你孩提时相信的最蠢的事是？ [美国媒体]

-------------译者：龙腾翻译总管-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------



What’s the dumbest thing you believed as a child?

你孩提时相信的最蠢的事是？

-------------译者：棕榈猫-审核者：janenet------------

applecinnamom 15.6k points·8 hours ago
That there was humans sitting in control rooms watching tons of traffic cams and turning red light to green lights and Visa versa

就是有人坐在控制室里通过交通摄像头控制着成千上万的红绿灯，把红灯换绿灯绿灯再换红灯。

UncleBobtastic 14.0k points·8 hours ago
when I asked my mother 'what killed the dinosaurs' my mother who doesn't believe dinosaurs exist told me that Shrek did it and I believed her wholeheartedly.

我妈妈不相信恐龙存在过，我问她谁杀死了恐龙，她回答是怪物史莱克，我真的掏心掏肺地信她了。

suture224 11.9k points·4 hours ago
When I was a pre-schooler my mom told me that you weren't allowed to ride a motorcycle or get tattoos unless your mother was dead.

我读幼儿园的时候，我妈妈告诉我除非你妈妈死了，否则不能骑摩托车或纹身。

One day outside the grocery store I saw a big tough looking dude covered in tats straddling the loudest motorcycle ever. Damned it 5 year old me didn't go up to him and ask "Hey. Is your mom dead?"
Dude looked at me and said "Yeah."
And I was shocked that my mom was right.

一天，在杂货店外面，我看到一个外表强硬身材魁梧浑身纹身的大个子，骑个响声巨大的机车。奶奶的当时5岁的我，上前问他（真希望我没这么做就好了）“嘿，你妈妈死了吗？”
那家伙看着我说，“是的。”
当时我整个人都震惊了，我妈说的竟然是真的。

_princesspeach3s 11.6k points·9 hours ago
My dad told me that I could have a pet chipmunk or squirrel if I caught one. He told me the key to catching one was to shake salt on their tail they would always stop to lick the salt off and then I'd be able to catch it.

我爸爸告诉我要想养花栗鼠或者松鼠，必须自己抓一只。他告诉我抓住它们的窍门是往它们的尾巴上撒盐，这样它们就会停下来舔盐，我就能抓住它们了。

Not hard to figure out why he told us that because my brother and I would spend hours a day running around the yard with a bucket and a salt shaker.
I think the last time I tried was when I was like 9. I never really though about it again until I was like 15 and it was mind blowing to realize it was all just to keep us busy outside lol

其实爸爸这么做的原因不难理解，因为我哥哥和我每天花好几个小时在院子里拎个桶拿罐盐。我想我最后一次尝试是在9岁。直到15岁我才放下这个想法，因为我突然意识到，我爸只是想骗我和我哥去外面玩（别来烦他），哈哈。

noob_almost 4.2k points·8 hours ago
You have learned a valuable life lesson and your father gave you the gift of peaceful weekends when you're a father yourself. I'd say it's a net gain

你学到了宝贵的人生一课，而且当你当爹的时候，你也可以学你爸，让自己有个安静的周末。要我说这赚翻了。

-------------译者：棕榈猫-审核者：janenet------------

dancesforfun 11.5k points·7 hours ago
I was a real picky eater as a child. My parents in an attempt to get me to eat more told me that each grain of rice in my bowl takes a year to grow and so I should be more appreciative of my food.
Child me somehow took this to mean that every year only one single grain of rice can be grown so my bowl was always filled with hundreds of years of rice. Thought "heh cool!"

我小时候很挑食。我爸妈为了让我多吃一些，告诉我说我碗里的每一粒米都需要一年的时间才能成熟，所以我应该更加珍惜我的食物。当时还是小孩的我理解成，每年只有一粒米能成熟，所以我碗里总是装着好几百年的米。我想，“嘿，真酷！”

FoureyedFairy72 2.2k points·5 hours ago
Similar but my mom told me every grain I didn’t finish would be a dollar I’d lose.

我也一样，我妈告诉我说，我每浪费一粒米，我都会损失一美元。

octoriceball 2.2k points·4 hours ago
My mom said that each grain of rice would translate to one pimple on my future SO's face. Lonely teenaged me was like "wow I'm gonna get into a relationship?"

