一个移民二代的自述：不要光为了实现你的“梦想”而断送子女的未来（长文） [美国媒体]

Don't forfeit the future of your sons and daughters just for the sake of realizing your "dreams"

一个移民二代的自述：不要光为了实现你的“梦想”而断送子女的未来（长文）



译注：这篇文章是一个美国的华裔二代，一开始在美国最大的华人论坛“文学城”上发表的一个帖子，这一篇帖子引发网友热议，帖子发出后很快被转载到其他华人论坛上，包括美国本土最大的在线论坛Reddit（类似于百度贴吧），迅速引起华裔移民的关注。国内有的网站报道过这件事，如观察者网：这篇华裔二代的吐槽贴，最近火遍美国论坛，不过都只是节选和摘录，译者找到在Reddit上的原帖，翻译如下，部分内容原文就已翻译，部分为译者翻译。

Don't forfeit the future of your sons and daughters just for the sake of realizing your "dreams." Fathers and mothers who would rashly emigrate to America should carefully consider the actual merits and drawbacks of immigration for their children. 

不要光为了实现你的“梦想”而断送子女的未来。轻易移民美国的父母应该慎重考虑移民会对孩子的具体利弊。

Hello everybody, I'm very happy to have this chance to join this literature forum. As a Chinese male who grew up in America, I'd like to share with everybody, especially parents, the negative effects of immigrating to America in a child's early years. Hopefully this will encourage future parents planning on moving to America to reconsider what giving up a Chinese upbringing and background for their kids would entail, the long term problems this would create, and then act from there. 

大家好，很高兴有机会加入文学城的论坛。作为一位在美国长大的中国男生，我想与大家（特别是父母）分享一下早年移民美国对孩子的负面影响，希望能鼓励将来考虑移民的父母三思而再行，慎重思索来美国让孩子抛弃了中国背景会给他们产生什么长远问题。

For many years now, moving to America has been the life long dream of Chinese parents. These parents believe that America's air is good, the quality of life high, people make lots of money, and most importantly, that it has better prospects for their children's future than China. As a result parents sacrifice everything, stinting on no expenses to take their kids to America, or even giving birth directly in America. In this way their children can obtain American passports, and from birth become the long desired "American." Countless Chinese parents believe that due to their kids' young age, they would have a strong ability assimilate, and growing up in America would afford them countless beneficial experiences and opportunities. "For the children's future" has been one of the primary reasons for Chinese families to immigrate. 

多年以来，移民到美国是中国父母一生的梦想。这些父母认为美国空气好，生活水平高，收入高，和最重要的，对孩子的未来比在中国好。所以尽早想不惜一切地把孩子带到美国，或者直接来美国生更好。这样孩子直接能获得美国护照，从出生那天就升华为梦寐以求的 “美国人”。无数的中国父母认为孩子因为年龄小而适应能力强，在美国长大一定会享受无数的色彩和发展机会。 “为了孩子的未来” 被中国家长当作最重要的移民原因之一。

However after many years of pondering and training, I have discovered that the vast majority of Chinese parents who decided to take their kids to America had no clue as to what American culture, or Western culture in general, was actually like. Nor did they have any idea what kind of negative effects growing up in such a culture would have on Chinese kids, and the huge impact it would have on their future sense of belonging, self worth, networking, and career prospects. I myself moved with my parents at the age of 7 from Shanxi province to eastern America, grew up there, and became intimately familiar with American culture. Upon reaching adulthood I worked with all my power to recuperate and patch up my Chinese to share with you all views of an ambitious and hardworking 30 year old. That is, before rushing to move to America, parents should further and deepen their understanding what the actual choice of emigrating means for their children, using empirical observations. Too many Chinese parents just look at China's many problems with corruption and malpractices, and believe that if they just move to America, every problem will just magically sort itself out, once and for all. But in reality, the truth is far more complicated than what these parents could imagine, and far more miserable as well. 

但是通过多年的思索，尝试，和熏陶，我发现大部分中国父母决定把年幼的子女带到美国的时候，实际上根本没弄清楚在美国文化（甚至西方文化）长大究竟对华裔孩子到底有多么大的负面影响，对他们的归属感，认同感，搭建人脉圈子的能力，将来的职业生涯的发展，有多大的打击。本作者，作为一个７岁就和父母从老家山西移民到美国东岸，长在美国，深度了解美国文化，而成年之后拼命补回中文的一个有事业野心和打拼精神的30岁小伙子，想和大家分享一下我的看法：就是，父母急急匆匆移民美国之前，应该更全面的了解一下此抉择对孩子，甚至孩子长大离家之后，的确切，客观的影响。太多中国父母光看到了中国社会的诸多弊端，觉得来美国就能魔术般得解决所有的问题，一劳永逸。事实并非如此，真相实际上比好多移民父母想象的更复杂，更悲惨。

First off, Chinese parents itching to move to America, for the most part, have no idea as to the manner and attitude with which American society treats Chinese immigrants, nor the status which Chinese will possess in America. Due to their belief that because China's air is polluted, the education system stressful, regional discrimination rampant, civil behavior lacking, and various other reasons, a sense of yearning for America permeates them. Their understanding and knowledge of America is very limited, usually coming from their Chinese friends, the internet, the TV and other unofficial channels or hearsay. However this type of information is one sided. Chinese parents don't hear about the kind of suffering, unfair treatment, and daily discrimination which shadows everyday life for Chinese immigrants. As for Chinese who grew up in America, the ABCs, or American Born Chinese, and the true circumstances of their lives, they have even less understanding of. So by what foundation do Chinese parents decide with such conviction that if only their children became "American," they would "definitely benefit more than they suffer?" 

