为什么中国人在管束小孩子上比美国人做得好？ [美国媒体]

-------------译者：breakingbad-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

How come people in China discipline their kids better than in America?

为什么中国人在管教小孩上比美国人厉害？


-------------译者：粘螂666-审核者：op123258------------

Maya Kaiser PhD Cultural Anthropology & China University of Cambridge (2011) Answered 11h ago
Have you ever seen small children in China? They are cherished in a way that would make all of us baby-sling-wearing organic purée-making attachment-obsessed western parents feel deeply inadequate.

你们在中国见过小宝宝吗？ 他们真的受到了极好的爱护，以至于让我们这些过度依赖紧固用的婴儿吊兜的西方父母感觉自己实在是不称职的。



{I don’t know this baby but I wish I did}

我不认识这个宝宝，但我多么希望自己能认识这个可爱的宝宝！

Chinese families shower their babies with affection. Not just parents but aunts uncles grandparents cousins and family friends all get involved in making children feel loved.

中国家庭为他们的宝贝倾注了大量的情感。不仅仅是父母，叔叔婶婶、爷爷奶奶、外公外婆、表亲们和家族朋友都参与到宝宝的养育中，为了让孩子们感受到自己是被（这么多人）深爱着的。

By the time parents start enforcing high standards of discipline quite a few children have already absorbed a positive image of their relationship with their families — a sense of being cared for.This makes it easier for them to accept the principle of family discipline with the understanding that they should contribute to improving the lives of others just as others have contributed to theirs.

直到父母开始在家庭教育中强调严格的纪律性，许多孩子对家人们都已经形成了一种正面印象，觉得自己会被他们很好地对待。这使得孩子们很容易接受家人的管教，因为他们明白自己需要为改善（家人的）生活做出贡献，正如他们（的父母家人）对他们的辛勤付出。

From what I’ve seen among European and Asian families peer values and cultural philosophy play a part (e.g. Confucian beliefs about obeying elders). But the more important question is whether the child feels loved. If there’s a lot of love they will accept a lot of discipline when it’s clearly intended for their own good. When you don’t invest in the relationship it’s harder to get them to do what you want.

在我对欧洲和亚洲家庭的观察中发现，共同价值观及文化理念发挥了一定作用（例如儒家信仰中强调服从长者）。但更重要的问题是孩子们是否感受到自己是被爱着的。如果他们感受到很多的爱，那么自然而然地也愿意接受很多的管教，当确实是为他们好的时候。当你在亲子关系中付出的不够多的时候，你很难让孩子们遵循你的意愿。

Angela Austin former Neuropsychological Assistant and Tester (2012-2014)   Answered Sun
They absolutely don’t. In a past job I worked with many Chinese nationals and their children were often allowed basically free reign especially if they were very young and especially if they were boys. I’m not saying this is true of all Chinese families just that parenting depends upon the parents you’re looking at in either culture. You can’t generalize that Chinese parents discipline better than American parents.

完全没有！在我之前的工作中我和许多中国人接触过，他们的孩子经常处于放养状态，尤其是在孩子很小或是男孩子的情况下。我不是说所有中国家庭都是这样管教小孩，我想说的是这其实取决于是什么样的父母，这在任何文化中都是一样的。你不能下结论认为中国父母比美国父母更善于管教孩子。
-------------译者：hanjiabaike-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

Jenna Miles Mom Dietitian Author Bitch.  Answered Sat
I'm not sure what you mean when you say people in China discipline their kids better. “Good discipline” is a social construct that varies from one culture to another and is impossible to quantify or measure.

我不太确定你说的中国人在管教小孩上更厉害是什么意思。“良好的管束”是一种社会建构，它因不同的文化而表现不同，并且不能被量化或测量。

There was a time not that long ago in the U.S. when the rule was “Children should be seen and not heard.” In the presence of adults children were not to speak unless they were spoken to by an adult. Children were not to speak at the dinner table and the adults served themselves first and ate first.

美国在不久前曾有个规定，那就是“对孩子要视而不闻”。在成年人面前孩子们不可以说话，他们的话只能由成年人代言。孩子不许在餐桌上说话，先给大人们上菜并且大人们先吃（后孩子才可以吃）。

As you can see that social construct of what defines “good discipline” has largely disappeared from American culture and most (though not all) Americans would agree that's a good thing.

正如你看到的那样，上述中所谓的“良好的管束”的社会建构很大程度上已经在美国文化中消失了，并且大多数（尽管不是全部）美国人都认为那是一件好事。

In addition within one country or even within one city the concept of “good discipline” varies from one population to the next.

