法国生活的十大糟心事 [法国媒体]

 

The worst 'nightmares' of living in la belle France

生活在美丽的法国最糟糕的“噩梦”
【日期】2015年3月10日



Parking in France can get rather creative. Photo: Connie Ma/Flickr

在法国停车你得很有创意才行

French author Michel Le Goff describes himself as "the French basher France wishes didn't exist". Here the writer shares his countdown of the worst "nightmares" about living in France.

法国作家Michel Le Goff自称“法国人对法国期待的美好根本不存在”这里，作者分享了他在法国生活中遇到的那些“噩梦”。

French author Michel Le Goff has just published a new book called The French Nightmare. In it he takes aim at his own country and its people in a bid to break the myth that anyone who moves here is in for an idyllic life.

法国作家Michel Le Goff最新刚出版了一本新书叫做“法国人的噩梦”。在这里他用本国现实和本国人民打破了一个童话——外来人士移居到此想要得到田园般的生活。

"My wife is a foreigner and she wanted to move home after three days," he tells The Local.

他对本地人说，“我妻子是外国人，她来住了三天就想回家。”

"It's always a shock to see the difference between what people say about France when they visit and what people say about it when they live here," he adds.

“比起到这里访问旅游的人们所看到的，搬到这里人们会对他们实际生活中的所见所闻大感震惊。”他补充道。

Here is a taster of what he considers the worst "nightmares" about France and the French, in descending order.

以下倒叙罗列了他在法国经历过认为最糟糕的“噩梦”事件。

10: Giving birth (when you don’t speak French)

分娩（当你不会讲法语时）

When push came to shove, my wife and I couldn’t find an obstetrician who could speak English. And because French hospitals lack funds and staff, they sometimes recruit workers from funky countries, which was the case for our anesthetist, who had to perform four epidurals on my wife. After failing in his fourth attempt, he decided to put her to sleep. Overall, it took eighteen hours of painful labour before my wife could deliver our baby, and I had to act as an interpreter the whole time. Do you want to know who was the only person who spoke good English in the maternity? The cleaning maid.

我和我的妻子像皮球一样被推来推去，因为找不到一个会说英语的妇产科医生。医院资金和人员紧张，他们有时会从糟糕的地区招聘人手，我们遇上的麻醉师就是这种情况，他必须要给我妻子做硬膜外麻醉，失败了四次之后他放弃了，决定让她睡觉。基本上在我妻子生娃前十八个小时，我一直在忙着当翻译。想知道妇产科唯一能讲点像样英语的人是谁么？一位清洁女工。

9: Internet

互联网



(No internet today. Photo: Marcelo Graciolli/Flickr)

今天没有互联网

I have heard so many times our successive ministers of culture or digital economy saying that our internet services are the best of Europe. Is that so? My internet service provider is France’s most notorious ISP, and I can assure you that my connection fails me almost every day. When it works, it is only at the stunning speed of 8 megabytes per second. Streaming any live show is out of question and talking through Skype takes us back to how things were in 2005 when we were still using MSN live.

好多次我听到文化数据部的部长大人说我们拥有欧洲最好的互联网服务。你逗我么？我使用的互联网服务商是法国最着名的ISP，我能够负责的说几乎每天我用它的时候都要链接失败几次。当它正常时，以每秒8兆字节的惊人速度工作。看个现场秀啥的尚可，但是要用Skype聊个天啥的就好像又回到了2005年使用MSN的时候。

8: “C’est comme ça.”

（事情/事实）她就是这样的

"C’est comme ça" means "this is how it is", and it is a very common expression in France. Teachers say it to their students when they ask a question that's too complicated, politicians use it when they don’t have anything to say, and it is the administration’s favourite catchphrase.

“（事情/事实）他就是这样的”在法语中表示“他就是这样的”意思，使法国很常用的一句话。当学生问了个很复杂的问题时老师会用这个回答他，政客们没啥可说的了也这么回复，基本上是政府最喜欢用的一句话。

My favourite “c’est comme ça” experience? That was when I went to the Versailles préfecture to get an international driving license. The website said they were open from 2 to 4.30pm. I went at 3pm and the lady at the counter ignored me. After I said four “bonjours”, she finally told me the prefecture was closed. I replied that the outside signs and the website said that they should be open until 4.30pm. All I got was a very sharp “oui mais c’est comme ça.” That’s how it is.

我最喜欢的“他就是这样的”经历？当我去凡尔赛警察局取我的国际驾照时。网上说他们在下午2点到4点半办公。我下午三点到的，柜台后面的女士一直无视我。在我说了四遍“你好”之后，她终于回复我已经关门了。我问她外面的牌子和网站上都说办公时间到下午4点半。然后我得到了一个犀利的回复“没错，但就是这样的。”所以就这样了。

7: Smoking

抽烟



(A man takes a cigarette break in front of the Louvre museum. Photo: G Morel/Flickr)

一个男人在卢浮宫附近抽烟

If you don’t like smoking, then France is not for you. Half of the adult population smokes, and most of them don’t care if you are disturbed by their poisonous fumes because they think it is their freedom to ruin your life. It is very common to see pregnant women smoking, or parents who push their baby's stroller with a cigarette in hand - and the tobacco ban within public places is not always respected. Beware.

如果你讨厌抽烟法国肯定不适合你。过半的法国成年人吸烟，他们才不管二手烟是不是有影响你的生活，他们认为这是他们的自由。孕妇抽烟也很常见，或者一边推着婴儿车一边吞云吐雾的父母，而公共场合的禁烟告示没人在乎。注意。

6: Drugs

毒品

“Ignorance is bliss”. This expression has never gotten any better than now, especially among cannabis users. In France, among the 32 percent of the adult population who smoke weed, there is a fair chunk of them who believe that drinking a glass of wine is more dangerous than smoking a joint.

