假如列支敦士登试图征服中国，那么会发生什么? [美国媒体]

What would happen if Liechtenstein tried to conquer China?

假如列支敦士登试图征服中国，那么会发生什么?




Daan Verbaan, BSc Security Studies, Leiden University (2021)
Daan Verbaan 莱顿大学通讯安全专业

Unfortunately, nobody is really answering the question. However, we're talking about a serious conflict here, so I’m going to try to answer the question.

不幸的是，没人真正在回答这个问题。可是我们在这里讨论的是一起严重的冲突，所以我将试着回答这个问题。

We're talking here about:

我们谈论的双方是:

Principality of Liechtenstein

列支敦士登公国



Population: 37,340

人口：37340人

Police force: 125 employees

警察力量：125名雇员

Uniform:

制服：



Armed with small fire arms (let’s say they’re all armed with a MP5).

装备小型武器(就当他们全装备MP5吧)
(MP5，德制冲锋枪)

People's Republic of China 

中华人民共和国



Population: 1,373,541,278 (ratio: 1 Liechtensteiner for 36,784 Chinese)

人口：1,373,541,278(比例：一个列支敦士登人要对付36,784个中国人)

Armed forces: 2,300,000 soldiers

武装力量：230万士兵

Uniform:

制服：



20–04–2017, the war has begun

2017年4月20号，战争开始了。

On the 20th of April, 2017, Liechtenstein declares war on the People’s Republic of China, for reasons. Unfortunately, Liechtenstein can’t project any power across its borders because at the moment, it doesn’t have the means to. That’s why China attacks Liechtenstein.

公元二〇一七年四月二十日，列支敦士登公国出于某些原因，向中华人民共和国宣战。不幸的是，列支敦士登无法向国外派遣力量——因为它没有任何手段。因此它只能等中国打上门来。

The confrontation between Liechtenstein and China (First Chino-Liechtenstein War of 2017) (or in Chinese: The Great Anti-Fascist Capitalist War of Free China etc.):

列支敦士登与中国的交锋(2017年第一次中—列战争)(或者按中国的说法：反法西斯主义伟大解放战争之类的)：

Liechtenstein is a landlocked country. That means that China will have to attack by land, or by airborne troops. I personally think that an air assault is the best option. That means China will use their airborne troops. May I present to you:

列支敦士登是一个内陆国家。也就是说中国将只能通过陆路或空中的方式进攻。我个人认为空袭是最好的选择。这意味着中国将使用他们的空降部队。请允许我像你介绍：

15th Airborne Corps

中国人民解放军空降兵第15军


 
According to Wikipedia[1]; the 15th Airborne Corps consists of 3 divisions. With its current capability, the PLAAF could only lift one division of 11,000 men complemented with light tanks and self-propelled artillery. China wants a quick victory of course. That’s why one division is enough for China. The invasion starts.

根据维基百科：第15空降军由3个师组成。以中国空军目前的能力，只能运输一个师的11000名士兵，并配备轻型坦克和自行火炮。当然了，中国想要速战速决。这就是为何一个师就足够了。战役开始了——

21–04–2017

2017年4月21日



Jules Hoch, Chief of Police, decides that Liechtenstijn will use its troops to defend the capital: Vaduz. You will probably use Google to search for Vanduz; no worries, here it is:

列支敦士登警察局长Jules Hoch决定，使用其警力保卫首都：瓦杜兹。你可能现在正在搜瓦杜兹是什么：不劳费神，这就是：
(列支敦士登没有军队)


 
24–04–2017

2017年4月24日

The 43rd division of the 15th Airborne Corps invaded the city of Balzers by deploying 11,000 troops. Hoch still wants to fight the Chinese in Vaduz.

第15空降军第43师11000名士兵入侵巴尔采斯(列支敦士登南部城市，与瑞士毗邻)。Hoch 局长仍想在首都瓦杜兹与中国人决一死战。

27–04–2017

2017年4月27日



The Battle of Vaduz (2017)

瓦杜兹之战(2017年)

The Liechtenstein police force uses its full capability by deploying 125 cops, armed with MP5. The 43rd division encirkles Vaduz, by invading the north, south, east and west of Vaduz (each 2500 soldiers). The Liechtenstein police force has to adapt to the new situation and divides its force in 4 groups: NVDF (North Vaduz Defense Force), SVDF (South Vaduz Defense Force), EVDF (East Vaduz Defense Force) and the WVDF (West Vaduz Defense Force), each consisting of 31 cops.

