我在中国想给女服务员小费时她非常愤怒？另外“傻逼”是什么意思 [美国媒体]

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Why would the waitress get mad when I tried to tip her after dinner in China? And what does shabi mean in Chinese?

为什么我在中国吃完晚饭想给女服务员小费时她非常愤怒？另外“傻逼”在中文中是什么意思？



Tom McGregor, I lived in Beijing since Oct. 2010

汤姆· 麦克格莱格， 我从2010年10月开始住在北京

This is a good question and demonstrates a major difference between Western and Asia-Pacific cultures. According to Western standards, if a waitress provides excellent or at least decent service, we are expected to offer a tip after the meal and failure to do so implies you are a cheapskate and insulting the waitress.

这是个好问题。 它展示了西方和亚太地区的一个主要差异。 根据西方标准， 如果一个女服务员提供了非常好， 或者至少还不错的服务， 我们就会被期望在饭后提供小费。 如果不付就意味着你是一个吝啬鬼， 是在侮辱女服务员。

Nonetheless, Asians of the Far East hold a different perspective on tips and I had learned about it the hard way when I first arrived in South Korea in 2001. After finishing my meal, I left a tip on the table and the waitress rushed outside screaming and throwing the money right back at me. But still I was ignorant and foolishly tried to hand the tip back to her.

然而， 远东的东亚人却对小费有着不同的看法。 我是通过一种艰难的方式了解到这一点的。 那是在2001年我第一次去韩国的时候。 当时我吃完饭后， 在桌子上留了小费。 那个女服务员跑出餐馆，尖叫着把钱直接扔回给我。 但我还是茫然无知， 愚蠢地想要把小费给回她。

But she threw the money on the ground, spat on it, stomped her foot on the money as well and stormed back into the restaurant while still screaming. I just picked up my money and vowed never to return to there again.

然而她把钱丢在地上， 吐了吐沫在上面，又用脚一阵猛踩， 然后尖叫着风一样跑回餐馆。 我只得拿起钱， 并发誓再也不会回去。

Later that day, I was meeting a Korean-American friend, who spent 10 years living in New York before moving back to Seoul to work as an English teacher at a private kindergarten. I told him about the incident and he started laughing so much.

当天晚些时候， 我去见了一位美籍韩国朋友。 他在纽约工作了10年后搬回首尔， 在一家私人幼儿园做英语老师。 我把这件事告诉给他， 他开始狂笑。

My Korean-American friend fully-understood American customs, he told me that he had friends in the Chinese mafia, so he gave me his crude explanation. He informed me that in Korean society, the only waitress who receives a tip is a bar girl working at what is called a “room salon,” where they serve men drinks and sell sex after the male customer gets drunk.

我的美籍韩国朋友完全理解美国习俗。 他也曾告诉他在华人黑手党圈里有朋友。 所以他便粗略给我解释了一下。他告诉我， 在韩国社会， 只有在所谓“客房沙龙”里工作的酒吧女郎是唯一会收小费的女服务员， 她们会招待男人喝酒，并在男性顾客喝醉之后卖春。

Well I felt foolish and regret my actions and considering that the waitress I tried to hand a tip to was an elderly woman and probably a grandmother, I wished somebody had told me about this taboo beforehand. I thought I was demonstrating my generosity, while the waitress believed I was mocking her with a crude sex joke. What an unfortunate set of circumstances, which had transpired that day.

好吧， 我觉得自己很愚蠢， 并且对自己的所做所为感到后悔。 因为我想付给小费的那位女服务员是一位年老的女人， 恐怕已经做祖母了。我好希望在此之前有人告诉过我这种禁忌。
我觉得自己是在展示我的慷慨， 而那名女服务员却相信我是在用一个粗俗的黄色笑话嘲笑她。 各种情况很不凑巧地在那天交错在一起。

I advise all Westerners before visiting a different country to conduct some research to learn more about the customs of the nation you are visiting. For example, many Asians insist that if you enter their homes, you must take off your shoes, but in Western countries if you are a visitor making a brief stay at someone’s home, they might think you are acting weird for taking off your shoes and worry that you will emanate a strong foul foot odor on account of that.

