没人教你如何去爱一个你不打算要的孩子 [美国媒体]

A mother of two is spreading her parenting truths in a compelling Instagram post that “speaks to so many mothers.”

一位有两个孩子的母亲在一个引人注目的Instagram帖子中传播她的育儿真理，这个帖子“向很多母亲倾诉”。

Olivyah Bowens, 23, a Puerto Rico-based doula, shared an Instagram photo on Sunday of herself and her 2-year-old daughter, Ozara, having a meltdown. “No one teaches you how to love a child you didn’t plan to have,” the caption partially read. “No one shows you how to traverse the emotional complexity of loving a child you weren’t happy about being pregnant with. It’s even more difficult at those times when they’re having tantrums and pushing you to a point of emotional exhaustion.”

23岁的奥利维亚·鲍恩斯(OlivyahBowens)是一位住在波多黎各的导乐，周日，她在ins上分享了她和她崩溃大哭的2岁女儿奥扎拉(Ozara)的照片。“没有人教你如何爱一个你不打算要的孩子，”标题部分写道，”没有人教你如何穿越爱一个你不高兴怀上的孩子的情感复杂性，在他们发脾气，把你逼到情绪衰竭的那些时候，这就更加困难了。”



Many women saw themselves in the moment. “This is exactly what I needed to hear… I love my son more than anything but I really never wanted to be a mom. Thank you for putting my thoughts into words” and “… We didn’t plan [my son] in fact I cried ugly tears when I saw the positive result on the pregnancy tests. But when I look at him now, he has changed me for a better future for him, his sister and myself.”

许多女人在这一刻看到了自己。“这正是我需要听到的…我爱我的儿子胜过一切，但我从来不想做妈妈。谢谢你把我的想法用文字写下来“和”…我们没有计划要[我的儿子]，事实上，当我看到验孕结果呈阳性时，我哭得很难看。但是当我现在看着他的时候，他改变了我，为他、他的姐姐和我自己创造了一个更美好的未来。“

For Bowens, also a mother to a 9-month-old girl named Oniyah, posting took courage. “I was nervous, but I kept reminding myself there is so much junk about parenting on social media and I wanted to offer something useful,” Bowens tells Yahoo Lifestyle.

对于鲍恩斯来说，也是一个九个月大的女孩奥尼娅的母亲，写这篇文章需要勇气。鲍恩斯告诉雅虎[size=15.3333px]《生活方式》：“我当时很紧张，但我不断提醒自己，在社交媒体上关于养育孩子的垃圾文章太多了，我想提供一些有用的东西。”

In 2015, the summer before Bowens entered her senior year of college at Butler University in Indianapolis, she got pregnant with her boyfriend of seven years. As a dance major with dreams of moving to New York City and pursuing ballet, the news was difficult for her and her family to process. “I always wanted children, but ballet isn’t a baby-friendly career and walking around campus while pregnant wasn’t easy,” says Bowens.

2015年，鲍恩斯进入印第安纳波利斯巴特勒大学(ButlerUniversity)大四的那年夏天，她怀上了在一起七年的男友的孩子。作为一名舞蹈专业的学生，她梦想着搬到纽约去追求芭蕾，这个消息对她和她的家人来说是很难处理的。鲍恩斯说：“我一直想要孩子，但芭蕾并不是一种对婴儿友好的职业，怀孕时在校园里散步并不容易。”



That’s why Bowens’s point of view is so necessary, says Sharon Silver, creator of Proactive Parenting. “Posts like these resonate because not only do they help us get through the day, they forge a connection between parents,” she tells Yahoo Lifestyle. “This woman is telling the truth about parenting — that for many, it’s hard and frustrating, but it’s also the biggest growth experience. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.”

这就是为什么鲍恩斯的观点是必要的，SharonSilver说，积极育儿的创造者。她告诉《雅虎生活方式》，“这样的帖子之所以会产生共鸣，是因为它们不仅帮助我们度过了一天，而且也在父母亲之间建立了联系。”“这个女人说的是养育孩子的事实，对很多人来说，这很困难，也很令人沮丧，但这也是最大的成长经历。她们的这种经历用其他方法是体验不到的。”

Dan11 days ago
Making a baby iseasy, raising one is a whole nother story.
​
生一个孩子很容易，抚养一个孩子则是一个完整的故事。

Whysoserious12 days ago
Ordering a pizzais more complicated than making a baby........

点披萨比生孩子要复杂得多…….

Annette11 days ago
Being a parentis completely optional.

做父母是完全可以选择的。

ADT12 days ago
Proper use ofBIRTH CONTROL can prevent conundrums like this from happening.

