你开过的最好笑的车？（滴滴~） [美国媒体]

What's your best sexual joke?

你开过的最好笑的车？（滴滴~）

FBI Warning！未满16岁禁止入内！
--PS: 有些谐音、同义梗要看英文的内容

[–]Rickst75 
2 nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. One says to the other, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint on them. So both nuns are painting the room in the nude when they hear a knock on the door. Flustered, one says "Who is it?" followed by a man's voice saying "Blind man". Figuring the man wouldn't see anything they open the door. The man walks in and says "Nice tits ladies. Now where do you want me to install these blinds?"

笑话1：在炎热的夏日，2位修女正在教区给办公室刷漆。其中一个修女对另一个说，我们应该脱掉我们的长袍，以免沾上油漆。然后两位修女就赤裸着身体刷漆，突然听到敲门声，一个修女慌张地问“是谁？”。一个男人的声音回答说“盲人”。意识到这个男人不会看到她们的身体，她们就打开了门。然后那个男人走进去说“不错的咪咪，女士们，现在告诉我你们想让我把这些百叶窗装在哪里？”（译注：多义词，blind, 盲人，blinds, 百叶窗）

[–]therealCatnuts 
Demonstrating wrestling moves:
1) stand behind somebody and put you arm under theirs then your hand on the back of their head. Tell them this is a Half Nelson move.
2) now do same for other arm/hand. You now have them in a Full Nelson.
3) now hump their ass furiously and inform them this is a Father Nelson.

笑话2：展示摔跤动作：
1）站在某人后面，一条胳膊放在他们的手臂下，然后将手放在他们的头后部。 告诉他们这是半纳尔逊动作。
2）现在另一条胳膊/手做同样的事情，现在就是一个全纳尔逊动作（双肩下握颈）。
3）现在疯狂地输出他们的屁股，告诉他们这是神父纳尔逊动作。



[–]SRSLikesMe 
Then you might like this one. (non-native speaker trying to transcribe a joke I heard in Czech, excuse imperfections, please) There's a new priest in the parish and he's slowly getting acquainted with the ways of the old one to keep the people happy. The old priest left behind a helpful book of transgressions before leaving, in which he detailed the exact repentance needed for given sins.One day, a woman comes to confess.
"Father, I have sinned. I stole a piece of bread from the bakery." The priest opens the book of transgressions and looks up "stealing, minor". "Say three Lord's Prayers and a Hail Mary and you shall be forgiven". He has a little chat with her, she assures him that she'll try never to do it again and leaves satisfied. 
The next day, a man comes to confess. "Father, I have sinned. I cheated on my wife with a stranger." The priest consults the book of transgressions again. "Say five Lord's Prayers and three Hail Maries and you shall be forgiven". He has a little chat with him, he assures him that he'll try never to do it again and leaves satisfied. 
The next day, another woman comes. "Father, I have sinned. I gave a blowjob to a guy at a party." The priest opens the book of transgressions, but no matter how hard he tries, he can't find that particular sin in there. He briefly contemplates his options and decides to excuse himself for a moment from the confession booth and ask the altar boy, who had served under the old priest. "Listen, do you know how much the old priest was giving for a blowjob?" "Don't know about the others, but he used to give me a fiver."

笑话3：那你可能会喜欢这个笑话。（这是一个非母语人士试图转述在捷克听到的笑话，不完整之处请见谅）教区里有一位新牧师，他正逐渐熟悉老牧师保持人民幸福的方法。这位老牧师在离开之前留下了一本有用的越轨判定忏悔书，其中详细描述了给定罪行所需的确切忏悔。有一天，一个女人来忏悔。“神父，我犯了罪。我从面包店偷了一块面包”，牧师打开越轨判定忏悔书，从里面找到了“偷窃，轻微罪”，于是他说“对主耶稣祷告三次，对圣母玛利亚祷告一次，你将被宽恕”。他和她聊了一会儿，她向他保证，她会试着不再这样做了。第二天，一个男人来忏悔。“神父，我犯了罪。我和一个陌生人出轨了。”牧师再次查阅忏悔书。“对主耶稣祷告五次，对圣母玛利亚祷告三次，你将被宽恕”。他和他聊了一会儿，他向他保证，他会试着不再这样做了。第三天，另一个女人来了。“神父，我犯了罪。我在派对上给一个人口交了。” 牧师打开了违法书，但不管他多么努力地找，他都找不到那个特别的罪。他简单地思考了一会，决定找借口离开忏悔间一会儿，然后去问那位曾在老祭司手下做事的祭祀男孩。“听着，你知道老牧师为口交定多少罪 (给多少钱)吗？”，“不知道其他人，但他曾经有一次给了我五英镑。”

[–]MLJpro_[S] 
So many jokes about nuns

关于修女的笑话真多

[–]grymalken 
Nuns have more fun. Also more puns.

因为她们有很多乐趣，也有更多的双关语。

[–]readersanon 
One of my customers told me this one last week.

我的一个客户上周才给我讲了这个笑话。

[–]trueanurag 
Fuckin hilarious. However many times I read this.

他妈的真好笑。虽然我看到好多次了。

[–]AFluffyOverlord 
Why are they nuns?

为什么是修女呢？

[–]Rickst75 
No clue. My buddy learned it in Catholic School.

没什么原因，我的朋友在天主教学校听到的。

[–]rossdamanz 
I always heard it as a woman was taking a shower and hears the knock, and so on.

我听到的版本是一个女人在洗澡然后听到敲门声...等等

[–]ITSBLOODYGORDON 
I find it more amusing with the punchline

有双关语的笑话都很好笑。

[–]Verryfastdoggo 12.4k赞
A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says: Hot dog $2 Cheese burger $5 Hand job $10. He asks the waitress, "Miss are you the one who gives the hanjobs?" She winks and replies, "why yes I am". He says, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger".

笑话4：一个男人走进酒吧，旁边坐下来一个丰满的金发女服务员给他倒了一杯酒，问他是否想要一些吃的。他抬头看着酒吧上方的菜单，上面写着：热狗2美元，芝士汉堡5美元，打灰机10美元。他问女服务员，“小姐，你是那个给人打灰机的人吗？” 她眨眨眼睛，回答说：“还用问，就是我啊”。 他说，“好吧，你先洗洗手，我要一份芝士汉堡”。

[–]hellafyno 
Goddamn I love this stupid ass joke.

该死的，我喜欢这个愚蠢的笑话。

[–]pharmacon 
I'd say it's more of a food joke.

我会说这更像是一个美食笑话。

[–]Phoenixmaster1571 
its not that stupid, either

它也不是那么愚蠢

[–]peevacorn 
How's this funny

这个好笑吗？

[–]pianvarz 
Because $2 burgers are better than handjobs

因为2美元的汉堡比打灰机来得更好。

[–]cannibalcats 941
There was once a beautiful mermaid.She was sitting on a rock out in the shallows, a Welshman, Scotsman and Irishman were on the seaside and all spotted her. Intrigued, The Welshman shouts over, 'have you ever been kissed?' she replies no, so he goes over and kisses her. Next, the Scotsman shouts over, 'have you ever been fondled?' again she replies 'no', so he heads out and fondles her. Finally, the Irish man shouts over, 'have you ever been fucked?' Again she calls over 'no'. So the Irish man shouts over, 'well you are now, the tides gone out'.

