单身的残忍真相是什么？（二） [美国媒体]

What is the brutal truth about being single?
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单身的残忍真相是什么？



答案三：

Dania Hakim
Updated Oct 20
When you’re in your teens, all you ever want is to grow up and be independent. Serious relationships are inconvenient at that time.

当你十几岁的时候，你唯一想要的就是长大独立。在那个时候，一段认真的关系是不合时宜的。

When you’ve finally grown up to a young adult you become more open to relationships. You give them a try. Some of your friends find the one they wanna stick to, but not you. You stay single, and you don’t care. You feel you’re better off anyway. Your friends have probably made a big mistake wasting those precious years on a boring relationship. You’re still young, you have many things and many friends that fill up your life, and way too many priorities to really care about serious relationships.

当你终于长大成人的时候，你会对人际关系变得更加开放。你会去尝试不同的人。你的一些朋友会找到他们想要的人，但不是你。你仍然单身，你不在乎这一点。无论如何，你会觉得自己过得更好。你的朋友们在一段无聊的关系上浪费了宝贵的时光，这可能是个大错误。你还很年轻，你有很多事情和朋友用来填充你的生活，你有太多的事情要做了，以至于你根本就不关心一段认真的感情。



The truth is it was, to a great extent, your fault. You chose to be single, remember? It seemed like a perfect choice at the time.

事实上，在很大程度上，这就是你的错。还记得吗，是你选择了单身？这在当时似乎是一个完美的选择。

But now that you’ve decided you’re ready for a relationship, you find out that most people are already taken. Your chances of meeting new people have dwindled, and the single people you meet are often too comfortable being single for too long that they’re not willing to give that up easily.

但是现在你已经决定要开始一段感情了，你会发现大多数人都已经结婚了。你结识新朋友的机会已经减少了很多，而你遇到的单身人士往往因为单身时间太久，感觉太舒适而不愿意轻易放弃这种生活方式。

In a way, you are screwed!

在某种程度上可以说，你完蛋了！



There might come a time when you want to be with someone, but might not find anyone.

也许有一天你想和某个人在一起，但可能却找不到任何一个人。

And that is a place no one will ever want to be in.

这是一个没有人愿意待的地方。

评论：

Vytautas Juršėnas
Oct 20 · 5 upvotes including Dania Hakim
I guess in a way it’s actually easier when you’ve been (always or most time) single not by choice from the start. After your 30ties it begins to bear fruit: those annoying hormones are finally slowing down, other things in life keep more or less progressing, and as for relationship, you don’t really know how would it feel to be in one, nor how to obtain it. All things related to couples invokes something similar as seeing an album of historical photos: you get that past existed, it might have looked beautiful (or not), but there’s no way you can somehow connect to it, other than glance for a while. “Learned helplessness” is a known concept in psychology.

我想，在某种程度上，如果你一直(一直或大部分时间)单身，而不是从一开始就选择单身，实际上会更容易一些。30岁之后，它会开始产生影响：那些烦人的荷尔蒙的分泌终于开始变慢，生活中的其他事情或多或少都在取得进步，至于感情，你真的不知道在一起会有什么感觉，也不知道如何获得这种感情。所有与夫妻有关的事情都会引发一些类似于看历史照片组成的相册的感觉：你知道过去是存在的，它可能看起来很美(或者不美好)，但你无法以某种方式和它连接在一起，你只能干看着。“习得性失助”（“经过某事后学习得来的”无助感，意谓着一种被动的动物消极行为（也包括了人类行为），其中被动的因子占相当多数）是心理学中一个众所周知的概念。



Joe Elyahchouchi
Oct 20 · 1 upvote from Simon Long
There is always someone that likes to cry offended on something. You can have the 2 most perfect amazing people marry and have dozens and dozens of kids, and as the current generation has shown, the kids can still suck badly. Amazing people are a combination of their genes and their experiences. Also I meant nothing bad about the original poster by it. I personally chose to never have any kids, or maybe 1 at the absolute most. It is simply a belief I hold in general.
Also I am very familiar with the poster I am one of her followers and I greatly appreciate her way of thinking on things.

