Quora:第一次在战场杀人是种什么体验？ [美国媒体]

How does it feel to kill someone for the first time during a war?

第一次在战场杀人是种什么体验？




Dan Rosenthal, OIF I/II vet, Infantry/RSTA. Many would; fewer could; I did.
Keep in mind that many veterans don't like to talk about things like this; for me, maybe it's a coping mechanism but I don't mind it. For me, it never felt like anything. It was a largely mechanical, defensive process, and it occurred in a very clear-cut scenario with no real question of "am I doing the right thing".

请你记住许多老兵并不喜欢这个问题，这种抵触也许是来自于一种心理防卫机制，但我并不在意这个问题。对我来说，第一次在战场杀人时什么感觉也没有。因为在很大程度上你是在进行下意识的自我防卫动作。而且你所在的环境十分明确---这是战场，没有什么对与错。

In Baghdad, 2003, a car drove by the front of our FOB, with several military aged men firing rifles from the back, while we were being hit by RPG fire from somewhere else. I had just finished watching an episode of Band of Brothers on the DVD player at the company TOC and was shuffling my way back to bed. One of the M240B machine guns engaged it from the roof and disabled the vehicle. I was in a fairly open, exposed spot at the moment so I took cover behind a wall, leaned out, sighted down my rifle and fired several rounds into the man aiming out of the rear passenger window. Can I say for certain it was my rounds that killed him? Probably not, as that whole vehicle was raked from front to back, but I'd say odds are highly probable that it was my shots.

在2003年的巴格达，当我刚刚用DVD看完几集兄弟连的电视剧，晃晃悠悠的准备回去睡觉时，突然我们的基地被不知道哪里来的RPG轰炸了，一辆汽车开到了我们的前线作战基地的前方，几个成年男子在车后面拿着步枪对我们扫射。我们的M240B机关枪此时正在屋顶和他们交火，并且把那辆车给打坏了。当时我在的位置不仅开阔，而且几乎暴露在了敌人面前。于是我马上躲在墙后面，探出身子，拿着我的步枪瞄准了那个在汽车后开门窗户后面的男人。我打了几轮枪，但我能确定就是我杀的他吗？也许不是，我们的机枪像是犁地一样把那辆车前后射了个遍，也许是机关枪杀死了他。但我敢肯定很大概率就是我把他杀死了。

How did it affect me? It didn't. I went to bed that night amped up from the adrenaline, but other than that I've never had nightmares about it, never spent time dwelling on it, etc. I've had my share of PTSD issues, but they were not related to this at all. Maybe that's weird and not the norm, maybe I was "desensitized by media violence" or whatever the buzzphrase is today, but I just think that I got all the mental and moral wrangling out of the way before it happened. And when the situation comes up, you revert to your training and act on instinct.

事后我感觉怎么样呢？没什么感觉。我当时躺在床上，一整晚都因为肾上腺激素而兴奋异常。但除此之外，我并没有做噩梦，也没有花时间细想这件事。我确实有创伤后应激障碍（PTSD），但压根儿跟这事儿没什么关系。也许我的这种感受古怪而又不正常，也许我已经被影视暴力弄得麻木了，也许因为什么其他的时髦名词。杀人之前我的道德与情感常常纠结不已，但事到临头时，我只是把那些训练中的东西下意识的用了出来而已。

Roland Bartetzko, former German Army Paratrooper, Croatian Defense Council, Kosovo Liberation Army
I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but at first the feeling is pretty uplifting.

我几乎羞于启齿，但一开始我感觉还是挺振奋的。

Imagine you are in a war: The enemy is trying to kill you all the time with every soldier and all its weapons.  You are scared to hell 24 hours a day and then comes the rare moment when you can unleash some hell for yourself.

想像你身在战场：你的敌人他们每个士兵每件武器都想要置你于死地。你一天24小时都被这种恐惧所包裹。终于有了这么一个短暂的时刻你可以将这些痛苦与恐惧发泄出来。

That feels great. Everybody who is telling you different is a liar.  Everyday that you've survived in a war is great, but to get a kill tops it all.