首先，着急移民美国的中国父母，大多时候，对美国社会对华裔的态度和待遇一窍不通。他们执着地认为，中国空气污染，教育系统压力重大，地域歧视泛滥，风俗不健康，人们普遍素质欠佳，等等原因造就了他们对美国的浓厚向往。他们对美国的知识和了解很有限，一般都是从其他中国朋友，网上，电视等等渠道听到的。但是这种信息来源是片面的。中国父母听不到美国华裔遭受的苦难和不公等待遇，各种日常生活之中的歧视。关于美国长大的 ABC （译注：ABC是指American Born Bhinese，意思是在美国出生的华人）的生活真相他们更从来没接触过。所以中国父母有什么依据来一味，执着地认为让子女变成“美国人”就一定对他们将来利大于弊呢？

To be honest, I seldomly, actually never, see ABCs personally step out and tell Chinese parents how they felt about growing up in America. This is probably because most of the Chinese kids who grew up in China typically don't understand much Chinese, since they were educated with American kids from a young age, through elementary school, middle school, high school, and lacked a Chinese friendly environment. Even if they dutifully attended weekend "Chinese school" to learn their mother tongue, it's not enough. Steadily they lose their Chinese language, so that even when they look Chinese, they cannot speak one lick of Chinese. These ABCs have no way to effectively communicate with their parents, much less express their true emotions on how it felt growing up in America. Rather, because Chinese parents don't hear their children's inner thoughts, they truly believe their kids all live spectacular lives, and that they've blended fully and seamlessly into America's mainstream white society. 

实际上，我很少（甚至都没有）见到美国长大的ABC亲自站出来告诉中国父母他们自己在美国长大的感受。应该也是因为大部分在美国长大的中国孩子一般不会太多中文，由于他们从小就和美国孩子上小学，初中，高中，缺乏汉语环境，听不到看不见中文，哪怕周末再努力地去“中文学校” 补自己的母语也往往不够。孩子渐渐得就把中文完全忘光了，长的个炎黄子孙的脸，而一句中文都说不出来。这些ABC没法和他们的中国父母交流，更没法倾吐衷肠地将他们作为美籍华人真实的感受与他们的父母和来自国内的朋友分享。反而，因为中国父母听不到子女的心声，就误以为子女都活得非常滋润，认为子女一定已经完全融入美国主流白人圈子了。

But ABCs in America on average don't really live the comfortable lives Chinese parents imagine. Just because most ABCs don't communicate their thoughts with the parents doesn't signify a superior lifestyle to kids who grew up in China. True, ABCs don't have to breathe China's polluted air, nor do they have to rack their brains memorizing Tang poems and Song lyrics. Yet those who grew up in America suffer from a more insidious form of psychological persecution : 1) a permanent cultural barrier, 2) a lifelong status as a second-class citizen (especially Chinese boys), and 3) a multitude of irremovable barriers to successful business ventures. In my opinion, the combination of these less apparent disadvantages constitute a very long-term form of pressure on children, so parents should at least make a real effort in understanding the concrete specifics of growing up in the United States. What's more, children should talk about these things, parents should listen, and not blindly deny experiences contrary to their beliefs in a selfish attempt to protect their dignity, and as a result abandon the child. 

但是ABC在美国的生活普遍来讲并没有中国父母认为的呢么光荣滋润。就因为大部分ABC不和父母交流心声不意味着他们都活着比中国长大的孩子好。对的，ABC确实不需要呼吸中国污染的空气，也不需要榨尽脑汁披星戴月地被唐诗宋词。但是长在美国的ABC普遍遭受更隐形的心理迫害：1）永久的文化隔阂, 2) 终身摆脱不了的二等公民待遇（特别是华裔男生）, 及3）消除不掉的种种事业障碍。按我个人的看法，这些更隐形的弊端对孩子构成很长期的压力和迫害，父母至少应该深度了解一下孩子在美国的真实情况，多和孩子交流，多听听孩子的心声，而不要一味去否认这些负面因素，自私地为了保护自己的尊严而遗弃了对孩子的关照和协助。

1) Chinese kids who grew up in America suffer from a lasting cultural barrier. Chinese parents don't understand this because they've never experienced anything like it. Even though there are many positive aspects to America, it's not nearly as fair as the parents think. Even though ABCs fluent in English like white people, often surpassing them, they are still unable to enter mainstream American society because of their Chinese appearances. ABCs for the most part interact with other ABCs. Although it's not uncommon to have white or black friends during the early years, once they become adults you rarely see ABCs who can take part in white communities while being treated as an equal. If you look Chinese, it doesn't matter if you speak perfect English, you still won't be accepted in white society. Americans never wanted to see the Chinese immigrants as their own people. So Chinese parents should not be so foolish as to think that if only their children put in a little effort, they would integrate into white society. American civilization as a whole do not consider Chinese and white people as equals has created numerous multitudes of barriers in the form of stereotypes, which are immensely difficult to subvert. They think Chinese people are only good at doing menial work, have no ability to take leadership positions, no ability to express oneself, and no charisma. Lots of white people including actors and those on tv openly mock Chinese as inferior to white people. In American middle and high school in particular it is very easy for Chinese kids to be bullied by kids of other races. After entering American society Chinese suffer from more covert forms of discrimination. Taking into account all these factors, a Chinese American kid's confidence will at the very least be somewhat affected, and might also create seeds of larger problems which will last for the rest of their lives. 