列支敦士登警察部队动用了全部警力——125名配备了MP5的警察。第43个师从北部、南部、东部和西部(各2500名士兵)四个方向保卫了瓦杜兹。因此列支敦士登警察部队必须应对局势，并将其力量分为四组：东、西、南、北瓦杜兹国防警察力量，每个小队都由31名警察组成。

The 43rd division uses a lot of its mortars to attack Vaduz and they manage to hit 4 cops of the NVDF, 3 soldiers of the SVDF, 6 soldiers of the EVDF and 2 soldiers of the WVDF. The Chinese soldiers charge the WVDF and annihilate it. The same happens, after the chaos caused by the mortar shells, to the NVDF. There are 22 cops left, who try to regroup and attack the 43rd division. They fail miserably, and the 43rd division triumphs.

第43师大量使用迫击炮攻击瓦杜兹，他们设法消灭了一些警察，并以西面为突破口，歼灭了西国防警察，之后是北国防警察。只剩下22名警察了，他们试图重新组队并展开反击——然而悲惨地失败了，第43师取得了胜利。

In the end, the Liechtenstein police force has lost 109 cops, while the Chinese lost 189 soldiers. Say hello to the People’s Republic of Liechtenstein.

最后，列支敦士登警察部队牺牲了109名警察，而中国失去了189名士兵——向列支敦士登人民共和国问好吧。

Arman Siani, Engineer, Entrepreneur, Traveler

Arman Siani，工程师、企业家、旅行家

Prime Minister of Liechtenstein: Since I care a lot about Tibet and human rights of China (even though I don’t know what I am talking about), I hereby declare war on China to free the Chinese and bring “DEMOCRACYYY” to China.

列支敦士登总理：我十分关切中国的(虽然我不知道我在说什么)，我据此向中国宣战，以解放中国人民，把为中国带去民主。

Xi Jinping (Leader of China): Umm…okay….whatever..

中国领导人：嗯……好吧……随你便。

Liechtenstein's Army general (or Police chief) calls up the Chinese ambassador: Please ignore our PM. We deeply apologize for the misunderstanding. Our prime minister’s wife cheated on him with a Chinese exchange student and hence, he has been high on some seriously strong weed ever since.

列支敦士登军队将军(或者叫警察局长)打电话给中国大使：请无视我们的首相，我们对他造成的误会深表歉意。我们首相的老婆背着他和一个中国交换生偷腥。所以最近他抽大麻抽嗨了。

Chinese Ambassador: Oh well its all good. I hope your prime minister gets over the sorrow and leaves his wife. There are plenty of other women who he can date. Also too much weed is bad for you.

中国大使：哦，明白了。我希望你们的首相看开点，离开他老婆。他能约很多其他女人。另外，抽太多大麻对身体不好。


Nick Sawyer, BS Computer Science, University of California, Irvine (2020)

Nick Sawyer，加利福尼亚大学计算机科学学士，

In 1866 Liechtenstein sent its soldiers to war for the last time. They sent out 80 braves soldiers to fight, only 81 returned (they made a friend), Liechtenstein is the only country in the world to send soldiers off to war and return with more soldiers. After it declares war, their army makes the long march to China.

1866年是列支敦士登最后一次派士兵去打仗。他们派出80个勇士去战斗，结果返回81人(他们带回来一个朋友)，列支敦士登是世界上唯一一个派遣士兵出战并带着更多士兵返回的国家。
在宣战之后，他们的军队向中国进军。

Nobody takes them seriously at first but after the first battle they make one friend. The next day they get into another skirmish, and end it with two more comrades totaling 3 friends. Before the sun has set on the 22nd day the entire People's Liberation Army have been recruited by the Liechtensteiners.