我建议所有的西方人在去一个不同的国度时， 对于所去国家的习俗先做一些调查， 多了解一番。 比如说， 很多亚洲人坚持要你在去他们家时必须脱鞋；而在西方国家， 如果你去某人家里做客并短暂停留， 他们可能会对你脱鞋的举动感到奇怪， 还会担心你可能会因此会散发出浓烈的脚臭。

So yet again, you see how opposite actions convey different meaning in different cultures. Giving a tip in a Western restaurant is good, whereas doing the same in China could cause serious loss of face to the waitress.

所以再一次地， 你可以看到在不同国家里相反（译者：应该是相同， 作者可能是笔误）的行为会传达出不同的意思。 在西餐馆里付小费是好的， 而在中国做同样的事情可能会让服务员感到非常丢脸。

Meanwhile, it reminds me about when my dad visited Beijing to meet my wife, Chinese native Zhou Yawei and our son Peter. Quite often, my wife served as his cultural guardian. She had to repeatedly remind him to take off his shoes when entering our home and when he wanted to pay for our meals, we had to make sure he never left a tip on the table.

同时， 这也让我想起了当我爸爸来北京见我妻子——土生土长的中国人周亚维——和我们儿子彼得的那个时候。 我的妻子经常当他的文化向导。 她不得不一遍又一遍地提醒他到我们家里来的时候需要脱下鞋子。 当他想为我们的菜买单时， 我们不得不确认一下他不会在桌子上留下小费。

But this was a good experience for my dad, because he holds very American traits and he learned to appreciate the differences in customs between the Chinese and Americans. Fortunately, he learned these lessons without embarrassing himself like I had done.

不过这对我爸爸来说却是一次很好的经历， 因为他具有非常美国式的美德， 他学习了如何尊重中国人和美国人之间习俗的不同之处。 幸运的是， 他没有经历过像我这样的尴尬事就学会了这些东西。

Shenni Lin

林申尼

If you know a little about China's national conditions, you should not raise such a problem. Chinese people have no habit of collecting tips. But I don't understand why she was angry. "Shabi" means idiot, fool for sure.

如果你对中国的民族环境稍有了解， 你就不应该提出这样的问题。中国人不习惯收小费。 但是我不能理解她为什么这么生气。 “傻逼”肯定指笨蛋、傻瓜。

My guess is:

我猜可能是因为以下原因——

1 tip must be "many a little make a mickle"，if no noe give tip,Your tip was insignificant to them. In China today, people don't even go out with money and change is very small. No woman likes accept small change. Even 3 years ago, I meet a girlfriend who only made 3000RMB a month in BeiJing, she would give me one hundred bill any time.

1、小费一定是“积少才能成多的”。 如果没人给小费， 你的小费对他们来说也没那么重要。 在今天的中国， 人们出门并不想带钞票。零钱的数额都很小。 没有哪个女人喜欢接受小额零钱。 即使我三年前在北京遇到的一个每月只赚3000元人民币的女朋友每次也会给我一张百元大钞。

2 She may think you are trying to please her with change then sleep with her.

2、她可能觉得你想要用零钱取悦她， 然后再睡她。

3 Maybe she tried to communicate with you but your Mandarin was not practical enough made her be angry. Imagine if a woman tried to tell me in Starbucks just need 50 cents for another cup coffee (not in China) but I couldn't understand it. She would be angry and say "stupid."

3、也许她尝试过与你沟通， 但是你的普通话不够用， 这让她生气了。 想象一下， 如果一个女人在星巴克告诉我只需50美分就能续一杯咖啡（不是在中国）， 但你不能理解。 那她就会生气， 就会说：“傻瓜。”

4 This question is not real. Are you kidding?

4、这个问题不是真的。 你是在开玩笑吧？

Phil King

菲尔·卿

When I was in Yunnan I think it was in Xishuangbanna, the waitress actually had a QR Code to scan to give them a tip! The only other time I saw this was in Beijing. They only wanted your money.