此外，在一个国家，甚至在一个城市之内，“良好的管束”概念会因人口的不同而有所不同。

I used to work at a children's science museum in Dallas Texas. My job was to go out to the schools to present assemblies and teach classes.

我曾在德克萨斯州达拉斯的一家儿童科学博物馆工作过，我的工作是开会和上课。

I always knew I was in for a treat when I was scheduled to go to a school in a majority black or Hispanic neighborhood. These kids were almost invariably polite cheerful and attentive.

当我被安排去一所位于大部分人口是黑人和西班牙裔的社区的学校时，我知道自己会受到款待。那些孩子几乎都非常有礼貌，开朗又专心。

I dreaded going to the majority white neighborhoods. These kids were snarky entitled and disruptive and the teachers and administrators did nothing about it.

我害怕去大多数是白人的社区，那里的孩子可以称得上是无礼，他们总是捣乱（秩序），连老师和管理员都毫无办法。

But the schools I dreaded the most? The ones in the majority Chinese neighborhoods. (Yes there's a significant Chinese population in Dallas.) These kids behaved the worst of all.

但最让我恐惧的是什么学校呢？是那些在华人社区的学校。（是的，在达拉斯有相当数量的华人。）那些孩子在行为举止上是最糟糕的。

Granted they were American of Chinese descent not necessarily born in China. I've never been in an actual Chinese school and my limited experience is far from conclusive or authoritative. But these kids were almost all first-generation Americans raised by parents born in China. So it does make me wonder if Chinese kids are as superiorly-disciplined as you would imply.

我承认他们其实是有中国血统的美国人，并非一定出生于中国。事实上我并没有去过真正的中国学校，我有限的经历也不能保证准确性和权威性。但这些孩子几乎都是出生于中国的父母所养育的第一代美国人，因此这确实让我怀疑中国人的孩子是否如你暗示那样受到卓越的管教。

-------------译者：hanjiabaike-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

Stephanie Qiao
Answered Sat
Just wanted to contribute my experience and thoughts because One the question’s premise is wrong/biased and Two the answers here vary because of One.

我只想贡献一下我的经历和想法，因为首先这个问题的前提是错误/偏见的，其次由于上一条，答案也会发生变化。

Your question “How come people in China discipline their kids better than in America?” is wrong. What do you mean ‘discipline better’? Without further details my answer is as follows

你的问题“为什么中国人在管束小孩子上比美国人做得好？”是错误的。你的“管束更好”是什么意思？在没有进一步细节的前提下，我的答案如下。

Let’s address this issue of ‘discipline better’ first.

让我们先说说“管束更好”这个问题。

Coming from a Chinese family. and knowing other Chinese families and Asian friends/families let me say that if reincarnation was real I do not ever wish to be born in an Asian family.

我来自一个中国家庭，并且熟知其他中国家庭、亚洲朋友和亚洲家庭，我想说如果真的有轮回转世，我希望自己永远也不要再出生在一个亚洲家庭里。

I live in Australia now but I have also lived in the US. Recently I heard of a story (the events in the story didn’t happen recently I just heard the story recently) of something that happened to a Chinese man from China living in Australia. He had an argument with his under 18 (legal age) son he was 16 or something and the father hit him on the head with a rolled up newspaper or something else that was relatively solid. He was jailed for 3 months I think. The exact details might not be right but the point of the story is this:

我现在住在澳大利亚，但我曾经也住过美国。最近我听说了一个发生在一名居住于澳大利亚的中国男人身上的故事（这个事情并不是最近发生的，我只是最近才知道）。他与不满18岁（法定年龄）的儿子争吵，他儿子好像是16岁，然后这个父亲用卷起来的报纸或是其他什么比较坚实的东西打了孩子的头，于是他被判了3个月监禁。具体细节可能不太对但这个事件的关键在于：

Violence as a way of discipline is not only common it is normal in China (but not necessarily legal). So when the man brought his way of life and upbringing to Australia he continued it and saw it fit to use violence to discipline his son. However domestic violence and hitting children are (now) illegal in English speaking countries (there was a time when even your teachers could hit you at school in both English speaking countries and also in China which is now illegal) so when the authorities got wind of this the man was punished and rightly so.

