为什么成功人士在爱情方面没那么幸运 [美国媒体]

Whysuccessful people are less lucky in love: Two relationship experts reveal thedating mistakes professionals are making - and what men and women REALLY wantin a partner

为什么成功人士在爱情方面没那么幸运：两位专家揭示了成功人士约会中正在犯的错误，以及男人和女人真正想要的伴侣

来源网站：每日邮报
原文时间：2018-04-30 18:49

Thousands of successful menand women are living the lives they've always dreamed of - but in many cases,they're living that life alone.

成千上万的成功人士过着他们梦想的生活，但多数情况下，他们生活孤独。

So why do so many successfulmen and women struggle to find the 'one'?

那么，为什么许多成功的男人和女人都在努力寻找“另一半”呢？

To offer some insight,Perth-based Millionaire Matchmaker Louanne Ward recently teamed up with NewYork life coach, Guy Golan and discussed some of the biggest mistakesprofessionals make in the dating world.

总部位于纽约的百万富翁红娘沃德女士最近与纽约生活教练盖伊戈兰先生合作，讨论了一些专业人士在约会世界中犯下的最大错误，并提供了一些见解。

Mr Golan, who specialises incoaching the spouses of high achievers and Ms Ward, who helps high achieversfind love, both agreed that high-wealth individuals do face a number ofchallenges - particularly women.

戈兰先生擅长辅导成功人士的配偶，而沃德女士善于帮助成功人士寻找爱情。两人都认为，高收入人群确实面临着许多挑战，尤其是女性。

百万富翁红娘沃德女士(左)最近与纽约生活教练盖伊戈兰先生(右)合作，讨论了一些成功人士在约会中犯下的大错

'A lot of women have beenbrought up with the perception that they can't rely on a man to provide forthem so they are high achievers,' Ms Ward said.

沃德女士说：“很多女性都有这样的感觉，她们不能依靠男性来供养她们，所以她们就变成成功者。””

'They get out and they don'thave a lot of experience in dating in their 20s because they are concentratingon schooling and their careers.

“他们20多岁的时候把精力放在学业和事业上，所以没有太多的约会经验。”

'Then they get to their 30sand mid 30s and want to meet a partner and by that time they have achieved agreat deal of success and trying to connect with someone is a massive challengefor them.'

“然后他们到了30岁或者35岁，在事业上取得成功再想遇见伴侣时，想和别人取得情感方面的联系对他们来说却变成一个巨大的挑战。”

Ms Ward said in many caseswomen establish their careers, travel and get their finances in order beforebeginning to look for love.

沃德女士说多数情况下，女性在开始寻找爱情之前，会建立自己的事业、旅行和财务状况。

沃德女士表示，其中一个最大的问题是，女性常常会找借口解释自己为什么单身，而且通常这些会使人觉得“令人生畏”

'They have everything theywant - a beautiful home, a great career, great friends - but their friends arestarting to drop off so the pool of potential circles where they could meetpeople all starting to get married and settle down,' she said.

她说，“她们拥有自己想要的一切——漂亮的房子，一份好事业，一群好友——但是他们的朋友开始减少，圈子里他们能遇到的人都开始结婚并定居下来”。

'All of a sudden the networkstarts dramatically reducing. With that, the expectation of meeting a partnerstarts increasing because you are starting to feel left out.'

突然之间，交际网络开始急剧减小，如此情形下，她们开始觉得被忽略，从而遇见另一半的期望开始增加。

Mr Golan added: 'As you climbup the career ladder it just doesn't look good that you are single anymore becausepeople at that stage are typically married and have children.'

戈兰先生补充道，“当你走上事业成功道路的时候，单身情况就不容乐观了，因为那个年龄段的人通常都结婚生子了。”

One of the biggest issues,according to Ms Ward, is that women are often coming up with excuses as to whythey are single - and commonly put it down to being 'intimidating'.

沃德女士表示，其中一个最大的问题是，女性常常会找借口解释自己为什么单身，而且通常都认为这是“令人生畏的”。

“她们试图想出一个理由，让他们的朋友和家人说‘他们被你吓倒了’”
女人最看重男人如下身体特征：1、微笑，2、眼睛，3、牙齿，4、头发和屁股男人最看重女人如下身体特征：1、微笑，2、明眸，3、美臀，4、酥胸

What do successful men andwomen want in a partner?What a woman will look for -and men and women are very different - is someone who is a higher achiever thanherself, more accomplished, more successful, more intelligent or whatever itmight be because she feels that she needs the alpha male because she is sosuccessful. The opposite comes into playfor a man. A man doesn't look for that. A man looks to complement himself onthe opposite. So it is the expectation quite often that stops a successfulwoman finding someone.

成功的男人和女人想要什么样的伴侣呢?男人和女人完全不同，女人寻找的是一个比她更有成就的男人，更完美，更成功，更聪明，或者别的什么，因为她觉得她本身就很成功，所以她需要一个顶尖男士作为配偶。而对一个男人来说，恰恰相反，男人不会找比自己更优秀的，而是与自己互补的女人。因此，这种情形经常使得一个成功女人找到一个成功男士的期望落空。

'They try to come up with areason so what their friends and family do is they say "They areintimidated by you" or "You don't need a man" - particularly ifyou happen to be beautiful you are labelled as men finding you intimidating,'Ms Ward said.

沃德说，“她们试图想出一个理由，所以他们的朋友和家人会说‘他们被你吓倒了’或者‘你不需要男人’——尤其是如果碰巧你又很漂亮，你就会被贴上‘男人对你望而却步’的标签。”

'The real reason women staysingle is because their expectation of what they are looking for in a partneris skewed towards what they feel they need.

