有一个中国男朋友是一种怎样的体验？（一） [美国媒体]

How does it feel to have a Chinese boyfriend?

有一个中国男朋友是一种怎样的体验（系列一）？



Answered by Bob Smith（Been to China many times, Speak Chinese, and have a lot of friends in China）

答案来自于 Bob Smith（去过中国很多次，可以说中文，在中国有许多朋友）

Generally Chinese guys are a lot different from Western guys. In my experience most(not all) Chinese guys are pretty much servants to the women. They carry around the girl’s purse and bags, they will go shopping with her for 5 hours and spend tons of money, whenever the girl asks for money the guy has to be able to give it to her, etc. I know one Chinese guy(he isn't the norm by any means) that would literally send flowers and expensive stuff(I’m talking hundred dollar box of chocolates) to women during college and he would literally take them out to fancy restaurants, let them ride around in his BMW and all kinds of crap like that. A lot of the girls that really wanted attention were obsessed with him, but most of the American girls just made fun of him because he was such a pushover when it came to women(he did anything they asked).

总体上来说中国男人和西方男人有很多不同。根据我的经验，大部分（并非所有）中国男人对于女人而言几乎是仆人，他们随身携带女孩们的手提包和背包，他们会花上五个小时来陪女孩逛商场，并且为她们花很多的钱，无论何时只要女孩需要钱，男朋友就必须能够满足她，等等。我知道一个中国男人（当然他只是一个个例）还在大学期间就毫不夸张地送一个女人鲜花和贵重的礼物（我是指几百美元一盒的巧克力），而且真的就带她们去昂贵的宾馆，让她们坐着自己的宝马到处逛，还有各种各样像这样离谱的事。许多想得到注意的女孩们都为他痴迷，但是大部分美国女孩认为他很可笑，因为他对于一个女人来说太容易被征服了（女孩们要他做什么他就做什么）。

Before I started learning Chinese I had another buddy in college who had a similar viewpoint. When a girl asked him to buy her dinner he always would, and the girl would get like Surf and Turf that cost like 40 dollars. I would always tell him that the girl was just taking advantage of him, but he literally did not understand. His English was so terrible that all he would say was “I have to do it” and I was like “No you dont have to take a girl out and pay a hundred bucks for dinner”, and he would just keep saying “Yes I do”, and he didnt elaborate cause his English wasnt good enough. Now that I’ve learned Chinese I understand this is a little more common of a mentality among Chinese guys, but still he kept having girls take advantage of him just to get free food, and he allowed it to happen. There are a good amount of Chinese guys that do this, although there are also a lot that are slightly less of a pushover. Generally though Chinese guys are a lot easier to read, and a lot easier to tell what to do than Western guys. If a Chinese guy likes you, generally you know because he will either send you expensive gifts, be around you all the time, or straight up ask you out, whereas western guys kinda beat around the bush for a while and give mixed signs.

在我开始学中文之前，我在大学有过一个哥们儿也有类似的情况。当一个女孩要他请吃饭时，他总是一口答应，而女孩就变得喜欢专门点那种差不多40美元的海鲜牛排大餐。我总是告诉他，那个女孩只是在利用他，但是他仍然还是不明白。他的英文很糟糕，以致于他总会说“我不得不这么做”，我会说“不，你没必要带一个女孩出去吃饭就花100多美元”，而他就会一直说“不，我有必要这么做”，因为他英语不够好所以他没办法进一步详细地解释。如今我已经学会中文了，我才明白这在中国男人中间是一种比较常见的心态，就像我那个朋友那样，一直任由女孩利用他吃免费的午餐，而他就是听之任之，很多中国男人就像他一样，经管中国也有很多不像他那样轻易被征服的男人。通常，中国男人跟容易被读懂，相比起西方男人来说，中国男人更愿意直接向女孩表明他想要做什么。如果一个中国男人喜欢你，一般很快你就会知道他对你有意思，因为他要么会送你贵重的礼物，要么一直找机会和你在一起，要么直接约你出去，反之，西方男人会先旁敲侧击一段时间，并且做出形形色色的暗示。

Obviously I’m a guy so I dont date Chinese guys since I’m straight but I have dozens of Chinese friends and most of the guys act more or less like this. I suppose it would be good for Western girls because a lot of them like attention, and a guy who will cling to them, but Chinese girls sometimes get annoyed with it, which is, I guess, why they like me so much, a western guy who is pretty independent.