在中国，暴力作为一种管束方式并不只是常见，而是正常现象（但并不合法）。因此当这个男人带着他的生活和教育方式来到澳大利亚后，他仍然沿用这些做法，并且认为用暴力管教他的孩子是合适的。然而，家庭暴力和殴打儿童（现在）在英语国家是非法的（曾经有过一段时间，不论在英语国家还是中国，连老师都可以在学校打学生，但现在这种做法都是非法的），因此当局听到这件事时，这个男人受到了惩罚，这是理所应当的。

My father is the same. He smashes things destroys things nitpicks everything is our fault and loves to yell at us and hit us. When I was in primary school (in Australia) we had child protection classes. We learnt about stranger danger protecting ourselves from them what to do if we were hit or indecently touched etc. So I asked if it was okay for your parents to hit you and DoCS (Department of Community Services with special officers taking care of child abuse victims etc) were called in to meet with my parents. Long story short my mother ended up going instead of my dad cause he is never around for family matters anyway so I am not even aware if he ever knew about this. (My paternal grandmother who was visiting also went because before this happened she did not believe hitting people was illegal in Australia. Remember this for later**). Unfortunately for some reason this issue was never chased up. If it were things would be quite different now. 10 years later the same thing happened to my sister who was called in to the principal (same school different principal) for the same issue because someone in the neighborhood had said something to the school or authorities or whoever it is they called.

我父亲也一样。他摔打东西，毁坏物品，对所有事情吹毛求疵，认为都是我们的错，并且爱朝我们大吼大叫和殴打我们。当我（在澳大利亚）上小学的时候，我们有儿童保护课程，我们了解陌生人是很危险的以及怎样保护自己不受他们伤害，如果遇到殴打或猥亵时应该怎样做等等。因此我提问了父母可不可以打孩子，然后DoCS（社区服务部门，有专门人员照顾虐待儿童的受害者等）被叫来和我父母见面。长话短说，最终我母亲取代了父亲的监护义务，因为他从来不关心家庭问题，所以我甚至不知道他自己是否知道这件事。（我正在做客的祖母也去了，因为在这之前她不相信在澳大利亚打人是犯法的。记住这件事，后面再讨论。）不幸的是，由于某种原因，（打小孩）这件事再也没有被纠正被提及。如果当时纠正了的话，现在情况就会大不一样。10年后，同样的事又发生在我妹妹身上，由于邻居向学校或当局，或者对他们叫来的人说了些什么，她因相同的问题被叫到了校长那里（同一所学校不同校长）。

-------------译者：Akarinnn-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

You’ve also probably heard of “tiger moms”. I truly hate them. I hate how they are glorified and how ‘rote learning textbook smart’ people are publicly glorified for their academic achievements and then they said it was all thanks to their strict parents.

你们也可能听过“虎妈”。我真的很讨厌他们。我讨厌这些父母被人称赞，这些“机械化教育下的教科书式的聪明”孩子们因为获得学术成就而被公众称赞，然后他们都会说自己今天的成就离不开他们严厉父母（的栽培）。

No.

绝不是这样。

Anyone can be forced to do something. Look at what the Nazis did. At the trial at the end of WW2 the lower ranked people just said “I was told to do it it was my job.”

每个人都能被强迫做某事。看看纳粹们曾经做过的事吧。在二战结束的审讯上，底层民众只是说：“我被要求做这些事，这是我的工作。”

Recently (actually recently) a new tv show just started in Australia called Little Big Shots. It’s a talent show for kids and even though I haven’t watched it I’ve seen the tv ads. From analysing the ads I noticed that the kids came in 2 groups: the one with actual personality and life looked happy and was an actual child and talents included things like amusing and engaging conversations gymnastics/dance/magic/ other physical perfomances vs the second one where they were small serious immature humans who rote learned things like playing a hard piano piece without sheet music or solved a rubik’s cube blind folded. These people hardly talked and answered questions in few word sentences and received applause rather than laughter and engagement from the audience liek those in the first group. The second group were all (from the ad previews only) Chinese or other Asian kids.

最近（真的是最近）一个新的电视节目《小小达人秀》在澳大利亚开始上映了。这是一个面向儿童的才艺展示节目，虽然我没看过，但我看过它的广告。通过分析广告，我注意到参加的孩子分为两种：一种是有真正的个性与生活，看起来很开心的真实的孩子。他们的才艺包括搞笑的引人入胜的对话、体操、舞蹈、魔术和其他体力表演；第二种是很小、严肃但不成熟的人，他们如机械一般学学习了一些像是在没有琴谱的情况下弹奏一首很难的钢琴曲，或者盲解魔方的才艺。我的观点是，他们通常收获的是观众的掌声而不像第一种孩子会收获观众的笑声与认可。第二种孩子（仅通过广告宣传片来看）全部是华裔或者是其他亚裔。

The point is this. Anyone can be made to do something. You can be forced to practise piano for hours everyday but no matter how miserable you are you will get better at it. I actually knew a Chinese girl who lived in the same suburb in Sydney as me when I was really young her mother made her practise the piano for hours each day and in order to make sure she does it properly she put a sharpened pencil under her wrist so if her wrist went down a little she would get stabbed.

