情是因为那是我成长的文化，而不是因为我需要，才是我的方法。如果他们对我嗤之以鼻，一些女权主义者，我会很清楚，我不在乎他们会不会从玻璃里掉下来，我做我该做的，我不会为他们改变。当然，你也可以从频谱的中端播放，但是这些动作是比较普遍的。

Levi Casanova
I’m gonna be short and simple if you wanna seem like a “bad boy”.
Be selfish. Don’t put people, especially girls, on pedistoles. Don’t suck up to them. “Nice” guys act, key word act, nice to people because they wanna be likedor want a date or a change at getting a girlfriend or whatever.
“Bad” boys don’t do this. Theyspeak up, don’t let people walk overthem, don’t act bend over forgirls to like them. They’re authentic,even if that authenticity is negative, it’s still real.
Passive/nice guys aren’t authentic, and everyone knows and sees it.
But please don’t try to act like a bad boy. Everyone can see when you’re trying to be mean vs when it’s actually you being you.
They have personality. Nice guys don’t. They’re veryagreeable and predictable.
Now, you can still be nice and have girlslike you, be charismatic etc. Just be authentically nice. And don’t compromise yourself for other people in an effort to be liked.
Don’t try to be mean. And if you do come off as mean or bad, and it’s really you and not you trying to be something you’re not, then own it. Don’t try and justify yourself, unless you see it as constructivecritasicm and see it could help you a lot.
But yeah, you can still be nice and not letpeople walk all over you, take advantage of you, joke back without being afraidof offending someone, flirt, etc. which is something “nice” guys avoid.
But the personality thing is veryimportant. Everyone is different, have different thoughts, ideas, opinions,jokes, etc. even nice guys/girls. They’re just too afraid of showing it because they feel it threatenstheir desire to be liked



Lauren Campbell
I don’t think women are generally attracted to “bad boys”. I think thatwhat really happens is stereotypical “bad boys” generallypossess qualities that can be attractive but often in tandem with other badbehavior that may not be as desirable.
For instance a lot of women may beattracted to a guy who is assertive but many guys try to establishassertiveness by being controlling.
A lot of women may be attracted to a guywho is confident but many guys try to establish confidence by acting arrogant.
A lot of women may be attracted to a guywho is driven but many guys try to establish drive by being aggressive.
On the other end of the spectrum you mayhave the stereotypical ‘nice’ guy. But the nice guy may only showcase the quality of beingincredibly nice, without really demonstrating any other qualities that wouldmake for a good partner.
A lot of women may be attracted to a guywho is attentive but many guys try to establish attentiveness by being clingy.
A lot of women may be attracted to a guywho is affectionate but many guys try to establish affection by beingco-dependent.
A lot of women may be attracted to a guywho is forgiving but many guys try to establish forgiveness by being a doormat.
Now a lot of the people in question areyoung women who are still trying to determine what they want. And a lot of themen trying to woo them are young men still trying to figure out what they wantas well. I’m not saying youngwomen are perfect or that a similar list could not be made about them but that’s another answer.
So when you give women a choice between twoextremes:
-someone who is assertive but controlling,driven but aggressive, and confident but arrogant
-or a guy who is attentive but clingy,affectionate but co-dependent and forgiving but a doormat with no standards
It shouldn’t really come as a surprise that sometimes women choose to try outthe former rather than the latter, especially if they aren’t looking for anything serious.
You see the dichotomy of these two extremesall the time, men thinking that the only options available are to be a totalbad guy who treats women poorly, or a doting nice guy who behaves like adoormat with no recognition that there’s room for a middle ground.
So yes, I think the greatest fall of thestereotypical nice guy is that he still comes across as being overbearing, evenin his quest to be nice. The stereotypical bad boy is at least upfront abouthis domineering and controlling nature but the nice guy often hides it behindemotional outbursts, crying, clinginess and co-dependence whereas the bad boyhides it behind assertiveness, knowing what he wants and confidence.
What’s far more attractive is a guy who knows how to be true to himselfand isn’t putting up an acteither way. Someone who knows how to be truly confident and not someone whorelies on control to stroke his ego. Someone who can be affectionate withoutbeing clingy, or thinking it is beneath him. Someone who can set boundaries fora healthy relationship without either being a doormat, or simply trying tointimidate his partner into submission.
But a lot of guys don’t figure out how to do that until they are older and have some lifeexperience under their belt. A lot of others attempt to emulate these qualitieswhile actually going too far to the extreme, putting on an act that is neithergenuine nor healthy.
And a lot of young women are still tooimmature themselves to be able to confidently know precisely what they need orare looking for in a life partner so they themselves struggle to give helpfuldirection until they too, have more responsibility under their belt. There areobviously exceptions on either end of the spectrum. There are immature olderpeople and very confident, driven young people.
But generally I think if you’re approaching dating between two opposite extremes-”bad boy” and “nice guy” you still havesome work to do.