“女性保持单身的真正原因是，她们对自己寻找伴侣的期望偏向于她们认为自己需要的东西。”

'I did a survey and I askedmen what character traits they found most attractive in a woman. The number onewas intelligence followed by playfulness, vulnerability and femininity.'

“我做过一个调查，我问男人，他们觉得女人最吸引人的是什么性格特征。首先是智商，其次是活泼、柔弱和温柔。”

Ms Ward said opposites arekey to finding success and men and women should stop trying to 'datethemselves'.

沃德女士说，对立是成功的关键，男人和女人应该停止“与自己约会”。

'If you don't have oppositesyou are living a one sided relationship, there is too much competition and onewill overshadow the other,' she said.

她说:“如果你没有对立面，那么你就生活在一种单方面的关系中，竞争太激烈了，另一方就会蒙上阴影。”



戈兰先生发现，婚姻破裂很多时候归因于人们在自己行业中约会

'This is the space a lot ofsuccessful women get into because they try to date really successful men andthe really successful man actually wants the feminine. He wants someone he cantake care of and not compete with.'

“这是很多成功女性进入的误区，因为她们尝试和真正成功的男人约会，而真正成功的男人其实想要找温柔的女性。他想要一个他能照顾的人，而不是和他竞争的人。”

Mr Golan has seen marriagesbreak down many times due to people dating within their own professions.

戈兰先生发现，婚姻破裂很多时候归因于人们和同行约会。

'A lot of the time they willend up marrying someone in their own professions. This puts a lot of strain onmarriages because there are not enough resources in the home to bring thebalance, to raise the children, to take care of simple things like paying themortgage, buying milk and doing the lawn,' he said.

“很多时候，他们最终会和同行的人结婚。这给婚姻带来了很大的压力，因为家里没有人来维持平衡，抚养孩子，处理诸如支付抵押贷款，买牛奶和修剪草坪等简单事情”，他说。

Ms Ward added: 'You have twopeople who are the same and one is going to subordinate to the other. Who isgoing to look after the children, who is going to look after the house? Someonestill needs to take care of the primary needs and it becomes a conflict and acompetition.'

沃德女士补充道，“两个人都一样，一个就得服从另一个。谁来照顾孩子，谁来照看家？有些人仍然需要照顾他们的基本需求，这就变成了一场冲突和一场竞争。”

Ms Ward said the biggestmistake men and women make is constant 'compromise'.

沃德女士说，男人和女人犯的最大错误是不断的“妥协”。


男人最看重女人如下品质：1、智商，2、温柔，3、活泼，4、幽默感和自信，其他:性欲和柔弱。女人最看重男人如下品质：1、智商，2、幽默，3、信赖，4、诚实，其他:性欲和尊重。


沃德女士说，最终，成功的男人和女人需要停止约会，并仔细考虑他们想要的

'It becomes a commodity. Youshouldn't have to compromise. When we compromise we become resentful because westore it in the little bank. It's got to be a fair exchange. When youcompromise your values to suit somebody else you will breed resentment and thisis when arguments happen,' she said.

“这就变成了一个商品。你不应该妥协。当我们妥协的时候，我们会怨恨，因为我们把它积累在心里。必须是公平的交换，因为当你降低你的价值观去迎合别人的时候，你会产生怨恨，而这就是争吵发生的时候，”她说。

Ultimately, Ms Ward saidsuccessful men and women need to stop trying to date themselves and thinkcarefully about their expectations.

最终成功的男人和女人将停止约会，并仔细考虑他们的期望。

'Stop trying to find a manthat is like you that is successful and powerful and intelligent andbeautifully groomed and all these wonderful things that you are,' she said.

“不要再试图找到一个像你一样成功、强大、聪明、整洁的男人，以及所有这些美妙的东西。”

'Take away the expectationthat the man needs to be like you. Let a man be a man and let him have hismasculine space. If you don't make room for a man in a relationship he's notgoing to feel like he is needed anywhere.

“不要期望男人会像你一样。让男人成为男人，让他拥有自己男性空间。如果你在一段关系中没有为男人预留空间，他就会觉得自己毫无用处”。

沃德女士说，“让男人成为男人，让他拥有自己的男性空间。如果你不为恋爱中的男人留出空间，他就会觉得自己毫无用处。”

'They want to take care oftheir women - it's inbuilt in them. In some way they have to take care of you.If you don't show any kind of space for a man to take care of you, they willleave and find someone else. It's his nature.'

“他们想要照顾他们的女人——这是他们内在需求。某种程度上，得他们照顾你。如果你没有任何地方让男人来照顾你，他们就会离开并找别人，这是他的本性。”

Mr Golan concluded by sayingthat people need to see finding love as a 'form of a job'.

戈兰总结说，人们需要把寻找爱情作为一种“工作形式”。

'It requires commitment,consistency and hard work. Nobody is going to come and fall into your life -it's going to require a lot of self-consciousness, a lot of self-reflectionabout who you are and what you are looking for and identifying those characteristicsin the person you are seeking,' he said.

“这需要承诺、坚持和努力。没有人会突然进入你的生活——这需要很多的自我意识，许多关于‘你是谁，你在寻找什么，以及发现你正在寻找的人的特点’的自我反思”。

'Nobody is out there isperfect and we all come with our own set of limitations. Try and identify thues that are most important to you.

“没有人是完美的，我们都有自己的缺点。请试着找出对你来说最重要的。”

'It is going to be the mostimportant decision of your life so do it in a thoughtful and meaningfulmanner.'

“这将是你人生中最重要的决定，所以要以一种深思熟虑、有意义的方式去做。”