这就是我的观点。每个人都可以被强迫着做一些事。你可以被强迫每天练好几个小时钢琴，无论你有多痛苦，你的水平总会提高。事实上我认识一个和我住在悉尼同一个区的华裔小女孩。我很小的时候，她母亲强迫她每天练琴几个小时，并且为了让她练好，她母亲在她的胳膊肘下放了一支削尖了的铅笔，这样只要她的肘部放下一点她就会被扎到。

Chinese/Asian parents are also known for their emphasis on educational results. Maybe you know the movie The Three Idiots about some university students in India. Spoiler alx:

华裔/亚裔也因强调教育成果而闻名。你可能知道一部关于一些印度大学生的电影《三傻大闹宝莱坞》，剧透预警：

The pressure got too much for 2 of them and so he killed themselves.

他们之中的两个人因为压力过大自杀了。

Back to my point:
The ‘result’ that you see on the outside: Chinese students excel in school/academically wow they are so good at maths etc. But they are socially less inclined (I know I am generalising but bear with me for the explanation below) and less better at social skills and just life in general.

回到我的观点：
你在外面看到的“（教育）成果”：华裔学生在学校/学术领域表现突出，哇，他们真的很擅长数学等等。但他们总体上不愿意社交（我知道我在泛泛而谈但请允许我在下面具体解释），并且缺少社交和生活技能。

-------------译者：2643347-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

When I just started high school my father was very angry at me for getting averages and credits in my report card.

当我刚上高中的时候，我父亲会因为我的成绩单上只得到中等成绩而非常生气

Unlike some other people who got incentives for getting good academic results for me it was get a good *scolding* if I did badly and nothing if I did well.

和其他因获得好成绩而得到奖励的人不同，对我而言，如果我做得（成绩）很差，我会得到一顿责骂，如果我做得很好，什么（奖励）也没有。

Like when I got 1st in the state in an English test in year 6 nothing happened. But when I get average in some other subject in year 7 no it was not okay.

就像我在六年级得到全国英语第一名时，什么都没有发生。但是当我七年级时有一些科目处于中游成绩时，那是不允许（发生）的事。

I saw an answer with a cute photo about how Chinese babies are showered with love from the moment they are born by their parents and grandparents and uncles and aunts etc etc…

我看到一条带有可爱照片的回复，画着中国的孩子自出生时，父母、祖父母和叔叔阿姨们等便十分疼爱他们。

What it actually effectively is is spoiltness.

实际上，这是溺爱。

I believe it is because of China’s one child policy (it only recently changed to 2 children so those 2nd children are not old enough just yet for us to see the effect).

我认为这是因为中国的独生子女政策导致的（最近才开始放宽二孩，所以二胎的孩子们还没大到让我们看到其（在这样教育下的）结果）

The one child policy was introduced about 30-40 years ago so the people who currently are the only child in the family while they might not have siblings they can still have aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents etc.

30到40年前，独生子女政策才被引入，所以人们通常都是独子，虽然没有兄弟姐妹，他们仍有叔叔、阿姨、堂亲表亲和祖父母等。

But because each family can only have 1 child that one child will then receive attention from grandparents on both sides aunt and uncles from and if they are old enough their cousins AND their parents. That’s at least a 9:1 ratio (2 parents 4 grandparents 1 aunt 1 uncle 1 cousin) to the child.

但因为每个家庭只能有一个孩子，所以这个孩子会受到两边家庭祖父母，叔叔阿姨的官气，如果年龄够大，还会得到堂亲表亲和他们的父母的关注。对这个孩子来说，至少是9:1的比例（2对父母、4对祖父母、一位阿姨、一位叔叔和一位表亲）。

So while no one person intends on spoiling the child each puts all their time and effort and money into the one child and the result is spoiltness.

所以即使没人想要溺爱这个孩子，只是每个人都把他们的时间、精力和金钱给了这个孩子，结果就变成溺爱了。

What does this has to do with discipline?