很显然，我也是一个男人，但我不会和中国男人约会，因为我是个直男，但是我有几十个中国朋友，他们其中大多数多多少少表现得有些像前面提到的那样。我认为中国男人很适合西方女孩，因为很多西方女孩喜欢随时被关心，希望男人围着她转。但是中国女孩有时会很烦这种行为，而这个，我猜，也就是为什么她们非常喜欢我这样的，一个相当独立的男人。

Mr. Liu who answered this question and talked about how Chinese girls prefer Western guys, and as a Western guy I’d say this is only half true. I’ve met a ton of Chinese girls who would rather date a Chinese guy then a handsome foreigner, in fact most Chinese girls probably have “fantasies” about dating a foreigner, but when a foreigner comes and asks them out the majority of them will be a little more cautious about the relationship and would rather date a Chinese guy. This is partially because of culture and language, and partially because their parents are pretty strict and some parents dont want their kids dating a foreigner. The guys are much the same way I’ve found, most might fantasize about dating a Western girl but almost all of them prefer Chinese girls, the only Chinese guys I’ve met that prefer Western(and by Western I mean white) girls are the Chinese guys that have been extremely Americanized to the extreme. Otherwise they usually go for Chinese girls. Either way though Chinese boyfriends are certainly pretty nice guys, but I’ve heard some American girls compare them to manservants and stuff like that so depending on what you want you might have to do a little digging to find the type of Chinese boyfriend you want.

另一个回答这个问题的 Mr.Liu 谈到，中国女孩更喜欢西方男人，但是作为一个西方男人我必须说，这句话只说对了一半。我碰到的很多中国女孩，更愿意和一个中国男人约会，而不是一个帅气的西方男人。实际上，很多中国女孩对于和外国人约会都会有某种“幻想”，但是当一个外国人走向并她约她出去时，大部分女孩会对这种关系比较谨慎，而如果是面对一个中国男人就不会这样。部分原因是由于文化和语言的关系，也有一部分原因是因为她们的父母非常严格，不希望自己的女儿和一个外国人约会。我发现中国男人也差不多是同样的情况，他们大部分人都幻想和一个西方女孩约会，但是他们几乎所有人都愿意找一个中国女朋友。唯一一个我碰到的更愿意找一个西方女孩（这里的西方女孩我是专指白人女孩）的中国男人，还是一个极度美国化到极点的中国男人，其他的中国男人通常都找中国女孩谈恋爱。虽然无论从那个方面看，中国男朋友都肯定是不错的男人，但是我还是听到某些美国女孩把他们比作男仆或者其他类似的东西，所以根据你想要什么，你可能还需要做更深入的了解，才能找到你想要类型的中国男朋友。


Dennis Deng
If a Chinese woman truly loves you, she will help you save money because she seriously take it into consideration that you and her become couple and form a family so she won't waste any money that is supposed to help finance your two’s future. Of cause I'm talking about normal Chinses women, not those who seek opportunities to take advantages of their supposed “boyfriends”.

如果一个中国女人真的爱你，她就会帮你节约钱，因为她会认真的考虑到，以后你和她会变成夫妻组成一个家庭，所以她不会乱花钱，因为这笔钱很可能将来用于你们未来的家庭支出。当然我是在谈那些正常的中国女人，而不是那些一有机会就利用他们所谓的“男朋友”的那种女人。

Julian Huang 回复 Dennis Deng
Totally agree, unfortunately Chinese men sometimes have an urge to splurge their girlfriend not because she is demanding but it just makes him feel manly.
Chinese man tend to assume women cares a lot more about money than they actually do. So they just love to drop money on girls even though the girl is not in the relationship for money.
They then proceed to complain about how their girlfriends are ultra high maintenance

完全同意，不幸的是中国男人有时候有某种迫切的欲望，想在女朋友面前显摆，不是因为女朋友要求他这么做，而是这么做会让他觉得自己很男人。
中国男人常常想当然地以为，女人更关心你给她花多少钱，而不是你为她做过什么。所以他们喜欢在女孩身上花大把的钱，哪怕女孩并非为了钱才和他谈恋爱。
然后他们下一步就开始抱怨，他们的女朋友太难伺候。

Thiaio Ldor
Maybe these boys love beautiful ladies and are willing to devote all their money&time to the ladies.
Ordinary girls will not act as what you say.

