为什么在中国朋友间不言谢呢？ [美国媒体]

-------------译者：龙腾翻译总管-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------



Why don't Chinese people say thank you amongst friends?

为什么在中国朋友间不言谢呢？


-------------译者：花开花落花满天-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

Jason Li student of Chinese culture.upxed Nov 1 2015
Traditionally saying thank you is part of the formal etiquette which also implies distance between the speakers. Therefore such etiquette is eschewed among familiar friends. 

传统上说“谢谢”是正式礼节的一部分，这也意味着说话者之间的距离。因此这种礼仪在熟悉的朋友之间是回避的。

One of the standard Chinese reply to thank you "xiexie (谢谢)" is "bukeqi (不客气)" which literally translates to "don't be so formal". 

一个标准的中国式回复感谢“谢谢”时用“不客气”回复。字面意思是“不要太正式”。

In traditional Chinese culture gratitude between familiar friends is typically implied in actions such as sharing a meal exchange of gifts etc. rather than exchange of words.

在传统的中国文化中，熟悉的朋友之间表示感激通常是表现在诸如共享食物和交换礼物等行为中，而不是语言交流。

Mary Ma grow a little everyday upxed Sep 17 2015
There is an old saying in China it says "大恩不言谢"。 It means if someone really helped you and that help might saved your life you don't say thank you to that. To explain further you don't say thank you but you will remember it for the rest of your life. As to my understanding Chinese think appreciation is a big deal someone's help is a big deal. They don't just easily expressed by simple words thank you that's just not heavy enough. Instead of just saying thank you people tend to treat the one who helped them really well. There is another saying which is "滴水之恩当以涌泉相报"， it means if someone gives you a drop of water then you give him a fountain back for his kindness. I think it's not like Chinese don't say thank you very often but they take it too seriously.

中国有句古话说道“大恩不言谢”。这意味着如果有人真的愿意帮助你，而这个帮助可能会拯救你的生命，你不会说谢谢的。更深一步说明，你不说谢谢，但是在你的余生之中，你会永远记住。根据我的理解，中国人认为感谢是一件大事，别人对你的帮助是一件大事。他们不只是简单的用单调的词语表示感谢，觉得这不够郑重。不要只是说句谢谢，人们往往更愿意去善待那些帮助过他们的人。有另一句古话说道“滴水之恩当以涌泉相报”。意思是如果有人给你一滴水，那么你会因为他的仁慈回报以涌泉。我觉得不是中国人不经常说谢谢，而是他们太看重了。

-------------译者：龙腾翻译总管-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

Baiyan Zhao lived in China
Answered May 15 2015
I fit the stereotype because I don't remember i have ever said "thank you" to my families and my best friends.  I say thank you to everyone else though.  

我符合这种刻板印象，因为我不记得我曾经对我的家人和我最好的朋友说过“谢谢”。不过，我对其他人说谢谢。

I feel that "thank you" has more do with courtesy and manner than it does with gratitude and appreciation.  Between families and friends a lot of feelings get through without being said which is called silent mutual understanding (默契).

我感觉“谢谢”更多的是出于礼貌，而不是出于感激和感恩。在家人和朋友之间，很多感情都无声传递了，也就是默契。

Feifei Wang I spend about the same amount of my life in China and in the US. Answered May 15 2015
We don't? I didn't notice that. When I was in China people say thank you all the time my colleague say "thank you" when we finish a project together; my friends say thank you when I bought them starbucks coffee; waitresses say thank you when I order food... 

我们不说谢谢?我没有注意到。当我在中国的时候中国人老是说谢谢，当我们一起完成一个项目时，我的同事说谢谢你，当我给他们买星巴克咖啡时，我的朋友们说谢谢你;当我点食物的时候，女服务员会说谢谢。

But I did notice the closer the relationship the less sentiments expressed. It's like the opposite of western culture. You express less affection verbally towards those you love and care about the most. While strangers could call each other "dear" (亲) it'd be considered awkward and weird if lovers call each other "dear" or "honey". They might call each other really offensive nick names like "shithead" (猪头) or "fatso woman" (肥婆). 

但是我确实注意到，关系越亲密，情感的表达就越少。和西方文化是相反的。对于你最爱和最关心的人，你口头上的感情表达会更少。陌生人之间可以互称“亲”，而爱人之间也互称“亲”或“宝贝”的话就显得尴尬怪异。他们反而会用一些侵犯性的昵称来称呼对方，比如猪头或者肥婆。

Instead we expect the people we really care about to show their affection via actions and vice versa. A well prepared meal a surprising gift support each other when they're most in need... My dad married my stepmom for over 25 years never hear them say "I love you" to each other ever not once. But they stick with each other through thick and thin. 