笑话5：曾经有一个漂亮的美人鱼，正坐在浅滩里的一块岩石上。刚好有一个威尔士人，苏格兰人和爱尔兰人在海边，都发现了她，并对她感到很好奇，威尔士人向她喊道，“你有被人吻过吗？” 她回答：“没有”，然后威尔士人过去吻了她。接下来，苏格兰人喊道，“你有被人爱抚过吗？” 她再次回答：'没有'，然后苏格兰人走过去抚摸了她。最后，那位爱尔兰男子大声喊道，“你有被人操过（骗过）吗？” 她叫着说：'没有！'，然后这位爱尔兰人大声喊着说：“那你现在被骗了，潮水已经消失了”。（译注：fucked, 有受骗的意思）

[–]FiiSKiiS 
I love that one. This is my favorite variation:
A guy is walking a path around a pond when he sees a young woman with no arms and no legs sitting near the water crying. He asks her what's wrong and she, sniffling, says, "I've... I've never been hugged before."
The man, feeling sorry for her gives her the most gentle, all-encompassing hug he can muster. She seems to perk up some, but then starts crying harder than before.
The man says, "Oh dear, what's wrong now?" and she replies, "Well, I've... I've never been kissed, either...."
So he places his hands gently on her face and kisses her deeply, and passionately. Again, she perks up, but almost immediately after after bursts into tears again.
"My dear, sweet girl, what's a matter now?" the man asks, with all the gentleness he has.
"Well... I've.... I've never been... You know.... Fucked before, either..." she says, blushing.
The man looks around and sees the area they're at is utterly secluded. He smiles and places his hands on her waist, looks longingly into her eyes, smiles and promptly picks her up and launches her into the pond.
"WELL YOU'RE RIGHT FUCKED NOW!"

我喜欢这个笑话。下面这个是我最喜欢的另一个版本：
一个男人正走在池塘周围的小路上，他看到一个没有胳膊，没有腿坐在水边哭泣的年轻女子，于是问她出了什么事情，她抽着鼻子说，“我...我从来没有被人拥抱过。” 那个男人为她感到很难过，给了她最温柔，无所不包的拥抱。她似乎振作起来，但过了会儿比之前哭得更厉害了。男人说：“亲爱的，现在又怎么了呢？”她回答说：“我，我......我从来没有被人亲吻过......” 于是，他将双手轻轻地放在脸上，深深地，热情地吻了她。再一次，她振作起来，但几乎立刻再次泪流满面。“我亲爱的，可爱的女孩，现在又有什么问题了？”那个男人带着他所有的温柔问道。“嗯......我......我也从来没有......你知道的......被操过......”她脸红地说。那个男人环顾四周，看到他们所处的区域是完全隐蔽的。他微笑着将双手放在腰间，望着她的眼睛，微笑着，迅速将她抱起来，将她送入池塘。“好吧，现在你被骗了！”

[–]i_sigh_less 
He was wrong. With no arms and legs, half her volume was lungs. She floated as easily as a cork.

他错了。没有胳膊和腿，这个女人身体体积的一半是肺部，她会像软木塞一样很容易漂浮在水里。

[–]tracielamey
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

笑话6：一对年轻的新婚夫妇想加入一个教会。牧师告诉他们，“我们对新教友有特殊要求。你们必须放弃两周的性生活。” 这对夫妇同意了并在两周结束时再来。牧师问他们，“好吧，你们这两个星期有没有性生活？” “牧师，我恐怕得说这两周我们不能做到没有性生活，”年轻人回答道。“发生了什么呢？” 牧师询问。 “我的妻子从顶层架子上拿一罐玉米然后把它扔下来。当她弯腰捡起它时，我被欲望蒙蔽了双眼，就在那里占有了她。” “你得了解，这当然就意味着你们不会受到我们教会的欢迎，”牧师说。 “那没关系，”年轻人说， “现在杂货店也不欢迎我们了。”

[–]hotbox4u 5223赞
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-hunting went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

笑话7：全国诗歌大赛决赛上两位选手非别是一个耶鲁大学毕业生和一个怀俄明州的乡下人。 大赛给了他们一个词，允许他们用两分钟时间研究这个词，然后写出一首含有这个词的诗。给他们的词是Timbuktu“廷巴克图”。首先朗读他的诗的是耶鲁大学毕业生。 他走向麦克风说：
慢慢地穿过沙漠
大篷车孤独跋涉
骑着骆驼，两个一组
目的地是---廷巴克图
观众们都疯了！他们认为那个乡下人是无法做到这一点的。而乡下人平静地走向麦克风并朗诵：
我和提姆一道去打猎，
偶遇一个帐篷，三个妓女。
她们有三人而我们只有两人，
所以我玩了一个，提姆玩了俩。
（译注：Timbuktu = Tim buck two,谐音梗，诗译得不好，看不出意思了）

[–]GeraltofCanada
I really like this one hahaha

我真喜欢这个，哈哈哈。

[–]RoseSpade
That's basically my trick to win any contest in high school. You don't have to be the best if you're just different enough for them not to be able to compare you with anyone else.

这基本上就是我在高中赢得任何比赛的诀窍。你不必做那个最好的，而你只需要与其他任何人都足够不一样就够了，他们都不足以和你相比了。

[–]Dantes111 
Not sure that would have worked at the math competitions, but I think it's clever nonetheless.

不确定那是否会在数学竞赛中奏效，但我认为这个策略很聪明。

[–]CorrectGrammarPls
So... who won?

所以...谁赢了比赛呢？

[–]rabambuli
Holyyy that last line was just glorious! I had to keep my composure really hard on the bus.

我的天，最后一行太棒了！我在公共汽车上，差点没保持住镇静。

[–]edstamos
So did Tim

提姆也差点没保持住镇静。

[–]michaelochurch
The mic drops itself at that point.

麦克风在那一刻自动下降。

[–]Noyes654
Rhyming the same word, Yale wins.

单押同一个词，我站耶鲁。

[–]BlueFalconPunch 9226 赞
A family is at the zoo and they get to the elephants when the daughter notices something odd so she looks at her mom and says "Mom what's that thing hang down from the elephant?" She answers "That's his trunk" "no in the back" " thats his tail" "No underneath" The mother blushes and says "Oh that's nothing" The daughter is confused so she asks her dad. "Dad what's that thing hanging down under the elephant?" "Oh that's his penis" "Why when I asked Mommy did she say it was nothing?"
"Oh, she's just spoiled"

笑话8：一家人去动物园玩，他们去看大象时，女儿注意到了奇怪的东西，她看着她妈妈说：“妈妈，大象那里垂下来的是什么东西？” 妈妈回答“那是他的象鼻”，“不，后面的” “那是他的尾巴” “不，下面的” 母亲脸红并说“哦，那什么也不是” 女儿很困惑所以她问她爸爸 “爸爸在大象下面挂着什么东西？” “哦，那是他的鸡鸡” “为什么当我问妈妈时，她说那什么也不是（不算什么）呢？” “哦，她只是被（我的大JJ）宠坏了”

[–]intensehitch 1111赞
Oh wow daddy is cocky.....

哇哦，爸爸好狂妄自大哦...

[–]BlueFalconPunch 492 赞
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day

裤裆里有大货的男人，整天都会这么自信

[–]Sir_Cunt99 
I don't get it :(

我没看懂 :(

[–]RancidLemons
Dad's dick is bigger than the elephant's dick.