1）长在美国的华裔孩子遭受永久性的文化隔阂，没有体验过的中国父母很难完全理解：美国虽然有很多好处，但是根本没有中国父母想象的呢么公平。在美国长大的ABC虽然英语和白人一样流利（经常会比他们更好），但是由于他们长得一张中国脸，几乎融入不进美国主流文化的。 ABC大部分还是和其他ABC一起玩儿。虽然小时候还是能交到各个种族的朋友（我小时候也有白人朋友，黑人朋友，等等）但是成年之后很少看到ABC能在主流白人圈子里如鱼得水。虽然他们的英语不逊于任何白人，但是中国父母得理解：西方文化很歧视我们中国人这种长相。美国文化认为华裔族没有白人优越，对华裔族设定了诸多很难推翻的刻板印象。他们认为华裔只会埋头苦干，没有领导能力，不善言辞，没有人格魅力。很多白人，包括电视媒体的人物，都会公开嘲笑华裔的体型不如白人强壮，笑话我们华裔眼睛小，长得不如白人好看，等等很恶劣的讥讽。在美国初中和高中的华裔孩子很容易受其他种族孩子的欺负，步入社会之后也会经常受到很多变相的歧视。总而言之，这些负面因素通过积少成多的过程会对华裔孩子的心理有很大的负面影响，能使很多ABC失去自信，从而给他们后身产生很多不利的种子。

Due to the conditions mentioned above, ABC live in a very narrow subculture within America. Even if they grew up in America and speak English they will never be considered Americans by other Americans. At the same time they are unable to assimilate into Chinese society. When I was attending university I personally saw ABC being mocked by Chinese international students. Many Chinese international students mock ABC, and joke about the fact that though they look Chinese they cannot speak it. ABC are not welcomed by America nor are they accepted by Chinese, they cannot advance nor can they retreat, living in an awkward space where no group accepts them. Chinese parents have no comprehension of this sort of cultural predicament, but I believe they must accept that this problem exists, and not reject it. So many Chinese parents force their children to assimilate into mainstream American society, but today I want to tell these parents something: No matter how hard you try to assimilate, you will never succeed. Americans take one look at our Chinese face and take us for foreigners. Americans have never wanted to treat Chinese people as one of their own. So Chinese families must understand that assimilation into white society through effort is an impossibility. Assimilation is merely a delusion. Unable to assimilate into American society, but lacking Chinese societal or cultural support, ABC inhabit an awkward world. What's more this imposition can never be removed because ABC have already passed the period of natural language acquisition. This is a very serious problem and parents should seriously take into consideration the sort of harm this has on them. Birds of a feather flock together. Every person's sense of well being depends on their social circle. Humans all should have a sense of belong, a social group that won't discriminate against them. Parents who want to move to America shouldn't lightly throw away their children's "sense of belong" or "social circle." Without a support group, without a sense of belonging, most people would suffer from some kind of illness in the long term, perhaps even clinical depression. 

由于上述的诸多原因，ABC在美国实际上就是活在一个文化狭缝之中。他们虽然长在美国，学的英语，但是永远不会被美国人视为真正的 American. 同时，他们也融入不了中国人的圈子。在我读大学之时，我亲自看到ABC被中国留学生嘲笑的丑相。很多中国留学生会嘲笑美国ABC，笑话他们为什么长的中国人的脸而中文一句都不会说。ABC 既不被美国圈子欢迎，同样也不被自己的中国人接纳，进退两难，无比尴尬，没有一个群体真正接受他们。这种文化隔阂和绝望的感受是中国父母没法了解的，但是我认为中国父母一定要意识到这个问题的存在，而不是一味的否认这种现象。很多中国父母一直逼迫孩子去努力融入美国主流圈子，但是我今天想让所有中国父母知道：哪怕你的再努力融入美国圈子，你终究不会成功的。美国人一看我们的中国面孔就把我们视为外人了。一个有中国面孔的黄种人，不管你英语再地道，是融入不进美国核心白人圈子的。美国人就从来没想把我们中国人当成自己的人看。所以中国家长可千万不要愚蠢得认为孩子稍微再努力一把就能融入白人圈子了。这只不过是个妄想而已 – 是几乎不可能实现的事儿。融入不了美国圈子，但是同时也失去了中国圈子的精神支持，ABC身处于一个非常尴尬的地步。况且，这种尴尬几乎没法解决，因为孩子在美国长大那几年已经耽误了他们学好中文的语言习得敏感期了。这是个非常严重的问题，移民美国的父母一定好了解这种处境对孩子有多大的打击。物以类聚，人以群分。每个人的心态健康实际上都取决于有自己的圈子。人都得有归属感，有一个自己不受歧视的群体。移民到美国父母不经意得就把子女这个很重要的“归属感”和“圈子”掐掉了。没有圈子，没有认同感，对大部分人的心理有长期的伤害，甚至能导致孩子患上抑郁症，轻身。

2) Status as a second-class citizen lasts throughout our whole lives: by spending the early years of their child in the United States, the parents inadvertently "severed" their child's ability to survive in his mother country. Though they do not realize it, by going to the United States they deprived their offspring the option of returning to China in the future. This is actually a very important option. Why? Everyone needs a homeland. Chinese parents are unaware they have this option. They went to America believing it was superior to China in opportunities and quality of life - this is correct. However the end result is that they still robbed their offspring of the right to choose between staying in America or going back to China. In reality they've condemned their kids to living a life as a Chinese, but only being able to survive in the West. This means that their kids will eke out a living in a white society under white leadership. ABC are commonly treated as second class citizens lower than white people, probably even lower than black people. Chinese parents can accept this because it is the end result of their own will and action. What's more, many parents can even return to their home country, so they think no matter how bad it gets in America, they can always have the "option" to go back home. But ABC are different. ABC have no option. They didn't do anything, yet their parents have made it so that they will always live in a society where they will be treated as inferior to whites, without even an option of escape. A person who has an option but doesn't take it compared to one who has no option at all are completely different. The older a Chinese American gets the more they yearn for a homeland, while having none. Chinese people don't accept them. Americans don't accept them. They have no home to return to. ABC have to bear the fact that they will always be second class citizens in an America that constantly discriminates against them for as long as they live. This is the true, miserable, reality. 

