小测验：你是中国哪个朝代？【狂人日报China Daily Show】 [英国媒体]

-------------译者：浮生^有幸-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------



【Hey it’s the Ming! Or is it the Qing? Could be the Yuan】

【嘿这是明朝！还是清朝？也可能是元朝】

Boasting nearly 5000 aeons of history China is a country that has been uninterruptedly ruled by several different major dynasties with only brief 300-year periods of chaos in between.

中国拥有近5000年的历史，是一个连续被几个不同主要朝代统治、中间只有短暂300年（战）乱时期的国家。

Each of these dynasties in their own different yet ethnically consistent way provides incontrovertible evidence of the immutability of China’s unique form of governance — whether Mongol horsemen Manchu invaders Marxist-Leninist revolutionaries or simply enterprising Buddhist warlords all were truly Chinese.

每一个朝代都各有不同，但民族上的一致为中国独特的治理形式提供了无可辩驳的证据——无论是蒙古骑兵、满族侵略者、马克思列宁主义革命者还是富有进取心的佛教军阀们，他们都是真正的中国人。

To celebrate the dawn of a new dynasty take our China Daily Show test — fully accredited by the Chinese Academy of Approved Sciences — to find out which dynasty you are!

为了庆祝新王朝的兴起，做做我们《狂人日报》的测试吧——中国科学院完全批准认可——来发现你是哪个朝代的人！

1.After buying a fine courtyard residence you build a large wall to prevent anybody else enjoying it and stop your family getting out. Yet the local teens keep breaking in anyway. How do you respond?

1.在买了个精致的四合院后，你造了堵大墙以阻止任何人跟你享用四合院，并阻止你的家人出门。然而，当地的青少年们却还是不断闯进来。对此你的反应是？

A) Lead a brutal horseback raid on the teens taking one of their sisters as your third concubine

A)对青少年们进行野蛮的骑马袭击，并抢走他们的一个姐妹做你的第三个小妾。

B) Add a magisterial watchtower to your useless wall then watch impotently as the garden is desecrated by teens taking secret pleasure in their rough dirty hands probing your delicate flowers

B)在你那无用的墙上建个威风的了望塔，然后无能为力地看着花园被青少年亵渎，看他们用粗糙肮脏的双手探究蹂躏你娇嫩的花朵，以这为秘密之乐。

C) Bribe the largest of the teens to beat the others up for you

C)贿赂最壮的青少年来帮你殴打其他青少年们。

D) Agree to allow teens access to the courtyard during certain periods. When they arrive have them all arrested

D)表面上允许青少年们在特定时期内进入庭院。在他们进来后把他们都逮捕起来。

E) Order a vast warren of electrified walls to be built then give a speech at Davos announcing your new home is open for business

E)订购建造一个巨大的电气化迷宫墙，然后在达沃斯发表演讲，宣布你的新家对外开放营业。

-------------译者：浮生^有幸-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

2.After suffering years of marital abuse your wife finally leaves you. Her decision finally prompts an emotional response which is to:

2.在忍受了多年的婚姻虐待后，你的妻子终于离开了你。她的决定最终引发了一种情绪反应，即：

A) Lead a brutal horseback raid to reclaim her and all her 12 sisters

A)使得你为夺回她和其12个姐妹们而进行了次野蛮的骑马袭击。

B) Write a 250000-word Harry Potter-themed erotic novel in which your wife appears as several of the villains particularly the futa dominatrix Hermione

B)激发你写了本25万字数的以哈利·波特为主题的情色小说，其中你的妻子是书中几个反派角色（的原型），尤其是女性施虐狂魔头赫敏。（dominatrix：性施虐受虐关系中的女性施虐者，如下图）



C) Bitterly regret not having bound her feet properly

C) 极度后悔没把她的脚绑好。

D) Pretend you’ve changed to lure her back — then denounce her as a whore locking her in the basement

D)假装你改变了引诱她回来——然后谴责她是个娼妓把她锁在地下室里。

E) Publish an editorial in the local newspaper decrying the societal dangers of feminism. Then dedicate the rest of your life to poisoning your children against her

E)在当地报纸上发表篇社论谴责女权主义的社会危害。然后用你之后剩余的一生时间来毒害你的孩子跟她作对。

3.A foreign friend comes to visit and brings his new gadget – a GPS system. You smile then:

3.一位外国朋友来拜访，还带来了他的新玩意儿——GPS系统。你笑了笑，然后：

A) Use the gadget to lead a brutal horseback raid. It’s been a while

A)用这个设备发动场野蛮的骑马袭击。已经有一段时间了。

B) Later that night manage to find a bizarre sexual use for the gadget then ban its use for anyone but yourself

B)那夜晚些时候，成功发现了这个设备的新奇性用法，然后禁止任何人使用除了你自己。

C) Deny the system exists while extolling the virtues of ancient cartography

C) 否认GPS系统存在，同时颂扬古代地图学的优点。

D) Lock some students in a basement telling them they have five years to create their own satellite for the motherland

D)把一些学生锁在地下室里，告诉他们让他们在五年时间内为祖国创造出自己的卫星。

E) Have your friend arrested for “illegal mapping” then launch Baidu Maps

E) 因“非法绘制地图”而逮捕你的朋友，然后发布百度地图。

-------------译者：浮生^有幸-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

4.Coming home early one afternoon you catch your son wearing makeup. Do you

4.有天下午你很早就回了家，恰巧撞见你儿子化了妆。你：

A) Applaud his stylish taste celebrating his newfound manhood with a brutal horseback raid

A)称赞他的时髦品味，用残酷的马背突袭来庆祝他新发掘出来的男子气概。

B) Silently brood on how much your son now resembles a younger prettier version of your wife — the coquette!

