再燃爱火，这次是与一个男人 [美国媒体]

By HARRIS WOFFORDAPRIL 23, 2016 

(人生赢家年轻时的照片)

AT age 70, I did not imagine that I would fall in love again and remarry. But the past 20 years have made my life a story of two great loves.

70岁的时候，我不能想象自己再次坠入爱河并且再婚。但是过去20年成就了我生命里的第二段伟大的爱情。

On Jan. 3, 1996, the telephone rang just before midnight, interrupting the silence of the hospital room. From the bedside of my wife, Clare, I lifted the receiver. “Please hold for the president.” Bill Clinton had heard that Clare, struck by acute leukemia, was fading. She listened and smiled but was too weak to speak.

1996年1月3日，就在午夜将至之前，电话响起，打破了医院病房的寂静。我从妻子克莱尔的床边拿起了话筒。“总统打来的。”克林顿听说克莱尔得了急性白血病，正逐渐虚弱下去。她听着，一边微笑，但是太虚弱而无法讲话。

Some hours later, I held her hands in mine as she died. During 48 years of marriage, we had spent a lifetime together.

几个小时之后，我握着她的手直到她逝去。在48年的婚姻中，我们这一生都在一起。

In the cold spring that followed, I felt grateful to be alive, lucky to have many friends and family members, and glad for a challenging assignment from President Clinton involving national service. But I also wondered what it would be like living by myself for the rest of my life. I was sure I would never again feel the kind of love Clare and I shared.

在那之后的寒冷春天里，我为自己活着而感恩，我很幸运有很多朋友和家人，也很高兴克林顿总统给了我一份具有挑战性的关于国家服务的工作。但是我也在想，自己一个人度过余生会是如何景况。我很肯定，我再也不会感到克莱尔和我之间曾有过的爱情了。

Clare and I fell in love trying to save the world during World War II. I had founded a student organization to promote a postwar union of democracies to keep the peace. When I left to serve in the Army Air Corps, Clare became national president, guiding the Student Federalists as the group grew across the country.

克莱尔和我在二战时都试图拯救世界，我们也在那时相爱。我成立了一个学生组织，为了促进战后民主联盟以维持和平。当我离开那里，加入陆军航空队的时候，克莱尔成了主席，领导学生联邦党在美国各地发展。

Our romance and adventure continued for five decades. When I was running for election to the Senate in 1991, Clare gave up her job to become an all-out campaigner, helping us win in a landslide. In my narrow losing re-election campaign of 1994, astute Pennsylvanians observed that if Clare had been the candidate, she would have won.

我们的浪漫和冒险持续了五十年。当我在1991年竞选参议员的时候，克莱尔放弃了工作，成了全职的竞选活动人，帮助我们取得了压倒性的胜利。当我1994年以微弱差距输掉了再选时，敏锐的宾夕法尼亚人民发现，如果克莱尔是候选人的话，她肯定能当选。

We spent a happy half-century together with different perspectives on life. Growing up during the Depression, in which her father suffered while my family prospered, she became a skeptic while I emerged an optimist.

我们对生活的看法不同，但是一起度过了半个世纪的美好时光。我们都在大萧条时期长大，她的父亲生活的不好，而我的家庭蒸蒸日上，于是她成了一个怀疑论者，而我是个乐观主义者。

In 1963, we enjoyed visiting the philosopher Martin Buber in his quiet Jerusalem study. In his “Paths in Utopia,” Buber says a good and great idea will rise again when idea and fate meet in a creative hour. Hopefully, I asked him if he saw that creative hour coming soon to achieve peace for Israelis and Palestinians. Before he could answer, Clare laughed skeptically, saying, “From what I’ve seen, it will be a long time coming.”

1963年，我们很高兴的拜访了哲学家马丁·布伯，在耶路撒冷他的安静的书房谈话。在《乌托邦之路》一书中，布伯说当思想和命运在一个创造性的时刻交汇，一个好的和伟大的思想就将再次崛起。我满怀希望地问布伯，他是否认为这一创造性的时刻就快要来临，以色列和巴勒斯坦的和平指日可期。在布伯开口回答之前，克莱尔怀疑的笑了，说，“在我看来，还早得很呢。”  

Buber said to Clare, “You are right, that the time between creative hours can be very long, but they do come, and I hope that when one comes, your realism will not make you miss it.” And as we parted, he told me, “You are obviously a romantic, my friend, and I hope you recognize that a romantic needs a realist like Clare.”