爸爸的JJ 比大象的大。

[–]Sir_Cunt99 18 
How could I be so dense

...我怎么这么笨

[–]oheyson 14
Lmao you took this a lot harder then I thought anyone would.

哈哈哈，你比我想的任何人都要迟钝。

[–]DoomsdayRabbit
Not as hard as the mom.

没有那个妈妈迟钝。

[–]RancidLemons 
Eh, there's nothing stupid about not getting a joke :)

额，没有什么比get不到笑话的点更笨的了:)

[–]SlimNotSoShady 151 
Holy crap I love these Confucius Say jokes...Confucius say, "Good to meet girl in park, but better to park meat in girl."

我天，讲真，我超喜欢这些“子曰”之类的笑话...子曰：公园见女，佳，融身入女，甚。（译注：park:公园、也有停泊的意思，meet/meat 谐音）

[–]BlueFalconPunch
Confucius say "He who go to bed with itchy rear wake with smelly finger"

子曰：睡前尻痒，醒来手臭

[–]chessnbreasts
I got an elephant joke~
A man goes to the Doctor because his asshole hurts. When he shows the doctor, the doctor is taken by surprise. 'Your asshole is stretched 3 feet wide! What did you do?' 'Well,' says the man, 'I was on a safari trip in Africa, When all of a sudden an elephant rapes me!' 'That doesnt make much sense,' said the doctor,' an elephant's penis isn't 3 feet wide' The man blushes and says shyly, 'He fingered me first'

笑话8：我有一个关于大象的笑话〜一个男人去看医生，因为他的屁眼疼。当他向医生展示时，医生感到惊讶，'你的屁眼被拉伸了3英尺宽（约90cm）！你做了什么？' “好吧，”那个男人说，“我在非洲进行一次野外旅行时，突然一只大象强奸了我！” “这解释不通啊，”医生说，“大象的鸡鸡没有3英尺那么宽”。男人脸红，害羞地说，'它先用的手'

[–]dongholio 
Thank you. I'm trying to stifle my laughter at work now.

谢谢你，我现在正试图停止在工作时发出的笑声。

[–]sniperman357 
Are elephant penises actually large? Lots of large animals have small penises

大象的JJ实际上大不大？很多体型大的动物JJ很小的。

[–]BlueFalconPunch
I have no idea, id just assume that they are bigger than a babys arm.

我不太清楚，我觉得比婴儿手臂要大吧。

[–]whisperingsage 
Animals that are unable to mount have larger penises. Elephants and whales are two examples.

无法爬上雌性动物的背部交配的动物有较大的JJ，大象和鲸鱼就是两个例子。

[–]fac1987 2968赞
Guy sitting at a bar, his friend comes up to him and asks 'why are you looking so down?'
'Well, you know that woman at my office that I get an erection over even just thinking about, I finally got the courage to ask her out'
'That's awesome, what happened?'
'Before the date, I was nervous about getting a hard on in front of her so I taped my penis to my leg so even if I got a boner, she wouldn't see it'
'Good thinking, what happened next?'
'I knocked on her door and she looks absolutely amazing'
'Niiiice. And?'
'I kicked her in the face'

笑话9：盖伊坐在酒吧里，他的朋友走近他，问道'你情绪为什么这么低落？
“嗯，你知道我办公室的那个女人吧，即使只是想着她我也能勃起，我终于鼓起勇气邀请她出去玩了”
“那太棒了，发生了什么事？”
“在约会之前，我很紧张，害怕在她面前勃起，所以我用带子把我的JJ绑在腿上，这样的话即使我勃起了，她也不会看到”
“想法很好，接下来发生了什么？”
“我敲开她的门，她看起来非常迷人'
“很棒，然后呢？'
“我踢到她的脸了”

[–]KingOfKingsKevin 
Plz explain for the dumb idiot who can't understand(ps : not me, my friend )

请为那些看不懂的笨蛋解释一下（不是我，我的朋友）

[–]scoobydoom2 
The erection he got was so strong it moved his leg up because the tape held.

他的勃起很强烈，而因为带子的固定，他的腿被抬起来了。

[–]VerbalKant 21
Laughed the hardest at this one. Omg...

这个我笑得最凶，哈哈哈...

[–]shorth
Shoulda taped it to his stomach. Rookie mistake.

他应该把JJ绑在肚子上的，菜鸟才犯的错误啊。

[–]shdwtrev 4396 赞
My girlfriend thought I'd be a pushover in bed, and wouldn't you know it, she had me pegged from the start.

笑话10：我女朋友觉得我在床上不会拒绝任何事，你猜怎么着，然后一开始的时候，她就用假JJ艹了我。。。

[–]HourlongOnomatomania 
Brought a tear to my eye.

笑出一滴眼泪

[–]tshirtcatbox 
Winner

这个赢了

[–]InjunSteveO 
Why can't miss piggy count to 70? Every time she gets to 69 ahe gets a frog in her throat

笑话11：为什么佩吉小姐数不到70呢？因为每次69时她的嗓子都被堵住了。

[–]Saxon2060 783
There are two old ladies at the shops and one says, "did you come on the bus?"
"Yeah, but I made it sound like an asthma attack."

笑话12：在商店里有2个老太太在说话，一个说，“你在公交车上高潮了？” “是的，但是我把它装得像是哮喘病发作一样。”

[–]heinzbumbeans 4574赞
A man is in a lift (elevator) with a beautiful woman. he looks her up and down, leans forward and says to her "Excuse me, but can I smell your pussy?"
"Certainly not!" she replys.
"It must be your feet then." says the man.

笑话13：一个男人和一个漂亮的女人在电梯里。 他上上下下地仔细看着她，向前倾身向她说：“对不起，我能闻（到）你的阴部吗？” “当然不能！” 她回答。 “那这个味道一定是你的脚了。” 那个男人说。

[–]RedheadAgatha 3391
'Waiter, why does my cup of tea smell like unwashed dicks?'
'Try holding with the other hand, Ma'am.'

“服务员，为什么我这杯茶闻起来像是没洗过的JJ?”
“女士，请试试用另一只手端这杯茶”

[–]LewDog1991 1153 
Husband says to his wife. ‘Why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?’ She replies ‘I don’t like calling you when you’re at work’

笑话14：丈夫对妻子说：你高潮的时候怎么不告诉我呢？她回答说：我不想在你工作的时候打电话给你。

[–]UltimateSlayer3001 4
This has like, 3 funny meanings to it.

这个好像有3层意思

[–]Bumbling-failure 
I can only think of masturbation and infidelity.

我只能想到自慰和出轨

[–]JustinWendell 
Yeah, what’s the third? That it’s a lot of work to make her cum?

是的，第三个是什么？是不是让她高潮要做很多工作？

[–]Sir_Clyph 
The third is that the husband doesn't get her there.