2）终身摆脱不了二等公民的身份：把孩子早年带到美国的父母实际上不经意地就把孩子将来能回自己祖国生存的能力“割掉了”。他们没意识到，但是他们来美国的行为就等于剥夺了子女将来可以回中国的选择。这个选择实际上很重要。为什么? 每个人都得有个家乡。中国父母没有意识到自己享有的一种选择。他们来到美国是因为他们觉得美国比中国好，机会多，生活好，这都没错。但是他们来美国的后果就是剥夺了孩子将来在美国还是回国生活的选择权利。父母实际上就在强迫孩子“虽然长得一张中国脸”，但是只能在西方国家生活。这意味着孩子只能在白人主导的社会之下而生存。华裔在美国普遍被视为二等公民，比白人低一档次（甚至比黑人都低）。父母能接受这种现实，那也是因为这恰恰是他们实行自己的选择权的结果。况且，很多父母也能以后回国，所以他们心里有底，觉得美国再不舒服也是他们“选择”来的，大不了以后回国。但是ABC就不一样了。ABC没有选择。他们什么都没做，父母给他们设定的就是终身只能作为白人之下的二等公民，连个回国逃避美国白人的歧视这种选择都没有。一个人有选择而不行使，和没有选择，是完全不同的概念。美籍华人年龄大了越会感到对家乡的渴望，但是他们终究没有真正的家乡。中国人也不认他们，美国人也不认他们。他们没有家乡，无法落叶归根。他们一辈子只能忍气吞声地当美国的二等公民，受到重重的压抑和歧视。这是一个很凄惨的事实。

To supplement with a bit more detail: American discrimination against Chinese men is particularly apparent. Most Chinese parents have no idea, but American mainstream white people have no respect for Chinese men. White people really like to joke about Chinese: that Chinese men are ugly, their body weak, small eyes, small penis, and so on. Chinese boys in America suffer from bullying and insults at an early age when the formation of a child's self-confidence is at its most vulnerable. ABC boys in the United States, generally speaking, have no social status to speak of, and find it difficult to find partners. As ABC grow up in the workplace and their community, they continue to be bullied by plenty of people. Coupled with the fact that in America Chinese have no say in politics, no politician represents the Chinese. We just bare the suffering while lacking even a channel to protest. Chinese men suffer disadvantages in every sector of American society and have no particular area of excellence. In this regard, Chinese girls are more popular with white boys, but the Chinese boys are not welcome. A survey shows that Chinese boys in the United States to have a harder time finding partners than white, black, and even Latin American men. So those with sons must be aware that bringing them to the United States is to sacrifice their dignity and status as men. This is immensely harmful to the self esteem of an ABC boy. 

作者还得补充一点: 美国对华人的歧视在华裔男生上体现得尤为明显。大部分中国父母不知道，但是美国主流白人尤其不尊重中国男生。白人很喜欢开中国男生的玩笑，觉得中国男生长得没他们好看，体型没有他们强壮，眼睛小，几把小，等等。中国男生在美国一般从小就受到很多外国同学的欺负和侮辱，对孩子关键成长期的自信有很大的隐形损害。ABC男生在美国普遍来讲一点社会地位都没有，找对象特别困难，长大后在职场和社会一样继续受很多人的欺负。再加上华人在美国没有丝毫政治地位，没有政客代表，华裔男生只能忍气吞声，连个抗议的渠道都没有。华裔男孩子在美国各个领域都吃亏，几乎没有一个地方是占优势的。在这个方面，华裔女生更受白人男生欢迎，但是华人男生普遍来讲既不受白人男生欢迎，而更不受白人女生的欢迎（有调查显示中国男生在美国找对象要比白人男生，黑人男生，甚至拉美男生难得多）。所以有儿子的中国父母一定要意识到，把儿子带到美国就是让后代失去了他们做为男生应该有的尊严和地位。对ABC男孩子将来的自尊心有很大的破坏。

3) Regarding three, early immigrants who have no background in Chinese culture suffer a lot in their careers. The identity of ABC as out of place people has an immensely negative effect in the business, political, legal, innovative, and science sectors. This mainly due to the fact every one of these relies on interpersonal relationships, connection which ABC lack. They are not based on how high your scores are. Regardless, it is in this area that ABC are particularly disadvantaged, since they are unable to enter mainstream American or Chinese society. These areas that rely on customers, politicians, investors to expand. Hence under extreme competition, relying on good marks is absolutely useless. Due to the background of ABC, they are unable to interact with either white people or Chinese people. This naturally results in a bottleneck on their career options due to the inability to deeply intimate themselves with customers and their needs, as well as the inability to create mutually empathetic bonds. So parents should be careful with sending their kids to America. It might just just limit them in their career options.

3）其三，早年移民美国而失去中国文化和背景对孩子将来的事业发展有很大的打击。ABC的这种“不伦不类”的身份在商业，政治，法律，创业，甚至科技界均遭很大的劣势。主要原因就是这些领域的发展都与人际关系密不可分，不是谁考试分数最高谁就能干得好。但是ABC恰恰就是在人际关系上特别吃亏，因为他们既不能融入美国圈子，也不能融入中国圈子。这些领域的发展很依赖和与客户，政客，投资者打成一片。在这种拼关系的残酷竞争下你光有好成绩半毛用都没有。因为ABC的背景与本地白人和来自中国人的背景都无法对接，他们自然会遇到发展瓶颈，因为没法深入了解客户的需求，也没法和他们达成共鸣。所以父母得小心，把孩子带到美国，有可能就等于切断了孩子未来创事业的翅膀。

I myself studied as an undergrad at an ivy league institution and finished my post-secondary studies in America, after which I entered the investment business in New York and Hong Kong. It was as I described, white people and Chinese who grew up in China mingled pretty well and were able to create social circles. They had bright futures ahead of them. Rather, ABC were the awkward ones. White customers didn't treat them as their own, Chinese didn't treat them as Chinese. To ambitious ABC this is the greatest problem. The ceiling that ABC have absolutely no way of dealing with, no matter how hard ABC try, because the neither mainstream cultures accept them. What's sad is that I'm surrounded by so many hardworking and capable ABC, but due to their status as ABC are disadvantaged upon meeting the ceiling. If your kid wants to become a businessman or politician in the future, you should consider the effects that an insurmountable cultural gap will have. Parents should understand that moving to America and sacrificing their kid's natural cultural background just to breathe fresh air is an extremely selfish thing to do. Parents should be mindful of what their kid will do after leaving the family and the combination of their status and identity. To a child, severing one's natural cultural roots is an act of irresponsibility and selfishness. The pain that these children will suffer in the future will be an indescribable, lonely, and isolating kind of pain. 