那么这对管教行为有什么影响呢？

Well. With only 1 child the parents would then have big expectations for that one and only child.

嗯，当只有一个孩子的时候，父母会对这个唯一的孩子寄予厚望。

In order to make them do what they want the parents would use strict discipline methods like:
-beatings (which if you remember is not uncommon) to get them to do what they want.

为了能让孩子听话，父母会使用严格的管教方式，例如：打孩子来让孩子听话（如果你还记得，这并不罕见）

and/or
-Sometimes they would also give incentives/bribery for good academic results. Like get 100% on all your exams and I will give you money or buy you stuff.

或者，有时他们也会用物质奖励/贿赂来鼓动孩子去争取好成绩。例如，如果考试都得到满分的话，我会给你钱或是买东西给你。

and/or
-positive negative punishment

或者使用正效惩罚和负效惩罚。

Is this the kind of discipline you are talking about?

这是你说的那种管教行为吗？

 -------------译者：2643347-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

**My paternal grandmother did not believe hitting people at home was illegal and was shocked when the school had called ‘my legal guardians’ in. Prior to this she was telling my mother how she could totally ask my father to hit her if she (my mother) didn’t listen to her or my father because in the country side where she and (my father) came from domestic violence is the norm so that is their mindset.

我奶奶不相信在家打人是不合法的，当学校找我的“法定监护人”时她很震惊。在这之前她告诉我妈妈，如果我妈妈不听她或者我爸爸的话，她可以让我爸爸打她，因为在她（和我爸爸）的家乡，家庭暴力在他们的观念里是很正常的。

There are still people now in English speaking countries who are old enough to remember the days when the cane was legal in schools. Same idea except that it is now illegal in those countries.

在英语国家中，一些年纪大的人仍记得旧时学校允许笞刑（用鞭子、手杖打）的日子。这也是相同的教育（管教）理念，只是现在这些国家里笞刑也不合法了。

The young Chinese people you see today international university students and younger are all from the one child policy era.

你今日看见的中国年轻人，国际学校的学生或是更年轻的孩子，都来自独生子女政策地区。

For many of them their parents are from the era where beatings were still publicly legal and like my personal example and the example about the other man who was jailed for hitting his son it is part of their mindset.

因为他们中很多人的父母都来自家暴公开合法的地域，像我的父母，和因为打孩子而入狱的那个男人，这种想象深印在他们的观念里。

So for their children’s generation which is the generation we observe today you see things like:
-high academic achievements and ranks in their jobs.
-an introverted and shy life. No partying no outings no crazy stuff in the news

所以对于他们孩子也就是我们现如今看见的这一代来说，你可以看到（他们有）：很高的学术成就和高位的工作；一种内向害羞的生活；不聚会，不外出，没有被新闻报导出任何疯狂的行为。

You go wow look at them look what they achieved their discipline methods by their parents must be fantastic compared to American kids because about the American kids you see:

相比于美国的孩子，你会惊讶于他们获得的成就，觉得这些父母（严厉的）管教方式很不错，因为在美国的孩子身上你会看到：

-Crazy partying and wild stories on the news. Another out of control crashed party a horrific car accident? Drugs? Wow these American kids must be bad!

新闻（报道出他们参加的）疯狂聚会和所做的狂野之事。又一个失控的聚会、一起可怕的车祸？毒品？哇，这些美国孩子真是坏透了！

 -------------译者：Akarinnn-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

But actually the reason is those things cost money and the current generation of Chinese in ‘western’ countries are mostly first generation immigrants so they have a Chinese mindset (remember this entails a strict up-bringing and focus on academic results) and have less money to fund an extravagant life. The university children of rich Chinese people also do crazy stuff and are in the news for it too.

但事实上一切的原因在于这些事需要很多钱，而当今‘西方’国家的华裔大部分是第一代移民，所以他们还存有中国式的观念（记住，这带来了严厉的家教和对学习成绩的重视）并且没什么钱来支撑丰富奢侈的（社交）生活。许多中国富二代大学生也做一些疯狂的事情，新闻中也有报导。

Note on the generalisation: A lot of the Chinese people we know are actually from non-city areas in China so has a more ‘backward’ if you will mindset OR had to go through extremely competitive situations such as competing against the rest of the entire state (remember right now 1 city in China has more than the entire population of Australia) for 1 spot in a university. Because these people had to work extremely hard to get to where they are today they put the same rules and use the same discipline methods on their kids. My father’s side of the family is from the countryside where I guess laws are more slack. My mother is from the city my maternal grandparents were very open and modern minded people and never used violence in their discipline methods same as my mother. But physical violence as a method of disciplining their children is still wide spread so much so that my family friends have asked us not even as a serious question of genuine concern but while smiling and as a light casual entertaining chat whether our dad hits us. This isn’t even a topic that is only discussed secretly it has been openly and casually mentioned not even seriously discussed when I was physically at my friend’s house. “Oh yeah my dad hits me!” You’d think she was talking about how often she seen ants.