总有人喜欢因某件事而动怒而哭。你可以是两个最完美的璧人结婚生子，就像现在这一代人所展示的，但孩子们仍然很糟糕。令人惊奇的人是他们的基因和经历的结合。而且我对原帖并无恶意。我个人选择永远不要孩子，或者最多要一个。这只是我总体上所持有的一种信念。
我也非常熟悉楼主，我是她的粉丝之一，我非常欣赏她的思考方式。

Vivek Anand
Oct 20
Dogs are always the preferred mates !

狗永远是首选的伴侣！

William Kempton
Oct 19 · 5 upvotes
So this is your life story. I've known many people who stayed single and never thought of being lonely. Nearly most of the teachers I had were single and in their late 50s, even into their 60s. I always find it annoying when people like to speak for everyone in a certain group. In this case, its the single people.

这就是你的人生故事。我认识很多单身的人，他们从未想过要孤独。我遇到的大多数老师都是单身，他们都有50多岁，甚至60多岁了。当人们喜欢代表某一群体中的所有人发言时，我总是觉得这么做很烦人。在这种情况下，单身是个好选择。



Edward Patrick Akinyemi
Oct 19 · 2 upvotes
So if I’m in the U.S. all I need to do is text the spouse of my dreams in, say, India or New Zealand and then… move there?

所以如果我在美国，我需要做的就是给我梦想中的配偶发短信，比如说，在印度或新西兰的她，然后搬到那里去？

Khuram Malik
Oct 20
Yeah, why not? Is it really that big a deal in 2018?

是的，为什么不呢？在2018年这算多大的事呀？

Tirtha Sarker
Oct 20 · 1 upvote from Dania Hakim
Having a relationship for the sake of not feeling lonely is a bigger disaster, as one can not see the root of the issue here. The desirous mind always seeks comfort and attention in every way. It wants to feel secured.
To cover up the insecurities and void, now it looks onto something new, like a relationship. Such relationship is not build on love rather on the fear of incompleteness, hence it will make one miserable in the upcoming days.

为了不感到孤独而谈恋爱是一场更大的灾难，因为你看不到问题的根源。渴望的心灵总是以各种方式寻求安慰和关注。它想要获得安全感。
为了掩盖不安全感和空虚感，现在它又开始寻找新的东西，比如一段感情。这种关系不是建立在爱的基础上，而是建立在对不完整的恐惧上的，因此它会让人在未来的日子里感到痛苦。



Mohammed Muzzammil
Oct 20 · 1 upvote from Dania Hakim
“Relationships are not something to be taken for granted. “
I believe I understood this very much early, my now wife and I were in relationship for 6 years prior to marriage, and many times(as so happens) we came to the point of breaking, but either one of us held our end.

“关系不是能够用来守护的东西”
我相信我很早就明白了这一点，我现在的妻子和我在结婚前已经交往了6年，很多时候我们都到了分手的边缘，但所幸我们都坚持到了最后。

Joe Elyahchouchi
Oct 19 · 2 upvotes including Dania Hakim
I think you can always find people if you lower your standards enough lol, that has always been the case anyway…

我认为如果你降低了你的标准，你总能找到合适的人。

Sathish Sivaraman
Oct 19 · 1 upvote from Dania Hakim
My opinion is ,on average, we may get only three to five serious chances(partners we were seriously interested in) in our life. One has to take one of those chances with both hands. So it may be counter productive and a luxury to “wait for the right time”
However i am not writing off people over 30’s.I have seen plenty of profiles in 30’s and 40’s on matrimonial and dating sites. So there are still options. I think the problem comes when the expectations are very high. You want someone in the top 10% in looks or intelligence or personality. Then its worse than needle in a haystack. However if you someone is willing to adjust expectations, the pool becomes wide enough. It is far from extinct.