当我在云南， 我想是西双版纳的时候， 女服务员居然让我们扫二维码给她们付小费！唯一另外的一次我是在北京见过这个。 他们只想要你的钱。

Shenni Lin

林申尼

scan payment is very popular in China today, whereever Xishuangbanna or Beijing.But this question was confusing us. It may be taken out of context.

扫码付费在今天的中国很流行， 不管你是在西双版纳还是在北京。 但是这个问题让我们感到很困惑。 它可能脱离了当时的语境。

Phil King

菲尔·卿

Yes, I am very familiar with scan payments. My point was not scan payment, but the request for tip. My WeChat is not setup for scan payment, so my Chinese friend paid her tip. She only laughed about having to pay a tip! I agree this question is not well written. It asks two unrelated questions.

是的， 我对于扫码付费很熟悉。 问题不在于扫码付费， 而是付小费的要求。 我的微信没有设置扫码付费， 所以我的中国朋友付了她小费。 她笑只是因为不得不付小费！ 我同意这个问题没有写好。 它问的是两个不相关的问题。

Dan Hart

丹·哈特

Tipping is not commonly practiced in China. And if you try to tip, it makes you look like a arrogant asshole who tries to belittle the waitress or waiter. Your gratitude and generosity gets to be translated to an insult to them. They are probably thinking: “does this guy think that I can’t make a living myself. Who needs these petty money!” “Shabi” = idiot or moron. Next time, keep your tipping money while traveling in eastAsia.

付小费在中国并非一种普遍的做法。 如果你试图给小费， 这会让你看上去像是一个傲慢的轻视服务员的混蛋。 你的感激和慷慨会转化成对他们的冒犯。 他们恐怕会觉得：“这个人觉得我不能养活自己。 谁需要那点小钱！”“傻逼”等于笨蛋或者脑残。 下次在东亚旅行时不用付小费。

Paul Denlinger, Have lived in China, Taiwan and Hong Kong; fluent in Mandarin (written, spoken)Answered 6h ago

保罗·邓林格， 曾住在中国（大陆）、台湾和香港；普通话流利（读写）

Tipping is mainly an American phenomenon; almost no other countries do it. In the US, most food service workers are paid less than the minimum wage; the only way they can make a living is by getting paid extra in the form of tips. You can read more about the history of tipping in the US here: The racist, twisted history of tipping In almost all other societies, the service fee is included in the amount charged for the meal. That’s right, in most other countries, food service workers can make ends meet on their salary.

付小费主要是一种美国现象；在别的国家基本上都不存在。 美国大多数餐饮业工人的薪酬都低于最低工资；唯一让他们能养活自己的方式是以小费的形式获得额外的报酬。 你可以读一读下面的关于小费的历史——《小费的种族主义以及扭曲的历史》。
基本上在其他所有的国家里， 服务费用都包含在菜价里。
是的， 在大多数其他的国家里， 餐饮业工人的工资是能够养活自己的。

Anderson Jacobus, Philosopher of LawAnswered Jul 6

安德森·耶可巴斯， 法理学家

I have never had a waiter or waitress get mad at me at that. I used to have a card that I would give with my payment that said in Chinese that tipping is considered polite in my home country and I would like you to accept this gift. I never had a problem. But I would only start doing this at restaurants I frequented, it was just too much hassle to explain it all the time. I am a creature of habit and when I lived in Changchun, there were four restaurants where I would go frequently and they all knew that I would give them more money, sometimes quite a lot if I was impressed or feeling generous. Nobody ever got angry about the tip/gift! I had a waitress run after me in Japan to return my change, and it was a tiny amount, I tried to refuse her, but I gave up after a while. Never had a Chinese waitress chase me down the street like that, though. Finally, I have been called a shabi, too, but never over tipping. It is quite a bad curse word, so I would try to avoid anyone who calls you that to your face. I’ve had nationalist Chinese call me shabi, but it said more about them than about me, since there is quite a lot of podsnappery in China.

