女同胞们，分享下那些完全不知你在撩他的蠢男人的故事吧 [美国媒体]

每人一小段，翻译我也行！
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-------------译者：龙腾翻译总管-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------



Posted byu/FiveOneOneKinderheim 22 hours ago
Like how often do you flirt with men you're interested in and it just fails? And they're unaware you're hitting on them.
What do you usually do that you feel most men don't pick up on?

就是，跟看上眼的男人调情却失败了这事有多常发生？然后那些男人完全不晓得你在撩他们。那些你通常会用的撩汉技巧中有哪些你觉得大多数男人都察觉不出？

-------------译者：龙腾翻译总管-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

rasscalkong
A girl I worked with invited me back to her place to sample a cake she had made. We get to her place and she explains that she just needs to frost it before we eat. Proceeds to ice the cake periodically dipping her finger in the bowl and getting me to taste it. After a few rounds of this she then dips her finger in the bowl and proceeds to porn star suck a gigantic amount of icing off it.

我一女同事邀请我去她家尝尝她做的蛋糕。我们到了她家，她说吃之前需要给蛋糕上层糖霜。然后她开始给蛋糕上糖霜，并时不时用手指蘸碗里的糖霜让我品尝。大概这样几次之后，她用手指蘸了碗里的糖霜，然后开始像色情明星一样吸吮掉指上的糖霜。

Me: "yeah looks good!"
We ate cake and I left. 19 year old me was fucking stupid.

我：“嗯，看起来很不错！”
我们把蛋糕吃了，然后我就走了。19岁的我真tm蠢。



fretless_enigma
Guy here girl at work kept nudging me gently and I was oblivious as all could be. Took another coworker telling me to my face that she liked me for it to register because I'd never had anyone genuinely hit on me.
Ladies if you like him and he's not picking up on it be direct in some way. Please.

汉子在此，我一女同事总是用手肘轻轻碰我，但我完全没有注意到这点。我另一个同事当面告诉我，说那个女同事喜欢我，这样做是想引起我的注意，但我真的从没被人撩过。女孩们，如果你喜欢一个人，而他又完全没get到你的心意，拜托你们直接点，求你们了。

-------------译者：科科-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

ac0380
My husband. Every time I try to initiate sex.

每次我想做爱的时候，我的丈夫就是这样。

ctygesen
My wife has had to resort to "get up here and fuck me already!"
We met 22 years ago because she walked up to me and demanded my phone number.
I'd be alone in a ditch without her.

我妻子都得直接说“快上来满足我，快！”我们在22年前相遇，当时她走过来要我的电话号码。要是没有她，我还在沟里单着呢。

gtg930r
We always joke that I would have a full bank account and the the kids and I would be homeless if anything happened to my wife. I suck at life without her to remind me to do things. She's been handling all of my bills etc since well before we got married. I'm fairly certain that one of her friends is supposed to take care of me if anything happens and I'm 100% positive I'll think she's just being nice.
As far as her initiating sex she basically has to tell me explicitly or start without me for me to get the hint. I'm terrible at that game.

我们经常开玩笑说，要是我的妻子有个三长两短的话，我可能得面对一大堆的银行账单，我和我的孩子可能就无家可归了。要是没有她提醒我做事，我的生活会变得一团糟。从我们结婚前，她就在处理我的全部账单。我很确定，如果发生了什么事，她的一个朋友会来照顾我，虽然我百分之百肯定她只是好心。至于她想要的房事，她基本上要明确地告诉我，或者自己先开始，我才能明白她的意思。对这方面我一窍不通。

Elemenopy_Q
do the naked (wo)man

玩裸体求爱这招。



i massage without oil. she had to propose twice for me to use her oil.
3 min later she said:" you know that oil is eatable". at that point i understood it.

我没用精油按摩。中途她两次提议让我用她家的精油。三分钟后，她说：“你知道吗，我家的精油是可以吃的。”那个时候我才明白。

litty10
One night at a party I was very high. This girl who I had been talking to comes up next to me and says “You’re really hot”. My dumbass brain mishears her and I responded with “NO, I’M REALLY HIGH”. Took me until the next morning to register what she really said...

有天晚上，我在一派对上玩到非常兴奋。之前跟我说过话的一个女孩走到我旁边说：“你好性感。”我个蠢货听错了，回说:“不，我是好兴奋。”直到第二天早上我才明白她说了什么……

rjag36
Im no lady but i look back at some spots that i was ridiculously clueless. I was a virgin up till the end of college. One of these clueless examples i am moving into a dorm and my friend is helping me. She goes all out and stays basically the whole day helping go from apartment to dorm. At the end at night we are done and im sitting on the table helping her with math and she is standing leaning over my shoulder. At some point she goes and bites my neck. Im like “ouuuuuch why did u do that?” And she is giggling and says “im gonna sleep over ok?” And im like “sure you can sleep on my bed and ill sleep on the floor” and she mumbles “thats not what i meant...” leaves shortly afterwards.
These are the moments that i would like to take back. Haha.