总得来说：许多我们认识的中国人实际上是来自中国的农村地区，所以他们有更‘陈旧’的观念，或者说他们需要通过非常激烈的竞争比如跟整个省的人竞争一个大学的名额（记住现在中国的一个城市人口比整个澳大利亚的人口还多）。因为这些人必须通过努力的工作才获得了今天的地位，他们对孩子也使用了相同的规则和教育方法。我父亲这边的家庭来自一个我猜法律很宽松的农村地区。我母亲来自于城市，我的外祖父母是非常开放并具有现代观念的人，教育（孩子的过程）中他们从来没有使用过暴力，我母亲也是一样。但是身体暴力作为对孩子的教育方法仍是被广泛使用的，以至于我的家人朋友会笑着在轻松而日常的娱乐谈话中询问我父亲是否打了我，而根本不把这事当做严肃的问题并真诚的关心我。这甚至不是一个只会被秘密讨论的话题，它会被很公开且随意的提到，甚至当我人在朋友家时也会被严肃认真讨论。“哦，对的，我爸打了我！”你会觉得她好像在说她多长时间看到一次蚂蚁（一样平常）。

If this is the discipline you mean the answer is simply that Chinese parents use punishment and beatings and verbal abuse to force them to do things and for the children’s generation many are used to the idea that ”I have to do it/get 100% in everything (and go to tutoring/extra classes and therefore have no social life so do not appear to do crazy things or cause a lot of trouble) because my parents said so.” but people in western countries have already gotten used to the idea that physical violence is not okay. No one in China (or outside of China in a Chinese household) would think about it twice if you said my dad hit me because I got a test result he is not happy with unless you told it to a police officer or school teacher.

如果这就是你所说的教育（管教），那么答案就很简单：中国父母使用惩罚、殴打和语言暴力来迫使他们（的孩子）做事。对孩子们这一代来说，许多人已经习惯了“我要在每件事上做到/完成到100%，（并且会去课外辅导/课外班导致没有社交生活，所以也不会做疯狂的事或者惹麻烦）的想法，因为我的父母是这么说的”。但西方国家的人已经习惯了身体暴力是不能容忍允许的观念。如果你说我爸因为不满意我的考试成绩打我了，在中国（或者中国外的华裔家庭）没有人会多想，除非你告诉警察或者老师。

-------------译者：2643347-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

There is even a cheng yu (which is a story that has a title of usually 4 letters that has a moral and the title is used to depict a situation like that of the moral of the story. These are taught in Chinese literature) where a person goes and visits his old master or something with whip in order for the master to whip him because he felt he was undeserving of something.

甚至有一个成语（形容这种情况）（一种四字标题的故事，通常描述一个道德故事，在中国文化中被广泛教授），讲的是一个人在去拜访他的老师还是类似的人物时，随身带了一个能让老师抽他鞭子，因为他觉得自己在某些事上还不成器。

Obviously this is not so severe today but you get the point.

显然这不似现如今（的管教方式）那么严肃，但你懂的。

Another thing is Chinese families/society emphasizes “filial piety” which again is something I loathe.

还有就是，中国家庭/社会看重孝顺，我也很讨厌这点。

“filial piety”is basically where you have to respect your parents because they are your parents. For me I respect you because you earned and deserve it. You can have a good relationship without compulsory filial piety.

孝顺基本上是要求你尊重父母，因为他们是你的父母。对我而言，我尊重你是因为你赢得了我的尊重。不在义务的被强制的孝顺下你也能同父母拥有良好的亲子关系。

But because of filial piety in the older Chinese generation what the outsiders observe is “wow those Chinese kids are really obedient to their parents you don’t see any rebellious teens from them like the American ones!” and conclude that the Chinese must have some sort of good discipline method.

但因为老一代的孝顺观念，外人看来就是“哇！那些中国孩子真的很遵奉父母，在他们身上你完全看不到美国孩子有的叛逆期！”，进而得出中国人一定有某种很好的管教方式。

Mind you even religious/Christian Chinese people in America (I actually know some) still (‘still’ as in despite their religion not ‘still’ as in even today) use physical violence as part of their discipline.