布伯对克莱尔说，“你是对的，创造性的时刻不在当下，但是会到来的，我希望当这一时刻到来之时，你的现实主义不会让你错过它。”当我们告别时，布伯对我说，“你显然是个浪漫主义者，我的朋友，我希望你能认识到，一个浪漫主义者需要一个像克莱尔那样的现实主义者。”

For our three children and me, Clare was at the heart of our family. When I told her, “You’re my best friend,” she would reply, “and your best critic.” And when I said, “You’re my best critic,” she responded, “and your best friend.”

对于我们的三个孩子和我来说，克莱尔是我们家庭的核心。当我告诉她，“你是我最好的朋友，”她会回答说，“也是你最好的批评者。”当我说，“你是我最好的批评者，”她说，“也是你最好的朋友。”

We were both about to turn 70 when she died. I assumed that I was too old to seek or expect another romance. But five years later, standing on a beach in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., I sensed a creative hour and did not want to miss it.

她去世的时候，我们都快70了。我想我是太老了，不可能再寻找或期待另一个罗曼史了。但是5年之后，当我站在佛州劳德代尔堡的一片海滩上的时候，我察觉到一个创造性的时刻的到来，并且我不想错过它。

It was afternoon, and the tanning beachgoers faced west, toward the wall of concrete buildings lining the boulevard, to catch the sun, ignoring the beautiful sea. I swam alone in the water, attracting the attention of two bystanders near the shore. They came over to say hello, which is how I met Matthew Charlton.

那是一个下午，黝黑的海滩游客们面朝西方，向着马路旁的一排混凝土大楼，晒着太阳，把美丽的大海撇在一旁。我一个人在水里游泳，吸引了海滩附近两个旁观者的注意。他们上前来打招呼，我就是这么认识马修·查尔顿的。

As we talked, I was struck by Matthew’s inquisitive and thoughtful manner and his charm. I knew he was somebody I would enjoy getting to know. We were decades apart in age with far different professional interests, yet we clicked.

通过我们的交谈，我被马修的好奇和周到的态度，以及他的魅力所打动。我知道他是我乐于结识的那类人。我们年纪相差几十岁，各有不同的职业兴趣，但是我们很投机。

I admired Matthew’s adventurous 25-year-old spirit. When he told me that I was “young at heart,” I liked the idea, until I saw a picture of him on a snowboard upside down executing a daring back flip. The Jackson Hole newspaper carried the caption, “Charlton landed the jump without mishap.”

我很敬佩马修作为25岁年轻人的冒险精神。当他告诉我，我“内心很年轻”，我喜欢这个说法，直到我看到他用滑雪板做后空翻的照片。The Jackson Hole 新闻配的标题是“查尔顿安然落地”。

We took trips around the country and later to Europe together, becoming great friends. We both felt the immediate spark, and as time went on, we realized that our bond had grown into love. Other than with Clare, I had never felt love blossom this way before.

我们在美国旅行，后来又一起去了欧洲，成了很好的朋友。我们都感到了和对方很来电，随着时间过去，我们意识到我们之间的关系已变成了爱。除了和克莱尔，我从未感到爱情以这样的方式绽放。

It was three years before I got the nerve to tell my sons and daughter about Matthew. I brought a scrapbook of photographs, showing Matthew and me on our travels, to a large family wedding. It was not the direct discussion the subject deserved. Yet over time my children have welcomed Matthew as a member of the family, while Matthew’s parents have accepted me warmly.

过了三年我才鼓起勇气告诉我的儿女们有关马修的事。我带了一本剪贴簿去参加一场家庭婚礼，剪贴簿上面贴着马修和我的旅行照片。这不是直接的方式，而这事本该直说。不过，随着时间过去，我的孩子们接受了马修作为家庭成员，而马修的父母也接受了我。

To some, our bond is entirely natural, to others it comes as a strange surprise, but most soon see the strength of our feelings and our devotion to each other. We have now been together for 15 years.

对于一些人，我们的关系是非常自然的，对于另一些人，这很惊人，但是大多数人很快看到了我们感情的力量和我们对彼此的热爱。我们现在已经在一起15年了。

Too often, our society seeks to label people by pinning them on the wall — straight, gay or in between. I don’t categorize myself based on the gender of those I love. I had a half-century of marriage with a wonderful woman, and now am lucky for a second time to have found happiness.