也许这些男孩喜欢的是那种漂亮的女人，愿意把所有的钱和时间花在女人身上。
普通女孩不会像你说得那样。

Hazel Choi
“I would always tell him that the girl was just taking advantage of him, but he literally did not understand.”
Hahahaha this cracked me up, just imagining that poor boy clueless about being taken advantage of.

“我总是告诉他，那个女孩只是在利用他，但是他仍然还是不明白。”
哈哈哈哈 这个地方笑死我了，可以想象那个可怜的家伙被人利用了还一副一无所知的样子。

C. Michel de Wilde
woah, is it possible because the the male outnumbers the female?

哇，有没有可能因为中国的男人比女人多？

Lucas Karl Hahn 回复 C. Michel de Wilde
Probably. In a society with more males than females, the women will have a great deal of bargaining power. Likewise, if there are too few men, which often results after civil war, the men will be able to select more beautiful women, and women will have to work harder to keep them.

有可能。在一个男人比女人多的社会，女人就会有大量讨价还价的权利。同样的，如果男人比较少，一般是因为内战造成的，男人就有机会在更多的漂亮的女人里挑选，而女人将不得不努力表现来留住男人。

Jared Stevens 回复 Lucas Karl Hahn
Considering it has been true for ages as far as I know,’ it is more likely to be a custom for years than new trend due to the imbalance of genders.

据我所知，这种情形已经持续很长一段时间了，由于男女比例失衡，很有可能这种情形已经是一种约定俗成而不是某种新趋势。

Joe Ala
1). It is a “sellers” market in China, men outnumber available women and therefore have to work from a disadvantageous position and cannot afford to “offend” the seller.
2). Politically, women are described as being the less powerful of the 2 genders, in reality the world is basically a matriarchal society by nature. Since childhood, men are trained to accept women as part of the power structure.
3). A normal part of a male’s feeling good about himself is when he feels he can “please” a woman. This is huge for a male and a woman’s genuine smile and indication that he has “pleased” her is a major component of “good” sex between them.

1）在中国，女性是处于“卖方市场”的位置。男性在数量上超过适婚女性的数量，所以不得不站在一个不利的位置上出发，并且无法承担“冒犯”卖方的后果。
2）在政治上，女人通常被描述为在两性权利中处于弱势的一方，但实际上，这个世界基本上天生是一个母系社会。从很小的时候，男性就被教育要接受女性作为权力结构中的一部分。
3）一个男人自我感觉良好的通常条件之一就是，他感觉他能够“取悦”女人。一个女人真实的微笑对男性来说很重要，这表明他已经“取悦了”这个女人，而这将会是两人之间“良好的”性关系的重要组成部分。

Erin Zhao
I suppose that most of Chinese friends you know are one type of guys. Both their girlfriends and themselves are obsessed with famous brands and fancy stuff. Most of Chinese men do buy presents and pay for dinner for their girlfriends. Not have to be expensive. It's not just about the money they spend on their girlfriend. It's mainly about men taking good care of women in unique Chinese culture.

我认为大部分你认识的中国朋友都是同一类人。不管是他们的女朋友和他们自己，都非常喜欢名牌和昂贵的东西。大部分中国男人确实为他们女朋友买礼物，为饭钱买单，但并不是必须那么贵。这不仅仅是他们为女朋友花钱的问题，在独特的中国文化里，更主要的问题是男人要照顾好女朋友。

Leo Li
Yes,it's true, but many girls are not want to take advantage of her boyfriend. They just want to know that her boyfriend like her or not.
I like you, so I would like to share my things with you, whatever the thing is money or something else .

是的，确实是这样，但是许多女孩子并不是想利用他们的男朋友。她们只是想知道她们的男朋友是不是真的爱他。
我爱你，所以我会愿意把我的东西分享给你，不管这个东西是钱还是其他的东西。

Nathan Ye
Sorry to say but this is absolute horseshit

很抱歉这样讲，但是我必须说你说的这一大堆简直胡说八道。

Helen Yang
That's not what every Chinese guys looks like. In a relationship, they also start from cling to a girl, and gradually cool down. Chinese guys also use mix sign to hint the girl he wants to date. Also most Chinese guys don't like introducing their girl friend to friends and family until plan to get married. The only time they willing to spend money on girls is when the girl is still considering about their relationship.

