为何人们总是认为那些学中文的非亚洲的男性都有一个中国女友或妻子？ [美国媒体]

Why is it often assumed that non-Asian males studying the Chinese language have a Chinese spouse or girlfriend?

为何人们总是认为那些学中文的非亚洲的男性都有一个中国女友或妻子？



1.    Megan Cox, Living in Shenzhen with my Chinese (Teochew) family
Updated Jan 5, 2017
I actually don’t agree with some of theother writers.In my opinion, it is sexist.The intentions aren’t bad, but it issexist.Why?Because nobody asks me if I have a Chinese boyfriend or husband whenI speak Chinese.I am, in fact, dating a Chinese citizen. He’s not the reason Istarted learning Chinese, but he is the reason I’ve learned so much so quickly.WhenI get my nails done in China, the first question is always, “Do you have aboyfriend?” So in that case, I’ve always though that it was benevolent sexism -female to female. However, the better half of my brain understand that this isan attempt at bonding—they want to get to know me and don’t know how.

事实上，我不同意其他作者的观点。在我看来，这是性别歧视。也许这样子的意图并不算坏，但是这是典型的性别歧视。为什么会这么说呢？因为当我说汉语的时候，没有人问我是否有一个中国的男朋友或者是老公。事实上，我确实与一位中国男士在约会。他并不是我学习汉语的原因，但是因为有他的存在，我学汉语才能学得这么快。我在中国做指甲的时候。总有人会问我“你有男朋友吗？”我一直认为这是一种善意的性别歧视，因为这主要是体现在女性与女性之间的问答。然而，之后我很快就意识到，这其实是一种增加彼此纽带的一个举动，他们想要更多的了解我，只是他们不知道该从何处下手。

The other option is, “You would be so muchmore beautiful if you would lose some weight”—which is also an attempt atbonding, albeit a foreign one to me. It’s a (female) stranger showing they careabout me by pointing out something I might have missed—that I would look betterif I lost weight—therefore a form of bonding. I think I prefer the morefamiliar version: “Do you have a boyfriend?” So why are they asking you, anon-Asian man who can speak Chinese, if you have a Chinese wife or girlfriend?Theymight just be trying to find common ground with you.Honestly, when someonelooks at you, it may be very difficult for them to say with any certainty whatyour heritage or citizenship is. You may be completely foreign to them; They’retrying to bond by finding common ground.Take it as a compliment—another humanbeing attempting to reach out to you, no matter how roundabout or obtuse itseems.Just try to take it for what it is—a simple question—and not be offended.

另外一个观点是“如果你的体重能减轻一些，你看起来将会更加漂亮。” 这其实也是一种增加彼此纽带的尝试，当然这种说法对于我来讲是很陌生的。这是一位陌生的女性来表达对我关心的一种方式。也许我更喜欢之前的那个说法——你有男朋友吗？所以为什么他们会问你些问题，一个非亚洲的男人会说中文的时候，他们会问你是否有一个中国的妻子或者中国女朋友呢？他们可能只是想找到与你的一些共同点。他们可能无法具体了解你的一些情况，他们无法说出你的家族或者是国籍。你对他们来讲是完全陌生的。他们只是想找到一些与你的共同点。你可以把这当成是一种赞美——另外一个族群的人想要试图去接近你，尽管这种做法看起来不那么直接，甚至有点笨拙。你把这当成是一个简单的小问题就可以了，不要有什么负面的想法。

2.    Joseph Boyle
Answered Oct 29, 2014
This is in fact a very common case. It'ssomewhat less visible in general US society; while there are a lot of coupleswith Asian women and non-Asian men, if they live primarily in theeducation-based professional class, they are English-dominant and highlyEnglish-educated and unlikely to pass on an Asian language even if they areinterested. If you look at Western male expats in Asia, it's an extremelycommon case. Conversely, you can easily find blogs by Western women expats onhow dismal they find the dating situation in East Asia.As with manystereotypes, this has some basis in statistics, unfair as it is to those whodon't match the stereotype. I don't, for example. (I'm of part-Asian descentbut had only rudimentary knowledge before studying on my own.)