我们的社会经常给人贴标签----直男，同志，或者两者之间。我不按我爱哪种性别而把自己归类。我和一位美好的女人结婚半个世纪，而现在又幸运的再一次找到了幸福。

For a long time, I did not suspect that idea and fate might meet in my lifetime to produce same-sex marriage equality. My focus was on other issues facing our nation, especially advancing national service for all. Seeking to change something as deeply ingrained in law and public opinion as the definition of marriage seemed impossible.

很长一段时间，我没有想到思想和命运在我的生命中交汇在一起，结果是同性婚姻平等。我的注意力集中在我们国家面对的其他事务，特别是促进为所有人提供的国家服务。改变某些深入法律和公众意见的东西，比如婚姻的定义，看起来是不可能的。

I was wrong, and should not have been so pessimistic. I had seen firsthand — working and walking with the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. — that when the time was right, major change for civil rights came to pass in a single creative decade. It is right to expand our conception of marriage to include all Americans who love each other.

我错了，我不应该如此悲观。我曾亲眼目睹——当我与马丁·路德·金一起工作的时候——当时机到来，只在短短十年，民权就能够发生巨大变化。现在是时候扩大我们的观念，把所有相爱的美国人纳入到婚姻的概念中来。

Matthew is very different from Clare. The political causes that continue to move me do not preoccupy him, nor have I turned my priorities to design, the focus of his driving talent. Still, the same force of love is at work bringing two people together.

马修和克莱尔有很大的不同。推动我的政治使命不会占据他的心神，而我也不会把我的重心转向设计，那时他的才能所在。但是，同样的爱的力量将两人聚到一起。
   
That instinctive emotion gives me new appreciation for these words from Robert Frost:

这本能的情感使我对罗伯特·弗罗斯特的诗句又有了新一层认识：

And yet for all this help of head and brain

尽管有头脑的种种帮助

How happily instinctive we remain,

我们还是多么高兴按本能行事，

Our best guide upward further to the light,

我们最好的指引指向光明，

Passionate preference such as love at sight.

激情的偏好就如一见钟情。
（这几句不确定到底什么意思，请懂的人指教！）

Twice in my life, I’ve felt the pull of such passionate preference. At age 90, I am lucky to be in an era where the Supreme Court has strengthened what President Obama calls “the dignity of marriage” by recognizing that matrimony is not based on anyone’s sexual nature, choices or dreams. It is based on love.

在我的生命中，有两次，我感受到这种激情的偏好。如今90岁的我，幸运的赶上了一个时代，这个时代里最高法院响应了奥巴马总统关于“婚姻的尊严”的呼吁，认可了婚姻不是建立在人的性本质、选择或者梦想的基础上。婚姻是建立在爱的基础上。

All this is on my mind as Matthew and I prepare for our marriage ceremony. On April 30, at ages 90 and 40, we will join hands, vowing to be bound together: to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.

在马修和我准备我们的婚礼的时候，这就是我想到的。4月30日，一个90岁，一个40岁，我们将牵手，宣誓结为连理：互相拥有，互相扶持，无论顺境还是逆境，无论富有还是贫穷，无论健康还是疾病，我们都相爱，相互珍惜，直到死亡把我们分开。 

Harris Wofford is a former senator from Pennsylvania, special assistant for civil rights to President John F. Kennedy and adviser to the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Harris Wofford是前宾夕法尼亚参议院，肯尼迪总统的公民权利事务特别助理，马丁·路德·金的顾问。


carol goldstein
OMG

我的天哪

Jbl
There's something missing from this story. A man does not go swimming in a well-known gay hangout like Fort Lauderdale, come out of the water, start talking to a guy 50 years younger, and that's his first ever, ever, ever gay encounter. Not meaning to be cruel, but missing from this story are the previous 50 years of gay cruising and gay trysts while Harris was married to Clare. Clearly, he knew a thing or two about picking up guys. And as a gay man myself, I might have appreciated this story more if Mr. Wofford hadn't presented his sexuality as some sudden revelation finally disclosed to him on a beach at age 75. It's your story to tell, but I doubt it happened the way you say it did.

这个故事漏掉了一些东西。一个男人不会去一个出名的同志聚集地比如劳德代尔堡游泳，从水里出来，开始跟一个比自己小50岁的男人攀谈，而且那是他第、一、次接触同志。我不想说的很残忍，但是漏掉的部分是，Harris跟克莱尔结婚的50年间，他一直在寻找和尝试同志接触。很明显，他知道怎么和男人搭讪。我本人作为一个同志，如果Wofford先生不要把自己的性向说成在他75岁的时候，在海滩上突然就觉醒了，那我能更加欣赏这个故事。你说你的故事，但是我怀疑事情是否真像你说的那样。

Bob
I just have to wonder if this story ended with a 75 year old man finding his second love with a 25 year old woman if it would have ended up in the Times. 