B)默默地耿耿于怀你儿子现在跟你妻子越发相像，只是更年轻更漂亮——更风骚！

C) Force him to wear a proper man’s haircut like a ponytail

C)强迫他剪一个正常男人会留的发型，比如马尾辫。

D) Loudly denounce the bourgeois influence of makeup secretly accumulating a giant stash of Maybelline for yourself.

D)大声斥责化妆品的资产阶级（思想）影响，却偷偷为自己藏了一大堆美宝莲（化妆品）。

E) Detain the cosmetic firm’s CEO at the airport for violating regulations take over his business then add a hundred-percent markup on all products

E)在机场以违反规定的罪名拘留化妆品公司的首席执行官，接管他的生意，然后在公司所有产品上加价100%。

5.You lose a game of ping pong to a Japanese neighbour at a temple fair. In order to avoid losing face you:

5.在庙会上你跟日本邻居打乒乓球比赛输了一局，为了避免丢面子，你：

A) Laugh heartily slap the winner on the back wait till he’s thoroughly drunk then lead a brutal horseback raid on his house

A)拍着赢者的背由衷地开怀大笑，等他醉死后，对他的房子进行次野蛮的骑马袭击。

B) Realize belatedly you left lube on the handle of your paddle

B)仿佛这才意识到自己竟然在球拍的把手上抹了润滑油。

C) Angrily insist on the superiority of the ancient Chinese game of “pong ping”

C) 愤怒地强调中国古代“乒乓球”运动的优越性。

D) Launch year-long “Against Confucius Against Ping Pong” campaign while your Japanese neighbor becomes regional champion

D)发起长达一年的“反对孔子反对乒乓球”的运动，而与此同时，你的日本邻居夺得区域冠军。

E) Patriotically boycott all Japanese imports then acclaim the free markets. Quietly begin training your children to play ping pong in grueling 16-hour steroid sessions before announcing your plans to continue as their coach for life

E)因爱国而抵制所有日本进口商品，然后拥护自由市场。在宣布你继续做他们终生教练的计划之前，暗地里开始训练你的孩子在长达16个小时、折磨死人的、（服用）类固醇的疗程中打乒乓球。  

How Did You Do?

你会怎么做呢？

-------------译者：浮生^有幸-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------

Mostly As Your thuggish temperament combines the charmless arrogance of a nomad civilization with the grim realities of life on the steppes. You’re the Tang!

大部分选A：生活在条件严峻的草原上，你凶暴的性情与游牧文明中毫无魅力的傲慢自大结合在了一起，你妥妥是唐朝人！



Mostly Bs Ming Dynasty — more like the minge dynasty right guys? Existence is an uninterrupted journey of intellectual self-pleasure while reality collapses around you

大部分选B：你是明朝人——确切说你是软“明”朝人，我说得对吧，伙计们？生活是知识分子不间断的自我愉悦之旅，而与此同时，你周遭的现实却在分崩离析。



Mostly Cs You are powerful strong and exceptional — and you won’t brook any historical evidence that says otherwise. You madam are a Qing (and everyone else is scum)

大部分选C：你强大而卓越——且你不会容忍任何和你有分歧的历史证据。夫人你是清朝人（而其他所有人则是渣滓）。



Mostly Ds Your legacy is in trouble. When they dig up the bodies from your gingko garden ageing neighbor Henry K will insist to everyone else that Madam Mao always seemed like “such a reasonable woman”

大部分选D：你留下的遗产这下有麻烦了。当他们从你的银杏园里挖出你的尸体时，你的老邻居亨利·基辛格（Henry A.Kissinger）会向其他所有人强调，称赞M夫人“真是一个通情达理的女人啊”。



Mostly Es Your local newspaper acclaims you as the leading light of civilization and diplomacy after you sued the previous editor into bankruptcy. You’re a thoroughly modern member of the Xi Dynasty and you’re not going anywhere!

大部分选E：在你把前编辑起诉得破产后，当地的报纸拥护你为文明和外交的引领之光。你彻头彻尾就是“席”王朝的现代成员，你哪儿都去不了！


[–]HuaHuzi6666 3 指标 20小时前 
This is amazing and I love it ahahaha

这测试题很棒，我喜欢，哈哈哈。

[–]HuaHuzi6666 3 指标 19小时前* 
Although they definitely mixed up the Tang with the Yuan/Mongols (or the Jin/Jurchens)...

虽然他们绝对是把唐朝和元朝/蒙古人（或者金朝/女真族）混在一块了...

[–]mr-wienerAustralia 1 指标 8小时前 
When in doubt lead a brutal cavalry raid I guess.

看来，一旦有所质疑，就会发动场野蛮的骑兵突袭啊。

[–]tonyuquq 1 指标 6小时前 
Hm depends. The Tang imperial family do have nomadic roots after all.

嗯，这要视情况而定。毕竟唐朝皇室的确有游牧根源。

[–]mr-wienerAustralia 1 指标 8小时前 
"A".... should I take up throat singing?

是“A”...我是不是该扯嗓子高歌个一曲啊？