第三是那个丈夫没有让她高潮过。

[–]downvote_allmy_posts 
a 9 year old girl came up to her mother and said "whats sex?" the mother sat her down and gave "the talk". after explaining she asked her daughter why she asked? and the daughter said "I told dad dinner was ready and he said he would be down in a few secs"

笑话15：一个9岁的女孩走到她妈妈面前说：“什么是做爱？”母亲让她坐下，做了一次“谈话”。解释后，她问女儿为什么问？女儿说：“我告诉爸爸晚餐准备好了，他说他会在几秒之内下来。”（译注：the talk:是指 the birds and the bees，鸟儿和蜜蜂的故事，西方的性教育，这里的梗是secs, 是seconds的简称，音同sex）

[–]zephead345  
I was expecting something seriously more fucked up with the punchline here

我在期待一些跟双关语更有趣的东西。

[–]Shamoneyo 
Who gives the talk at 9 years old what the fuck

谁会给9岁的女孩性教育，什么鬼？

[–]Gornarok 
There is tv ad like this: Moms cooking and her small daughter asks what virgin means. So mum tries to explain. Daughter syllabify: virgin oil.

有这样的电视广告：妈妈在做饭，她的小女儿问什么是“Virgin”，然后妈妈试图解释“处女”，女儿其实要问的是：初榨橄榄油。

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_BOO_URNS
"Dad, is light food?"
"No honey, why do you ask?"
"Last night I heard you telling Mom 'turn off the light, you're going to eat it raw'"

笑话16：“爸爸，灯是食物吗？” “不是，亲爱的，你为什么这么问？” “昨晚我听到你告诉妈妈'把灯关上，你要生吃了它'”

[–]TheOboeMan 1 指标 2 月前 
This actually happened to me. So, urine is clear when you're well-hydrated, right? Well, with a white toilet underneath, clear urine looks white.So, around 11 years old, I noticed that sometimes, "my pee is white." I ask my mother why this is.She gives me a talk on wet dreams. I have never, before or sense, had a wet dream, and I was very confused as to how the explanation she gave could be the cause of the phenomenon. I decided not to ask again to save her from embarrassment. It wasn't until highschool when I saw a poster in the gym about good hydration that I realized the real answer.
Moral of the story: ask you kids what they mean when they "ask a sex question." You're an adult. Your mind is perpetually in the gutter. Theirs isn't.

这个事情实际上在我身上发生过。当你的身体保持充足的水分时尿液是清澈的，对吧？然后加上一个白色的马桶，清澈的尿液看起来是白色的。所以，大约11岁时，我注意到有时候，“我的小便是白色的。” 我问我妈妈为什么会这样。她给我讲了关于梦遗的事。 我在此之前从来没有或感觉到梦遗，所以我对她所给出的解释如何成为这一现象的原因感到非常困惑。 我决定不再问她以让她免于尴尬。 直到高中时我才在健身房看到一张关于水合作用的海报，我才意识到真正的答案。故事的寓意：先问问你的孩子当他们问“性问题”时他们是什么意思，因为你是成年人，你的思想永远是下流的，而他们的不是。

[–]RandomGuyWithStick 
A little boy and his father are walking down the street, and they see two dogs having sex.The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"The father says, "Making a puppy."So they walk on and go home.A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"The father replies, "Making a baby."The little boy says, "Can you turn mommy over? I'd rather have a puppy."

笑话17：一个小男孩和他的父亲走在街上，他们看到两只狗在交配。小男孩问他的父亲，“爸爸，它们在做什么？” 父亲说：“造小狗。”然后他们继续走回家。几天后，小男孩走进房间时正好他的父母在做爱。 小男孩说：“爸爸，你们在干嘛？”父亲回答说：“造小孩。”小男孩说：“可以把妈妈翻过来吗？我更想要一只小狗。”

[–]Jiggerson 
I don't know why I laughed so hard at this

我不知道为什么对这个笑话笑得这么狠。

[–]atriptopussyland 
A boy is sitting with his grandfather on a bench when he spots two dogs having sex. He asks,” What are those dogs doing, Grandpa?” The grandfather replies, “Well you see, the one at the back has bad paws and the one at the front is giving him a ride home” The boy sits and thinks a while before saying, “It just shows... You try and help someone out and you end up getting fucked!”

一个男孩和他的爷爷坐在长凳上，他发现两只狗在交配时。他问道，“爷爷，那些狗在做什么？”爷爷回答道，“嗯，你看，后面的那只狗爪子受伤了，前面的那个正背着它回家。”男孩坐下来想了一会儿 说，“这表明...当你试着帮助别人时，你最终会被别人艹了！”

[–]HighSlayerRalton 
I expected the boy to try making puppies with a dog.

我还以为那个男孩会去试着跟一只狗造小狗呢。

[–]Yellowpickle23 
2 sperm are swimming around inside the woman. The first one is exhausted. Almost out of breath it asks "how much farther until we get to the uterus?" The second one breaks into laughter. It replies "The uterus? We haven't even left the esophagus yet"

笑话18：2个精子在女人体内游来游去。第一个筋疲力竭，几乎没有气息了，它问“在我们到达子宫之前还要走多远？”第二个爆发出笑声，它回答“子宫？我们还没有离开食道呢”

[–]Rek07 
The version I heard a few decades ago ended with "I don't know, but we just passed the tonsils"

我听过的几十年前的版本的结尾是“我不知道，但是我们刚刚通过扁桃体”。

[–]Scarletfapper 
The other version I've heard is "How should I know? I can't see anything in this shit"

我听到的另外的版本是“我怎么知道，在便便里我看不到任何东西”

[–]andreluca100 
A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom, the man has no issues but the woman can't reach an orgasm, she tells her husband it is because she gets too warm. After going to see a specialist, he recommended that they have a constant supply of cool air in the bedroom, so the man asks his best friend to waft a towel while him and his wife make love. Begrudgingly, he submits and says yes. After 20 minutes of love making, the woman is no closer to orgasm while the man is nearly finished and wants to hold out, so the friend wafting the towel recommends that they switch places until he is ready to do more. So the friend is now having sex with the woman while the man wafts the towel. After 2 minutes the woman starts to tremble and lets out an incredible cry as she reaches the most intense orgasm she has ever had. The man looks at his friend, and proudly proclaims "now that, my friend, is how you waft a fucking towel."

笑话19：丈夫和妻子在床上遇到了问题，男人没有问题，但女人无法达到性高潮，她告诉丈夫这是因为她觉得太热了。 在去看专科医生之后，医生建议他们在卧室里制造冷空气，所以男人让他最好的朋友在他和他的妻子做爱的时候挥舞一条湿毛巾。朋友不情愿地同意了。经过20分钟的做爱后，这位女士都没有接近高潮，而男人几乎已经快完事了并想要射了，所以那个挥舞毛巾的朋友建议他们换个位置，等他准备再继续。所以这位朋友现在正在和女人做爱，而男人却在挥舞着毛巾。 2分钟后，女人开始颤抖，发出令人难以置信的哭声，因为她达到了她从没有过的最激烈的高潮。男人看着他的朋友，并自豪地宣称：“现在，我的朋友，你他妈的该学学怎么挥舞毛巾了“。

[–]xinxy 
This joke was hilarious but it's gotta be old... Like it only works in a time before the widespread use of electricity and/or electrical fans.Gotta remember it though because I really liked it.

这个笑话很搞笑，但它已经很老了......它只适用于电力和电风扇广泛使用之前的一段时间. 但我记住了它，因为真的很喜欢它。

[–]Ask_me_4_a_story 
Maybe they live in South Korea

也许他们住在韩国

[–]Rpgwaiter 
Are fans not common in South Korea?