我只想知道，如果这个故事是一个75岁老人和一个25岁女孩梅开二度，是不是还会上纽约时报。

Concerned Citizen
I think I am having a harder time with the author's marrying a person 50 years their junior, than whether or not he is gay.

我觉得比起作者是不是同志，他跟一个比自己小50岁的人结婚这一点让我更难接受。

If he had fallen in love (at 75) with a 25 year old woman....would people react the same? Or do gay relationships now get approval simply for being gay (or lesbian)?

如果他在75岁的时候，爱上一个25岁女人。。。人们会有同样的反应吗？还是说同性关系现在只因为是同性恋就通行无阻了？

Also: we are told continually for many decades now that being gay is something hardwired in your brain, present at birth -- and immutable to change. (Therefore, "gay re-education" is a farce and even cruel.) However, Mr. Wolford clearly changed and very late in life (75?) after 48 years of a marriage that I assume was not a farce (at least, that is not how he portrays it here). He doesn't say he was repressed, miserable, smothering his truest self. He sounds enormously happy in his marriage. Was this just extreme loneliness? 

还有：几十年来我们一直说，同性恋是天生的——不可能改得了。（因此，“同性恋再教育”就是扯淡而且残忍）但是，Wofford 先生显然改变了，而且是在晚年（75？），在48年婚姻之后，我推测他的婚姻并不是瞎胡闹（至少，在文中看不出来）。他没有说他很压抑，可怜，真实的自我什么的。他看上去婚姻很美满。这只是极端的孤独吗？

I've known a lot of men in my life (though I am a woman) and the straight men would be utterly horrified at having a homosexual relationship. So is Mr. Wolford therefore bisexual? DId he have gay affairs throughout his marriage? before his marriage? If he did, he certainly doesn't show it here.

我认识很多男人（尽管我是女人），直男绝对会被同性关系吓尿的。所以Wofford 先生是双性恋罗？他有没有在婚内劈腿男人呢？或者在婚前有同性恋史？如果有，他显然没有在这里写出来。

BTW: marriage really IS based on sexual nature, biology, family and kinship relations. No SCOTUS decision will ever rewrite 100,000 years of human history.

顺便说：婚姻就是建立在性本质，生物学，家庭和亲属关系上的。最高法院的决定也改写不了10万年的人类历史。

Lastly: if my 90 year old father wanted to marry a 40 year old (male or female), my first thoughts would be "gold digger" and "get a prenup". Honestly folks: tell me what is in it for the 40 year old if not wealth? 

最后：如果我的90岁老父亲想要跟一个40岁的人结婚（无论男女），我的第一个想法就是“傍大款”和“婚前协议”。我们实话实说吧：对于这个40岁的人来说，除了看中钱，还能是什么？

Glenda Fagan
Many of the commenters seem to be missing the fact that their move to an intimate relationship was based on a friendship of 3 or 4 years, grounded in shared experiences and interests. It was not a hook-up, as is so common with young people these days, nor did Matthew "pick up someone on the beach" as one commenter stated. Gold diggers don't stick around, waiting for marriage or a financial payoff, for 15 years. It is one the mysteries of the universe: why do we have chemistry with some, and not others? Why do we love who we love? Although I've never had a same sex physical relationship, I can't discount the possibility in the future. Who can predict where love will take us?

很多评论者似乎没注意到一个事实，他们的亲密关系是建立在一段3、4年的友谊之上，建立在共同分享的经历和兴趣之上。这不是勾搭，正如现在年轻人之中很普遍的，也不是马修“在海滩上搭上了某人”。傍大款的人不会坚持15年，等着结婚的名分或者拿一笔补偿。这是宇宙的秘密之一：为什么我们跟某些人有化学反应，而跟另一些人没有？为什么我们爱着我们正爱着的人？尽管我从来没有过同性肉体关系，但是我不能排除将来这种可能。谁能够预测爱会将我们带到哪里？

H. G.
I believe that living to 90 gives one the right to do as they please. The rest of us may watch slack jawed and rearrange our thoughts, but who are we to judge someone who has put so much work into this thing called life?

我相信一个人活到90岁，应该能够从心所欲了。我们其他人可以看着，惊掉下巴，然后重新整理我们对事物的想法，但是一个人已经投入了这么多在生活之中，我们当自己是谁啊，能够去评判他？