一开始没人把他们当回事儿，但在第一次战斗之后，他们就会交了第一个朋友。第二天，他们又发生了一场小冲突，又有了两个新朋友，总共有三个朋友，第三条搞到4个朋友……第22天太阳落山之前，所有人民解放军都被列支敦士登军队招募走了。

China falls by the end of the month and the entire country has been folded into the Principality of Liechtenstein, now the most populous country in the world. Don't fuck with Liechtenstein.

然后不到月底中国就崩溃了，整个国家都被并入列支敦士登公国。列支敦士登如今是世界上人口最多的国家——别他妈的找列支敦士登不痛快。

(Edit: Here’s a link to the Wikipedia article about the war in 1866. You can find Lichtenstein under the neutral parties section. Austro-Prussian War - Wikipedia)

(1866年，奥地利和普鲁士爆发战争，即普奥战争；奥地利联合其他一些德意志邦联成员国一起对抗普鲁士，而列支敦士登便是德意志邦联中的一员。为了捍卫自己的邦联安全，列支敦士登派出了80名士兵参战。7周后战争结束，列支敦士登士兵凯旋归国，清点人数发现不但个个毫发无损，更是回来了81人，比去的时候还多。原来多出来的是一名友军，是奥地利驻列支敦士登的联络军官，因为战争结束后时分拨回国，而他选择了跟列支敦士登这一批军队回国——资料来自网上)

Daniil Raytsyn
April 20, 2017. The Prime Minitster of Liechtenstein officialy announces that his country has declared war on China. He hopes to conquer the Chinese mainland and liberate its people from a communist regime. This becomes a laughable but newsworthy event, and most major media outlets report immediately. This also attracts the UN’s attention, and delegates are struggling to figure out why the tiny nation of Liechtenstein would suddenly declare war on China. Meanwhile, the Liechtenstinian government begins to plot an invasion plan.

2017年4月20日。列支敦士登首相正式向中国宣战。他希望征服中国大陆，把人民从GC政权中解放出来。这是一个可笑但相当博眼球的事件，主流媒体立即跟进报道，同时也引起了联合国的注意，联合国代表们正努力弄清楚为何小小的列支敦士登会突然向中国宣战。与此同时，列支敦士登政府开始策划入侵计划。

Liechtenstein is now facing some serious logistical problems. Firstly, it is a landlocked country, and does not have any airports. They are also struggling to find volunteers to liberate China, and the decision to declare war is almost unanimously unpopular with its citizens. Eventually, a small volunteer force is created, but reaching China is more challenging than first anticipated. Neighbouring countries do not want to side with Liechenstein, and deny it access to their military facilities. The government considers building an airstrip to launch an invasion, but the mountainous terrain is very unfavorable for construction. Because of this, the volunteer force dissolves and Liechtenstein cannot invade.

列支敦士登开始面临严重的后勤问题。首先，它是一个内陆国家，没有任何机场。他们还发现很难志愿去解放中国的人，公民一点也不欢迎宣战的决定。最终，列国终于组建起一个小的志愿队，然而到达中国比最初预期的更具挑战性。邻国不愿站在列国一边，并拒绝让它借用军事设施。政府考虑建造一个简易机场来发动入侵，但山区地形非常不适合建设，因此，志愿队解散了，列支敦士登入侵计划取消。

Meanwhile, the Chinese government meets in Beijing to discuss the implications of war with Liechtenstein. After little debate, there is a concensus that the only way to reaonably approach this situation is to launch an airborne invasion of Liechtenstein.

与此同时，中国政府在北京开会，讨论与列支敦士登战争的影响。经过小小的争论之后，大家达成共识——这种情况下唯一合理的策略就对列支敦士登发动空袭。

April 21, 2017

2017年4月21日

Chinese paratroopers descend onto Vaduz, and quickly occupy the government buildings. With no military, Liechtenstein cannot defend itsself. The Chinese take control of the local government. After a few hours the Prime Minister is forced to surrender. Chinese diplomats shortly arrive to discuss a peace treaty.

