Daily Quora: 我住在中国，我应该怎么找到一个外国女朋友？ [美国媒体]

How do I get a foreign girlfriend? I livein China

我住在中国，我应该怎么找到一个外国女朋友？


Rachael Williams, I'm an American girl,dating a Chinese guy.
Okay, I’m in a relationship with a Chineseman, I am a foreign girl so I feel pretty qualified to answer. Listen up Chinalads.
Step #1: Stop asking this question.Seriously, it is creepy. I have had tons of Chinese guys say this kind of thingto me and it freaks me out to no end. If at any point of us talking you saidsomething like, “I always wanted to try a foreign girl,” “I really want to geta foreign girlfriend.” “Do you like Chinese guys? I like white girls!” theconversation is over. I am a person, not a target or a fetish. When you saythis all I’m hearing is “I don’t care who you are, only that you are white/foreign.”
Okay not that we got that out of the way,it’s pretty simple.
Treat us like anyone else you’d beinterested in starting a relationship with. I’m speaking from an Americanperspective but it holds true for most of my foreign female friends.
Get to know us really well before imagininga future with us. Chinese guys talk about getting serious so early. I meansoooooo early. If we have only met once and chatted on WeChat a few times, wearen’t dating. We aren’t even really friends yet. If you mention “love” or“marriage” or even “boyfriend” we will run. Westerners take these things muchmore slowly than in China. Even if we have gone out on a few dates do notassume you are my boyfriend unless you ask me.
Forget everything you think you know aboutforeign girls. Anything you’ve seen in movies, anything your Chinese friends havetold you, useless. Unless an actual foreigner has explained something to youabout their country, or unless you have spent a long time in that country,assume it is not true.
If you call us “open” and think that beingopen means we will have sex with you, you might get slapped.
Don’t think that we will be like Chinesegirls.
Figure out what kinds of things she likes,and then invite her to go do those things if it’s appropriate.
She likes coffee? Invite her out forcoffee.
Is she sporty? Go to a basketball game orhiking.
An artist? Find a gallery to go to.
There is no “cheat codes” or map to foreignwomen. Show that you are interested in her as a person and prove it. If shelikes you and is attracted to you, then yea you have a shot. Treat her well anddevelop a healthy relationship with her. If she tells you she is notinterested, drop it. Nothing is creepier than a guy you are not interested inwho won’t stop coming after you,

答主1： Rachael Williams,我是美国女孩，正在和中国男孩子约会
好吧，作为一个正在和中国男孩子约会的洋妞，我觉得我有资格回答这个问题，听好了，中国哥们。
第一步：不要一直问东问西，这个让人很恶心，我听够了中国男人说的这些问题，让我简直要发飙。如果我们的对话中出现了以下内容：“我一直想试试洋妞”“我真的想找个外国女朋友”“你喜欢中国男人嘛？我爱白人女孩！”那么我们的对话就到底为止了。我是一个人，不是什么玩物，当你说这些话的时候，我心里觉得你想的是 “我才不管你是谁，只要你是白人/外国人就行”
好吧，扯远了，其实这个是简单的事儿。
---像任何一个你打算认真谈朋友的女性一样对待我们，我站在一个美国人的角度这么说，但相信这代表我大多数外国女性朋友的观点。
---在你幻想我们的未来之前先了解我们。中国男人总是早早进入认真状态，我是意思是实在太早了。如果我们只在微信上聊了几次，见了一次面，我们压根就不算是在约会，我们甚至都不能算真正的朋友。如果你这时候就提爱啊，结婚啊，男朋友啊之类的，我会立刻走人。西方人对于这种事的节奏远比中国人来得慢，就算我们一起出去玩了很多回，我也不一定当你是我的男朋友，除非你正式向我表白确认了。
---忘掉你之前所有对于外国女孩的固有印象，包括任何你在电影中，朋友对话中被树立的外国女孩形象。除非你有个真正的外国朋友和你解释说明过一些他们国家的情况，或者你真正在国外带过很长一段时间，否则这些都不是真的。
如果你觉得我们很“开放”的意思就是我们会随便和你上床，那你只会得到几个耳光。
---不要觉得我们会像中国女孩一样
---找出外国女孩喜欢的东西，然后如果合适的话就邀请她一起去做
比如她喜欢咖啡，就邀请她去喝咖啡
她喜欢体育就喊她一起去打篮球或者远足。
喜欢艺术的就带她去画展。
对于如何追求外国女孩没有“作弊秘籍”或者指南地图。你需要展示你对她真正的爱意并证明给她看。如果她也喜欢你，你肯定会成功。好好对待她并且建立一段健康良好的感情关系。如果她不喜欢你，那就放弃。要是人家不同意你还一直死皮赖脸的追人家，那就太恐怖了了。

