大思想:3个不能再对孩子和我们自己讲的弥天大谎 [美国媒体]

3 great untruths to stop telling kids—and ourselves

3个不能再对孩子和我们自己讲的弥天大谎



乔纳森·海特是纽约大学斯特恩商学院托马斯·库利道德领导力教授。他是《正确的头脑》和《幸福假设》两本书的作者。

JONATHAN HAIDT: So my first book, 'The Happiness Hypothesis', was a collection of ten insights from sages around the world that were psychological truths, and one of them is: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That gets at the idea, the psychological principle, of anti-fragility. It's a wonderful term. It's actually a clunky, ugly term, but it was made up by Nassim Taleb because we don't have a word for this in the English language, which is that there's some systems that get stronger if they get pushed around, knocked around.

乔纳森.海特： 我的第一本书《幸福假设》收集了出自世界各地先贤们关于心理真相的10条深刻见解，其中1条说到：那些杀不死你的事情会让你更加强大。（注：貌似出自尼采） 这句话揭示了一个理念，一个心理学上的原则，那就是反脆弱。这是一个很有意思的术语。实际上它也是一个沉重的、丑恶的术语，这个术语是由纳西姆•塔勒布创造的，在其之前，英语中还没有一个词汇来描述这层意思，即一个系统处境越困难，受到的打击越大，他就会变得越加强大。



The next untruth is "Always trust your feelings". It may sound wise, it may sound romantic, but wise people around the world have noticed that we don't react to the world as it actually is, we react to the constructions, the perceptions. Epictetus said, "It is not things themselves that disturb us, but our interpretations of things." This is the basis of cognitive behavioral therapy.

第二大谎言是“要相信你的感受”。这句话听起来即明智又浪漫，但是全世界的聪明人都知道。我们对世界的反应并非出自于真相，而是来自于我们的对世界认知的架构，来自于我们的观念。埃皮克提图曾说过：“世界上的事物并没有打扰我们，打扰我们的是我们自己对事物的认知。” 这是认知行为疗法的基础。

Aaron Beck, a psychiatrist in the 1960s, noticed that depressed and anxious people have a way of constructing these beliefs that, "I'm bad, the future is bad, the world is a bad place," and they're mutually reinforcing. And this is the way the world feels to them, and if you can improve their thinking and break up those beliefs, they're released from the depression. What we've begun seeing on campus is that students are encouraged to follow their feelings; if they feel offended by something then they have been attacked. They're supposed to not question those feelings. But part of wisdom is the ability to say, "Now, wait a second, are there other ways to look at this?"

亚伦贝克，一位上世纪60年代的心理学家，发现沮丧和焦虑的人通常在心中建构这样的观念：“我不好，我的未来也不会好，这个世界太糟了。”而这种观念和他们的沮丧、焦虑情绪相互强化。这就是他们对世界感受的方式，如果能够改进他们的思维并破除他们这种观念，他们就能从抑郁中解脱。 我们在学园中看到的情况是，学生们被鼓励遵循自己的感受；如果他们觉得受到冒犯，他们就认为是别人攻击了他们。他们被教导不要去质疑自己的感受。但是真正的智慧是有能力说出“现在，先等一下，还有没有其他的角度看待这个问题？”



The bottom line is that there are some very basic important psychological principles. If we're going to raise kids and educate them and bring them through schools and universities, we should get our institutions in line with these principles. They are: Children are anti-fragile, we are all prone to motivated reasoning and the confirmation bias, and we're all prone to tribalism and black and white thinking. We need to be educating kids so that they do less of this stuff. If we want to raise a generation of kids who can deal with diversity of all kinds, who can go out into a world that's physically actually quite safe and yet full of offensive content, we need to get our educational practices in line with these three psychological principles, not with these three great untruths.

本质在于存在着一些最基本的也是十分重要的心理学原则。如果我们打算在学校中培养教育我们的孩子，让他们长大成人；那我们就必须要让我们的教育机构符合这些原则。这些原则就是： 孩子们有反脆弱性；我们都应该鼓励去质疑和验证那些偏见；并且我们天然就存在民族性的差异，黑人和白人之间有着不同的思维。我们必须把这些原则教给孩子们，不要让他们对此一无所知。如果我们想把下一代培育成能够适应文化的多样性，能够适应这个事实上很安全但是又充满着冒犯性的言论的世界，我们就必须让我们的教育措施符合这三条心理学原则，而不是那三条弥天大谎。

Tanvir Ahmed
Take away message:
1. Damage isn't always permanent and more often than not makes you stronger.
2. Just because you have a strong feeling about something doesn't mean it's objectively true.
3. Everyone is a combination of good and evil. No one is inherently good or evil.
​
我从这个视频种学到的是：
1. 伤害并非是永久性的，而且很多情况下伤害会让你更加强大。
2. 你对某件事有很强烈的直觉不代表你的直觉是客观真实的。
3. 每个人都有正邪两面。没有人是天然善良或天然邪恶的。

Kostas Kotsiopoulos
Interesting and well explained, thanks

内容有趣，讲解到位，谢谢！



Kunosachiaka
A pleasant surprise coming from this channel. The "All people are good and bad" ideology however is only a technicality. It's mainly for those ignorant enough to think they're good and everyone against them is bad. However, this isn't a mindset to hold onto in the long run. Everyone isn't equal in morality, and it's not right to drag great people down for their few vices or excuse terrible people for their minor positives. Acknowledge all aspects, just don't give them all the same weigh.

