让自己置身于能让你恪守更高标准的人中间 [美国媒体]

SurroundYourself with People Who Hold You to a Higher Standard than You Hold Yourself

让自己置身于能让你恪守更高标准的人中间



There’ssome interesting research in social psychology explaining how most people formtheir peer groups. Especially as children and adolescence, but often as adults,people select their friends based on proximity more than anything else.
Even ina college classroom, who are you going to make friends with? It’s not those whohave similar personalities and interests. It’s the people you literally sitnext to.

——社会心理学有一些有趣的研究报告，这些研究解释了大多数人如何组建他们的同龄群体。接近度是人们选择朋友的基准，这一准则远超其他一切，尤其是孩子和青少年，但成年人也常常如此。即使是在一间大学教室里，你会选择谁交朋友呢？并不是那些和你有着相同性格和兴趣的人，而是那些仅仅坐在你旁边的人。

Socioeconomically,there is loads of research showing a person’s economic mobility is highlydetermined by the country they live in. In certain counties, your chances ofimproving your financial situation are very good. In others, like the one ourthree foster children came from, your chances of improving your financialsituation are slim-to-none.

——从社会经济上讲，有着大量的研究表明，人们所居住的国家高度决定着其经济变动性。在某些国家，你有良好的机会改善你的财务状况。而在其他国家，比如我们四个养子所来自的国家，你改善你财务状况的机会是渺茫的。

Put mostsimply, what stands in nearest proximity to you has enormous implications. AsJim Rohn has wisely said, “You are the average of the five people you spend themost time with.” Similarly, Tim Sanders, former Yahoo! director, said, “Yournetwork is your net worth.”

——最简单来说即是，与你最亲近的人对你有着巨大的影响。睿智的吉姆-罗恩曾说，“你代表着你所花时间最多相处的5个人的平均水平（近朱者赤，近墨者黑）。”前雅虎主管蒂姆-桑德斯也曾说过类似的话，“你的人际关系就是你的资本净值。”

Ifyou’re feeling stuck and struggling to make the progress you want, take a lookaround you. Most people adapt to whatever environment they find themselves.They have what psychologists call an “external locus of control,” where theybelieve factors outside of them dictate the direction of their lives. Thus,they live reactively to whatever life throws at them.

——如果你感觉生活停滞不前，并且挣扎着想要改变，那么审视下周围。大多数人使自己适应于任何他们自己面对的环境。他们身上有着心理学家所谓的“外控点”，那使得他们认为外界的因素指示着他们人生的方向。因此，不论生活向他们抛来什么，他们只是被动的接受着。

Who arethe people in nearest proximity to you? How did they become your peer group?Was it on purpose or based on convenience? Do these people hold you to a highstandard? Or, do they hold you to an even lower standard than you holdyourself?

——谁是你身边最亲近的人？他们是如何变成你的同伴的？是因为有意如此还是仅仅因为方便？这些人能让你恪守更高的准则吗？或者，他们是否甚至让你的标准降得比你所要求更低了？

If youwant to improve and succeed in your life, you need to surround yourself withpeople who have higher standards than you do. As Tony Robbins has said, yourlife is a reflection of your standards, or what you’re willing to tolerate.Most people are willing to tolerate unhealthy relationships, poor finances, andjobs they hate. If not so, those things wouldn’t be in their lives.

——如果你想要你的生活改善并且成功，你需要将你置身于那些能让你恪守更高准则的人之间。如唐尼-罗宾斯所说，你的生活反映了你的标准，或者你愿意容忍的东西。大多数人都愿意忍受不健康的关系、糟糕的财务状况以及他们所讨厌的工作。否则，这些事情就不会出现在他们的生活中。

Recently,I’ve been getting help from Ryan Holiday, author of several books, on a bookproposal I’m working on. Personally, I was extremely satisfied with themanuscript several iterations ago. Yet, every time I send him a draft, he showsme why and how it could be 10x better, and he holds me to that standard.