中国伞兵空降瓦杜兹，并迅速占领政府大楼。由于没有军队，列支敦士登毫无抵抗之力。中国人控制了当地政府。几小时后，首相被迫投降。不久，中国外交官就开始讨论和平条约。

Liechtenstein is now a Chinese Overseas Territory, administered as an SAR like Hong Kong and Macau. There is still a government in place, but China is controlling it. The territory is quickly populated by Chinese citizens. The local population is overwhelmed by the new arrivals and Mandarin Chinese is now Liechtenstein’s most spoken language. With this new land, China now has a foothold in Europe, and Liechtenstein becomes an important territory.

列支敦士登现在是中国的海外领地，作为香港和澳门这样的特区管理。当地依然有政府，但受到中国控制。这片土地很快就充满了中国公民。当地人口被新来者淹没了，普通话现在是列支敦士登最通用语言。凭借这块土地，中国在欧洲有了块立足地，列支敦士登因此成为一块重要的领土。

Myrat Yaz
China’s Army General: Liechtenstein declared war on us and are on their way to attack mainland China?

中国将军：列支敦士登向我们宣战，正在向中国大陆进军？

Xi Jinping (Leader of China): “What” is Liechtenstein?

中国领导人：列支敦士登是什么？

China’s Army General: Country/Kingdom in Europe, Sir.

中国陆军将军：一个欧洲国家，长官。

Xi Jinping (Leader of China): What is the population there?

中国领导人：那儿的人口是多少?

China’s Army General: A little over 35,000.

中国陆军上将：3.5万多一点。

Xi Jinping (Leader of China): Which hotel will they be staying in Beijing?

中国领导人：给他们在北京安排一个旅馆。

Xiao Chen, studied at Zhejiang University

Xiao Chen，毕业于浙江大学

125 Liechtenstein cops, which is the entire of their armed force, booked tickets from United Airlines before the declaration of the war with trip visa. 4 of them were forced to give their seats to some must-fly people in Vienna so finally 121 of them landed in Beijing Capital Intl. Airports.

125名列支敦士登警察是他们全部武装力量，在宣战前，他们已经预定了联合航空公司的机票。结果在维也纳机场，其中4人被迫让座一些重要人物，最后121人降落在北京首都国际机场。

Of course, in order to pass the security check in Vienna, they didn’t carry any weapon. They were told to stay in hotels for further instructions.

当然，为了通过维也纳机场的安检，他们没有携带任何武器。他们被命令到达北京后呆在旅馆里，听候进一步指示。

Four hours after the plane landed, Liech. declared the war on their facebook.

飞机着陆四个小时后，列国在他们的脸书上宣战。

Chinese government called the Swiss ambassador because they delegate the diplomatic affairs for Leich. “Their account must have been hacked.” that was the explanation.

中国政府打电话给瑞士大使——因为他们把外交事务委托给了瑞士。“他们的账户一定被黑了”——瑞士方面解释到。

Meanwhile, because Facebook is blocked in China, the cops didn’t know the war had been declared. They kept on waiting.

与此同时，由于中国封锁了脸书，警察们不知道已经宣战了。他们一直等待着指示。

They were deported when their visa expired.

他们在签证到期后被驱逐出境。

Keith Cooper, Head Cook and Bottle Washer (1965-present)

Keith Cooper，厨师长、杂役

It might just work, if the Chinese all died laughing at the audacity.

也不是完全不可能成功——假如所有中国人都笑得失去战斗力的话。

We once drove into Liechtenstein and were surrounded by a band of their soldiers in full fig and equipment skirmishing with some of their Swiss neighbours. Our car became a place to hide down until we were allowed to carry on. It was a long time ago but who knows they might have been training for an assault on China

我们曾经驱车进入列支敦士登，然后被他们的一伙身着华丽盛装的士兵包围了——他们和一些瑞士邻居发生了冲突。不过那都是很久前的事了，谁知道这之后他们有没有进行进攻中国的训练呢。

Rik Andino, Proud American, Former Sergeant US Marine Corps

Rik Andino，自豪的美国人，前美国海军陆战队中士

Everyone at the U.N. will have a good ten minute laugh.

联合国的每个人都会开怀大笑十分钟。

Then they'll go back to arguing about what pizza to order for lunch and Palestinian sovereignty.

然后大家会回去继续讨论午餐点什么披萨以及巴勒斯坦主权问题。