Tímea Tancsa
Well, I recently read a lot of storieswritten by women about romance. Being new to this genre, first I was shocked tofind that almost each and every one of them featured a “bad boy” as the loveinterest. After reading these I realized (or at least I think I’m right) some things.
Yes, as it was mentioned before, a bad boyis confident. He is not affraid of rejection, he will speak his mind aroundyou. The real honest You is always the most attractive version of you! Don’t ever fake interests, ideals or beliefs for someone and don’t be affraid of being judged. If she doesn’t like what you think, it’s her loss. Would you really wanna pretend for e.g. to love to wearpink lace thongs for the rest of your life just because she likes them?
Additionally, as the bad boy knows that youlike him (at least thinks and believes it) he teases you assumptively usuallywith some physical contact, little touches or just invading your personal zone.
But the most interesting thing I seem tofind is that all of the stories had at least one scene where the guy closes upon the girl traping her to the wall or something and sometime nothing physicalactually happen after it (usually a kiss). Still, it is always described assome magically passionate moment which have a great effect on the girl. Whilereading I was like, again? Why? Why do all of these female writers have anobsession with these kind of situations? I actually kinda sorta felt hoocked tothem myself… What does this mean?Then after a short analysis (and self analysis :D) I finally realized that it’s always comes down to the same singular quality. Why girls liketall guys and muscular guys so much? I think the key is feeling powerlessagainst them. The bad boy in the above situation radiates masculinity: he knowswhat he wants, he makes it clear he could do anything to you (radiates strenghtand intimidate you by traping you), he shows he is struggling with resistingthe temptation (which is you, so he makes you feel wanted) but he still chosesto take a step back leaving the girl hanging. He shows confidence, passion,strenght, and self discipline. In other scenes you can recognise gentlenessaccompanied by radiating strenght or sometimes moderate roughness. The above isthe description for masculinity, at least in my interpretation.
Also, in these stories the bad boy usuallyturns out to be actually a good boy (!) who was somehow ‘tortured by faith’ but he turnedhis life around just because and for the girl. The related events make her feelneeded and special. She gets a lot of hot and cold moments from him too whichmakes her wonder/think about him.
I think masculinity is why girls like badboys so much. Of course if they actually engage them they either leave them orwill be dumped since we are talking about bad boys… We all know this which means that most women doesn’t actually like them just attracted to them. Intelligence, humourand being a bit mysterious is also highly attractive to most women.
So the bottom line is that if you want toseduce/get a women forget about being a bad boy. Just show her some masculinityto make her powerless around you. Play with her a little! Believe me, you willlove it - feeling in total control watching your girl struggle for You thistime... this is a real confidence booster for men, especially beneficial forthe good, humbly courting type of guys. If you don’t know how to nail it, just read some bad boy romance to get ideas… :D Sounds silly but I mean it! You can look into the deepest,darkest pits of the female mind by reading and analyzing some of the juicystuff we write. Maybe seduction self-help books are good to, I haven’t read any yet. It is even more important to make her feel wanted,needed and special. We love to feel that way. Sometimes give her the hot andcold: ignore her from time to time to make her wonder why aren’t you there (“Maybe he doesn’t like/want me anymore?”). It’s a good tactic sincethe more she thinks about you the more she will get hoocked on you and she willwant your attention even more badly. Keep the above in mind and I am prettysure you can became a drug to any women of your choosing in no time.

我最近读了很多女人写的关于浪漫的故事，对于这种类型来说，我是个新手，首先我震惊地发现，他们中几乎每个人都以“坏男人”为爱情兴趣。读了这些之后，我意识到（至少我认为我是对的）一些事情。

是的，就像前面提到的，坏小子很自信。他不是害怕被拒绝，他会在你身边说出他的想法。真正诚实的你总是最吸引人的你！不要为别人假装兴趣、理想或信仰，也不要害怕被人评判。如果她不喜欢你的想法，那就是她的损失。你真的愿意假装喜欢在你的余生里穿粉红色的蕾丝丁字裤，就因为她喜欢它们吗？
另外，当坏男人知道你喜欢他（至少是思考和相信他）时，他通常会用身体接触、轻微接触或只是侵犯你的个人区域来挑逗你。

但最有趣的是，我发现所有的故事至少有一个场景，那就是男孩在女孩把她拖到墙上的时候关门了，或者其他什么的，在那之后没有任何身体上的事情发生（通常是接吻）。然而，它总是被描述为一些神奇的激情时刻，对女孩有很大的影响。在读书的时候，我又在想？为什么？为什么所有这些女作家都痴迷于这种情况？我自己也有种被包围的感觉这是什么意思？然后经过简短的分析（和自我分析：d），我终于意识到它总是归结到相同的奇异品质。为什么女生这么喜欢高个子和肌肉发达的男生？我认为关键是对他们无能为力。在上述情形下，坏男人散发出阳刚之气：他知道自己想要什么，他清楚地表明他可以对你做任何事（散发出伤害和恐吓你的气息），他表现出他在抵抗诱惑（也就是你，所以他让你觉得自己是被需要的），但他还是选择了后退一步，让女孩渴望又得不到。他表现出自信、激情、正直和自律。在其他的场景中，你可以识别出温柔与适度的粗野。以上是对男子气概的描述，至少在我的解释中如此。

而且，在这些故事中，坏小子通常实际上是个好孩子。不知何故，他被某种信仰折磨，但他改变了他的生活，只是因为邂逅的女孩。相关的事件使她感到自己是被需要的，是特别的。她也从他那里得到很多冷热的时刻，这使她很想他。



老实说，那种被坏男人吸引的女人--如果你内心不是个真正的坏男人--从长远来看，在经济上，感情上，也是个大麻烦，她对你可能是控制，操纵，并可能抛弃你，她只是在浪费你的时间和金钱。它就像一个有着美丽颜色，吸引人，但有毒的水果，会给你带来艾滋病或癌症。你还敢吃吗？
顺便说一下，很多正常的女性都被那些经济稳定、有事业的正常男性所吸引，你最好和这样的人在一起，即使她们外表上并不漂亮。