这种感觉好极了。如果有人说的不一样的话，他一定是在撒谎。在战场上求生的每一天都令人血脉贲张，但杀人是最令人兴奋的。

When I fought in Bosnia and in Kosovo I saw one problem: Most of the times when you are shooting at somebody you can't be sure if he's dead or just injured.  He even might be unharmed and has just gone down to the ground to take cover.

当我在科索沃和波斯尼亚战斗时，我发现了一个问题：大部分时候当你向某人开枪时，你并不确定他是死了还是受伤了。他甚至毫发无损，仅仅是躺在地上寻求掩护而已。

Then there are your comrades who shoot at the same guy.  How to know which bullet hit him?

更何况你的战友还和你一起射击同一个人，你怎么知道是谁的子弹击中了他呢？

Almost always there is a certain level of uncertainty.  But still, there are very rare moments when it's pretty sure that it was you who killed. You feel no remorse at these moments.

战场上这样的不确定性处处存在。但当然，也存在一些情况你很确定那个人就是你杀得，即便如此你也不会感受到什么自责。

The much bigger problem comes later.  No normal person likes to kill anybody.  War is an extraordinary situation where one does things which one would not approve of in normal circumstances.  When the war is over, sometimes months later, you start thinking about what you've done and your conscience kicks in.

但问题出在战后。没有哪个正常人喜欢杀人。只有在战场这种极端环境下人们才会做这些平日里自己都不赞同的事情。当战争结束，有时候是几个月之后，你才会开始反思自己的所作所为，你的良心会开始谴责自己。

I think that most soldiers who killed feel some sort of regret and would do a lot if they could somehow "undo" their killings. But these regrets come long after the action.

我认为大部分的士兵杀人后都会或多或少的感受到悔意。而且他们都会尽己所能的做一些事情来补救自己的所作所为。但这些悔意往往在很久之后才会浮上心头。

Hendrik Ehlers, 25 years as a civilian EOD in Southafrican war zones
I did not kill people directly, but some people died because I gave them tasks. They were tasks that I would have done anytime, take out landmines, defuse bombs, clear and blast arms caches. But you cannot do it all alone, you need your team. So, some of my team members have died because I sent them to do tasks. It haunts me. Every day, every night.

我并没有直接的杀过人，但我的一些伙伴却因为执行我的任务而死。这些任务随时会有，像是扫雷，拆炸弹，清扫武装据点。但你不可能一个人去完成所有的任务，有时你需要你的队友帮忙。所以，我的有些队员就是因为我派他们执行任务而死了。这些事情日日夜夜的萦绕在我的脑海，挥之不去。

Jeff Carlisle-Tierno, Eight years of military service, OEF and OIF vet
At the moment, I was feeling pretty hopped up. “Heyyyyyy… I did this!”. I mean, you spend so much time training for it, now you finally get to do it. It's not so much about the killing - in regards at least to the regular soldiers, the guy on the receiving end is just doing his duty - it's about testing your mettle and coming out ahead. It's about answering unknowns… “Can I do it?”. Well, now you know you can.

在那个时刻，我感觉挺爽的。“欧耶，我终于做到了！”我的意思是，你花了这么多的时间去为此而训练，现在你终于看到了成果。这和杀人倒没太多关系---至少对于那些普通士兵来讲，他们只是在完成上级的任务--这只是因为证明了自己的勇气和优秀。这只是因为你终于知道了一个问题的答案---“你能做到吗？”。现在你知道你可以做到了。

Does the perspective change in hindsight? Sure. If I had to do it again, would I? Absolutely. As I’be said before, with regulars, I don't necessarily feel regret - it was gonna be one of us who didn't come out ahead, after all - but I do wish it hadn't had to turn out the way it did.

那么事后我的感受改变了吗？当然。但是如果让我重新在当时做出选择，我还会这样做吗？当然会。就像我之前所说的，我不用非得为此后悔---毕竟当两人持枪对射，总有一人会倒在枪底。但我仍希望事情不会发展到这样无可选择的地步。