我从来没遇到任何男服务员或者女服务员对我非常生气。我以前有一张卡片， 我会在付款的时候一起附上，上面用中文写着——在我家乡， 付小费被认为是一种礼貌行为。 我希望你能接受这份礼物——我从来没遇到过任何问题。
但是我一般只在我经常去的餐馆里开始这么做。 因为每次都要解释真是很烦人。 我是一个按习惯做事的人。 当我住在长春的时候， 有四家餐馆我经常去。 他们都知道我会给他们更多的钱， 有时如果我感到惊喜或者慷慨的时候会给得更多。 从来没有人因为小费或者礼物而生气！
在日本的时候， 有个女服务员追过来要把零钱还给我。 那只是一点钱。 我试图拒绝过她， 但是不一会就放弃了。 不过从来没遇见过任何中国女服务员像她那样在大街上追我。
最后， 我也曾被叫做傻逼， 但绝对不是因为给小费。 这是个很不好的骂人的词， 所以我会试图避开那些当面这样叫你的人。 曾经有民粹主义中国人叫我傻逼， 但是这个词更多地用来说他们自己而非用来说我。 因为中国存在很多盲目的自满情绪。

Yeming Xie

薛夜明

I would not imagine someone would normally respond in such a manner at unexpected tipping. Tips can be happily accepted if the intention is very clear and the tipper didn't wave the cash around in some sort of oversized first-world ego (which will indeed warrant a call of shabi - literally stupid c*nt). Now, considering that it's actually very tricky not to look condescending by making very explicit intentions of tipping, and some people are more sensitive to this kind of thing than others (and generally more sensitive if the tipper is a foreigner), there can be many ways it can be done wrong.

我想象不到什么人通常会用这种方式来回应未曾期望得到的小费。 人们通常会很愉快地接受， 只要支付小费的意图是十分清晰的， 并且支付者不会用某种第一世界狂妄自大的方式甩钱（如果真这么做了可以保证别人会称你为傻逼——字面意思为傻的X）。 现在的问题是， 如果你明确表示会给小费同时又不想看上去一副居高临下的样子， 这实际上是很微妙的。 有些人对这种事比其他人更敏感（通常情况下如果支付者是外国人一般都会更加敏感）， 可以有很多方式让事情搞砸。

Sometimes tips are refused, politely or less so, simply because this can get people into trouble. If there is an explicit or implicit rule against tipping (lots of business in the service sector do, especially the bigger branded ones), accepting tips can be a fireable offense - basically overcharging customers and worse, embezzling afterwards.

有时候人们以一种或者很礼貌或者不太礼貌的方式拒绝小费只是因为这会给他们带来麻烦。 如果有明面上或者暗地里禁止消费的规矩（很多服务行业的商家都会这样做， 特别是大一点的牌子）， 收取小费可以成为一种违规行为， 这会让他们之后受到批评——基本上是因为多收了顾客钱财， 或者更糟的被指责贪污。

For the same reason if you tip in Japan the recipient would literally chase you up (in the same way after you are caught shoplifting) and hand back the cash - your gratitude is not worth his/her job.

因为同样的原因， 如果你在日本支付小费， 接受者真的会去追你（与她发现你在店内顺手牵羊同样的待遇）——并且会把钱给回你——因为你的感谢不值得让他或者她丢掉工作。

On a side note, it is not very much mentioned that tipping used to be a thing in China, at least in coastal cities such as Shanghai, in the early 90s. So some people may be amused by the sight of such an antiquated thing, considering a lot people working on service positions weren't even born during that time.

另外， 没什么人提到过去在中国给小费也是一件常事， 至少是在90年代早期的沿海城市如上海。 所以因为很多服务业的从业人员当时还没有出生， 他们看到这么老土的事也会觉得很好笑。