作者本人就在常青藤大学读的本科，在美国读完了大学在纽约和香港的投行均工作过。本人发现的事实就是如此，白人和在中国长大的孩子都混得相当不错，可以搭建圈子，有锦绣前途可言。但是ABC却很尴尬，白人客户也不把他们当成自己人，中国客户也不认他们为中国人，对有野心的ABC来说这是个莫大的问题！这种天花板是ABC几乎没法克服的，不管ABC再努力也没用，因为两边主流文化都不认他们。可惜的是我周围好多ABC都是我见过最刻苦，最能干的人，但是就凭他们身份上吃亏而在好多领域都屡遭天花板。 如果你的孩子将来有可能想做生意或者从政，你最好慎重考虑一下孩子会遇到的这种无法逾越的一种文化鸿沟。 父母得意识到，来美国让孩子牺牲了自己的自然文化圈子，就为了能呼吸点新鲜空气，是极其得不偿失的自私行为。父母应该仔细考虑一下孩子以后长大离家出走之后的地位和身份纠结。对孩子来说，父母这么早就割断了孩子的文化根源是极其不负责任和自私（伤害孩子）的行为。将来孩子受的苦是说不出来的一种苦，没人能理解的一种孤独的痛苦。

Don't just think of yourselves and your desire to flee China while throwing your children's life and sense of belonging out the window. Don't think that just by going to America, studying will still be all that matters. In America I know tonnes of ABC with education in abundance but still became stunted in their careers. Then their parents not only did not understand what happened, they refused to listen to their reasons and feelings. In the end the kid becomes a lifelong loner with no path to take. 

不要光为了你们（父母）自己想逃避中国的眼前利益就潦草得把孩子一生的尊严和归属感扔出门外。别认为来到美国之后，学习还是一切。在美国，我认识很多ABC学习非常出色成绩很优越但是就是发展不起来，然后父母也不懂或者不想倾听他们的想法和感受，反而弄得孩子终身孤独和无路可走。

All in all, my aim is to share with you the true perspective of an ABC who grew up in America as a child. There is no free lunch in the world, don't think that just by growing up in the United States your children will be able to easily integrate into American society. Don't think that just because China has societal issues, they'll just magically disappear once you enter America. Letting your children grow up in America is a big challenge for them, and will leave deep psychological damage. In my opinion, might as well let your children live happily as a Chinese and grow up in China. Once they've grown up, they can choose to go to America themselves if that's what they want. Why are you so anxious to take them to a western country which holds Chinese people in contempt, where they'll live under the shadow of racial discrimination? For those who look Chinese, trying to integrate into western society is a futile endeavor. No matter how hard your kids try, no matter how good their English, it's still not a surefire way to enter American society. Because they look Chinese. Still, parents are so busy getting their kids to enter American society, they at the same time lose their kids' Chinese identity and background. This kind of moronic decision ends with the kid unable to return to their mother country. In the end the result is a child who is a foreigner in both countries, and in the future no matter how much China develops, the kid will be unable to live there and take advantage of being a Chinese. I believe that all the parents thinking about moving to America or giving birth there need to face the truth before making any such decision. Do not throw away future developments for the sake of temporary gains. Being an ABC is not one bit as glorious as people think. In fact it's quite awkward and full of hassles. Not worth it one bit. God created us as Chinese, so why not be proud of it, and be a proper Chinese rather than force your children to become something impossible like a westerner.

总而言之，我的目的就是从一个ABC 的角度与大家分享一下中国孩子在美国大的真相。世界上没有免费的午餐，别认为孩子在美国长大就能轻轻松松融入美国社会。别认为虽然中国有各种各样的社会弊端，就等于来美国之后所有在中国的担忧就魔术般的消失了。让孩子在美国长大对他们是个很大的挑战，对他们心理的伤害很深。在我看来，还不如让孩子高高兴兴做个中国人，在中国长大好。将来孩子成年之后可以自己来美国呀。为什么非要这么着急把他们带到一个本身就瞧不起中国人的西方国家，让他们在种族歧视的阴影下长大？我们有着中国人的脸，再努力融入西方文化也是个徒劳。无论孩子再努力，英语说得再好，也不一定能融入美国社会，因为他们长得一张中国人的脸。然而，父母得意识到，在他们忙着相让孩子融入美国之时，同时也失去了孩子本来应该有的中国身份和背景。这种愚蠢的选择使孩子没法将来有回祖国发展的途径。最终结果就是导致孩子在中国或者美国都终身陌生，以后中国发展得再好孩子也没法回去生活，享受作为中国人的荣誉和尊严。我认为所有想移民美国的父母，或者打算在美国生孩子的父母，都要认清楚事实再下决定，千万不要为了自己的短浅利益而葬送后代的发展前途。做个ABC一点都没有大家想象的呢么光荣，反而很烦恼很尴尬。一点都不值得。上帝既然造我们是中国人，我们就应该骄傲，自豪地做我们的中国人，而不是强迫孩子当一个本身就当不了的西方人。


▼No_NSFW_at_Work
My God, this is what I been telling my parents. I'm not a ABC, I Immigrate here when I was 10. I was fortunate enough to find very good friend to support me as I grow up. If I can pick, I will choose to stay in China after college. But I am so disconnect with my China's relative. We used to play together, share food and toy, and run around the street. Now I missed their wedding, the birth of their children, and funerals...

