美版知乎：婚外情在印度有多普遍

How common are extramarital affairs in India?

婚外情在印度有多普遍?

QUORA网站读者评论：

Ishita D Kumar, lives in India

My husband lives in a house with his younger brother who is also married. However he is about 2 years younger, he married just 2 months after ours.

Because we all 4 are living in same house and we are of similar age, we have a kind of natural attracatuon for each other. Me and my brother in law started getting attracted to each other slowly. Meanwhile he got married. Now same happened with my husband and his sister in law. I started talking about it with her who js more open minded.

Initially I had sex with my hysband's brother few times in absence of others. The two brothers hesitate in talking this matter with each other but it seemed that they have no objection and both are attracted to cross-woman.

我丈夫和他那也结了婚的弟弟住在同一个屋檐下。尽管他比我们小两岁，但他只比我们晚两个月就结婚了。

因为我们4个人都住在同一所房子里，年龄相仿，我们对彼此都有种天然的吸引力。我和小叔子开始慢慢地被彼此吸引。期间他结婚了。我丈夫和他弟妹也是这样。我和她谈起这件事，她的思想比较开放。

起初，其他人不在时，我和老公的弟弟发生了几次关系。兄弟俩犹豫了一阵才与对方谈及此事，但他们似乎没有异议，都被彼此的女人吸引住了。

The talk between me and her did help. We also talked little with our husband's. It seemed they are agree to swap concept.

Now almost every alternate night me and and my sister in law change our bedroom. After few months passed like this, I feel it still interesting.

All we do in same house and not outside it snd not under any kind of force or prrssure. These matters are within us only. Our husbands still hesitate to talk with each other on this matter. Finally we completely avoid any kind of group sex and always give our husband a priority over other. More important is we all live in friendly way in day time without any discussion about it

我和她之间的谈话起了作用。我们也和自己的丈夫稍微提了提。他们似乎同意了交换的想法。

现在几乎每隔一个晚上，我和我弟妹就会换一次卧室。几个月就这样过去了，我还是觉得很有意思。

我们只在家里这么玩，并不在外面胡来，也没有任何外力或压力。这些事只藏在我们心里。我们的丈夫仍不愿就这件事彼此谈论。最后，我们完全不搞任何形式的群体性行为，总是优先考虑我们的丈夫。更重要的是，我们白天都友好相处，不会进行任何讨论。

 

Tanvi Goyal, Housewife

From what I know it is neither uncommon not the trend. It is mostly a choice for people. Sometimes it is much more of a one-off thing where it just happens and at times it could be a well planned affair that goes on for a long time.

I have always loved my husband and I never can think about living without him. We complete each other but then it is true that he is one of those busiest of men the world has produced. He is a very simple sweet caring guy who you just cannot hate. I never wished to cheat on him but today it almost feels like I cannot do about it. I have been a “mistress” to a few men who were also married just like me. While their reason was the lack of intimacy they had with their spouse, mine has always been a weird addiction. I am always the perfect wife, and no part of my other life ever crosses path with the current one. I always make sure of that.

据我所知，这种事既不常见也不泛滥。这主要是人们的选择。有时只是偶发一次，有时也可能是精心策划，会持续很长一段时间的事。

我一直深爱着我的丈夫，我从未想过生活中没有他会怎样。我们让彼此更加完美，但他确实是世界上最忙碌的人之一。他是一个很简单，很体贴的人，没有人会讨厌他的。我从未想过要欺骗他，但今天我几乎感到无能为力。我做过几个和我一样结过婚的男人的“情妇”。虽然他们的理由是跟自己的老婆不亲密，但我的理由一直是奇怪的癖嗜。我一直都是一个完美妻子，我不会把这种事跟现在的生活相混淆。我总是尽力保证这一点。

But when I take a break from my regular life, it is a very irrational and inexplicable pleasure that I get in my extra-marital affair knowing fully well that I’m doing exactly what I’m not supposed to do and people would call me bad names given the kind of traditional background I come from.

I did try seeing a psychiatrist for this for a while, but I stopped going there after a few times. She was always trying to make me see that I might end up ruining my perfect life while this is the very thing which makes me indulge in infidelity. My husband is too involved with his work mostly to ever notice my absence, and while he is with me, I make sure I disappear from my other adventures.