我的观点是，平均来说，我们一生中可能只会得到3到5个认真的机会(也就是碰上我们真正感兴趣的伴侣)。一个人必须用双手来接住其中的一个机会。因此，它可能会达不到预期目标，并产生“等待正确时机”的奢侈行为。
然而，我并不是在说30岁以上的人。我在婚恋网站上看到了大量30岁到40岁之间的人的个人资料。所以你仍然有选择。我认为问题出在你有很高的期望值上。你想要的是外表、智力或个性排在前10%的伴侣。但是它比大海捞针还难。然而，如果你愿意调整预期，游泳池那么宽就足够了。希望远未消失。
与一个全职工作的人见面可能是一个没有广泛网络的问题。



Dania Hakim
Oct 19 · 2 upvotes
It’s not about your age, but it’s about when you find someone worth going the whole mile for, then you should go for it, and not disregard potential partners because there still is time and plenty of options. That’s what I didn’t do and wish I did.

重要的不是你的年龄，而是当你找到一个值得你付出全部努力的人的时候，你就应该去做，而不是因为还有时间和很多选择而忽视潜在的伴侣。那是我没有做到的，我希望我曾经这么去做了。

Daemon Ricks
Oct 19 · 1 upvote from Dania Hakim
The sad thing is the more lonely you are the less people want to date you… as soon as you’re married or with someone lots of people are interested that’s another hard truth.

可悲的是，你越孤独，就越少有人喜欢和你约会，如果你已经结婚了，或者和某个人在一起，很多人都会对你很感兴趣，这是另一个残酷的事实。

Dania Hakim
Oct 19
So true!

的确如此！

Dania Hakim
Oct 19
It was great for a long time, but eventually it got lonely. I’m sure some people are completely fine as they might be better at adapting.

在很长一段时间里这种状态都很好，但最终它变得孤独了。我相信有些人完全没问题，因为他们可能更善于适应。



Either way, I wish you all the best in what ever way you, as Captain of your ship, steer the direction of your boat!

无论如何，我祝你一切顺利，无论如何，你作为自己的船长，把控着你自己这艘船的方向！

Dania Hakim
Oct 19
I totally agree. Any of these two choices will require a lot of thought to be put into them and a lot of work. Nothing worth having in this life will ever be easy.
Thank you for your wishes :)

我完全同意。这两种选择中的任何一种都需要进行大量的思考和工作。生命中没有任何值得拥有的东西是容易的。
谢谢你的祝福

答案四：
Anonymous
Answered Oct 28
If you are a single 27 year old female in India, who never had a boyfriend or even a proposal from a guy, no job, no career, all her shitty life, then it's quite brutal.

如果你是一个27岁的印度单身女性，从没交过男朋友，甚至没有男人向你求过婚，没有工作，没有职业，过着糟糕的生活，那就太残忍了。

To start with, I have grown up watching all those romantic Hindi movies. And hence, always fantasized about prince charming and thought I was all pretty and stuff when I was young.

首先，我是看着那些浪漫的印度电影长大的。因此，我总是幻想着白马王子，觉得自己长大后会很漂亮。



Things continued, I started starving myself to lose weight so that I could attract him. Used to click pretty pictures everytime to again make him fall for me.

事情还在继续，为了吸引他，我开始让自己挨饿减肥。我想要每次都拍一些漂亮的照片来让他爱上我。

I lost around 15 kgs in a time span of around 4 months for “him”.

为了“他”，我在4个月的时间里减掉了15公斤。

And assumed that he already liked me, I mean who would talk to someone day in day out, take care of the person, compliment her.