我的天啦，这就是我一直在对我父母说的话啊。我不是ABC，我10岁的时候移民美国的。我十分幸运的是，在我成长过程中一直都有很多好朋友支持我。如果我可以选择的话，我会选择上完大学之后留在中国。但是我现在几乎和我的中国亲戚再也没有往来了，我们曾经一起玩，一起分享好吃的和玩具，一起满大街的到处跑。然而现在，我错过了他们的婚礼，错过了他们孩子的出生，错过了他们的葬礼。。。。。。

===========================

▼harsheehorshee
Did the writer mention at all WHY Asian women have it "easier"? 

作者有没有提到为什么亚裔女性更容易找到对象？

——▼Hapacolypse
——“In this regard, Chinese girls are more popular with white boys, but the Chinese boys are not welcome.”
——He's woke as fuck. He knows that white males are running a sexual imperialist scheme against Asians. Desexualizing the males while hypersexualizing the females. That is the hallmark of colonization.

——“在这个方面，华裔女生更受白人男生欢迎，但是华人男生普遍来讲既不受白人男生欢迎，而更不受白人女生的欢迎”
——作者是个清醒的人。他看的很透，白人男性一直在实行性别霸权主义来压制亚裔男性，“阉割”亚裔男性，反过来提高亚裔女性的性欲，这完全就是殖民的标志。

——▼harsheehorshee
——I saw that part, and agree that he is woke as fuck. It's well written, I just don't want that part to be misinterpreted as "Asian women are just better looking than their male counterparts so they get a pass" sort of bad interpretation

——我也看到这部分了，并且同意作者是个清醒的人，他写得很好，我只是不想这部分被人错误地解读为“亚裔女性比她们的亚裔男性同胞在相貌上更好看一些，所以她们才容易得到白人男性的青睐”。

===========================

▼taizong14
God created us as Chinese
The heavens you mean. Ah God, as something studying Taoism right now, the idea that going against one's innate nature, ie. moving to another culture and trying to assimilate to another society not yours, really hits home. 

"上帝既然造我们是中国人"
你说的应该是“上天”吧。上帝这个概念和中国人本身的道家的"上天"是不一样的，移民到另外一种文化环境中，然后试着用另外一种文化来打比方，而不是用自己的文化，这一点确实很巧妙。

——▼19930423LDr
——No, he meant god, or higher being up above, or some kind of divine being. 天 means heaven or sky. If he meant heaven he would have wrote 上天.

——不，他指的就是上帝（god），或者是某种上面更高的东西，或者是某种神。“天”的意思是“heaven（上天）”或者“sky（天空）”。如果他的意思是“heaven”，他会直接写“上天”。

——▼taizong14
——Ah, thanks for the clarification. But culturally speaking, do you think the heavens would be more appropriate than God?

——哦，谢谢你的解释。但是从文化上来讲，你不认为“上天”比“上帝”更合适一些吗？

===========================

▼zoelion
Wow this is so well written, covering all grounds basically. 
As a 1.5 gen (semi-fob) I got cold shoulder/avoid like plague treatment from ABCs when I first came here. It had led me to be unsympathetic to the ABCs struggles back in the days. Especially after college when some of these same ABCs would suddenly show interest to befriend me and my 1.5 FOB friends after they went through the awakenings of finding roots in homeland blah blah (on the line of "you can't make it in with white people now you have to settle with us fobs"). I've came to understand a lot more now (thanks to this sub). It all started with that one article called "Paper Tiger' from a few years ago, it really opened my eyes to the plight of Asian American male and now with this article that's written in Chinese. I really appreciate those who want to connect with their Asian identities, and really wonder how I can help.

哇，这篇文章写得真好，基本上概括了各个方面。
作为一个华裔1.5代（父母一方是新移民），当我第一次来到美国的时候，饱受ABC们的冷遇，他们像躲避瘟疫一样对待我，这段经历导致我对那些ABC们在美国社会中的挣扎一直同情不起来。尤其是大学毕业以后，同样是这些ABC们，他们在经历家乡寻根之旅觉醒后（他们发现自己在白人圈子根本吃不开，现在不得不回过头来和我们这些新移民打交道），他们突然之间对我和我的1.5代移民朋友们产生兴趣想和我们交朋友。我现在懂得越来越多了，这都是源于前几年我一次读过一篇名为“纸老虎”的文章之后开始的，那篇文章确实打开了我的眼界，让我认识到亚裔美国男性的困境，同样还有今天这篇文章。我真的非常欣赏那些想去重新找回自己亚裔身份的人们，并且很想知道我应该怎样去帮助他们。

——▼19930423LDr
——Most ABC go through this process. They go to America and look at the white dominated society, try to assimilate, and put down other Asians to try to fit in. Then they realize they were duped into being used as pawns by white people and by then it's almost too late. 

——大部分ABC都经历过这样的过程。他们来到美国，然后发现这是一个白人主导的社会，他们试图融入进去，甚至通过贬低其他亚裔的方法来试图融入。最后他们发现自己被白人像小卒子一样愚弄，然而事已至此，一切都晚了。

——▼[deleted]
——Yeah, whites did a good job of brainwashing Asians into believing they are inferior. Any Asian that puts down other Asians is asking for mental problems in the future. Take a good look in the mirror buddy!

——是的，白人对亚裔的洗脑工作做得非常好，让亚裔相信自己是低等的。任何贬低自己亚裔同类的人，将来都会因为心理问题去看医生的。照照镜子，好好看看自己吧，我的亚裔兄弟们！

===========================

▼officesquat
After looking carefully ar ArmorUSA's post, i feel that he writes vey realistically, and his Mandarin is excellent. As a first generation migrant, we should be proud if the next gen (1.5) can write as well as him. Those who criticise his english, call him a bastard, and other insults, should feel shamed.