但是当我从日常生活中得以喘息时,我从外遇中获得非常荒谬、难以言表的快乐,我知道我正在做的是很不应该做的,鉴于我的出身背景，我会声名狼藉的。

我为此尝试着去看了一段时间的精神病医生，但几次之后我就不再去了。她总是想让我明白，我可能会毁了我的完美生活，而这正让我沉迷于不忠。我的丈夫太专注于他的工作，几乎没有注意到我不在家，当他和我呆在一起的时候，我就从其他冒险之事中脱身出来。

I have never felt guilty because somehow I always saw his work as an extra-marital affair. Being left alone with nothing to do made me sick most of the time and I dont know when, but things started moving in this direction. I don’t think I’ll ever apologize to him because this at least gives me comfort while I dont have him by my side. I see it mostly as being even, and as punishing him for the absence from my life. Perhaps if it was a love marriage, I would have felt differently. True, I love him a lot and he is the nicest husband I could have asked for, but also; any partner is better than no partner.

So that is what my reason is.

我从来没有感到过内疚，因为我总觉得他把他的工作当做婚外情。大多数时候，无所事事让我感到很不舒服，我不知道是从什么时候开始，但事情就开始朝着这个方向发展了。我想我永远也不会向他道歉，因为尽管他不在我身边陪着我，但至少这事给了我安慰。我认为这是对他的惩罚，因为他在生活中缺席了。也许，如果这是恋爱婚姻，我可能会有不同的感受。是的，我很爱他，他是我所能期盼的最好不过的丈夫，但有人陪总比没有的好。

而那就是我的理由。

 

Anonymous

I am a 27 year old girl and married for more than a year ago. It was an arrange marriage. My parents had choose him for me. I met my husband online and it was all going good. After knowing each other for almost 8 months we got married to each other. Everything was going fine in the marriage. My mother in law was a bit narrow minded so expected to cook and never allowed me to keep a maid. I was somehow ok because ultimately money was saved. Little did I know my husband too started doubting on me on random men’s from my office or be it even my college friends. I was totally annoyed by this and felt disheartened. I started regretting my decision of getting married to the wrong person. I started to regret all the good guys who had approached me for marriage but rejected them for some silly reasons.

One such guy was from a Merchant Navy. His parents had approached me for marriage. The perfect eligible bachelor. Good height looks and a wonderful soul (but rejected him for his weird duty timings). One fine day I visited his profile in social media just out of curiosity and found out that he too got married with a beautiful girl. I was somehow having mixed feelings over this but ignored.

我是一个27岁的女孩，结婚一年多了。我们是包办婚姻。我的父母为我选中了他。我在网上遇到了我的丈夫，一切都很顺利。在认识对方近8个月后，我们结婚了。我们结婚以来一切都很顺利。我的婆婆思想有点狭隘，总是希望我做饭，不允许我雇女佣。从某种程度上说，我还好，因为最终钱存了下来。我丈夫开始怀疑我，怀疑办公室里所有的男人，甚至怀疑我的大学朋友。我完全被这件事惹恼了，感到灰心丧气。我开始后悔当初嫁错人的决定。我开始为那些向我求过婚却被我以愚蠢的理由拒绝的好男人感到遗憾惋惜。

这些男人中有个是商船队的。他的父母曾向我提过婚事。他是个完美的单身汉。外表高大和心地善良(但我以他工作时间奇葩而拒绝了他)。在一个晴朗的日子里，出于好奇，我看了他社交媒体上的个人资料，发现他也娶了一个漂亮的女孩。不知怎么的，我百感交集。

Days passed by and my husband started putting more restrictions on me. I was kind of frustrated so downloaded tinder for casual dating. I swiped on many guys but didn’t find anyone worth. A week passed by. One random day while swiping I found the merchant Navy guy on tinder. I super liked him but didn’t get any reply. I waited for a week and uninstalled the app. I started over thinking if he as well was unhappy in his marriage (Just a year for both our marriages). I decided to approach him on facebook via a fake profile and confront him about liking his tinder profile and knowing that he is married shall be discreet about it. I was very unsure if he would reply because he had 5000 friends already. Luck favored by my side and he replied me instantly. He told that he was just trying out the tinder app out of curiosity and nothing more. He told me he was happy in his marriage. I said ok and slowly and steadily we started chatting almost every day. Not a day passed by when he didn’t text me. We started sharing our life problems to each other. He later told me he was not sexually happy in his marriage so was on tinder. Both our partners were unaware about our chats. I started liking him and confessed him that it was his parents who had liked me as his wife but I rejected him. He was shocked to hear that initially but later was ok and he too started loving me. We chatted days and even late night (we didn’t meet yet). Its almost 2 months we know each other. I decided to meet him. He was alone at home someday so called me over. I took a leave from office without any1 knowing about it and went to meet him at his place. He was more handsome than what he actually looked in his pictures. I was flattered to meet him. We sat for an hour chatting and knowing each other. We get closer eventually and ended in Bed. I felt heaven when I had sex with him. We tried almost most of his fantasies in a day time. He loved me more than his wife. He would be up late at night just to talk to me. We are totally into each other.