汉子在此，当我回首往事时，发现有些时候我实在是笨得可笑。我到大学毕业时还是处男。其中一个说明我毫无头绪的例子是，我当时要搬进一个新宿舍，我一女性朋友帮我搬宿舍。她竭力帮我，还几乎花费了一整天帮我把东西从公寓搬到宿舍。我们在夜深后总算搬完了，我坐在桌上帮她做数学，她人斜靠在我的肩膀上。突然之间她咬了我脖子一口。我不解大叫“疼疼疼！你为啥咬我脖子？”她咯咯地笑着，回说:“我今晚在你这儿过夜，可以不？”我说“可以啊，你睡我床上吧，我睡地板就好。”她在咕哝着说了句“我不是这个意思……”后很快就离开了。这些是如果给我个机会我会选择重来的时刻。哈哈。

sexually_available
I had the hots for this guy. Very attractive, intelligent, talented, hilarious, the works. And we were close friends. I would look at him from across the room, smile a him and make stupid faces. I would come and hug him when it was cold or I was just bored or whatever. I complimented him and listened to his stories about his childhood and him opening up about abuse and all that.

我迷恋上了这么个男人。他是个很有魅力、聪明、有才华、幽默，很是完美的人。然后我们是亲密的朋友。我的目光会看向在房间另一头的他，对他微笑示意，做鬼脸。天气冷或者无聊的时候，我会抱着他。我会夸赞他，听他讲他童年的故事以及他受虐待的经历等等。



Sabrina9458
When I was 17 I met a guy at a house party who was super cute and very quiet. I found out from our mutual friends that he had never had a girlfriend. He was very lovely to everyone and seemed to not pick up any signal I gave him.

17岁的时候，我在一次聚会上邂逅了个超级可爱很是安静的男孩。我从我们的共同好友那里得知他从未交过女朋友。他对每个人都很好，但似乎没有领会到我给他的暗示。

That night I spent an unusual amount of time with him in comparison to others laid next to him on our friends trampoline and chatted about our lives and interests even jokingly (and drunkenly) sat on his lap at one point.
I was not too long out of a relationship young drinking and uber confident that night. I flirted almost the whole way through with constant innuendos little jokes and compliments.

那晚，我和他待在一起的时间比别人都长，我们躺在朋友的蹦床上，聊生活聊爱好，我甚至还开玩笑地（我喝醉了）坐在他大腿上。当时我刚结束上一段感情，那晚我年轻肆意、不停喝酒，很是自信。我几乎整晚都在不断地暗示、用小笑话和赞美同他调情。

As things were wrapping up and some people started going (with still a significant group there) I asked him if he would be staying late with everyone or heading home.
He said he wasn’t sure and then offered to walk his friend home (another girl long term friend with no romantic feelings) and just said an awkward goodbye to me.

随着聚会即将结束，一些人开始离开（但仍有很多人在那儿），我问他是要和大家一起待到很晚还是要回家。他说他不确定，然后主动提出说要送朋友（另一个女孩，无暧昧关系的老朋友）回家，就尴尬地跟我说了声再见。

Luckily- I thought it was cute he was making sure his friend got home safely and his friend pointed out the obvious to him. She asked why he didn’t try and kiss me or ask for my number and had to spell out to him all the obvious moves I’d made that night.

幸运的是——我觉得他护送朋友安全回家的行为很是可爱，且他朋友点破了我喜欢他这件事。她问他为什么不跟我试试，亲我或要我的号码，她把那天晚上我明显的暗示行为都告诉了他。

When he came back he made an effort to find me again and we had our first kiss. Eight years later we’re married and expecting our first child. I can’t thank his friend enough I wonder how long I would have had to chase or if I would have just given up!

当他回来时，他努力地找我，然后我们有了第一次接吻。八年之后，我们结婚了，要迎来我们的第一个孩子。我对他的朋友感激不尽，（要是没有她）我不知道还要追求他多久或者会不会干脆就放弃了！



FiveOneOneKinderheim
Girl: Wanna study?
Guy: Well I got some fucking to do... I mean business!! So no.

女生：“要来学习吗？”
男生：“呃，我还有些东西要去操...不是，是还有些事要做！！所以我拒绝。”

MrMiniMiester
Girl:"Wanna fuck?"
Guy:"I am already getting fucked by this math exam"

女生：“要来一炮吗？”
男生：“我已经被这次数学考试给搞得快死了。”

LittlePoogie
Bf comes home from work is removing belt to change into comfy clothes
Me: *eyeing the belt* ooo what ya gonna do with that bby?
him: uh hang it up
Me: ....
and no spanks were given that night.

男朋友下班回家，脱了皮带准备换上舒服的家居服。
我：（眼睛盯着皮带）“哦~亲爱的~你准备用它做些什么呀？”
他：额...把它挂起来啊。
我：.......
然后那个晚上什么皮带Play也没发生...

bitemark01
"Everyone's getting spanked but me"

“所有人都享受到了被皮带抽的快感，就我没有！”

cha_iv
One time I was on a casual dinner date with a Vietnamese girl. We were talking about Vietnamese food and I mentioned bahn mis. When I did she told me "it's actually pronounced 'bang me'". And I took it seriously "oh wow I never realized it was pronounced that way! Thanks for telling me!"
I didn't realize until weeks later what she was actually hinting at...

有次我跟一越南女孩晚餐约会，我们谈到越南食物，然后我提到bahn mis（一种越南三明治，用的是长棍面包，里面夹有烤肉、酱料、蔬菜等，如下图）。我这么一提，她告诉我：“这道食物的越南语发音其实跟英语中的“bang me（操我）”一样。”我信以为真：“噢，天哪，我从来不知道它是这样发音的！谢谢你告诉我！”直到几周之后我才意识到她那个时候其实是在暗示我......