电风扇在韩国不普遍吗？

[-] EDDIT_IS_CUCKED 
South Koreans believe fans take all the air away during the night and you'll suffocate if you leave a fan on. No joke.

韩国人相信风扇会在夜间将所有空气带走，如果你打开风扇睡觉，你会窒息而死。没开玩笑。

[–]youlikekarl 
So a couple gets married. On their wedding night the wife asks what a penis is. The husband, surprised, pulls his out. She says, “oh it’s like a dick but smaller.”

笑话20：一对夫妇结婚了。在他们的新婚之夜，妻子问丈夫阴茎是什么，丈夫很吃惊，把自己的家伙掏出来，妻子道：哦，看起来像个JB但是更小一点。

[–]y2k2r2d2 
So, the wife replies ,"I was worried what it was , turns out it's exactly the same as the one I have"

然后妻子回答说：“我还以为是什么呢，原来我也有一模一样的”

[–]Nulono 
A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole. She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."

笑话21：男孩给一个女孩10美元让她去爬一个旗杆，女孩同意了并爬上了旗杆。当她回到家时，她告诉她妈妈这件事。她妈妈说：“亲爱的，他只是想看看你的内裤。” 第二天，同一个男孩站在旗杆旁边说：“如果你再爬一次旗杆，我会给你20美元。” 她再次同意并爬了上去。 她回家告诉她的母亲“妈妈，那个男孩又让我爬旗杆，但这次我让他扑空了，因为我没有穿内裤。”

[–]HWatch09 
She'll get $50 the next day.

下一天，她会得到50美元。

[–]ZeMarxs 
"Climb this flagpole"

“这次来爬这个旗杆”

[–]chiefcreamy 
a version i heard was:a girl is climbing up a tree without any underwear, an old man sees and calls her down and gives her 10$, tells the girl to buy underwear.Happy, the girl goes home and tells her mother, “Mom, the old man next door gave me 10$ to buy underwear”The next day, the mother thinks that she can get more money herself and climbs up the tree without underwear.The old man sees this as well and calls her down, the mother; excitedly asks, “are you going to give me money to buy underwear as well?”Old man replies “Here’s 5$, buy a razor.”

我听到的一个版本是：一个没穿内裤的女孩爬上一棵树，一个老人看到后叫她过来并给了她10美元，告诉女孩去买条内裤穿上。女孩高兴地回到家，告诉了她的母亲，“ 妈妈，隔壁的老人给了我10美元让我去买内裤“ 第二天，母亲认为她自己也可以通过这样赚更多的钱，然后也不穿内裤爬上树。老人也看到了这个，并叫她下来， 母亲; 兴奋地问道，“你打算给我钱买内裤吗？”老人回答说：“这是5美元，去买一把剃刀。”

[–]Frenchi115 
When King Arthur went on the crusades he left behind his most trusted knights of the round table to watch over his beautiful queen Guenivere. Her beauty was such that no man in the land could withstand it. Knowing this, wise King Arthur affixed her with a chastity belt, which on the outside had many spikes and snags to disuade any competitors. When he returned from the crusades he called a meeting of his knights, and demanded they all drop their trousers to see who had been unfaithful and had attempted to lay with Guenivere. All the men except Good Sir Lancelot had scars and cuts on their thighs and genitals, showing that they had been unfaithful to King Arthur. Arthur said: "Lancelot my friend, wisest, noblest and kindest of all my Knights, how did you resist the beauty of Guinevere?" Lancelot responded: "ifluvllvl fvlvuusshh fahfahlavulah" This joke is best when told in public and incredibly overperformed with storytelling and accents and such, as my uncle did when he told it to 14 year old me at a fine dining restaurant

笑话22：当亚瑟王继续参加十字军东征时，他留下了他最信任的圆桌骑士来看着他美丽的女王吉尼维尔，因为她的美貌使得这片土地上没有人能够禁得住诱惑。亚瑟王很清楚这一点，聪明的他在她身上贴了一条贞操带，外面有很多尖刺和障碍来劝阻任何对手。当他从十字军东征回来时，他召集了他的骑士团，并要求他们全部脱下裤子，看看谁对他不忠，曾经试图与吉尼维尔睡在一起。除了兰斯洛特爵士之外，所有的男人他们的大腿和生殖器上都留下了伤疤和伤口，这表明他们对亚瑟王不忠。亚瑟说：“兰斯洛特，我的朋友，我所有骑士中最聪明，最高贵，最善良的人，你是如何抵抗吉尼维尔的美丽的？”兰斯洛特回应：“呜呜啊啊噗噗” 。。。这个笑话最好是在公开场合讲，并且讲故事时带着表演和口音效果会更好，正如我的叔叔在我14岁的时候在一家高级餐厅时讲给我听的那样。

[–]Shikatanai
A well tanned guy realises his tockley is the only part that isn't tanned, so he goes to the beach and buries himself in the sand leaving only his tockley exposed, and his head hidden in the bushes.
Two old ladies walk past and see the guy's member sticking out of the sand. One lady says to the other:When I was in my twenties those would hunt me, When I was in my thirties they would chase meWhen I was in my forties I had to ask for one, When I was in my fifties I had to beg for one, When I was in my sixties I forgot all about them,Now I'm in my seventies, they're growing wild and I'm too fucking old to squat.

笑话23：一个美黑的家伙意识到他的JJ是唯一没有晒黑的部分，所以他去了海滩，把自己埋在沙子里，只留下他的JJ露在外面，而他的头隐藏在灌木丛中。两位老太太经过，看到那个家伙的JJ从沙子里伸出来。一位女士对另一位说：二十几岁的时候，那些东西会疯狂追捕我，三十多岁时，他们还是会追着我，四十多岁时，我不得不主动要，五十多岁时，我不得不向乞求它们给我。六十多岁时，我都忘记了它们，现在我七十多岁了，它们都已经开始长在野外了吗，但我太老了，蹲不下去了。

[–]Yopipimps 
remember my sister telling this to me back on grade school. A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

笑话24：还记得我的姐姐在小学时给我讲的笑话。小约翰尼的父母离婚几个月后，他经过他妈妈的卧室时，会看到她揉着自己的身体，呻吟着说：“我需要一个男人，我需要一个男人！” 在接下来的几个月里，他多次看到她这样。有一天，他从学校回家，又听到她的呻吟声。当他偷看她的卧室时，他看到一个男人趴在她身体上。小约翰尼跑进他的房间，脱掉衣服，扑倒在床上，开始抚摸自己，呻吟道：“哦，我需要一辆自行车！我需要一辆自行车！”

[–]wtiithefok 
From that day forward, johnny was a bikesexual

从那天开始，约翰尼就成为了一个自行车性爱好者

[–]theowroos 
Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed. Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss. "What do you think we should do?" she asks. Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

笑话25：妈妈在儿子的床下面发现了大量的BDSM杂志。于是她打电话给丈夫，把他叫到儿子房间给他看那些杂志并讨论： “你觉得我们该怎么做？” 她问道。父亲皱着眉头回：“我想，打他屁股应该是不可能的”（译注：BDSM: 拘束、捆绑、施虐、受虐）

[–]CoolPepCat 
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

笑话26：一个虐待狂，一个受虐狂，一个凶手，一个恋尸癖，一个嗜好狂热者和一个狂热者都坐在精神病院的长凳上对话。
动物爱好者：“让我们来和猫做爱吧？” 
虐待狂：“让我们和猫做爱，然后折磨它吧”
凶手喊：“让我们和猫做爱，折磨它然后杀死它吧”
恋尸癖：“让我们和猫做爱，折磨它，杀死它然后再和它做爱吧”
纵火狂患者 ：“让我们和猫做爱，折磨它，杀死它然后再和它做爱，然后将它烧了吧”
沉默了一会儿，然后受虐狂说：“喵。”

[–]TaintStubble 
a sadist and a masochist get together for sex. the sadist brings the masochist down to his basement and ties him up to a big X that's bolted to the wall. The sadist grabs a flog and starts gently running the tails over the masochists chest. after a couple minutes of this the masochist is panting to be flogged and finally asks "aren't you going to beat me?" The sadist steps back, looks at him for a minute, then walks away saying "no."