我妈妈告诉我，我每浪费一粒米，将来我的脸上就会长一个疙瘩（粉刺/青春痘）。青春期单身的我就想像着“哇，我是不是要谈恋爱了？”

orcanio-star 543 points·4 hours ago
my mom told that the rice grains will turn into worms once they got washed away in the sink. because 4-7 year old me was terrified of worms i believed her

我妈告诉我，在水槽里被冲走的米粒都变成虫子，因为4-7岁的我很怕虫子，所以我相信了她。

Lily_Bennett 701 points·4 hours ago
I was told that if I didn't finish all my rice my future spouse would have horrible acne problems.
Also apparently girls who shake their leg (like bounce it up and down against the floor) will become sluts when they grow up.
*looks down at me shaking my leg*
well shit

他们告诉我说，如果我浪费粮食，我未来的配偶将会有痤疮问题。还有女孩如果晃荡腿（在地板上上下抖腿），将来会变成荡妇。
*向下看我那晃荡的腿。*
呃，我去。

AskAboutMyDumbSite 9.9k points·8 hours ago
That the TV Guide in the newspaper told the TV what was coming on. I just couldn't figure out out how to write cartoons in neatly enough to get it to work.

就是报纸上的电视指南（美国知名的电视类刊物）会告诉我们将要播出的节目。我就是弄不明白卡通要画到多熟练才能让它动起来。

considerthedog 9.3k points·8 hours ago
When I was a kid my teacher said humans were mammals. I wasn’t paying much attention and believed that she said humans were actually camels. So being the lover of fun facts that I am I told everyone I knew that humans were actually camels. No one ever corrected me. This went on for years until one day I heard that humans were mammals again and it all clicked.

我还是个小孩的时候，我老师告诉我人类是哺乳动物。我当时没在认真听课，以为她说人类其实是骆驼。于是身为这个有趣理论的热情拥趸，我告诉所有我认识的人说人类其实是骆驼。没有人纠正过我。这个错误延续好多年，直到我有天再次听到“人类是哺乳动物”这句话之后才恍然大悟。

-------------译者：棕榈猫-审核者：janenet------------

retroverted_uterus 2.9k points·5 hours ago
My dad told me that marshmallow farms were real. Ever drive by hay fields during harvest - see those big plastic covered rolls of hay? That’s the marshmallow farm.
I grew up in a small farming community and believed it for years even getting in tearful arguments with kids at recess about (kids whose parents likely own the fucking farms).

我爸爸告诉我，世上真的有棉花糖农场。在收获的时节，有开车经过干草田，看见过那些大的、被塑料覆盖的干草了吗？那就是棉花糖农场。我在小农场长大，好几年我一直深信如此，甚至和小朋友在课间休息的时候（这些孩子的父母有可能有着该死的棉花糖农场）还争哭了。

My world was shattered when I was fifteen and discovered my dad lied to me and my siblings as kids because it was funny.
I hope to be that parent some day.

当我发现我爸爸跟我和我的兄弟姐妹们说的是谎言，仅仅因为觉得这很有趣时，15岁的我当时世界观崩塌了。
我希望有天自己也能成为这样的父母。

larg erectalcavity 8.6k points·8 hours ago
My parents told me my penis would fall off if I didn't wash it every day. I thought it was bullshit until I saw my mom naked. Then I got scared.

我父母告诉我说如果我不每天洗我的小鸡鸡，那么它就会掉下来。我觉得这是胡说，直到我看见我妈妈的裸体。然后我吓坏了。

a7xrob87 8.0k points·8 hours ago
I thought you absolutely had to be 21 years old to drink alcohol or else if you did you would instantly die. Idk why I thought this.

我以前认为你必须得满21岁才能喝酒，要不然就会立刻死亡。我不知道我怎么会这么想。

chewbaccabrn 6.7k points·9 hours ago
My dad made me believe that peanut butter came from squeezing squirrels. He also made me believe that white milk came from white cows chocolate milk came from brown cows and milkshakes came from shaking the cows.

我爸爸让我深信，想要花生酱，你要挤松鼠才能得到。他还说纯牛奶是从白色奶牛身上来的，巧克力牛奶是从棕色奶牛身上来的，而想要得到奶昔，那就得摇晃奶牛。然后我信了。

FudgySlippers 6.2k points·7 hours ago
I thought that if you chose to be President of the U.S. it was understood ( as in part of the job descxtion) that you would eventually be assassinated.
Which made me wonder why anyone would even choose that career to begin with.