Dylan Cayer, BA 中国文化, 普通话speaker, 广东#1
Actually go out and try instead of wastingyour time on apps. I'm guessing you are also an avid CoC player/LoL becauseanyone who actually spends times around any women/men knows that asking bringsridicule and makes you look pathetic. Have you tried having lots of money?Works in most cultures

答主2：Dylan Cayer 中国文化学士，能说普通话，在广东。
你得出去走走，而不是在手机上浪费时间。我猜你是不是一个游戏宅每天玩玩部落冲突英雄联盟什么的，因为有正常社交的人都知道问这种问题只会被人嘲笑，还会让你看上去很可怜。要不试试去多赚点钱？多数国家都可以靠钱解决你这个问题。

Robert Charles Lee, Printbroker, financialprinter, non-practising lawyer
The chance is seriously low when you’reliving in a sea of 1.4 billion Chinese people unless you start moving toanother country.
Ramp up your English or foreign language.You can’t start knowing a foreigner unless your foreign language is at a fairlyhigh proficiency.
I’ve had tons of foreign schoolmates andfriends who were dying for a foreign boyfriend or girlfriend and didn’t get oneuntil their English was up.
You’ve got to go out and meet thoseforeigners. You’ve got to get flexible with the people and things of life outthere. Stop wasting time on dating apps — they don’t work unless the person isalready quite good in real-life socialising. Stop living in a dungeon.
Some corollaries:—
If you’re a Chinese man, the sad (anduncensored) reality is that Chinese men are not particularly appealing orattractive to foreign women. You don’t have to agree, but this comes overrepeatedly in my experience of Chinese men and women when growing up in 13different countries around the world. If you do accept this, then at least youcan do some realistic workarounds to increase the appeal.
Dress neatly and appropriately for theoccasion. This applies literally to anyone in the world, but perhaps moreimportant for the Chinese person (because of the above). Avoid conservativestyles but also avoid being ‘hip’ and high fashion. Chinese people (especiallythe men) don’t have the frame, pitch and ‘drop’ for that. Go for something inbetween the two.
And the proverbial “have lots of money.”

答主3：Robert Charles Lee，书画经纪人，印刷商，非从业律师
如果你在一片十四亿的人海中想这个事儿，那你机会真不大。除非你移民到其他国家。
提升一下你的英语或者其他外语。没有语言的帮助，你没法深入了解一个外国人。
我有无数的校友和朋友每天为了找个外国男友或者女友而挣扎，但是学好英语之前他们一个都没成功。
你得出门认识一些外国人。这会让你的生活变得更有弹性一些。不要在约会软件上浪费时间--这毫无帮助，你只会找到那些已经在真实生活中失去社交能力的人。莫要宅在家里。
以下是一些建议--
如果你是个中国男人，一个悲伤的事实是中国男人对于外国女人来说并没有特殊的吸引力。你可以不同意，但是我13个国家的生活经验告诉我这条经验是对的。如果你接受了这个事实，那至少你可以做点切合实际的事儿来增加你的吸引力。
穿的整洁一些，并且符合场合。这条适用于全世界任何一个人，但是可能对中国男人来说更重要（由于上一条的原因）。尽量避免保守的着装风格但也要防止过于夸张的穿衣习惯。中国人，尤其是中国男人，不太适合这类风格。试着在这两种风格之间找个恰当的中间点。
最后附赠一条真理：有钱