日子一天天过去，我丈夫开始对我施加更多的限制。我有点沮丧，所以下载了tinder进行非正式约会。我骗了很多人，但没找到值得的人。一个星期过去了。随便哪一天，我在刷手机的时候在tinder上发现了一个商船队的人。我超级喜欢他，但没有得到任何回复。我等了一个星期后卸载了这款应用。我开始思考，他的婚姻是不是也不幸福(我们都才结婚一年)。我决定编造虚假的个人资料在facebook上联系他，问他是否喜欢他的tinder个人资料，我知道他已婚，本该谨慎的。我不确定他是不是会回复我，因为他已经有5000个朋友了。我运气很好，他立刻回答了我。他说，他只是出于好奇试用了tinder，仅此而已。他告诉我他和太太的性生活并不美好。我说很好，然后我们慢慢地开始聊天了，几乎每天都会聊一聊。他每天都给我发短信。我们开始互相分享生活中遇到的问题。他后来告诉我，他对自己的婚姻并不满意，所以才会上tinder。我们的另一半都不知道我们的交流。我开始喜欢上他，并告诉他，他的父母曾想让我做他的妻子，但我拒绝了。他刚开始听到这个消息时，非常震惊，他也开始爱上我了。我们聊了好些天，甚至聊到深夜(我们还没有见过面)。我们认识快两个月了。我决定去见他。有一天他一个人在家，就叫我过去。我瞒着所有人请假离开了办公室，到他的住处去见他。他比照片上更英俊。见到他我很兴奋。我们坐着聊了一个小时的天，互相了解彼此。终于我们越靠越近，躺到了床上。当我和他啪啪啪时，我感觉自己到了天堂。我们在一天的时间里尝遍了他几乎所有的幻想。他爱我胜过爱他的妻子。他为了和我说会儿话，会很晚才睡。我们完全被彼此迷住了。

We both are happy with each other I keep him happy always. I regret not getting married to him. None of our partners are aware of this affair and we both have decided to keep it discreet until any1 comes to know about it.

I thereby enjoy having extramarital affair because it keeps both of us Happy

我们彼此都很开心，我一直让他开心。我很后悔没有嫁给他。我们的另一半都不知道这件事，我们俩都决定保密，直到有人发现为止。

因此，我喜欢婚外情，因为它让我们都很快乐

 

 

Anonymous

Going antonymous for obvious reaons

I would say pretty common. Let me give you an example. I had an affair with this woman 5 years back. We used to sext a lot, exchange nude pics and do the ‘dance of no pants’. When her parents started searching for a husband for her she asked me to marry her I said no since I was building my career. We last met the day before her marriage. We went to a hotel and spent the entire night doing…well you know what.

Post her marriage we lost touch. Then got in touch , talked a bit here and there. I had a gf that time so I focused on her. Post my break up one day I messaged her and the conversation turned naughty (Ironically while typing this I just got a text from her. I asked her to send me nude selfies. She obliged. What followed was a avalanche of sexting. I even got her to tape her having sex with her husband and send it to me. One day she said she wanted to meet me. I had shifted to a different city. She lied to her husband and flew down and we went to a hotel. This repeated over the next 3 years. Few months ago I visited her city. I even went to her house where I was introduced as a friend to her husband and parents. I stayed the night. In night she sneaked out of her room and took me to the terrace (they stay in an apartment) where we .. “had fun”.