我认为他已经喜欢上我了，我的意思是，谁会天天跟别人说话，照顾那个人，赞美她。

As a teenager, I thought I had to be love.
But he never initiated.
And I used to share my feelings with a common friend.
And sadly one day she took my phone and texted him, “I need to talk to you”
Somewhere in my mind I knew things would not work out but I had to take it somewhere.
I got a reply after 6 hours and with all the courage I had, I proposed to him.
Just to get nothing for another 5 hours.
But somehow he said yes

作为一个十几岁的孩子，我认为他一定是爱上了我。
但他从来都没有爱上过我。
我曾经和一个朋友分享我的感受。
不幸的是，有一天她拿起我的电话，给他发短信说:“我需要和你谈谈”。
在我的脑海里，我知道事情不会成功，但我必须把它有所进展。
6个小时后我收到了回信，我鼓起了所有的勇气向他求婚。
但是在接下来的5个小时里，我什么都没有得到。
但不管如何，最终他还是答应了。

Dating period started we went to a cafe and used to chat incessantly. I had the most amazing time of my life. I had never been so happy all my life. Like the first love, smiling all day, blushing all day, dreaming, making castles.

刚开始约会的时候，我们会去一家咖啡馆，经常聊个不停。我度过了一生中最美妙的时光。我从来没有这么快乐过。就像初恋一样，一整天都在笑，一整天脸都红着，做着梦，建造着我的城堡。


但你知道第一件事是什么。当你和某人计划你的未来时，城堡就会破碎。

Anyways, the heartbreak brought me some years of depression, made me a poet, broke all my dreams, I used to cry anywhere and everywhere, my weight increased by some 20 kgs, my trust on relationships shattered, now I don't dream, now things don't make me happy, he bought me failures, yes he passed and I failed all my papers.

无论如何，心碎让我经历了多年的忧郁，让我成为了一个诗人，打破了我所有的梦想，我曾经在什么地方都会哭起来，我的体重增加了大约20公斤，我对爱情的信任被打碎了，现在我不做梦了，现在什么事情都不会让我快乐了，他给我带了失败，是的，他一笑而过，而我却一败涂地。

And now when I am writing this.
I have failed for at least 4 times in my finals, he is a CA settled abroad, I have no one to share my life, my feelings with, he must be dating the best of women, I am terrible with no confidence no Independence and of course no earnings. That makes me a complete loser.
So, to sum up the brutal truth about being single

而现在，当我写到这里的时候。
我的期末考试至少经历了4次失败，他定居海外，我却没有人分享我的生活，我的感情，他一定是在和最好的女人约会，我很糟糕，没有信心，没有独立性，当然也没有收入。这让我成了一个彻底的失败者。
所以，总结一下单身的残酷事实

You end up being on your own, because all your friends have a partner and that makes them busy.
People might feel sorry for you. Period
You have no one to care for.
You don't have a goddamn partner.
Friends might share stories about their life and you might feel the blank.
You might be empty on the inside.
You might be terrible but you can't tell someone.
Some times you might want to hug or kiss someone but you have got no one.
Sometimes you might just want to cuddle with someone but again that blank.
Happy couples are cute but it reflects the missing in your life.

你最终只能靠自己，因为你所有的朋友都有会一个伴侣，这让他们很忙。
人们可能会为你感到难过。但也就这样了。
没有人会来照顾你。
你根本就没有一个伴侣。
朋友们可能会分享他们生活中的故事，你可能会感到茫然。
你可能会内心空虚。
你可能会感觉很糟糕，但你不能告诉别人。
有时候你可能想拥抱或亲吻一个人，但你身旁一个人都没有。
有时候，你可能只是想拥抱一个人，但又一次地，你的大脑一片空白。
幸福的夫妻很可爱，但他们也折射出了你生命中的缺憾。

I hope no one gets to face the situation I had to.
I still see his face in people, I don't know if it happens with others but, when I miss someone my brain starts imagining their faces in random people and I am still living in this illusion for 7 years.
I don't want him but that shadow that illusion is surrounding me.
Don't know what it is.

