好吧，忘了那个“绑架异鬼”的计划，我已经有好多其他的点子——囧雪诺 [美国媒体]

Okay forget the White Walker kidnapping plan, I've got plenty of other ideas. By Jon Snow

好吧，忘了那个“绑架异鬼”的计划，我已经有好多其他的点子——囧雪诺

Max Knoblauch,Mashable?August 17, 2017



Hey all, sorry for the short notice but thanks for meeting back up. I wanted to let everyone know that after some feedback we are scrapping the Wight kidnapping plan we discussed the other day.

大家好，很抱歉只发了个短信，还是感谢你们的回复。我想让大家知道，在收到一些回复后，我们已经把前两天商量的“绑架异鬼”的计划报废啦！

That plan, in which we decided to send an elite team of our most important leaders on a suicidal mission to capture one dead guy and bring him to King's Landing to show Cersei, is officially over. 

在那个计划里面，我们决定派个精英小队，由我们最重要的领导带领，去执行一个自杀任务——抓住一个死掉的家伙并把它回君临堡给瑟曦看。这个计划已经正式结束啦！

It was stupid, almost unbelievably so, and I think we can all see that now. I am deeply, deeply humbled by the entire ordeal.

那个计划太蠢了，蠢到令人难以置信，我觉得大家都看得出来，是吧？对这一整个愚蠢的计划，我表示极其极其的惭愧。

The good news is: I, Jon Snow, the King in the North, have thought of several other plans on my return journey and I am so happy to begin work on truly any of them.

好消息是：我，囧雪诺，北境之王，在我回来的路上，已经想出来好几个其他的计划，如果有任何一个能真正管用，我会超级高兴。

Plan 1

计划1

Plan number one: We head way the hell up north, where the army is. We build a drill out of wood. We drill a big hole into the dirt. This is so exciting, I freaking can't wait to tell you guys about this. We cover up the hole with leaves and sticks. Do you see where I'm going? It's incredible, you're all gonna flip out. I sit on the other side of the hole. And then? 

计划1：我们一直往北走，走到活死人大军那里。我们用木头挖坑。我们挖个大坑，一直打到土里面。真特么兴奋啊！我特么都等不及了，我跟你们讲啊，我们用树叶啊树枝啊把坑遮住。你知道我会到哪去？你都不敢相信，你们都会乐疯掉的。我坐在洞的另一边。然后呢？

A bad guy FALLS into the hole and we keep him in there. Ha! What do we all think?

一个坏蛋掉进坑里，我们就是不拉它上来。哈哈！大家觉得怎么样？



Image: max knoblauch

Hm, yes okay. I am hearing you, Varys, and I agree: this plan has no clear goal and we do end up with nothing but a bad guy in a hole. The idea is gone; scrapped, and I am devastated. I feel like a fool, and I am embarrassed about how excited I was about it on the boat here. I would like to formally apologize to the council about it, and I would like that apology to take the form of a better plan that I will now immediately explain in detail.

嗯，好吧好吧，我听到你的话了，你们有不同意见，我都同意好吧：这个计划没有明确的目标，我们最后啥也没捞着，除了坑里的一个坏蛋。这个点子不要了，作废，我很受伤。我觉得自己像个傻瓜，我坐在船上那会竟然那么兴奋，呃，好丢脸。我要郑重的向各位听众道歉，我要想出一个更好的点子来道歉，我马上给你们详细解释一遍。

Plan 2 

I'm calling it: operation fake tunnel.

我叫它：制造虚假的隧道

Everyone knows I love painting, right? Well, I do. I'm a freak for painting. And that is why I am going to head up to the wall and I'm going to paint a big tunnel leading to a beautiful meadow right on the side of the thing. The White Walker army will try to rush through the tunnel and, in their haste, not even realize it is merely a clever mural on the side of the wall made by yours truly. They will all boink their heads and pass out, AT WHICH POINT we will bring Cersei to the wall and show her all of them! Bingo bango, we're home free, baby!