——最近，我一直在向瑞恩-霍乐迪寻求帮助，他已写过多本书，希望他能给我正在写的一本书提些建议。就我个人而言，对几个版本前的手稿，我就早已十分满足了。然而，每次我寄给他一份手稿，他就能告诉我为何以及如何可以使得其变好十倍，然后他告诉我达到那个标准。

Lookingback now at the product I was formerly satisfied with, I actually cringe. Wow,my standards for my work are so much lower than Ryan’s standards for my work.
The sameis true of my Ph.D. research adviser. I’ll send her a research paper I’msatisfied with and she’ll not be satisfied at all. She’ll then challenge me torethink things and go much deeper. Although this is challenging and evenfrustrating, it’s how you get better.

——现在看看那些我之前满意的作品，我实际上感到后怕。哇，我对自己作品所要求的标准比瑞恩对其的标准低好多啊！我的博士论文导师也是如此。我把自认为满意的论文章节发给她，而她却一点也不满意。然后她会让我重新考虑，并且作更深入的思考。尽管这颇具挑战，并且令人沮丧，但这样你才能变得更好。

Thisisn’t true just in working relationships. What about your romantic partner? Dothey hold you to a high standard? Do they help you become more than youcurrently are? Do you help them?

——这不仅仅适用于工作关系。你的伴侣怎样呢？他们是否能让你恪守更高的准则？他们是否能让你变得更好？你又是否能够帮助他们？

The80/20 rule applies to people and peer groups. 20 percent of the population ismoving forward, 60 percent of population reactively mimics whoever they arearound at the time, and 20 percent of the population is moving backwards.

——二八定律同样适用于人以及同龄群体。20%的人是不断向前发展的；同时，60%的人被动的模仿他们周围的人，无论这些人是好是坏；另外20%的人则是向后倒退的。

Mostpeople are a direct reflection of those around them. If the people around themhave lower standards, they drop theirs’ as well. If the people around them havehigher standards, they raise their game.

——大多数人直接反映了他们周围的人。如果他们身边的人标准很低，那么他们也会降低自己的标准。相反，如果他们周围的人恪守较高的准则，他们也会相应地提高自己的标准。

You’vebeen around people who, simply by being around them, elevated your thinking andenergy. Those are the kinds of people you need to surround yourself with. Thoseare the kinds of people you need to be like yourself, so that others are bettersimply by being around you.

——如果你身边是一群能提升你思想，让你充满能量的人，那么紧紧围绕着他们吧。他们是那种你身边所需要的人；他们是那种你应该成为的人，以便使其他人最好紧紧围绕着你。

Thequality of your life and the quality of your work is determined by thestandards you have for yourself, and the standards of those around you. Ifyou’re fine doing mediocre work, then those around you are as well.

——你对自己的标准，以及你身边的人对你的标准，决定了你生活和工作的质量。如果你能够接受做平凡普通的工作，那么你身边的人也同样如此。

If yougenuinely want to become better, you must surround yourself with people whowill hold you to a higher standard than you currently hold yourself. You wantto be around people with a higher and better vantage-point than you have, sothat you can quickly learn from them.

——如果你真正地想要变得更好，你必须让自己置身于能让你恪守更高标准的人中间。当你身边的人能提高你的标准，并让你处于更有利的位置时，你就能快速地向他们学习。

Yourlevel of talent and “potential” are irrelevant if you’re surrounded by peoplewho don’t help you realize it. We all know many people who have unfulfilledpotential. Don’t let that be you.

——当你身边的人让你意识不到你自己的天资和潜力水平时，那些就将和你没什么关系。众所周知，很多人都未曾兑现天赋。不要让自己也成为那样的人。

Who yousurround yourself with has huge consequences. You can’t ignore this. What areyou going to do about it?

——你身边的是什么样的人对你有很大的影响。你不能忽视这一影响。对此，你将如何行动呢？