一个虐待狂和一个受虐狂的人聚在一起做爱。虐待狂将受虐狂带到他的地下室，并把他绑在一个巨大的X上，这个X用螺栓固定在墙上。虐待狂抓住了一只鞭子，开始轻轻地将鞭子的尾巴放在受虐狂的胸膛上轻轻地拂来拂去。几分钟后，受虐狂喘着气，问道：“你不打算鞭打我吗？”虐待狂退后一步，看着他一会儿，然后走开说“不”。

[–]MartinDavenport 
One morning, a Welsh man comes into his wife's bedroom with a sheep under his arm.He says, "This is the pig I am fucking when you say you are 'too tired' or 'have a headache! ' "She responds, "You idiot, that isn't a pig, it's a sheep!"He snaps back at her, "I wasn't talking to you!"

笑话27：一天早上，一名威尔士男子走进他妻子的卧室，手臂上抱着一只羊。他说，“当你说'太累'或'头疼！'时，这个就是我会去艹的猪。” 她回答说，“ 你这个白痴，那不是猪，它是一只羊！“他啪地一声扇了她一耳光，”我没跟你说话！“（自行百度：威尔士人与羊）

[–]BamBam0827 
One of my favorite Little Johnny jokes. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class "Which part of the body went to heaven first?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God. The teacher praises the little girl.Then a little boy raises his hand and says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love. "Very good," said the teacher.The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no", she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, "Oh god, I'm coming!"

笑话28：这是我最喜欢的小约翰尼笑话之一。在这个特殊的日子里，老师想问她的学生们“身体的哪一部分首先进入天堂？”一个小女孩举起手说：“我想你的精神首先进入天堂，因为你必须有精神，才能相信上帝。老师赞美了这个小女孩。然后一个小男孩举起手说：“我认为你的心首先进入天堂，因为上帝是关于爱的。”非常好，“老师说。老师抬头看见小约翰尼举手。 她想 “哦不，我不会喜欢他的回答的：“小约翰尼，你觉得身体的哪一部分首先进入天堂？” 小约翰尼想了一会儿说：“你的脚会先进入。” 老师问他为什么认为脚先上天堂。 他回答说，“好吧，昨晚我走过父母的卧室，看到妈妈抬起脚说，”哦，上帝，我来了！” （译注：coming，来了/高潮了）

[–]Animalex 
Three researchers were exploring a jungle looking to learn more about the local tribe who had been rumored to practice cannibalism. One day they cut through the brush and were immediately surrounded by spear men from the tribe who promptly tied the researchers up and took them to their chief.The chief was mischievous and cruel, and enjoyed playing with his food so he gave them one final chance."Go into the jungle and bring me back 10 of a single fruit. Do this and I may let you live"
So the three researchers scattered into the jungle with the hunters following closely, hidden among the leaves.The first researcher came running back into the village with 10 apples which he presented to the chief.The cruel chief smiled and said, "Now then. If you can get all of these fruit up you ass without making a sound or sign of discomfort then I will let you live."The researcher immediately began trying to shove the apples up his ass. 1 apple. 2 apple. He made it to 3 apples when he grimaced in pain and was beheaded at once.The second researcher stumbles out of the jungle carrying 10 cherries to which the chief gives him the same ultimatum. Fruits up the ass and free to go.He begins popping them in his ass with relative ease. One. Two. Three cherries. Things are going well. Four. Five. Six.Suddenly the researcher bursts out laughing and is beheaded.The second researcher arrives in the clouds where the first researcher asks, "What the hell man?! You were doing great! Why did you start laughing?"The second researcher replies, "I know, but I couldn't help it. I saw the other guy coming back with pineapples."

笑话29：三位研究人员正在探索一个丛林，希望了解更多有关传闻中食人族部落的信息。有一天，他们穿过草丛，立即被部落中的手持长矛的部落人包围，他们迅速将研究人员绑起来并将他们带到他们的酋长那里。酋长喜欢恶作剧并且很残忍，喜欢和他的食物一起玩，所以他给了他们最后一次机会。“进入丛林，带回来10个某一种水果。做到这一点，我可能会让你们活下去” 因此，三名研究人员分散在丛林中，而部落的人们隐藏在树林间密切关注。第一位研究人员跑回村里，带着10个苹果送给了酋长。这位残酷的酋长微笑着说，“那么现在，如果你能把所有这些水果都塞到屁股里，不发出声音或表现出不舒服的迹象，那么我会让你活下去。”研究人员立即开始尝试将苹果塞到他的屁股里。1个苹果、 2个苹果，当他塞第3个苹果时露出了痛苦地表情，他立刻被斩首了。第二位研究人员从丛林中蹒跚而出，带着10颗樱桃，酋长给了他同样的选择..水果塞屁股，然后就可以离开。他相对容易地把它们放进他的屁股。一、二、三个樱桃，事情进展顺利，四、五、六，突然，研究人员大笑起来，也被斩首。第二位研究员到达了天堂，第一位研究员问道：“你到底怎么了？！你一开始做得很好啊！你为什么开始大笑？”第二位研究员回答说：“我知道，但我控制不了啊。我看到另一个人带着菠萝回来了。”

[–]Sarcasma19 
Construction worker has an accident with a saw at work. On his way to the hospital, he calls his wife. “Honey, I have some bad news. I cut off my finger.” Aghast, she replies, “The whole finger?!”“No, the one next to that.”

笑话30：建筑工人在工作时遇到了事故。在去医院的路上，他打电话给他的妻子： “亲爱的，我有一些坏消息。我的手指被切断了。”妻子被吓到了，她问道，“整个手指？！” “不，那一根旁边的。”（译注：whole, hole 同音梗）

[–]imomox3
Someone explain.

求解释。

[–]DeepSpaceGalileo 
Not the finger he fingers her hole with.

不是他给妻子手的时候用的那根手指

[–]MightyCaseyStruckOut 
Four nuns die and arrive at the pearly gates. Saint Peter is there and asks the first nun if she had ever touched a penis."Yes," she admits. "I once touched a penis with the tip of my finger.""Dip your finger into the holy water and enter the kingdom of Heaven," says Saint Peter. The nun dips her finger in the holy water and enters heaven.Saint Peter asks the same question of the second nun.
"Yes," she admits. "I once touched a penis with one hand.""Dip your hand into the holy water and enter the kingdom of Heaven," says Saint Peter. The second nun complies and enters heaven.At this point, the fourth nun abruptly cuts in line."Hang on!" she says, pointing at the third nun. "You'd better let me go next, because there's no way I'm gargling that shit after she sticks her ass in it!"