大家都知道我热爱绘画，对吧？好吧，我承认。我超爱绘画。所以我要径直走向北境长城，我要在长城上画一个巨大的隧道，这个隧道通往长城另一边的美丽的草原。异鬼大军会径直冲向这“隧道”，而这时候他们意识不到它仅仅是长城上的巧妙的壁画，正是区区不才的拙作。他们会在长城上撞个满头金星并昏倒在地。这时候我们就能把瑟曦带到长城上，让她下面的异鬼！成功啦，我们可以自由自在的回家啦，宝宝！



Image: max knoblauch

Tyrion, the look on your face immediately tells me that I have permanently wounded your impression of me and my intelligence. How could I be so foolish, to ever think that this plan was a good idea? The White Walkers know the wall is there, they will never fall for this. Cersei would NEVER come so far up north, and who knows how long the army would be passed out for, even if she did. I cannot believe I devised a plan as dumb as this. I may never get over the humiliation I feel right now, having paid a bard a hefty sum to write a song about the plan just before entering these chambers.

提利昂，一看到你的表情，我就知道我永久性的伤害了我在你心目中英明睿智的印象。我怎么会这么傻，怎么会觉得这个计划是个好点子呢？异鬼知道长城，他们才不会掉进这个陷阱，瑟曦也不会大老远的到北方来，即使她来了，谁也不知道知道异鬼大军会昏多久。我都不敢相信我竟然设计了一个这么蠢的计划。我可能永远也克服不了此刻的尴尬，在回到家之前我还花了一大笔钱，请人为这个计划写了首歌。

I promise, my next plan is realistic and has an almost 0% chance of failure.

我保证，下一个计划绝对是脚踏实地，基本上万无一失。

Plan 3

计划3

We will disguise a bear to look like me and the bear will kill the Night King.

我们会把一只熊装扮成我的样子，然后这只熊会干掉夜王。

You heard me freaking right, folks. We will capture a bear, shave off much of its hair and dress it up to look like a certain brooding King in the North (me, ha ha!). When the bad guys come to meet the bear and discuss terms of our surrender, they will tap on the bear's shoulder thinking it is my shoulder. Some of you have probably caught on to what comes next. The bear will turn around, revealing itself to be a bear, and it will kill the Night King. We don't even need Cersei!

你是不是觉得我疯了，兄逮？我们会抓一只熊，把它头上的毛剃掉，把它装扮得像一个沉思中的北境之王（就是我呀，哈哈哈！）。当那些坏蛋去跟熊会面，并讨论我们投降的条款，他们会拍拍熊的肩膀——他们会以为那是我的肩膀。有人可能会明白接下来发生的事情。这只熊会转过身来，暴露自己熊的身份，它会干掉夜王。我们连瑟曦都用不着了！



Image: Max knoblauch

Daenerys no! Please, please do not leave. I am a wreck of a man — I am ruined. The King in the North, reduced to rubble. There is no getting over this shame, a shame so great, so profound and all-encompassing, that it may honestly kill me. The bear plan is one of the dumbest things I have ever said, and there is no way you could be more disgusted with me than I already am with myself. I am scared, quite frankly, that I did not see the stupidity of this plan earlier and was so confident in it that I purchased and shaved over a dozen bears already. 

丹妮莉丝，别走！请千万不要走！我是会坏事，又搞砸了！北境之王，梦幻泡影。这个耻辱永远洗脱不掉啦！一个如此巨大、深刻且无所不包的耻辱！说不得我会因此死掉。熊计划是我说出来的最蠢的事之一，没有人比我更鄙视我自己。我好害怕，很坦白的说，一开始我并没发现这个计划的愚蠢之处，还对它很有信心，我都已经买了一打的熊来剃毛。

I beg of you, Khaleesi: let me win you back with one final plan.

求求你，卡丽熙：让我用最后一个计划把你来回了。

Plan 4

计划4

We make big bomb that look like kickball.

我们造一个像足球的大炸弹



Image: max knoblauch

Set me on fire with your biggest dragon Khaleesi, for I have no reason to live anymore. I have disgraced and tainted the legacy of every great northerner for a thousand generations or more. This kickball thing is the most imbecilic, brainless idea ever conceived, and I will never forgive myself. Good God, they don't even know what a kickball is, I bet. What was I THINKING?