这个频道让我惊喜了一次。这种“人要么是好人，要么是坏人”的意识形态认识，只能是学术上的认识。只有那种非常无知的人，才会认为他自己是好人，其他所有反对他的人都是坏人。但是，这种思维模式已经形成许久了。每个人的人性都是平等的，因为小小的缺点就鄙视伟人，或是因为一点点善行就放过恶人，都是不对的。必须全面的看待它，不能简单的把人归类。

ro pro
Finally, someone on Big Think sensible.

终于，大思想频道上来了有水平的人。



Sarah Bearheart
What doesnt kill you might make you 'stronger' in some sense, but a lot of people become bitter, cynical, stressed and depressed as a result of challenging life events. Maxims like this arent as wise as they appear and offer no practical help. If you want to help people you need to offer skills and solutions, on a personal and societal/poltical level.

那些没有杀死你的事物会让你变得更强大，只是在某些情况下成立，然而更多的人却因为生活的挑战变得更痛苦，更愤世嫉俗、更加沮丧。 马克西姆这类人并没有他们看起来那么有智慧，也给不出真正有用的建议。如果你真想帮助别人，那么就需要给出人际间/社会政治层面上，必要的技能和解决方案。

lloydgush
TL:DR version:
1- Some stresses are counterproductive, some are momentary, some are productive.
2- Your senses aren't fool proof, neither are your feelings, verify any experience you have.
3- Good and evil are subjective, causality isn't.

换个说法的版本：
1. 有些压力是适得其反的，有些是短暂的，有些则会激发潜能。
2. 你的直觉并非完全无误，你的感觉也是如此，你必须要去证实你的体验。
3. 好与坏都是主观的，但因果关系是客观的。



Tad Cooper
Concerning #1: I grew up in the sixties and seventies when there was no protection from unpleasantness, conflict, insults, teasing, and exclusion. Teen suicide was a result, but I guess that falls outside of "What doesn't kill you". Many who do survive, live a life of low self esteem and anxiety. Find a better solution. This one has been tried and failed.

我所关心的： 我成长在上个世纪60，70年代，那时候没有人对孩子有溺爱，我们面对的就是不幸，冲突，侮辱，挑衅和排斥的生活。因此很多少年选择自杀，我想这倒也不算“那些杀不死你的事物”吧。很多人还是挺过来了，过着毫无自尊但是也因此没啥焦虑的生活。你们能做的就是找到更好的应对生活的方法吧。我们那代人早就对生活无奈并放弃了。

DrMecha
TL;DW: these are what they barely taught you at school.
1. What doesn't kill you make you stronger.
2. Knowledge is power.
3.There's no good or evil, only people.

这就是他们在学校里不会教给你的：
1. 杀不死你的东西会让你更加强大。
2. 知识就是力量。
3. 不存在真正的善与恶，有的只是人性。

Kavriel
Untruth ? That sounds like a coward's way to say "lie"

谎言？听起来就像胆小鬼嘴里说出的“欺骗”

Richard Webb
Each is equally vital, and needs to be repeated.

两者都同等重要，需要被反复的重复。



daisx beohfox
Aleays trust your feelings. Thats not helping

相信你的直觉。那屁用都没有。

(((Excellent masculinity)))
You LIBERALS ain't goin to like this video! He basically deconstructs, the entire world view of the liberal mentality.

你们这些自由主义者肯定不喜欢这个视频！他基本上就是在解构整个自由主义世界观。

Atlas WalkedAway
War isn't a human attribute. It isn't apes, it isnt mammals, it isn't a facet of multicellular life. It is a facet of reality. A component of basic epistemology. War comes from the fundamental axiom, "The root of all authority is the ability and willingness to apply deadly force.".

战争不是人类的本性。战争甚至不是猿人或哺乳类动物的本性，战争只是生活的一个面向，现实的一个面向罢了。这是认知论的基本组成部分。 战争源自如下这个公理：“所有权威存在的基础，都来自操控致命武力的能力和意愿。”

James L
This guy speaks my thesis.

这家伙说的和我的论文写的一样。

Allan Peda
Cold working of metal. But it will eventually break.

即便是金属冷加工。迟早还是会破碎。

Sergio Montiel
At last a good video i was starting to hate this channel.

至少还有这一个好视频，我都快受够这个频道了。

Noitibmar
Completely disagree with number 1.
And actually I think it goes entirely against 3.
No one is being protected from freindly teasing and falling out with peers. This idea that kids are overprotected is largely not the case save for some insane overbearing parents, which has always been the case. Moreso, we are trying to enact the 3rd idea. Reduce these binary concepts. Make the world more inclusive, and so that less people have coins thrown at them or get stabbed for looking or acting differently.
The idea of "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" is limited. People go through severe traumas and it affects them. Ignoring that is irresponsible.

完全不同意第一条。并且我认为第一条完全和其他二条冲突。没有人能免除受到开玩笑式的挑衅和同龄人的争吵。因为存在部分疯狂溺爱孩子的父母，就认为孩子们受到过度保护的观点是站不住脚的，因为那样的父母只是个别情况。并且，我们的社会也在推进第三点，消除二元对立。让世界更加的包容，因此更少的人会因为自己与众不同就被仍硬币或者被刺死。
这个“杀不是我的事物让我更加强大”的观念是有前提的。受到严重创伤的人肯定会遭受后遗症。忽视这一点是不负责任的。