因为再明显不过的原因，我选择了匿名。

我觉得这种事很普遍。我举个例子。五年前我和这个女人有过一腿。我们经常互发暧昧短信，交换裸照，跳“裸舞”。当她的父母开始为她物色丈夫时，她向我求婚，我拒绝了，因为我忙着奋斗事业。我们最后一次见面是在她结婚的前一天。我们去了一家酒店，整晚做个不停……你懂得的。

她结婚后我们不再联系。然后又开始联系了，东聊西聊的。那时候我有女朋友，所以我忙着陪女友。有一天，我给她发了条短信，我们之间的谈话变得很下流(讽刺的是，我刚收到她的一条短信)我让她给我发一张裸体自拍照。她同意了。随之而来的是铺天盖地的性爱短信。我甚至让她录下她和她丈夫的性爱视频，发给我看。有一天她说想见我。我当时搬到了另一个城市。她骗了她丈夫，飞来找我，我们去了旅馆。这种情况在接下来的3年里不断重复。几个月前我去了她所在的城市。我甚至还去了她家，被介绍给她丈夫和父母的朋友。我留宿了一夜。晚上，她偷偷溜出她的房间，带我到阳台(他们住在公寓里)，“寻乐”了一番。

Now I am back in my city. We keep sexting and she says she misses me. She is flying down sometime over the next 2 months (cant tell exact date sorry !) and she has asked me to have unprotected sex becuase she loves me and wants to have my child and she feels we both will produce a good looking child (her husband is a nice but ugly looking chap !)

I know dozens of stories like these. Men and women. Do i judge them ? No. I judge society that forced most of them into marriages that they weren't ready for at and at a age that they didn't want to get married. This is the end result.

Now excuse me. I have to make plan for our next trip

现在我回到了我的城市。我们不停发短信，她说她很想我。她在未来2个月内还会来找我(对不起!我不能告诉你们确切日期),她让我跟她上床时不要设防,因为她爱我，想要我的孩子,她觉得我们能生出一个漂亮的孩子(她的丈夫是一个很友善的但很难看的家伙!)

我知道很多类似的事。男女都有。我对他们有看法吗？不。我认为是社会迫使他们中的大多数人在还没有准备好结婚时，在他们还不想结婚的年龄就结了婚。这就是最终结果。

现在抱歉了。我必须为我们下一次的寻欢之旅开始做规划了。

 

Deepak Sharma, Mentor at Yogisclub | Prana Expert | IT Consultant

Very common. But it is a choice which men and women make. If you want to be in an affair, then equally there is supply too.

I often wonder at such people! If you can’t enjoy a woman, how can you enjoy two or 10 women? It is just nonsensical and childish. I have also seen women involved with 4–5 men.What is this? If you can’t learn from one man, then you can’t learn being with 5 men too. What men and women want to learn from all these merry go-arounds, they are themselves not clear about it. It is just good entertainment for both genders; catching each one till they find themselves jumping in bed together. And statistics and reality in society tell only one thing- such people are really childish, running from pillar to post their whole life. It's an addiction which hardly stops.

很常见。但这是男人和女人做的选择。如果你想要寻找外遇，肯定就能找到。

我常常对这样的人感到惊奇!如果你不能一个女人开心，你怎能让两个或十个女人开心呢?荒谬！幼稚！我也见过女人跟4-5个男人勾搭在一起。这又是什么鬼?如果你不能从一个男人身上学习，那么你就算和5个男人在一起也一样学不到。男人和女人想从寻欢作乐的人身上学点什么呢，他们自己也不清楚。这对男女来说都是很好的娱乐消遣。而统计数据和社会现实只告诉我们一件事——这些人真的很幼稚。这是一种难以戒掉的瘾。

And whenever I ask all such “smart” and “sexy” men and women, ‘why do you guys do it? They say- yar maja aata hai (for fun). Life is far more than such petty funs.

I have greater respect for prostitutes and gigolos than for such people because these people are so dishonest that they don’t even have guts to admit it to their partners. F**k to such smartness and sexiness. Atleast go via proper channel, inform your partner that you wana look for something else and are tired of marriage. Why to make your married life a secured umbrella? It is disgusting.

What a perverted world- husband sleeping with other’s wives and wives sleeping with other’s husbands!! Ironically, in the end no one is content; neither with the partner at home nor with 'sexcapade' buddies! The more you go into it, the more you find yourself sinking low and low.

每当我问这些“聪明”又“性感”的男女，“你们为什么要这样做?”他们说就是为了好玩。生活远不只有这些琐碎的乐事。

比起这些人，我更尊重妓女和舞男，因为这些人太不诚实了，他们连向自己的另一半承认的勇气都没有。这般的聪明和性感真是见了鬼的。至少通过合适的渠道，告诉你的另一半，你想要找寻别的东西，你已厌倦了婚姻。为什么要把你的婚姻生活当做一把安全保护伞?真恶心。

这真是一个多么变态的世界——丈夫和别人的妻子睡觉，妻子和别人的丈夫上床!!讽刺的是，到头来没有人感到满足；在家里跟另一半也不满足，跟越轨对象也不满足!你陷得越深，就会发现自己陷得越深。

 

Ramya Srikanth, former Teach French and Spanish

At the outset, let me say that my answer is not to offend anyone. My experience is that even as a child, I used to notice extramarital affairs among my grandparents neighbours when I used to visit them during my summer holidays in school. Was very astonished and shocked . But my grandmother used to say that it was a common accepted practice in villages even then. Didn't understand it fully then but I do so now. So I feel it is not a question of western/ metro city influence. It has been worldwide for a very long time. Maybe it just a manufacturing defect in the minds of human beings.