并不是每一个中国男人都这样。在一段恋爱关系中，他们一开始通常非常黏着女孩，但是时间一长就慢慢地冷淡了。中国男孩通常会使用各种信号来暗示女孩想与其约会。而且大部分中国男人不喜欢把他们的女朋友介绍给自己的朋友和家人，除非他们计划和自己的女朋友结婚才会这么做。唯一让他们愿意为女孩花钱的时机是，女孩尚且还在考虑这段关系没有下定论之前。

Vento Van
I'm a Chinese girl , and I have a Chinese boyfriend. I entirely pay for my bills even his. I enjoy the expensive chocolate.And I also like those cheap candy.He never need to hold my purse or handbag.I love the guy and I want he can live in a free way with me. I don't want to take advantage of him.

我是一个中国女孩，并且我有一个中国男朋友。基本上我自己的账单自己付，甚至有时候也会为男朋友付钱。我享受昂贵的巧克力，同时也喜欢那些便宜的糖果，他从来不必提我的手提包。我爱他并且我希望他可以以自由的方式和我相处。我不会去利用他。

C. Michel de Wilde 回复 Vento Van
Is this common or uncommon? I currently date a Chinese Indonesian girl but she's western educated and don't want me to pay the dinner bill (thanks goodness)

这是普遍情况还是特殊情况？我现在正在和一个华裔印度尼西亚女孩约会，但是她受过西方教育，没有让我为吃饭买单（谢天谢地）。

Vento Van 回复 C. Michel de Wilde
common i think.

普遍情况，我认为。

Rosalyn
do you know how many female and how many male in china？←_←although it's not the main reason ,if you know there would be thousand of Chinese boys cant get girls because of the imbalance of gender then you would understand.
anyway,this is also because of Chinese long history of culture,man always regard the female as their private property.nowadays,Chinese boys would do many things for girls because they think she belong him,and they want to let other know,she is mine.you know,in the university,my roommate,whenever she was ill or she doesn't want to eat anything,her boyfriend would quickly go outside to buy medicine for her and he would cook some food for her, ←_←although everytime her boyfriend would like to let me help him take these things for my roommate , I really don't like because we live in the seventh floor〒_〒BTW,in fact I also don't like boys do like this,and not all Chinese boy would do like this, of course there is also not all Chinese girls like such boy.but,I think most of Chinese girls they just want to get the feeling of safety from boys.it's just my personal view

你知道中国有多少男人和多少女人吗？尽管这不是主要原因，如果你知道有成千上万的中国男人找不到女朋友是因为性别失衡，你就会明白了。
而且，这还和中国悠久的历史文化有关，男人通常认为女人是自己的私人才财产。现如今中国男孩愿意为女孩做很多事情，是因为他认为女孩是属于他的，并且他们想让其他人知道，她是我的。你知道吗，在我的大学，我的一个室友，无论何时她生病了或者她不想吃东西，她的男朋友会迅速地出去买药，亲自做饭送给她。尽管每次她男朋友让我帮忙把东西带给我室友，可是我实在是不想去，因为我们住在7楼。顺便说一下，事实上我不喜欢男人这么做，并非所有的中国男人会这么做，当然也有许多中国女孩并不喜欢这样的男孩。但是，我想大多数中国女孩她们只是想从男朋友那里获取一些安全感。这只是我的个人观点。

Bob Smith 回复 Rosalyn
I wouldnt say Chinese culture is behind, just because Chinese culture is different, doesnt mean it is bad or behind. I like the Chinese boyfriends that act like this, I think there are a lot of traits these guys exhibit that us westerners could learn from, particularly with how generous they are with gifts since a lot of western guys forget to give gifts to their girlfriends. Chinese culture is unique in its own right, and is not behind at all. Different is good, the whole world doesnt need to follow the same dating stuff, that would make for a pretty boring place wouldnt it?

我不是说中国文化落后，而是想说中国文化是不同的，不同并不意味着有害或落后。我喜欢中国男孩这样的表现，我认为这些男人表现出来的许多品质值得我们西方人学习，尤其是他们在送礼物非常慷慨方面，因为许多西方男人经常忘记送礼物给自己的女朋友。中国文化有它自身的独特性，而不是落后。不同是一件好事情，全世界不需要去遵从千篇一律的约会文化，如果都是这样的话，那这世界也太没意思了，不是吗？