“无知就是幸福”。找不到比这更好的表达来形容现在了，尤其是抽大麻的。在法国，有百分之32的成年人认为喝一杯酒比吸烟更有危险性。

France is a wine country - and there are people who say that one of France’s key products is a danger for public health? Do we really need to compare the effects of a glass of wine compared to the effects of a joint to the brain? But even if you come up with the most rational arguments to explain the dangers of the consumption of cannabis, its addicts would still praise it by saying that it is actually a good therapy for almost each and every single ache of this world. Let me tell you, the wine industry has tough times coming ahead.

法国是葡萄酒出产国——有一些人说法国最重要的一项产品对公众健康有危害？我们真的要去比较和一杯葡萄酒对关节和大脑哪个影响更大么？就算你比较完并找到了最佳论点来证明大麻的危害，吸食它的人还是会力挺它，称赞它缓解了世界带给人们的痛苦。让我说，葡萄酒行业的艰难时期就要来临了。

5: Parking in Paris
在巴黎停车



(Anything goes when parking your car in France. Photo: Torger Kvalsund/Flickr)

在法国停车怎么挺都可以

Paris is home to 2 million out of the 12 million inhabitants of Greater Paris, yet every day, millions of people go to Paris to work, and many of them don’t have any other alternatives than taking their car. This is something the last two socialist mayors have failed to understand. Last year, thousands of parking spaces have been removed, replaced by bicycle lanes or electric car stations, and the price for parking in the streets of the French Capital has risen to EUR4 per hour.

大巴黎区有一千两百万人，巴黎能的提供居住区只有两百万人，所以其他那些在巴黎工作的人不得不每天开车上班。这是后两任社会党巴黎市长都没能理解的问题。去年数以千计的停车位被拆除，取而代之的是自行车道和电动车站，且巴黎街道的停车费已经上涨到每小时4欧元。


It is now possible to circle around blocks of buildings for hours before being able to find a place to park. It actually happened to me several times that I had to go back home instead of joining my friends for partying in Paris just because there was nowhere to park. You might say that people could take public transportation, but good luck finding a metro running after 1am.

现在的情况是你可能需要绕着一个地区的建筑群转悠一个小时才能找到个停车位。这种事情发生在我身上好几次，以至于我不得不取消参加朋友聚会改道回家，因为巴黎找不到停车位。你可能会说人们应该使用公共交通系统，但是运气好的话凌晨1点以后你还是可以找到停车位的。

4: Motorcyclists

摩托车手



(Scooters and motorcycles are everywhere you look in France. Photo: Benjamin Stäudinger/Flickr)

在法国到处都能看见骑摩托的人

Nineteen percent of the people who die every year on the roads are motorcyclists. Why? Because they like to slalom between cars, drive between lanes, drive on the wrong side of the road, and they think that speed limits don’t apply to them. Of course, if you do anything to annoy them, like not giving them enough space while you are stuck in the traffic, they will give you a rude gesture with their middle finger or worse: scratch your car with their boots. Charming!

每年死于公路事故的人中百分之19是骑摩托车的。为啥？因为他们喜欢在车缝间穿行，胡乱变道，任意逆行，并且他们从来视限速为无物。当然，如果你影响到了他们，比如交通堵塞中没给他们留够空间穿行，他们会很粗鲁的对你伸中指甚至更恶劣：用他们的靴子刮花你的车，任性吧！

3: Ridiculous taxes

荒谬的税收

Did you know that in France, self-employed people can pay up to 70 percent of their revenue into taxes? There was also a 75 percent tax rate on any money you were making above one million euros per year. It doesn’t make you really want to work hard, non? But France also invented a new kind of tax: the tax that makes less money than what it costs to process. This included taxes as ridiculous as the pinball tax.

你知道在法国个体经营者要缴纳百分之七十的个人所得税吗？这个比例也可能会变成百分之七十五，如果你各项加一块年收入超过一百万欧元的话。这种情况下你还想努力工作么？别着急，法国还发明了一个新税种：不工作比工作缴纳比例少的多。这个荒谬的税收叫做弹球税。

2: French Educational System

法国教育体系

Seriously, if you look at France’s latest Pisa rankings, the country shows up at a most mediocre 24th place behind… Vietnam. Could this be because of the high amount of weed smokers among teenagers or is it because teachers get recruited low entry level exam scores? I don’t know, but what is for sure is that it is not going to improve anytime soon.

真的，如果你看看法国最新的PISA排名，法国在很不起眼的24名，位于……越南之后。这可能因为青少年都跑去吸大麻了或者招募了太多低水平的教师？我不清楚，但可以肯定的是短期之内这情况不会改善。

1: Strikes and demonstrations
罢工和示威



(Teachers on strike in Paris. Photo: Andrew Ross/Flickr)

巴黎教师罢工

This is the number one problem in France. Just as I am writing this, there is another train strike happening in Paris. There is a strike or a demonstration almost every day and for everything. Garbage collectors, students, air controllers, truckers, teachers, even pharmacists and doctors, lawyers and judges. I mean…it’s OK to be allowed to strike, but unions abuse the system so much that it has become a problem for the country’s competitiveness because it makes France fail to adapt to the new challenges of today’s world. Wake up, guys, this isn’t 1968 anymore.

这是法国的头号难题。所以我放到最后来写，这阵子另外一波火车罢工正在巴黎上演中。几乎每天都有因为这样那样事情罢工和游行的。垃圾收集者，学生，空管员，货车司机，老师，甚至还有药剂师和医生，律师和法官。我想说……允许罢工没啥，但是工会滥用这个制度很恶劣，这会导致法国不能很好的适应当今世界的挑战，这可是个大问题。醒醒吧伙计们，这可不是1968年了。