这是一个很典型的例子。这种现象在美国社会不太常见。确实有一些夫妇，女人是亚洲人，男人是非亚洲人。尤其是当这些人都是受过教育的那一类人时候。你想想看，美国是一个英语占主导的社会，他们接受的都是英语教育。如果一个人不是因为有了中国的女朋友，即使他对汉语非常感兴趣，他也不太可能学会汉语。如果你看看那些在亚洲的西方侨民，这确实是一个非常普遍的现象。同时，如果你看下网络博客的话，你会发现西方的女性侨民在东亚约会是一件多么困难的事情。因为这其中有非常多的偏见，我并不是在信口开河，这都是有统计数据支撑的。对于那些不符合刻板印象的人，这其实都是很不公平的。比如我就不符合这种刻板的印象。我有部分的亚洲血统，但是在真正开始学习之前，我对亚洲的了解是非常少的。

3.    Paul Denlinger, Have lived in China, Taiwan and Hong Kong; fluent inMandarin (written, spoken)
Answered Dec 16, 2016
It isn’t sexist.It is just that most whitemen who go to China, or are otherwise interested in learning Chinese, haveChinese or Asian girlfriends.People who question you about this are justassuming that since you are interested in learning Chinese language or Chineseculture, that you are likely to have a Chinese partner or spouse.There is nosexism or bad intent about it.

这不是性别歧视，只是大多数去中国的白人，或者是那些对中文感觉兴趣的白人，确实有中国或者是亚洲其他国家的女友。那些问你这个问题的人只是假设，既然你对中文或者是中国文化感兴趣，那么你应该会有一个中国的伴侣。这里面并没有性别歧视或者是其他恶意的意图。

4.    Chi-Hwa Michael Ting, Shanghai expate 04'-09'
Answered Oct 28, 2014
I would say because only until recentlydoes learning Chinese have a rational benefit. Political, social, career or other wise.Without rational benefit than ithas to be emotional.  As a hobby, forfun, or simply getting to know your love one better.It is also not a widelytaught foreign language in the west (until recently) and to be fluent in anylanguage its usually means one have spent A LOT of time with a fluent speaker.

我想强调一下，直到最近，学习中文才开始慢慢流行起来，因为已经可以获得一些合理的回报了。这主要体现在政治方面，社会方面，职业生涯方面或者是其它的一些领域。在这之前，在没有合理收益的情况之下，唯一的解释就是情感方面的因素。作为一种爱好，当成一种乐趣，或者是仅仅只是为了更好的去了解你的另一半。在此之前，中文在西方都不是一个被广泛接受的语言。想要学会一门外语，想要表达的非常清晰流利，就一定需要一个口语非常流利的陪练的人。

5.    Nick Olson, currently living in China
Answered Dec 18, 2016
I live in China and I get asked if I have aChinese spouse or girlfriend all the time, but people invariably say it with asmile, or even a naughty smirk. It’s not an effort to disparage me or dismissmy language learning. “Chinese women are so beautiful,” it suggests. “Whywouldn’t a healthy young man like you be interested?”Why, indeed? You mighthave encountered people who are jerks, and who attribute anything a man does tosex-seeking behavior.“His life’s goal is to be on the Supreme Court, eh? Lawyer fetish for sure.Hope he’s got something on under those robes.” Normally, people ask if you havea Chinese spouse or girlfriend because it’s a handy ice breaker for someone whodoesn’t know you very well. Your response might shed some light on your life’sgoals, your personality, your marital status, or even your sexual orientation.Theidea that men who learn Chinese are being disadvantaged by sexist assumptionsseems kind of ridiculous to me. I don’t know anyone who has experiencedanything like that.

我住在中国，总有人问我是否有一个中国的女朋友或者是妻子。当人们问到这个问题时候，总是带着微笑，甚至是顽皮的傻笑。这并不是在贬低我学习语言的努力。他们会告诉我说“中国姑娘这么漂亮，为什么你不感兴趣呢？”确实，这是为什么呢？你也可能会遇到另外一些人，这个人就像混蛋一样，他们把男人的一切动机都归咎于性行为相关的事情。他们似乎觉得自己就像最高法院的法官一样。难道他们想成为律师吗？他们似乎总要去寻找到一些什么东西。通常情况下，人们会问你是否有一个中国的女朋友或者是中国的妻子，对于你那些不太了解你的人来说。这是一个非常好的开场白。你的回答可能会对你的生活目标，你的个性，你的婚姻状况甚至你的性取向都会有所启发。学习中文的与性别歧视扯上关系，在我看来这是非常荒谬的。我不知道有没有其他人曾经经历过过类似的事情。
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