笑话31：四个修女死了，到达天国之门。圣彼得在那里，询问第一位修女是否曾经触摸过JJ。“是的，”她承认道 “我曾用手指触碰过JJ。” “将你的手指浸入圣水中，然后才能进入天国” 圣彼得说。修女将手指浸入圣水中，进入天堂。圣彼得问第二个修女同样的问题。“是的，”她承认道 “我曾用一只手触摸过JJ。” “将你的手浸入圣水中，进入天国，”圣彼得说。 第二个修女遵守并进入天堂。在这时候，第四个修女突然插话道：“等一下！” 她指着第三个修女跟圣彼得说 “你最好让我先来，因为在她把屁股插进去之后，我不可能再用圣水来漱口！”

[–]SirPeterKozlov 
Little Johnny's parents haven't had sex for a long time. They are always looking to do it but they are really busy people. Finally they finish all their work and get ready for the weekend when they will finally have sex again. But as luck would have it, they have unexpected guests coming for dinner. The father comes up with a new plan and tells the mother: "Make soup for dinner and pretend to accidentally spill it on my clothes during dinner so we can go upstairs saying that you need to wash it off but have sex instead." Guests arrive for dinner and Johnny's parents proceed with the plan. The mother spills the soup and they use this excuse to go upstairs and have sex. After a while, Little Johnny, still waiting with the guests for his parents to return decides to go check up on them. He goes upstairs and peeks in the bedroom door and sees his parents having rough sex. He immediately goes back downstairs to the dining room, terrified from what he just saw, says to the guests: "DO NOT SPILL THE SOUP"

笑话32：小约翰尼的父母很长时间没有做爱。他们总是希望能做一下，但真的很忙。最后，他们处理完了所有的工作，并为他们终于要再次做爱的周末做好准备。但不幸的是，他们有意想不到的客人来拜访。爸爸提出了一个新计划并告诉了妈妈：“晚餐时做汤，假装在吃饭时不小心把汤洒在我的衣服上，这样我们就可以上楼说你需要把它洗干净那我们就有时间做爱了。” 客人抵达时享用晚餐，约翰尼的父母推进着此计划。妈妈洒了汤，他们利用这个借口上楼去做爱。过了一会儿，仍然和客人在等待的小约翰尼决定去楼上看看他的父母。他上楼去偷看卧室的门，发现他的父母在粗暴地做爱。他被看到的东西吓坏了，立即回到楼下的餐厅，对客人说：“小心！不要把汤洒掉！”

[–]Kruqtion 
A girl comes out of the shower and says to her boyfriend, "hey, I shaved my pussy, do you know what that means?" The boyfriend replies, "yeah, the fucking drain is clogged again."

笑话33：一个女孩从淋浴间走出来对她的男朋友说：“嘿，我刮了私处的毛，你知道这意味着什么吗？” 男朋友回答说：“是的，他妈的排水管又要堵了。”

[–]screams_forever
This is hilarious and sounds like it actually happened.

这个很有趣，而且听起来就是实际发生过的。

[–]THX-23-02
A guy picks up a foreign chick in a bar and takes her home. They start going at it and guy climaxes. He asks the girl, "You finish?" Girl just goes quietly, "No." His ego bruised, he starts again - strained but determined. After a while he's done. He asks the girl again, "You finish?" Girl doesn't even opens her eyes and just mumbles, "No…" He's equally angry and exhausted. He cannot accept it! He starts his heroic effort one more time. He's tired, his body hurts, he feels no pleasure, but he's going like crazy. Finally, he collapses next to the girl, barely breathing, only having enough strength to whisper, "You… finish?" Girl, also barely breathing and still not opening her eyes barely mutters with a huge smile across her face: "Nooo, I'm from Sweden!"

笑话34：一个男的在酒吧里捡到一个外国小妞然后把她带回了家，他们开始做爱然后男的高潮了。他问女孩，“你完事了吗？” 女孩声音小了，“没（不是）”  男的自尊心有些受伤了，然后他又再次开始了 - 勉强但坚定。过了一会儿，他又完事儿了，他再次问女孩，“你完事了吗？” 女孩甚至没有睁开眼睛，只是喃喃自语，“没（不是）” 他又生气和疲惫，不能接受！于是他再次开始他的英勇努力。他累了，身体疼，他感到不快乐，但他变得有点疯狂了。最后，他瘫倒在女孩旁边，几乎没有呼吸，只有微弱的力量低语，“你...完事了吗？” 女孩，几乎没有呼吸，仍然没有睁开眼睛，脸上带着巨大的笑容几乎咕哝着：“不，我来自瑞典！” （译注：finish/Finnish, 女孩以为他问的是：你是不是芬兰人？）

[–]jclay98 
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it and dresses up in his best God costume. At 8 o'clock, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, god!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud anal sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

笑话35：一个男人乘坐公共汽车，最后坐在一个非常有吸引力的修女旁边。他很迷恋她，问她是否可以和自己做爱。当然，修女拒绝了，然后下了车。男人去问公交车司机是否知道和修女做爱的方法。 “好吧，”公交车司机说，“每天晚上8点，她都会到墓地祈祷。如果你打扮成上帝，我相信你可以说服她和你做爱的。” 该男子决定尝试一下，于是穿上他最好的扮上帝的服装。8点钟，他看到修女出现在她面前。 “天啊！” 她感叹道，“上帝，带我走吧！” 男子告诉修女，她必须先与他做爱才能证明她的忠诚。 修女说好，但告诉他，她更喜欢肛交。 他们很享受地，做了一次肮脏的，大声的肛交。结束之后，这个男人脱掉了他的上帝伪装 “哈，哈！我是那个公交车上的男人！” “哈哈！” 修女脱掉她的服装 ：“我是那个公交车司机！”

[–]maymuncuq3 
One day, teacher asks a student "There are 3 birds on a tree, if I hit one of them with a rock how many birds will remain? ", student says "no birds will remain". Teacher asks why and the student replies: "If you throw a rock at the birds they will just go away". Then the teacher says "You are wrong, 2 birds will remain but I like the way you think". Student gets annoyed and says "Ok then, I am going to ask you a question, 3 women are walking on the street eating ice cream. First one licks the ice cream, second one sucks it abd the third one bites it, which one of these women is married?". Teacher doesn't want to answer the question but also doesn't want to seem ignorant to the kids and says "The one who sucks the ice cream is married." then asks if the answer was correct. The kid says "The answer is wrong, the one with a ring on her finger is the married one but I liked the way you think"

笑话36：有一天，老师问一个学生“树上有3只鸟，如果我用石头打掉一只，还有几只留在树上？” ，学生回答说 “没有鸟会留在树上”。老师问为什么，学生回答说：“如果你用石头扔鸟，它们就会飞走”。老师对他说：“你错了，有2只鸟留着，但我喜欢你思考问题的方式”。学生很恼怒，说道：“好吧，我来问你个问题，3个女人走在街上，吃着冰淇淋，第一个舔着吃，第二个吸着吃，第三个咬着吃，哪一个已婚了？” 老师不想回答这个问题但也不想在学生面前看起来显得无知，所以他说：“吸着吃的那个结婚了” 然后问学生对不对，那个学生说：“答案错了，手上戴着戒指的结婚了，但我喜欢你思考问题的方式。”

[–]ballistic-bitflip 
The joke sounds more fun when the kid is Little Johnny.