我以为如果你要当美国总统（作为职业规划的一部分），那你明白你最终是会被暗杀掉的。这令我疑惑，为什么会有人想当总统。

lued123 1.8k points·5 hours ago
The Secret Secret Service handles this.

秘密特工处负责处理这件事。

-------------译者：棕榈猫-审核者：janenet------------

lamsaturn 5.9k points·8 hours ago
When I was really young I wondered about what was so special about women's breasts that they had to cover them up all the time-- surely there was something secret about them that everyone was hiding from me. My parents wouldn't give me any straight answers. I have no idea why I came to this conclusion but I thought that maybe there was something dangerous enough about them that they had to be contained. My guess was that they had little mouths with razor sharp teeth.
When I figured out that they were just a bigger version of what I had I was very confused and disappointed.

我还是个小孩的时候，我不懂女人的乳房有什么特别之处，以至于她们不得不一直遮着它们——大家很明显知道这其中的秘密却不告诉我。我父母从不给我直面的回答。我不知道我为什么会得到这个结论，但我当时想那可能是因为女人的乳房可能存在着危险的地方所以需要隐藏。我猜可能是女人的乳房有张长有锋利牙齿的小嘴。当我知道女性的乳房只不过比我的大一些的时候，我很疑惑，也很失望。

anonymous-man 3.1k points·4 hours ago·edited 2 hours ago
So one time when I was like 7 years old I accidentally went into the girl's bathroom and heard a girl peeing. I didn't see anything because she was behind a stall door but I immeditely could tell that the sound of her pee hitting the toilet water was different than when a boy pees.
To me when a boy peed it was a higher pitched sound because the stream of water coming out of a penis is very narrow. But the sound of her pee hitting the water was lower pitched and she was clearly peeing sitting down and so I could immediately tell that it was a thicker stream of water that was coming out of her. And I had heard that boys and girls were different "down there" but I didn't know how they are different.

那时我7岁，有一天我不小心走进女厕，听到一个女孩在撒尿。我什么都没看见，因为她在隔间的门后面，但我立刻分辨出她尿在马桶水上的声音和男孩的不一样。我认为，男生尿尿时音调很高，因为从小鸡鸡出来的水流很窄。但是她尿尿的声音低沉，很明显她是坐着尿的，因此我分辨出她尿出的水流粗。而且我听说男生女生“下面那里”不同，但我不知道哪里不同。

At this point I instinctively came up with a hypothesis that seemed reasonable at the time: boys have a penis that they pee out of and they poop out of their butts. So girls must be the opposite: they pee out of their butts and poop out of their penises in a thin stream like brown spaghetti.

那一刻，我本能做出一个假设，当时觉得很合理：男孩有小鸡鸡用来小便，大便从屁股后面出来。所以女生肯定是相反的：她们从后面尿尿，然后从她们的小鸡鸡里拉出像意大利面似的粑粑。

atillaauby 5.5k points·8 hours ago
I believed that if you stopped at the "stop ahead" sign you wouldn't have to stop at the stop sign because you stopped ahead of time.
It was eternally frustrating to me to watch my parents not take this incredibly obvious shortcut.

我以为如果你在“前方停车”标志之前就已经停下，那么你就不用在停车点停车了，因为你已经在前方停车了呀。看见我父母连这么简单的道理都不明白，我当时好沮丧的。

riddleyouthis319 4.2k points·8 hours ago
I thought a necromancer was someone who was just very into necks.
Neck-romancer.

我以为“亡灵巫师（necromancer）”是对脖子情有独钟的人。
脖子-爱好者（Neck-romancer）。

SleptThroughDinner 3.6k points·7 hours ago
That there was a legal age (13) for caffeine like the way there is one for alcohol. When I was in high school I saw some small kid buy a coffee from McDonald's and remarked that it was illegal. My friends still make fun of me for it.

就是根据法律，13岁才能摄入咖啡因，就像酒精。上高中的时候，我看见一些小孩在麦当劳里买咖啡，我说这是违法的。我的朋友到现在还拿这事笑我。

Unstoppable_Mallow 645 points·3 hours ago
I've been to gas stations where they ID for energy drinks.

我去过一个加油站，那里你要买能量饮料还得出示ID才行。