提醒你们，在美国，甚至是信基督/某宗教的中国人（事实上我就认识一些）仍（除了信仰，其他方面仍不是）用体罚作为一种管教方式。

So how come people in China discipline their kids better than in America? Do they really? In what aspect?

所以中国人管教孩子比美国人管得好吗？真的吗？在哪方面？

Edit:
Wanted to add some things after reading other comments. Someone mentioned the best results for piano lessons were from Chinese students but the most talented ones were Hispanic. This at least the first part is true because the Chinese kids are being forced to do it so it eventually becomes a monotonous task and they do it well like robots. which is why you only see ‘famous’ Chinese pianists play classical music whereas the real composers with talent are non-Chinese.

读了其他的评论我想加上一点。有人说中国孩子的钢琴课成绩是最好的，但最有天赋的是西班牙人。至少这句话前半部分是对的，因为中国孩子是被强迫上钢琴课的，所以这最后变成了一项枯燥的任务，他们像机器人一样弹琴弹得好。而这就是为什么你只能看到“着名的”中国钢琴家弹奏古典音乐，而真正有天赋的作曲家里却没有一个是中国人。

Take Izler for example. He came up with the entire theme song for the tv series Revenge in one night. That is SOME TALENT. Meanwhile you see the unimpressive rote learned skill that Chinese robot kids play classical piano on Little Big Shots. It truly makes me sad.

例如Izlei，他只花了一个晚上就为电视剧《复仇》创作了整首主题曲。这是天赋！然而你看看那些在电视节目《小小达人秀》里弹古典钢琴的中国机器人小孩们。那些死记硬背的无聊技巧真的让我感到难过。

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Sean Mei works at IBM Answered Fri
My personal impression is that the people in China actually don’t discipline their kids better. We are also very hapless when the kids are being unruly or throws a tantrum.

在我自己的印象里中国人实际上不能很好的管教他们的孩子。当孩子们变得不守规矩或者乱发脾气时我们也感到不幸。

Though the general environment in China is that children will participate in academic competition in a very early age (like starting from 5 years old).

在中国的大环境下，孩子们在很小的时候就参加学术竞争（大概从5岁开始）。

So a lot of resources and attentions are focused in this area and academic training by nature helps with discipline.

因此，学术界对这一领域的关注和重视较多，学术训练自然有助于管教。

This could probably be one of the contributing factors here.

这可能是一个重要的影响因素。

Sherry Xuehui Zhao Born and raised in China Answered Fri
I’m not sure whether it is true. Most Chinese families have only one or two children and they can be equally spoiled just like kids in America if not more.

我不确定这是不是真的，大多数的中国家庭有一个或者两个孩子，至少像美国孩子一样被溺爱着。

If you see more obidence and compliances on kids’ behaviors in China I doubt it's because Chinese parents have better skills in disciplining children. It is probably because Chinese culture requires respect to elders and obidence to authorities. It is not only employed in family life but in school education too which may produce more disciplined and deligent students but has its side effect too such as disencouraging independent and critical thinking.

如果你更多地在中国孩子的行为上看到服从和顺从，我对这是因为中国父母更会管教孩子持怀疑态度。这可能是由于中国文化要求尊敬长辈和服从权威。这不仅应用于家庭生活，更应用于学校教育中，进而造就了更多守纪律和勤勉的学生，但这也有一些副作用，例如不鼓励独立和批判性的思维。

Also spanking kids is still very popular (though decreasing) in Chinese families especially on boys. Though I am personally against it it does contribute to better behaviors of kids. Although physical punishment is condemned by educators and scholars in China for its long term negative effect on Children’s mental health and behaviors it is still a topic being debated by average family.

而且，打孩子在中国家庭内仍很普遍（尽管有所下降），尤其是对男孩。尽管我个人很反对，但这种行为确实有利于孩子更好的行为方式。尽管体罚因其对孩子的心理健康和行为方式有长期的负面影响而被中国的专家和学者谴责，它仍是普通家庭中很有争议的一个话题。

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Luke Wang Answered Sat
Chinese kid getting a 45% on a test s/he knows very well there is likely going to be a lot of verbal abuse and some good old fashioned corporal punishment awaiting them at home.

中国孩子在考试中得了45%，他/她很清楚，家里可能会有一堆的言语辱骂和老式体罚在等着他们。

Call the police or tell the teacher about the 20 straps to the bottom the dad gave? Good luck getting anything more than “well duh study harder and stop wasting time playing!”.