如果这个孩子叫小约翰尼的话，这个笑话会更好笑。

[–]Ketsuekiseiyaku
A man get a penis tattoo of his wife's name "Wendy". However when he's flaccid it just says "Wy". Some months later they go on vacation to Jamaica. While there the husband finds a local clothing optional beach and decides to check it out. As he's sitting there he notices a local man appears to have a penis tattoo that says "Wy". He asks "is your wife's name Wendy as well?", The local smiles and replies "No Mon, it says 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day' ".

笑话37：一个男人在JJ上纹了他妻子温蒂的名字“Wendy”的纹身。然而，当他松弛时，只显示出“Wy”。几个月后，他们去牙买加度假。在那里，丈夫找到一个当地的可以不穿衣服的海滩，并决定去看看。当他坐在那里时，他注意到一个当地男子的JJ上似乎有一个纹身，上面也写着“Wy”。他问“你妻子的名字也是温迪吗？”，当地人微笑着回答 “没有，不是的，我这里纹的是 “欢迎来到牙买加，祝你度过美好的一天。”

[–]c-peg 
A scientist goes to Africa to study a primitive tribe. One day the chief of the tribe and his wife have a baby. It's born white. Everyone in the tribe is stunned. The chief pulls the scientist aside and says "You're the only white man we've ever seen and now my wife gives birth to a white baby. It doesn't take a scientist to figure out what happened here" The scientist says "No, you've got it all wrong. What you have here is is an albino child." He points to a nearby field full of sheep "Look, all those sheep are white except for one black one. This is what we call Albino." The cheif says back "Okay, you win buddy. I won't say anything about that kid if you don't say anything about that sheep."

笑话38：有一个科学家去非洲研究一个原始部落。有一天，部落首领的妻子生了一个孩子。它天生肤色白皙， 部落中的每个人都惊呆了。 酋长把科学家拉到一边说：“你是我们见过的唯一的白人，现在我的妻子生下了一个白人婴儿，看来我们不需要一个科学家才能弄清楚发生了什么” 科学家说“ 不，你错了，这是一个白化病儿童。“ 他指着附近一片满是羊的田地 “看，除了只有一只黑羊外，所有的羊都是白色的。这就是我们所说的白化病。” 酋长回答说：“好吧，你赢了伙计。如果你不泄露那只羊的事，我也不会说那个孩子的事。”

[–]Haydens_Army 
Finally one I haven't heard. Bravo

终于有一个没听过的笑话了，干得好。

[–]beginner_
Homeless guy goes to a prostitute and asks for a blow job. After 10 minute the prostitute says: "It's not getting hard". The homeless man replies "Yes, but clean".

笑话39：一个流浪汉找到一个妓女要求她给自己口。10分钟后，妓女说：“都没有勃起啊”。流浪汉回答道：“是的，但起码干净了”。

[–]AznBeast42
If three people having sex is called a "threesome", and 2 people having sex is called a "twosome", now I know why everyone calls me "handsome".

笑话40：如果3个人一起做爱，叫“3P”，2个人做爱叫“2P”，现在我知道为什么每个人都称我为“handsome”帅了。（handsome, 手）

[–]Mage3873 
my sex life

笑话41：我的性生活就是个笑话

[–]interfederational 
Press F to pay respects

手打F以示尊重

[–]thai_sticky
how do you know your best friend is gay? His dick tastes like shit.

笑话42：怎么才能知道你最好的朋友是个同性恋？他的JJ尝起来有屎的味道。

[–]sarah4865
Superman is flying over some buildings. Suddenly he sees catwoman lying down on her back on one of the roofs, butt-naked and legs wide, like she's ready to go. He considers. 'I've always wanted to do it with catwoman but she's turned me down every time. But what if I use my superspeed? She wouldn't even notice it till I'm done.' He decides to do it. Super quick, he flies, lands on her, does his business and flies away. On the roof of the building the invisible man says to catwoman: 'Whooooooaaaa, what the hell, my ass suddenly hurts SO bad!'

笑话43：超人正飞越一些建筑物。突然，他看到猫女躺在一个屋顶上，赤身裸体，双腿打开，就像她准备好做爱了一样。 他想：“我一直想和猫女一起做爱，但她每次都拒绝我。但是，如果我使用我的超级速度的话怎么样？在我完事儿之前，她甚至都不会注意到它。” 于是他决定就这么做。超级快地，他飞过去，落在她身上，做了他想做的事，然后迅速飞走。 在建筑物的屋顶上，隐身男对猫女说：'哇，怎么回事，我的屁股突然疼得厉害！'

[–]Abstah
What’s the difference between being hungry or horny ? Depends where you put the cucumber

笑话44：饥饿和猥亵的差别在哪里？-- 取决于黄瓜放在哪里

[–]emojiibro 
why is there plastic wrap on a cucumber? so it can be eaten after use

为什么黄瓜上外面要有保鲜膜？ -- 为了可以在使用后可以食用

[–]samratvishaljain  
If a dove is the symbol of love, what is the symbol of true love? Swallow

笑话45：如果个子是爱的象征，那么什么是真爱的象征呢？燕子（吞下去）

[–]abcPIPPO 27 指标 2 月前 
4 prostitutes are talking. One says: “Yesterday a guy put his finger in me.” The second says: “One guy put his whole hand in mine.” The third: “Really? One guy put his whole arm in mine.” And the fourth one: “Pfft, amateurs... Peter, come out already!”

笑话46：4名妓女谈话， 一个人说：“昨天有个人把手指放进我的身体。”第二个人说：“有个人把整只手进我的身体” 第三个：“真的吗？有个人把整只胳膊放进我的身体了“ 第四个：”噗，你们太业余了...彼得，是时候出来了！“

[–]gixanthrax 
Two guys in a boat go fishing. suddenly one pulls out a mermaid, shakes his head, cuts her free and throws her back into the ocean. The other one asks him " Why?" to which he answers " How?"

笑话47：两个人乘船去钓鱼。突然一个人钓到一条美人鱼，他摇了摇头，剪断鱼线，然后把她扔回大海。 另一个问他“为什么放走？” 他回答“这怎么干？”

[–]WalkingRolex 
Blowjobs go a long way tho.

口啊。

[–]lesfrerespiquet 
What do dildos and tofu have in common ? They're both meat substitutes.

笑话48：假JJ和豆腐有什么共同之处？-- 都是肉类替代品。

[–]horillagormone 38 指标 2 月前 
Guy1: If you knew that the world was about to end, what would you do?
Guy2: I would fuck everything that moves. What would you do?
Guy1: Try to stay as still as possible.
Not the best. Just one I remembered.

笑话49：男一：如果你知道世界末日来了，你会做什么？
男二：我会艹一切会动的东西。你呢?
男一：尽可能保持不动。
可能不是很好笑，只记得这个。

[–]pgbabse
To my birthday, I've got a Rolex from my lesbian neighbors. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

笑话50：我过生日的时候从我的蕾丝边邻居那收到了一块劳力士手表，我猜当我说我想要观看的时候她们误会了。（译注：watch，手表/观看）

[–]WalkingRolex 
I wish i said that too.

我希望我也这么说过。（劳力士啊）