首先，我得说，我的答案并无意冒犯任何人。我的经验是，甚至在我还是个孩子时，在学校暑假去看望祖父母时就发现了他们和邻居之间的婚外情，我当时非常震惊。但我祖母常说，即使在当时，这种事在农村也是很普遍的。当时我完全不理解，但现在我明白了。所以我觉得这不是西方/大都市影响而造成的问题。这种事在世界范围内都很有历史了。也许这就是人类大脑的一个缺陷吧。

 

Anonymous

It has become very common these days. I stay in Pune. I work for an IT company in Pune. My landlords wife spends a quality time with me daily while her husband is away. Her husband always abuses her and beats her when he is drunk. Her husband usually works in a night shifts in a manufacturing company. And once he leaves its the time for our love making.

Currently she is pregnant and that is my kid and her husband is thinking he has made her pregnant after 5 years, but only we both know the truth. Now i am planning to leave this house ASAP because i dont want to see my kid and people relating it to me.

This has become a common trend these days.Some do it to kill their loneliness.Some for getting a kid.Some for money. Some are deprived of sex. So it depends upon the situations that one is going through.

现在这种事已经变得很普遍了。我住在浦那。我在浦那的一家IT公司上班。我房东的妻子每天趁着丈夫不在家都会和我共度美好时光。她丈夫喝醉时总是虐待她，打她。她丈夫通常在一家制造公司上夜班。他一走，就是我们寻欢的时候了。

现在她怀孕了，是我的孩子，她的丈夫以为他自己终于让她在结婚5年后怀孕了，但只有我们两个人知道真相。现在我正打算尽快离开这所房子，因为我不想看到我的孩子和那些与我有关的人。

这已成为当今的一个普遍现象了。有些人这么做是为了排解寂寞。有些人是为了要个孩子。有些人是为了要钱。有些人被剥夺了性权利。这取决于你经历了什么。

 

Anonymous

I’m married for the past six years. We love each other. My husband is generally caring and considerate, but like a typical Indian macho male, he considers women as incompetent, lazy and easy going. After two years of marriage I took up a job and now earn a decent income to manage our monthly expenditure.

Despite of some minor irritations about his macho attitude and his not sharing household chores, we lead a happy life together. There is no reason for me to cheat. But the unthinkable simply happened. A colleague of mine became friendly. I tried to ignore for a long time, but finally ended up having an affair. It was an act of expressing my newly found freedom, not because I didn’t love my husband.

我结婚六年了。我们彼此相爱。我丈夫总体而言很关心人、很体贴，但就跟典型的印度男子汉一样，他觉得女人无能、懒惰、好打发。结婚两年后，我找到了一份工作，现在有一份不错的收入来应付我们的每月开支。

尽管他的大男子主义态度、不愿分担家务让我有些恼火，但我们在一起生活的很幸福。我没有理由瞎搞。但不可思议的事情发生了。我的一个同事变得很友好。我试着忽略了很长一段时间，但最终还是发生了外遇。这是一种表达我重新获得的自由的行为，并不是因为我不爱我的丈夫。

Soon something went wrong, our affair is discovered and blown open. I thought of quitting my job to avoid further embarrassment. My colleague paid the penalty for the indiscretion, he is transferred to another place.

I continue to work only due to the insistence and support of my husband. But it nearly broke our marriage and affected my career. Now our married life has limped back to normal. Strangely, I’ve no regrets about what has happened

不久后糟糕了，我们的恋情被发现了，东窗事发。我考虑辞职以避免更多的尴尬。我的同事为他的轻率行为付出了代价，他被调到了另一个地方。

因为丈夫的坚持和支持，我才得以继续工作。但这件事几乎毁了我们的婚姻，影响了我的事业。现在我们的婚姻生活好不容易恢复了正常。但奇怪的是，我这件事一点也不后悔。

 外文链接：https://www.quora.com/How-common-are-extramarital-affairs-in-India