叫警察或是告诉老师你爸抽了你20鞭？祝你好运，你只会得到如下回复“好吧，好好学习，别浪费时间瞎玩！”

USA kid getting a 45% on a test? Likely nothing much beside stern warning and some yelling. Dad spanks the kid? Well if the dad used a paddle leave a bruise and have done it before calling police / telling the teacher will get child services involved!

美国孩子在考试中得到45%呢？可能除了严厉的警告和几声大吼之外什么事都没有。爸爸打孩子？如果这个爸爸用了戒尺，留下了瘀伤，而且此前也这样做过，叫警察或找老师会牵涉到儿童服务部门！

That’s not going to be pleasant experience for the parents. This is all assumes that the parents care enough about academic performances to begin with. I have a feeling a good minority % (say 15%?) especially in bad school districts simply don’t place that much emphasis on grades doubly so if the kid is athletically talented.

那对家长来说可不是什么愉快的体验了。这是假设父母对（孩子的）成绩足够重视引起的。我有一种感觉，少数地区（15%？），尤其是教育资源差的地区，简直毫不重视成绩，如果孩子有些体育方面的天赋，这种情况更要加倍。

Oh lastly the Chinese kid is FAR FAR less likely to shoot the parents with the gun in the house.

啊，最后一点，中国孩子根本绝对不可能在家用枪射击父母。

Yes this is all very generalized and exceptions abound in both countries.

是的，这事非常普遍，且在两个国家都不例外。

Jinxin Liz Proudly 100% made in Nanjing China Answered Fri
I would say one of the significant factor is the one-child policy.

我想说重要因素之一就是独生子女政策。

When a family has only one child they tend to expect highly of this kid and relatively pay more attention to him/her. And by this way this child is likely to be more discipline.

当一个家庭只有一个孩子的时候，他们倾向于对这个孩子抱有很高的期望，并相对更关注他/她。这种情况下，这个孩子可能更守纪律。

There is a famous idiom in Chinese that is especially frequently used 望子成龙 望女成凤，“expecting one’s son to be a dragon; and one’s daughter to be a phoenix”.

中国有句常用的俗语“望子成龙，望女成凤”。期望自己的儿子成为人中之龙，女儿成为女中之凤。

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Mike Tian Answered Fri
I don’t know if your premise is true. It’s my opinion that a massive percentage of kids in China today are very ill disciplined.

我不知道你的假设是否正确。我的观点是，目前中国很大比例的孩子是很欠管教的。

They are often spoiled as single children with two parents and four grandparents hovering around them.

他们经常宠溺独生子女，一对父母、4位祖父母围着孩子转。

Another very large proportion is ill disciplined because both parents are at work and the kid live with relatives typically grandparents who do not adequately discipline them.

欠管教另一种占很大比例的原因是父母二人都工作，孩子跟亲属生活，特别是跟祖父母生活的孩子，他们（祖父母）不常适当地管教孩子。

It’s true that a lot of parents are “tiger parents” — trying to “perfect” their only children.

确实有很多父母是“虎妈虎爸”——试图让自己的孩子变得“完美”。

But I’d guess more nowadays spoil them rotten.

但我认为现在更多的是极其宠溺孩子的人。

Anonymous Answered Sat
My former Russian wife was a piano teacher in Canada and she said that the most musically talented are black children but the best results are achieved by Chinese because their mothers invest a lot of their time and energy into forcing and controlling their children if necessary even by beating them. Classical piano (at least initially) is not much fun especially if your fingers are tiny.

我的俄国前妻是一位加拿大的钢琴教师，她说最有音乐天赋的是黑人孩子，但中国孩子的成绩是最好的，因为他们的妈妈会花大量的时间和精力来强迫和控制他们的孩子（弹琴），必要时还会打他们。古典钢琴（至少是初级）没什么乐趣可言，特别是当你的手指很小的时候。

By the way she told me that children from India are a total failure because their parents don’t force them to work hard at all. I guess we should not expect many good classical piano performers from India…

顺便一提，因为父母不强迫他们努力学习，所以印度孩子是完全失败的。我想我们不必期待印度能有好的古典钢琴演奏家了。

By the way many Russian mothers are the same as Chinese when it comes to education of their children they practically go through all school lessons with their children together at least first 2–3 years.

另外，当涉及孩子教育的时候，俄国妈妈和中国妈妈一样，会和孩子一起学习复习几乎所有的学校课程内容，至少是在最初的2-3年离。