我仔细看了作者的帖子，觉得写的很实在，中文也写得很棒。我们作为第一代移民，应该为我们的下一代（1.5代）能够写出这样的中文自豪。 对那些对作者英文吹毛求疵，鸡蛋里面挑骨头的评论我感到很羞愧。

MY thoughts while reading was "Good child, if my own child can write as well as you, I would buy him first class tickets back so that his uncle can hug him, and his aunt can give him a good meal.

我想说，“好孩子，要是我家娃中文能写成你这样。俺会激动地给他回国买头等舱。来，让叔抱一抱，抚慰一下你这个被大妈们批得体无完肤的小鲜肉。”

What the author writes is reality. There is no falsehood. The haters are nitpicking his english, he is not the definition of ABC, etc. If Obama, who is half-white can identify as black, how can you say he's not ABC? (Translator note: Context - Author is a 1.5 gen, migrated when very young)

作者本人的故事基本真实。没有什么假的。 坛子里的质疑声大部分是吹毛求疵。什么不符合ABC的定义啦，什么英文不正宗啊。大搞人身攻击，毫无必要。ABC这些族裔的定义本身就很模糊，基本是大体符合，当事人自我认同就可以。奥巴马的自我认同是黑人，你有本事和抬杠说他是一半白人一半黑人，所以不能叫黑人？

Perhaps the ABCs, and your children is not the same. Maybe they are very sociable. Maybe they married a white woman. Maybe they have a white Secretary. However, this does not dismiss the demographic of armorUSA. From statistics, Asian boys are the most discriminated against. If you look at intermarriage data, you can tell that Asian girls marry white boys, and Asian boys, at the most, they marry (translation unclear? Seems to be a slang?)

你的孩子，你的认识的ABC的境遇和心态，也许和他不一样。也许他们在花街混的很好，也许他们娶了个白妞做老婆，也许有金发美女做秘书。 但是不等于作者和他所在的特定人群就没有这些心理困难。从统计数据上看，亚裔男孩的确是最被歧视的。你看看族裔通婚的数据就知道了，白男娶亚女，而亚裔男生娶的最多的是劳模女（译注：劳模，拉美的戏称，即拉美裔美国女人）。

Marriage is an indicator of social standing, and Asian boys and Black women are the lowest.

婚姻状况看社会阶层最准，亚裔男和非裔女，都是种族台阶的下面几层。

What pisses Asian men off the most is that even Asian women discriminates against them.

最让亚裔男不爽的，其实是亚裔女对他们也歧视。

For us, the first generation who have such strong cultural ties, to treat someone with such great Chinese language ability with such coldness, is something which is very wrong. To the extent we force the author to reply in English. Aunties and uncles (refering to themselves), why do you use such heavy words?

对于这样的弱势小鲜肉。 我们作为上一代，对于文化认同感这样强的下一代，对中文这么棒的下一代，冷言冷语，实在不应该。甚至逼着作者用英文回复，更是不应该。 大妈大叔们，你们是怎么下得这么重的口？

I lived in America for 20 years. These are the few points I agree with Armor USA

我在美国生活了20年了，几点观察和作者一致的地方。

1)  It is harder for Asian males, both in the workplace and the dating realm.

1）亚裔男性比亚裔女性要更艰难。无论是职场还是择偶。

2)  It is important to have professional connections. Especially for law, finance, politics, etc. All these are specialised work that is not easy to understand. A

2）特定职业圈子很重要。特别是律师，金融，政治等行业。 这点是凭手艺吃饭码工们不容易难理解的。码工的圈子也重要，但是没有那么重要。

3)  As minorities, thin skinned or shy people will suffer. Extroverted people, with thick skin, DGAF what other people think of you, will not suffer.

3）作为少数族裔，内心敏感的人，内向的人，同时又有抱负的人会生活的比较痛苦。 如果你是个外向的人，不敏感，脸皮厚一点，不在意别人对你的看法，不介意凑上去的感觉，容易混的开。就不会有这些痛苦。

4)  As first generation migrants, we do not know the feeling of being minorities. Even after migration to America, we still have roots back home, so its hard to understand someone with no roots.

4） 我们第一代移民，从小是主流社会长大，不知道作为少数族裔的痛苦。即使后来到了美国，任然有中国的根，所以是很难身临其境理解没有根的感觉的。

What I disagree with ArmorUSA

和作者认同不一致的地方。

1)  People cannot choose how to be born. Every generation has its own troubles. Child, this is life! Dealwithit.jpg. As a Han male (slang for masculine man), you have withstand heaven while being rooted to the earth (being unshakable) Compared to the children back in China, you do not have the national exams. You do not face earthquakes, like the people in tangshan. You do not face war, unlike the old veterans. Compared to the Koreans, you do not have to be forced into group thought like them. Your parents have also suffered countless nights of labour to raise you. You are but a youngling, so why do you murmur against your elders so much?

1）人不能选择自己的出生。 每一代人有每一代人的痛苦，每一群人有每一群人的痛苦。孩子，这就是你的命！你必须得去面对。 作为男子汉大丈夫，需要顶天立地，不是哭哭啼啼抱怨。尤其不能抱怨自己的父母。比起国内的孩子你还没参加高考呢。比起唐山人民你还没经历地震呢。比起老布什，你还没去战场呢。比起朝鲜人民你还没学主体思想呢。 父母生我养我者也。要不是多年前的那天晚上他们老人家不辞劳苦激情澎湃，哪里来的今天的你？ 也许你和朱悟能一样不定你投胎转世到哪里去呢。 你个小兔崽子还抱怨个啥？

(saying how wenxue people are old fogeys) Wenxue people are old and rigid, and they are not sermonising to you, but are envious of your youth. If you want to find a sympathetic ear, go to the MIT BBS (probably the Chinese one?)