相反，我们期望我们真正在乎的人通过行动来表达他们的感情，反之亦然。一顿精心准备的饭菜，一份惊喜的礼物，在需要时互相扶持。我爸爸和我的继母结婚超过25年了，从来没有听过他们说“我爱你”。但他们在生活的沉浮中相濡以沫。

Words are cheap. I think Chinese truly believe it.

话是不值钱的。我认为中国人真的相信这一点。

-------------译者：龙腾翻译总管-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

Although I'll have to add that there's a down side to this custom. Chinese families are generally not very good with communicating their feelings. It's hard for Chinese to express affection to their spouse even harder when it comes to children (grandchildren are different...) Sometimes this kind of lack of communication back fired and people start to interpret little things this way and that. I've read a lot of people complain about how their loved ones don't really love them because they don't know their favorite dish or don't know what they want for birthday. At the time I'd be like "well... no one read minds you know". 

尽管我不得不补充一嘴，这个传统有一个不好的点在于中国家庭通常不太善于表达自己的感情。中国人很难对他们的配偶表达爱意，和孩子表达爱意更难(孙子们是不同的)。
有时候这种交流的缺乏会适得其反，在小事上引发争执。我通过阅读看到很多人抱怨说自己的另一半其实不爱自己，因为不知道自己最喜欢吃的菜是什么，不知道自己想要什么生日礼物。那谁又知道你想要什么呢，直接说出来不就好了。

So there's both sides to this practice. I'm not saying the Chinese way is better. In fact if it's up to me I'd much prefer western style open communication.

所以有好有坏。不是说中国方式更好。如果是我的话，我更宁愿选择西方的这种公开交流。

Richard He Thinker Writer Observer and Offer-er of practical solutions. upxed Dec 21 2015
This reminds me of the Chinese ladies in China who would beat and yell at their husbands everyday but when the time came to when it really mattered (e.g husband gets into car accident/needs organ donor) that woman would be right there by his side ready to help him survive however possible.

这让我想起了中国的中国女人们，她们每天都要打骂她们的丈夫，但到了真正重要的时候(比如的丈夫陷入了车祸/需要器官捐献者)那女人就在身边，随时准备帮助他活下来。

I think Chinese people generally practice tough love. We like to make each other stronger and not so reliant on that cushy "I love you" stuff. I also have never been a huge fan of saying "thank you" too often among friends and family just because I feel it is almost superficial to do so. It's like we're so close you shouldn't even care about me saying it. It's almost feels like if I said it it actually makes us less of friends because I would need to say such things to keep them around.

我认为中国人一般都是在练习严厉的爱。我们喜欢让对方变得更强大，而不是依赖于那种轻松的“我爱你”说辞。我也从来都不太喜欢在朋友和家人之间说“谢谢”，因为我觉得这样做太肤浅了。就好像我们是如此的亲密，还用得着说谢谢吗。我觉得如果说谢谢的话就没那么亲密了，好像我需要说谢谢才能维持这段友谊似的。

So yeah it's tough love I reckon.

是的，我认为这是一种严厉的爱。

-------------译者：花开花落花满天-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

Caitlin Schultz studied at Lanzhou University（兰州大学）
Answered 6h ago
As a foreigner in China I try to break down the cultural wall between myself my friends and coworkers and even strangers. One of the walls I’ve put around myself is how often I say “thanks.”

作为一个在中国的外国人，我试图打破我与我的朋友和同事，甚至陌生人之间的文化障碍。而我就是因为经常说谢谢给自己立起了一座文化障碍之墙。

When I say “thanks” the standard responses from strangers are a funny look followed by "Don't be so polite" or "Just doing my job!"

当我说“谢谢”时，陌生人的第一反应是很滑稽，然后他们会说“别客气”或“这是我应该做的！”

My friends are more direct and sometimes they get offended: "You are way too polite and it's creating distance. Real friends don't need to say 'thank you.' "

我的朋友们更直接，有时候他们会生气的说：“你太有礼貌会让人产生距离感，真正的朋友之间不需要说“谢谢”。

My saying "thanks" too often is a problem because it is weird and awkward for the other person. They have to try to figure out what the hidden meaning of my saying "thanks" really is (answer: none).

我经常会说“谢谢”，这是一个问题。因为其他人会觉得奇怪和尴尬。他们不得不试着去找出我说“谢谢”隐藏的意义，实际上并没有真正的含义。（答案：无）。

I've tried to stop saying these polite phrases which are actually automatic and deeply ingrained to me.

我已经试图停止说这些对我来说是自动和根深蒂固的礼貌用语。

One time my American friend and I were at my favorite foot massage place having a normal conversation with the people who work there. One of them brought the tub of hot water to my feet and gave me a towel.