卡丽熙，让你最大的龙把我烧了吧，我没有理由活下去了。历代的伟大北境人的荣耀已经被我玷污。这个足球计划是我构想出来的最愚笨、无脑的点子，我永远不会原谅我自己的。老天爷啊，我打赌他们连足球是啥都不知道。我都在想些啥啊？

I must go now. I will return north, to do that first stupid plan that we thought of before. The one where we capture the Wight and wheel him down to Cersei in, I guess, a big box. It is equally as bad as all of these plans that I have explained to you today, but it is my only option left.

我要走了，我要回去北方，去执行我们之前想出来的第一个愚蠢的计划。就是那个抓住白鬼然后运到瑟曦那里，恩，用个大箱子。这个计划跟我今天对你们解释的那些计划差不多一样的蠢，但我只剩下这个选项了。

I am so deeply, overwhelmingly mortified of what I have done.

我被我自己深深的打败了。

Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.

感谢阅读Mashable的幽默：原创喜剧，每天都有——或者几乎每天。我们跟你一样只是普通人，我们会尽量做到最好。



CDCD
This is the dumbest thing I've ever clicked on

这是我点击到的最蠢的东西。

Catherine
I kinda like the stick figure drawings...reminds me of a football playbook.

我有点喜欢那些简笔画，让我想起来一个足球的剧本。

Catherine
It's so dumb, it's kinda funny....

够蠢，有点搞笑。

Kathryn
I thought that at first too, but then I remembered that the guy who plays Jon seems like a complete idiot, so it's *kind of* fitting?

我一开始也觉得这篇文章很蠢，但之后我想起来扮演囧的那个人看起来完全是个蠢蛋，所以这篇文章还是有点中肯的？

This Guy
No one likes you Kathryn

没人像你那样想，Kathryn

zimvader
Welcome to yahoo. This piece should hold that title to a few hours, at best.

雅虎欢迎您。这篇文章最好能保留几个小时。

CommonSense
I hope that guy didn't get paid for this

我希望这篇文章一毛钱都赚不到。

Be Radd
Ok I have a better idea. Plan 1. We repeatedly hit the writer of this article upside the head, with an aluminum baseball bat. Plan2. See plan 1.

其实我有个更好的主意。计划1：我们用一根铝制的棒球棒，不停的敲这个作者的脑袋。计划2：见计划1.

I_Believe
This is the dumbest thing I've ever read.

这是我读过的最蠢的东西。

Graham
"Great article", is what I'd say if the author were a mentally disabled child

“很棒的文章”，我要说的是这个作者是不是个低能儿。

MSkills
I little bit of my soul died, because I read this article.

我的一部分灵魂死掉了，因为我读了这篇文章。

Sorley Boy
You know nothing Jon Snow.

你啥也不知道，囧雪诺。

Eric
This stopped being funny a long time ago fam

这个梗早就不搞笑了，火星人。

Jeff
....he's not trying to kidnap a white walker, but a wight. One is an ice abomination capable of shattering steel, the other is a dumb zombie.

……他想抓的不是白鬼，而是幽灵。前者是冰冻的憎恶，能够粉碎钢铁，后者只是哑巴僵尸。

Joe
Nice to know there's someone giving Hello Giggles and Popsugar some competition for the Internet Idiot award.

很高兴有人能跟Hello Giggles和Popsugar竞争网络蠢蛋奖。

sjhaller
Wile E Coyote tried that painted tunnel idea. It didn't work.

威利狼试过画隧道的点子，没用。

The King Of The Small Talk
Was this supposed to make someone laugh? The author need to be canned.

这篇文章是为了引人发笑吗？这个作者应该卷铺盖走人了。

Daniel
This isn't funny nor entertaining

既不搞笑也不有趣。

Hiller
Obviously written by a minor who shouldn't have been watching the series anyway

很显然作者未成年，犯罪没怎么看这个剧集。

Quispe
Don't slander Jon Snow like this. He may know nothing, but he couldn't write #$%$ this bad.

不要这么诽谤囧雪诺。他可能什么也不知道，但他不会写出这么垃圾的东西。

Zach
I wish I had two more hands to give this four thumbs down....

我希望我能多两只手，这样我就能竖四个中指了……