正确使用节育措施可以防止这样的难题发生。

Lokitin11 days ago
You know what?Some parents who planned their children find out they don't loveparenthood...and some parents who didn't plan their children can't believe theabundance of love they've developed for their "happy accidents". Itdoesn't matter whether it's planned or not, what matters is whether you'regoing to take responsibility.
Also, Instagram culture doesn't help new parents AT ALL...the false image ofeven the most devoted mothers loving parenthood all the time with their cute,angelic children, is really deceiving; and can be depressing when you're notmatching up. In reality, I don't think there's any hands-on parent out therewho hasn't had an occasional breakdown here and there. Parenthood isn't alwaysenjoyable, and that's okay.

你知道吗？一些计划好要孩子的父母发现他们不爱做父母…还有一些没有计划要孩子的父母不敢相信他们为“幸福的意外”而发展出丰富的爱。不管计划与否，重要的是你是否准备承担责任。
而且，Instagram文化根本不利于新手父母。即使是那些时时刻刻最会奉献的母亲和她们的可爱的天使般的孩子，他们的虚假形象真的是骗人的；当你跟他们不相符时，你会感到沮丧。事实上，我认为在座的任何一位亲生父母都会有偶尔崩溃。亲子关系并不总是令人愉快的，这没什么。

ForedeckYoda11 days ago
No comment fromher husband? Husband? Hello?

她丈夫没有评论吗？丈夫？你好

Jim12 days ago
Honey, it’s notjust about you any more

亲爱的，这不仅仅是为了你

Thom11 days ago
"If youhave a baby you can't be the baby!"

“如果你有了孩子，你就不可能是孩子！”

mike12 days ago
Your feelingsare common to all parents, if they are willing to admit it, regardless ofwhether or not the baby was "planned."

你的感受对所有的父母来说都是普遍的，如果他们愿意承认的话，不管孩子是否“有计划”。

Nicole11 days ago
Wow, you shouldbe blessed to have a healthy and beautiful daughter!

哇，你真该庆幸有一个健康漂亮的女儿！

Anonymous12 days ago
Are parents thenew victim group?

父母是新的受害者群体吗？

Harry Baals11 days ago
Where are thefathers?

父亲们在哪？

Fenix11 days ago
How did you getpregnant?

你是怎么怀孕的？

ITSTRUE11 days ago
Ummm...didn’tplan to have??? Pretty sure she was there for the making of the baby-

嗯.没有计划？很确定她是来生孩子的

Sluggo12 days ago
So i guess i'msupposed to feel sorry for you.

所以我想我应该为你感到难过。

Karen S11 days ago
It's the truth.Motherhood is a job. Most days, you don't feel like going to work.

这是事实。做母亲是一份工作。大多数时候，你不想去工作。

TraditionalMarriage11 days ago
Just reading thecomments, no one read the full caption of her photo.

只是阅读评论，没有人读到她的照片的全部标题。

Liverwort12 days ago
If you decideyou want more than the two you have now, please adopt!

如果你决定你想要比你现在的两个更多的孩子，请收养！

Sharon11 days ago
It makes youfeel blessed to have a mom who really loves you unconditionally.

拥有一个无条件爱你的妈妈会让你感到幸福。

Markeda12 days ago
You can clearlysee who didn’t read the full article

你可以清楚地看到谁没有看完整篇文章

yourwrong11 days ago
I am thankful Ididn't want kids and that there are options available to stop that fromhappening. I feel 0 guilt of not procreating.

我很感激我不想要孩子，而且有很多选择可以阻止这种情况的发生。我对没有生育一点都不感到内疚。



Daniel12 days ago
Is there acultural issue with being on the pill??

服用避孕药有文化问题吗？

Anonymous11 days ago
We all haveheard of birth control, few care to learn about it.

我们都听说过节育，很少有人关心它。

Lamont11 days ago
Love is not aproduct of teaching. Never was.

爱不是教学的产物。从来都不是。

Steve11 days ago
Is boyfrienddoing his part to support the children??????

男朋友是否尽了自己的职责来抚养孩子们？

Steven11 days ago
Oh Honey...
Nobody enjoys being a parent all of the time.
Nobody...

哦亲爱的.。没有人喜欢一直做父母。没人.。

Adrian11 days ago
Wow, self-centered,much???

哇，太以自我为中心???

Stephen11 days ago
Another exampleof ….just because you can make a baby doesn't mean you should be doing so....

…的另一个例子.仅仅因为你能生个孩子并不意味着你应该这么做.

Quillster12 days ago
If one child wasmaking her tired and frustrated, why did she have another one so soon? Oh well...

如果一个孩子让她感到疲倦和沮丧，为什么她这么快就有了另一个孩子呢？哦好吧.。

Michael12 days ago
Legs. Closed.Problem. Solved.

腿闭上，问题解决了。