有一次我的美国朋友和我在我最喜欢的足部按摩的地方和那里工作的人进行日常的谈话。其中一个将热水盆放在我的脚下，
并给了我一条毛巾。

"Thank you" I very sincerely but accidentally said.

“谢谢你”我很真诚却不小心说了出来。

His response made us howl with laughter: "I really have no other option."

他的回答使我们哈哈大笑：“我真的没有其他选择。”

Wow!

真的！

This was way more direct than "It's my job."

这是比“这是我的工作”说法更直接。

It was more incredulous: "What the heck do you expect me to do instead you crazy foreigner?"

好像在说：“你这个疯狂的老外，我不这么做还能怎么做？”

He put me and my American politeness in its place!

都怪我太礼貌了。

I whispered to my friend "Okay I'm going to try not to say 'thanks' this entire time! Wish me luck!"

我低声对我的朋友说“好，以后我要试着不说‘谢谢’！祝我好运吧！”

Just at that moment another person was bringing me a cup of hot water to drink.

就在这时，另一个人正要递给我一杯热水。

I gave my friend a sideways glance like "Watch this!"

我给我的朋友一个眼神“看这个！”

The woman handed me the cup and I smiled that white-person smile that's a completely straight line and I nodded my head once very slightly. She nodded back. It was perfect.

服务员递给我一杯热水，我笑了，她也笑了，我非常轻微的点了点头，她点头示意。非常完美。

I grinned over at my friend who bobbed his head in approval of my very Chinese conduct.

  我看着我的朋友笑了笑，他点头表示赞许我的中国行为。
"Awesome job! You did it!!!" he said.

“非常好！你做到了！！！”他说。

"Thanks!" I enthusiastically replied.

“谢谢！”我热情地回答。

Ooops I said it... Some things are just ingrained. But I'm trying.

唉，我还是说了…有些东西是根深蒂固的。但我在努力。

 -------------译者：jimmy723-审核者：天河云------------

Mu Chang
Answered Oct 15 2015
As a Chinese I say "thank you " whenever my friends do me a favor. Mostly vice versa. Also I say "thank you" evey time after the waitress serve the table.

But it's true that  when I say thank you to my close friends sometimes they would say "you don't have to say thank you to me". Saying thank you all the time may makes people think you're not close enough.

作为一个中国人，每当我的朋友帮我一个忙时，我就会说“谢谢”。反之亦然。我还说了“谢谢你”，在服务员端上桌的时候。
但是，当我对我的好朋友说谢谢时，他们会说“你不必对我说声谢谢”。总是说“谢谢”可能会让别人觉得你不够亲密。

Kim Guo an ordinary university student in china
Answered May 16 2015
This question remind me of my grandparents.
    In 1960sMy grandpa was a soldier and participated in the Vietnam War as a part of chinese assistance force;my grandma had to support the whole homeshe had to work all day in the field and take care of my grandpa's younger brothers and sisters.
    Although they both lived a hard lifethey never forget each other.While the war grandpa kept a notebook with him all the time and wrote his feelings on italmost every page had something about my grandma.And at that time my grandma was so afraid of losing my grandpa that she could even be waked up by the noise of plane from a long distance and then prayed that my grandpa would come back home safe and sound.
    After the war came to an endmy grandpa came back.They worked very hard and tried to move to the city.Fortunatelytheir efforts paid off.Then my father was bornand they lived together up to now.
    But they never say “love ” to each other.
    Don't they love each other？
    I hope this story can help you understand why we hardly say “thanks” to closed friend.
    We already know the sincere appreciation and we don't need to use the powerless word to show our feelings.
    Sorry for my poor English.

这个问题使我想起了我的祖父母。
在1960年代，我爷爷是一名军人，参加了抗美援越，作为中国援军的一部分;我的祖母必须支持整个家庭，她必须整天在田里工作，照顾爷爷的弟弟妹妹。
虽然他们都过着艰苦的生活，但他们永远不会忘记彼此。尽管战争不断，爷爷一直拿着笔记本，写着他的感受，但几乎每一页都有关于我祖母的事情。那时候，我奶奶非常害怕失去爷爷，她甚至会被遥远的飞机噪音吓醒，然后祈祷我爷爷平安归来。
战争结束后，我爷爷回来了。他们非常努力地工作，试图搬到城市去。幸运的是，他们的努力得到了回报。然后，我父亲出生了，一起生活到现在。
但他们从不对彼此说“爱”。
他们不相爱吗?
我希望这个故事能帮助你理解为什么我们很难对亲密的朋友说“谢谢”。
我们已经知道了真诚的感激，我们不需要用无力的话语来表达我们的感情。
对不起，我的英语不好。