我希望没有人要面对我不得不面对的这种局面。
我仍然会在别人身上看到他的脸，我不知道别人是否也会这样，但是，当我想念一个人的时候，我的大脑就会开始在随机哪个人身上想象出他们的脸庞，我在这种错觉中生活了7年。
我不想要他，但那个影子，那个幻觉就在我身边。
不知道是什么。

Edit 1: yes, you are right, I am to be blamed for my pathetic situation not someone else. Thanks for the honest reviews but he was a catalyst.
The golden years of the life were wasted on him. When I had to concentrate I could not.
Secondly, when I am writing this, IAM on the path of rebuilding myself, the weight loss has initiated, looking for a job as well as studies.
But one thing I still can't trust is trust, relationships.

编辑1：是的，你是对的，我应该将我的悲惨处境归咎于自己，而不是别人。谢谢那些诚实的评论，但他是催化剂。
我在他身上浪费了人生的黄金岁月。当我不得不集中注意力时，我都无法做到。
其次，当我写这篇文章的时候，我正在重塑自我的道路上，我已经开始减肥，找工作和学习了。
但仍然不能信任一件事，那就是情侣关系。

评论：



Chitra Sharma
5h ago
I am reallysorry for you.and same here. AM too completely devastated.
That illusion of yours, that you see his face everywhere, yes, even I try to spot HIS face in random faces, simultaneously, don't want to actually see him because I may not be able to handle it.
If you think you are jobless, well, I don't know if it is because of love failure or not, but it affected me so badly that I lost my job recently. So you can get jobless at anytime.
You still have time to get back on your career track, so please do it. It will become very difficult in later stages.
And please do yourself a favor, and stop talking to him, before it is too late for u to return.
Your parents need you.

我真为你难过。你和我一样。我彻底崩溃了。
你的幻觉，你在任何地方都能看到他的脸这件事，是的，尽管我随便在哪个人脸上都能看到他的样子，但同时我还是不想看到他，因为我可能无法面对这件事。
如果你认为你没有工作了，嗯，我不知道这是不是因为爱情的失败，但它对我的影响太大了，我最近丢了工作。所以你可能会随时失业。
你还有时间回到你的职业轨道上，所以请去努力吧。越往后，事情会变得越困难。
请帮你自己一个忙，不要再和他说话了，否则你就来不及抽身了。
你的父母需要你。

Kunal Shah
Mon · 2 upvotes
Through out the story I felt I was reading mine only with gender difference.
All your experiences, I have been through.
And reading the line, you tried 4 times in CA final. I was like bingo.
You won't believe, even I have tried 4 times in CA final. And cleared in 5th attempt G1.
Please message me. We both are on the same path.

通过这个故事，我觉得我看到的就是我自己，只是性别不同而已。
你所有的经历，我都经历过。
当我读到你考试挂了4次。我就像在看我的过去。
你不会相信，即使我在考试中失败了4次。并我在第五次尝试中获得了成功。
请给我发信息。我们都在同一条路上。



Anne Cloud
Nov 1
Hey, I'm so sorry to read that. But I think, first, you need to build your own self-confidence ok. Don't worry about your own dream love had crushed. Love yourself first, honey

我很抱歉读到这个。但我认为，首先，你需要建立自己的自信。不要担心自己梦想中的爱情已经破灭。请先爱自己，亲爱的

Emma Smithe
Oct 29 · 1 upvote
One thing I hope you find reassuring is that you valued yourself enough to have integrity for your moral code. You deserve recognition and appreciation for this. I hope you appreciate yourself for having integrity and self-respect! You weren’t desperate and protected your self-worth. Had you chosen to go to his home that night, you know he would have just used you and carried on with his life, all the while not caring how it would hurt you. I’m sure he was a wonderful person to talk with in a platonic way, but you dodged a bullet because he didn’t respect your worth.
Good on you for picking your life back up. Maybe you can publish your poetry online or as a short book? Taking small steps like this is validating.