2）文学城的读者年龄老化严重。大妈一张口，地球抖三抖。大叔一声吼，风沙满地走。 年纪大了，观念容易僵化。 一僵化就容易和你较真。 叔告诉你，他们不是在讲道理，是羡慕你年轻。 作者如果想寻找知音，应该去买买提mit bbs 那个论坛去, 到同龄人中去，到80-90后中去，会找到很多知音。

2)        In my experience, there is advantages to being a minority. You can be a bystander in the affairs of the majority, watch the drama, but it doesn't affect you (probably referring to politics?) If you can change your state of mind, instead of being a participant (in politics/business?), you can be an observer. Why do you insist on being a participant?

3）我自己的生活体验，作为少数族裔，有少数族裔特有的乐趣。这也是主流族裔享受不到的。少数族裔最大的乐趣就可以看戏而不用唱戏。如果楼主不快乐，可以试试扭转心态，做个看戏的。人生何必一定要唱戏呢？

3(4?)) The author is a sensitive person. Maybe its better for him to migrate to a place with more Asian Americans? Like Canada? Maybe he can divert his attention to things that are not too serious, and things that make you happy? Perhaps IT, research, start a business, return back to your holiday for a tour, etc.

3）感觉作者是个内心敏感的人。或者搬到亚裔人多的地方更好一些。加拿大啦，加州啦。 或者改行做那些圈子不是特别重要的事情可能会让你更加快乐。 比如IT，比如科研领域，比如回国创业， 再比如哈，做个小地主之类的。。。完了，又回老本行了。哈哈。

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▼taizong14
Us Asians in the West have a duty to strike at the heart of White Supremacy, but unless the Chinese government collapses and the country is plunged into Civil War I don't want any future Chinese or any Asian child to endure the psychological trauma of being Asian in the West.

美国亚裔在西方世界有责任有义务去严厉打击“白人至上主义”。但是除非中国政府崩溃，或者中国陷入内战，否则我真的不希望未来再有任何中国或者亚洲孩子，再来美国忍受成为西方社会中的亚裔带来的心理创伤。

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▼Wahlord
His post was 100% accurate, but I don't agree we should be discouraging Chinese people from immigrating. We need more Chinese to immigrate, not less. What I advocate for is when they do come over, be mentally and physically prepared for a different battle.
This is the #1 reason why I say we need to form Asian communities to welcome them in real life. If you live in a neighborhood, be a leader and set up parties for Asians, especially for the one's that don't have friends or are newcomers here. They will appreciate it and feel included. You've given them a start, a new path and support. Throw Asian community parties and events to get together and introduce them to your friends.
Don't just stay within your cliche, this is probably the most frustrating aspect of Asian groups I've encountered. When they have a set of friends and I come over to say hi, don't be a douche. Invite to chat.

作者的文章简直是100%的准确，但是我不认为我们应该鼓励中国人不要移民来美国，而是我们需要更多的中国人移民，而不是更少。我提倡的是，当他们从中国移民过来的时候，他们必须在身体上和精神上都要做好应对完全不一样的战斗的准备。
这也就是为什么我说，我们需要在现实生活中，组织亚裔社区来欢迎他们的首要原因。如果你和其他亚裔是邻里关系，把他们领导起来，组建一个亚裔团体，尤其是对于那些没有多少朋友或者新移民而来的人们。他们会非常感谢你，并且感到自己是其中一份子。你已经帮助他们有了一个好的开始，一条新的路子，和一个支柱。把亚裔社区团体和事务团结起来，并且把他们介绍给你的朋友。
不要总是带着陈腐的思想，这可能是我在亚裔社区碰到的最让人沮丧的一面。当他们有了自己的朋友圈，我过来串门的时候，不要像个傻瓜一样站着，要邀请别人来聊聊天。

——▼Hapacolypse
——Exactly, we need more Asian-Americans but they have to proactive socially and politically. Asians need to develop a coalition that looks out for their own first and foremost like Jews and blacks have been doing for a century. The problem is Asian-Americans are such an easy target for racists because they have no pride or identity in their own culture and have no sense of collective struggle.

——确实如此，我们需要更多的亚裔美国人，但是他们必须在社会和政治上积极主动。亚裔必须联合起来，要把自己族群的利益放在第一位和最大化，就像这个世纪以来犹太人和黑人所做的那样。问题是，亚裔美国人太容易成为种族主义攻击的目标了，因为他们对自己的文化没有一点自豪感和认同，没有团结起来一起抗争的意识。

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▼chicohina
Not Chinese, but as someone who's mixed race his essay really resonated with me. People take it for granted that they have a home country full of people who look like them. A place where they belong, where they are seen as an individual instead of a stereotype. Parents like to go on about how their children will have "the best of both worlds", but that's little more than wishful thinking. In reality, being mixed is a disadvantage in every stage of life.

不仅是华裔，还有其他一些种族混合背景的人都存在这种情况，作者的文章真的引起了我的共鸣。人们总是理所当然地认为，在他们的母国，全部都是长得和他们一样的人们，一个属于他们的地方，在那里他们不再被套上一个刻板的印象，而是一个个活生生的独立的人。父母们也想当然地认为，他们的孩子身上将来会“既有母国最好的优点，也有移民国家最好的优点”，但是，这更多是他们一厢情愿的想法。在现实中，有混合背景的在各行各业中都是一个不利条件。

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▼Wahlord
Have more trust in your Asian brothers. We are not that fragile. If we are prepared the racism is managable. We just need a supportive Asian community.

我们亚裔兄弟之间应该增强相互信任。我们没有那么脆弱。如果我们做足了准备，种族主义也是可控的。我们只是需要建立一个能够支持我们的亚裔社区。