有一件事我希望会让你觉得安心，那就是你对自己的重视程度足以让你的道德准则保持正直。你应该得到认可和赞赏。我希望你能欣赏自己的正直和自尊！你没有绝望，你保护了你的自我价值。如果那天晚上你选择去他的家，你知道他会利用你，然后继续他的生活，而不会管这会对你造成怎样的伤害。我相信他是一个很好的人，可以用柏拉图的方式和你交谈，但是你躲开了子弹，因为他不尊重你的价值。
很高兴你能重新开始你的生活。也许你可以在网上发表你的诗歌，或者写成一本书？这样的一小步是有效的。



Mohamed Rizwan
Oct 29
Hi
I have one rule for love.
Love the one who loves you.
Peace

嗨，我对爱情有一个原则。
那就是爱爱你的人。

Gollu
Oct 29 · 1 upvote
Dear anonymous you are not alone . I have also faced same problem and passing through same feelings. I know it's very difficult but keep working on yourself to kind your better version

亲爱的匿名答主，你并不孤单。我也遇到过同样的问题，也经历过同样的感受。我知道这是非常艰难的，但请继续努力，让你自己变得更好。

Hani Sharma
Nov 1 · 1 upvote
well mam don’t you think you are doing wrong with yourself. let him go and concentrate on your carrier nothing has changed . make yoursekf indulge in something like gim,swimming , there are so many things you can do. But keep your self busy don't waste your time thinking about him . Study hard n take revenge with yourself because you destroy your life no one else. So apart thinking about him focus on your career. I am really sorry if i say something wrong but it's the truth better you accept it.

嗯，女士，你不认为你自己做错了吗？摆脱他，专注于你自己的事业，什么都没变。让自己沉浸在某些事情当中，比如健身、游泳之类的活动中，你可以做很多事情。但是让你自己忙起来，不要浪费时间想他。努力学习，为自己雪耻，因为你没有毁掉自己的生活。所以撇开他不谈，专注于你的事业。如果我说错了，我真的很抱歉，但这是事实，你最好接受它。

Prashant Ranjan
Oct 29
This happens when your happiness depends on someone else. When u don't love yourself enough and try to find happiness outside.
And yes for pathetic situation you can't blame anyone.
And yes should have moved on way earlier i know world is full of idiots and most of the time we fall for the idiot we don't deserve.. That doesn't mean life stops.
You had your dreams your life before you met this guy..what about those why that had to weight for 7 years just because of some stupid person chose to part ways.
And yeah it's a big sea with lots of fishes.. Some are really good and understanding and would compliment you in your adventure… try finding that one.. And if that doesn't work out.. The again there is another..
Let the life flow..

当你的幸福取决于别人时，这种情况就会发生。当你不够爱自己的时候，试着在外面寻找快乐。
是的，对于这种可悲的情况，你不能责怪任何人。
是的，我知道世界上到处都是白痴，大多数时候我们都爱上了我们不配拥有的白痴。这并不意味着生命会终止。
在遇到这个人之前，你就有了自己的梦想。那为什么要因为一些愚蠢的人选择分手而持续困扰自己七年呢？
是的，那是一片有很多鱼的大海。有些人真的很好，很善解人意，会为你的冒险而赞美你…如果不成功…再试一次。
让生命流动起来……



Paresh Sahoo
Oct 29
Honestly it’s a sad story..but I don’t understand why girl always need a relationship and it’s like a dream for them..why they worry so much about the relationships…And relationships were temporary most of the time. I mean why can’t you focus on your goal, career, etc..& the only most value able relationship is your parents and current generation does not know the values of a family.

老实说，这是一个悲伤的故事。但我不明白为什么女孩总是需要一段感情，这对他们来说就像一个梦想。为什么他们如此担心人际关系……而人际关系在大多数时候都是暂时的。我的意思是为什么你不能专注于你的目标，你的事业，等等。唯一最有价值的关系是你的父母，而这一代人都不知道家庭的价值。